Always and Forever (11 page)

“I can assure you that I am. I’ve learnt to control him; he
thinks the world of me, Jake.”

He nods his head, reluctant to accept what I’m saying.

 “Oh, I almost forgot, here’s the charger for your
phone. It would be pretty useless without it.” He smiles at me but his intense
and arresting eyes don’t hold the same sparkle that they did earlier tonight.

I take the charger from him, wondering how the hell I’m
going to manage to conceal the items when I go back into the house.

“Well, I best go.” I say unenthusiastically.

“Bethany, promise me you’ll use the phone, ok? I want to
hear from you at least once every day to let me know you’re alright. Promise
me?”

“I promise.”

The time we’ve spent together this evening has left me
feeling drained and emotionally spent. A big part of me just wants to rewind
and erase everything that we’ve spoke about. I want to forget about all of my
personal revelations and only think about the desire I see in Jake’s eyes when
I do that one thing he seems to find so attractive.

 I seductively graze my teeth along my bottom lip and
as I predicted, Jake’s eyes drop down as his entire focus zones in on my
moistened lips.

“Bethany, you really need to get going. Seriously, or I
won’t be able to stop myself from…” He trails off, leaving the rest of his
sentence unsaid.

“From what?” I saunter over towards him as I struggle to
conceal the satisfaction I feel from being able to turn him on like this.

“Aw, Bethany, don’t make me say it.”

“Please tell me.” I urge him.

We’re standing so close together I have to bend my neck
right back so I can look into his eyes.

“God, you’re so tiny, it’s adorable.” He says, leaning down
to place a delicate kiss against my forehead.

“Hey, stop changing the subject! I want to know what you’re
going to be unable to stop yourself from doing.”

He sighs in exasperation and lowers his gaze to the ground
at our feet.

 “I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing you.
It’s taken an unbelievable amount of will power for me to stop myself from
giving into temptation.” He says, dragging his fingers through his hair.

“Maybe you shouldn’t fight it, next time you see me biting
down on my bottom lip like that, take it as a sign that I want you to kiss me.”

He gapes at me in astonishment. I’ve even managed to
surprise myself by the way Jake has got me talking. He seems to bring out this
bold and fearless side of me that I’ve never even knew existed until now.

“Damn, if only I’d known that earlier tonight.”

I grin at him mischievously and walk away from him; my
heart is pounding and my knees are trembling. The ache and the empty feeling
inside my chest grows in strength with every step I make, distancing myself
from Jake is honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

Seven days… just seven days to endure until I can see him
again.

Jake

I watch her walk away from me and I’m pretty sure my mouth
is left hanging open. I don’t know if that girl just likes toying with me or if
she really has no idea about the affect she has over me. It’s crazy, unreal and
just plain… unbelievable. I’ve only met her three times and yet she’s
all
I can seem to think about. When I’m not with her all I can think about is
seeing her again and when she’s in front of me all I want to do is kiss her. If
she was any other girl I’d have probably sealed the deal by now but I instantly
could see that she’s not like any of the girls I’ve previously associated
myself with. She’s innocent and vulnerable, qualities which I won’t undervalue
and disrespect
.

As soon as I met her I started to feel this unexplainable
and powerful need to protect her. I remember that first night, she stood in
front of me looking so uncertain and afraid, I felt compelled to find out more
about her and the attraction for her has rapidly taken over my mind, body and
soul ever since. She’s like this terrifyingly incredible addiction that I’ve
quickly grew dependent on. I’ve tried my best to conceal this ferocious
intensity from her, I really don’t want to scare her away, that’s the last
thing I want to do. I try so fucking hard to act as unaffected as I can around
her, I know that my fixation would freak her out and until she’s mine I cannot
risk her being overwhelmed by my growing obsession with being with her.

I realise that it’s been several minutes since Bethany’s
silhouette disappeared into the darkness and I’m still standing in the exact
same spot. I shove my hands into my pockets and head in the opposite direction.

I wanted to delay this; I knew that as soon as I’d be left
alone with my thoughts I’d begin to reflect over everything Bethany told me
tonight. My heart rate accelerates when I think about her returning home to
that sadistic bastard of a father. What kind of sick fuck does that to his own
daughter? If I ever see that son of a bitch I swear I won’t be held responsible
for my actions. I already feel so protective over her, the idea of anyone
hurting her fills me with an intense rage that I thought I had said goodbye to
a long time ago.

