Always (Carter Kids #1.5) (4 page)

Hope

Age 18

"I have something to tell you," Jordan whispered, folding me into his arms as we lay in the dark, staring up at his bedroom ceiling in his dad's house. "I'm going back."

"Why?" I managed to choke out. Jordan had been home two months. He had just enrolled in USC. He couldn’t just leave school now. "You can't go back there – what about your classes?"
And me?
"You promised …"

"I know," he said, kissing my cheek. "But I can't leave her there."

Yes, you can …

"But you can leave me," I mumbled.

"That's not fair, Keychain."

"No, it's not," I grumbled. "It's not fair, Jordan. Nothing's been fair around here in a very long time."

"I'm sorry," he replied.

"Don't go back and you'll have nothing to be sorry for," I snapped.

"You don’t know what he …" His arm tightened around me.

"He's a bastard, Hope," Jordan admitted quietly. "My mother's husband is a fucking butcher, and I'm afraid that if I don’t go back and get her out of there, the next time I'll see her will be in a coffin."

"Then tell your father." I sat up quickly at stared at his beautiful face. "Let him figure this out …"

"Like he'd give a shit," Jordan spat, as he reached over me and switched on the lamp. "Besides, it's none of his business. Mom texted me before you came over – said she's leaving him. Permanently."

He shrugged. "She's my mother, Hope. I have to help her."

"And Derek's your father, Jordan. He could help …" I began to say, but he interrupted me.

"This is
his
fault, Hope. He got her pregnant with me. He fucked off to college. He dumped her. He chased her right into Paul's arms. He's the reason I …" Jerking off the bed, Jordan stormed over to his dresser and pulled out a sweater. "I tolerate Derek so I can be near you," he hissed. "That's it, that's why, and that's all it will ever be."

"He loves you," I said sadly.

"Not enough," was all Jordan replied in a tight tone of voice.

"Jordan …"

"Don't defend him to me, Hope," he snapped. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jordan closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn’t have raised my voice to you."

I chuckled. "Jordan, that wasn’t raising your voice. Believe me. I live in a house with four men."

"So when do you leave?" I asked after a while.

"Later tonight – after I take you home."

"That soon?" I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I'm not giving her time to change her mind, baby," he husked. "This is huge. She wants out and I'm getting her out."

"I'm going to miss you." I forced myself not to cry. "How do I know you won't run off with some girl from Idaho while you're gone?"

"Because you own me," he replied immediately and my heart slammed in my chest. "Hope Carter, I've been yours since I could comprehend what you were, or how significant you would be to my life."

"So you're saying I'm important to you?"

"I'm telling you, you're everything to me," he whispered, before adding, "I'll be back in a few days – a week tops."

"I want some collateral," I teased. "You know; something that will bring you back to me."

"I'm always coming back for you," he rasped, and I couldn’t hold back a second longer.

I lunged forward and pressed my mouth to his.

"What are you doing?" Jordan husked against my mouth, as I shoved him down on his bed and straddled him.

"I need you," I breathed, struggling to keep my breath even, as I ground my body against his. "I'm done with waiting," I told him as I yanked his shirt out from his jeans. "I'm ready," I moaned.

Rolling off Jordan, I quickly stood and shoved my jeans off before lowering myself onto his lap once more.

"Slow down." Jordan held my shoulders in a firm grip as he craned his neck away from me. "Hope, slow down. We don’t have to do this tonight." His pupils were dilated so much I could hardly see the green of his eyes, but still he held me back. "We don't have to do this tonight," he repeated slowly, his voice painfully torn.

Ignoring his rebuke, I lunged forward and thrust my tongue into his mouth. The pained growl that tore from his chest as I did so assured me he wanted me, so why was he trying to stop this?

He wasn’t.

I wouldn’t let him.

Covering his hand with mine, I slid it from my shoulder, directing it downwards; forcing him to cup my breast, to squeeze my flesh. To take what I was offering him.

My nipples were hard, puckered tight in anticipation, and when he moved his other hand to rest on my waistline, and then under my shirt, I could have cried in victory. Rocking against him, I rubbed myself against him, getting off on the feel of him. "Take my top off."

"No," he replied, and it was immediate and final. His hands dropped away from my body limply. He glared at me. "Hope, we need to stop. Now!"

"You stop," I countered, ripping at his belt, freeing the button and fly on his jeans. "Stop refusing me."

Sitting up straight, I dragged my shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor. Ignoring his protests, I unclasped my bra and let it fall away from my body. Reaching out with my left hand, I grabbed his and entwined our fingers. "This is us now," I breathed. "No more waiting."

"I'm trying to protect you from making a rash decision …" His voice trailed off as his eyes fell to my bare chest. Jordan swallowed deeply, causing his Adams apple to bob in his throat. He clenched his hands into fists, rested them on his thighs as he shifted uncomfortably.

I knew why.

The huge bulge in his jeans was the proof of his discomfort.

I took advantage of his attention and reached up to cup my own breasts.

"If you want to protect me, take out your wallet," I said huskily. "That's the only kind of protection I'm interested in from you."

I waited, eyes locked on his face, watching for any signs of his retreat. He let out a sharp sigh, leaned forward and hoisted me onto his lap, roughly capturing one of my nipples between his teeth. His free hand fondled my other breast.

"If we do this," he husked as his tongue lapped at my breast, "there's no going back. This seals it, baby."

"I know," I moaned, rocking my hips towards him, pushing my breasts into his face. "I can't wait."

Jordan let out a growl and grabbed my hips. "Lift up."

I did and dropping his hands to my hips, he slid my panties down my thighs, before lifting his hips and pushing his jeans and boxers down, freeing his erection.

And there it was: the cause of most arguments in my home.

Jordan Porter's dick.

I had to compose myself, fight down the rush of nerves and questions inside of me that were demanding to know how that thing would ever possibly fit inside me.

Jesus …

Grabbing his wallet, I watched in amusement and horror as Jordan tore open a condom wrapper and rolled it on, pinching the tip as he sheathed his erection.

My mouth must have been hanging open, because when I finally tore my eyes away from his face, Jordan was staring at me with an expression I didn’t recognize. "Put your clothes on, Hope," he said softly. "You're not ready."

Panic filled me and without thinking I lowered myself onto his erection and made the biggest idiot of myself I ever could. I had been right.

It didn’t fit.

It hurt, it stung like a motherfucker and he made no move to assist me.

Jordan grunted softly and lifted me off him and set me down on the bed next to him. I reached for his duvet and wrapped it around myself quickly, mentally counting down from ten in a bid to keep calm and not run out of the room howling like a wolf.

What a freaking disaster…

So much for magical first times.