 I’ve often felt this way defensive over my sisters,
they’re all younger than me and it’s my job to protect them and see that
they’re ok but with Bethany it runs much deeper than that. When she told me
what her father had done to her all of those years ago I could barely control
my potent rage. I could hardly think straight, all signs of rationality and
reason left my mind, all I wanted to do was find him and kill him. I had to
turn away from her because I didn’t want her to see that dangerous side of me.
I never want her to be afraid of me and I knew that if she saw the ferocious
gleam in my eyes then she would certainly be afraid.

I still can’t believe that she thought I blamed her for
what her bastard of a father did to her. It’s her immense vulnerability and
innocence that makes her so spectacularly different to anything or anyone I’ve
ever known. When she looks up at me with those remarkably tempting and inviting
eyes I can hardly control myself. I should be congratulated on my monumental
level of restraint for never in my life have I wanted anything as much as her.

I try so damn hard to be a different type of person around
her. I don’t want to be that guy anymore, the idiot who lashes out with his
fists and thinks about things later. I’ve had issues with my anger in the past
but there’s never been a guy who I hurt and didn’t deserve it. The last jerk I
beat to a pulp went out on a date with my sister Katie. I didn’t even know she
was going out with him or I wouldn’t have allowed it in the first place. She
came home one night from this date crying and clutching her top which had been
ripped. As soon as I saw the state she was in I saw red. I forced her to tell
me what had happened and as soon as I found out who the guy was I stormed out
to find him. He was in hospital within the hour. I’ve calmed down a lot since
then but the guys I know now understand to keep away from my sisters if they
want to remain on my good side.

My mind quickly reverts back to Bethany. For the last few
weeks my mind has refused to think of anything but her. I picture the perfect
image of her when she does that thing with her bottom lip. My God, does she not
know what she’s doing to me when she does that? When I see her biting down on
it I immediately picture me doing the exact same thing to her. I imagine what
it would feel like to have that beautiful plumb lip of hers between my teeth. I
have to stifle my groans and it takes a phenomenal amount of strength on my
behalf to keep my hands by my sides and not smash my lips against hers. I so
badly want her to respond to me, I want to hear her moan into my mouth and know
that I’m the first and only man to make her whimper like that.

God, I’ve never thought so intensely about kissing someone
before now. In the past all I’ve had to do is mutter a few lame chat up lines
and the girl is mine. They offer themselves up on a plate to me and there’s
never been hard work involved on my part. I don’t have to beg for their
attention and I guess I’ve eventually become bored with knowing that every girl
I meet is a sure thing.

I’ve never really cared before but with Bethany it’s like I
care too much. Hearing in detail what her father had done to her nearly caused
the old Jake to resurface. All I can say is he better say his prayers, if I
ever see that sick fuck he’ll come really close to being carried away in a body
bag.

It was fortunate that I managed to suppress my impending
fury tonight. I never want Bethany to witness this part of me that so far I’ve
managed to keep under wraps. If she knew of the things I’ve done… she would run
from me without a backwards glance and that is never, ever going to happen, not
if I have anything to do with it.

I’m nearly home and I force myself to ignore the familiar
feeling of dread that accompanies me whenever I return to this place. At least
I managed to convince Bethany to accept the phone I bought her. I couldn’t
stand being completely cut off and separate from her again, at least now we can
keep in touch and I pray that she’ll do as I asked and call me if she’s ever in
trouble.

I round the final corner and hear the noise coming from my
house before I even set eyes on it. There’s a large crowd of people standing
outside of my house drinking and making way too much noise. Fucking brilliant,
this is just what I need. Why the hell do they still think that it’s ok to use
my house as their personal party venue? I know most of the people there but the
crowds are increasing in numbers every week.

It would be a good thing if my mum even cared but of course
she doesn’t seem to mind the raucous group of people who invade her home every
Friday night. She loves to be around young people and the alcohol that they
bring makes it even more appealing for her to stick around and join in the fun.

I sigh, digging my hands even deeper into my pockets as I
head towards the chaos that I now have to shut down and bring to a premature
end.

“Everyone look, Jake’s here!”

 I inwardly groan as soon as I recognise the
voice
of a girl who I really don’t want to deal with right. She races over towards me
wearing heels that she can barely walk in; it quickly becomes obvious that
she’s had far too much to drink because she nearly falls over as she wobbles
over and clings onto me.

“What’s up, Laura?” I ask, trying to disentangle her
fingers from around my arm.

“Jake, you’re here! I can’t believe it; I haven’t seen you
in so long! Where have you been? I never see you around anymore!” She complains
whilst reattaching her hand to my upper arm.

I sigh impatiently. I really can’t be doing with this.

“I’m just on my way inside, I’ll see you around.” I force
myself to smile weakly and dodge around her to head on into the house.

“But… I want to hang out with you; I haven’t seen you in
forever.” She wails at me whilst batting her fake eyelashes. The desired
purpose is somewhat ruined because one of them has come unstuck and is hanging
off. She wraps her arms around my waist and tries to pull me towards her. I
remove myself from her and hastily walk away. The thought of anyone touching me
besides Bethany makes my skin crawl. She shouts my name but I choose to ignore
her, I can’t be doing with this bull shit anymore.

As I draw closer towards my house the sound of the music increases
in volume. I recognise Sean Kingston’s ‘Beat It’ and the base is so loud I can
feel the vibrations of it down the entire street.

A couple of year’s ago this would have been my idea of
heaven, drinking and girls always equalled a good time but now… I feel nothing.
I’ve been craving more for a long time and the atmosphere here tonight
frustrates me more than anything. I’m not in the best of moods and my patience
is rapidly disappearing. I’m still struggling with the idea of what Bethany’s
father did to her, I’m pissed off, I’m angry and part of me is desperate for a
fight. I somehow need to find a way to unload some of my anger.

 I’m quick to determine what this feeling is that’s
taking over me, it leaves me feeling disconcerted and disconnected to my
surroundings. I haven’t felt like this in a long time and it’s unsettling for
me that my irate fury has returned. Going to the gym usually helps when I feel
this way; it’s a place where I can take out my pent up frustration on a punch
bag instead of a person.

I’m so glad that Bethany felt she could confide in me, I’m
honoured that she’s already placed so much trust in me. I just hope her
confession doesn’t tip me over the edge; I don’t want to be that guy anymore.
She deserves better.

“Jake! Where have you been? Come and join us. We got booze;
we got girls and any other substance you want!”

I close my eyes and count to ten inside my head. One of the
guys I used to hang out with comes over to me, throwing an arm around my neck
as he tries to lead me over to the group he’s with. Like Laura he’s also drunk
and unfortunately for him has picked the wrong moment to wind me up.

“No thanks, man. Count me out.” I shrug him off me and
congratulate myself for not losing my temper.

“What’s with you, Jake? You think you too good for us now
or what?”

 I slowly turn and come face to face with the gormless
idiot who has no idea what he’s just done. The alcohol he’s consumed has made
him brave, there’s no way he would dare to speak to me like that if he were
sober. On any other night I’d probably be more tolerant of his foolish mistake
but right now his drunken behaviour is like waving a red flag in front of a
bull. I force myself to remember that he doesn’t know what he’s saying, he’s
pissed and just showing off. We used to be pretty tight and he probably resents
the fact that I’ve outgrown him and the rest of these guys I used to socialise
with.

“You know I don’t think I’m better than anybody. I’m just
not interested in this shit anymore so fuck off, Alex. Let me by. I stare him
down, daring him to push me a little further. He nods his head and makes the
right decision, he doesn’t say another word.

A few more people try to stop me to talk but I ignore half
of them and walk right by the rest. I really want to find my mum or one of my
sisters to make sure that they’re ok.

“There’s Jake.” Someone whispers behind me.

I turn around and inhale sharply when I see her. My stomach
drops and I feel like I’ve been hit with a sledgehammer. She’s really here.
She’s at my house and standing on my fucking lawn.

“Sarah?” I know it’s her so I have no idea why I say her
name.

“Hi, Jake.” She looks up at me nervously and bites down on
her lower lip; her action reminds me of Bethany and how she does the exact same
thing but watching Sarah do it makes me feel nauseas.

The friend who whispered to her and told her I was here
walks away, leaving us alone.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, unable to believe that
she would actually come here.

“I’m sorry if me being here makes you uncomfortable, Jake.
My friends dragged me out tonight; they said it had been long enough and that I
couldn’t carry on spending all of my time indoors. I just thought that I’d come
out for a little bit and catch up with some old friends. I didn’t think you
would be here, I heard that you’ve been giving these things a miss lately.” She
looks so uncomfortable and awkward that I almost believe her. Almost.

“I guess its ok. It’s just a shock to see you here.” I
avert my gaze because it still physically hurts to look at her. She looks good,
really good, so different to the last time I saw her. Her long blonde hair
reaches her waist and cerulean blue eyes are just the same as I remember. I
hate to admit how attractive she looks but I can’t deny it. Sarah’s gorgeous
and the only trouble with that is she knows it. She’ll use the way she looks to
her own advantage whenever she can.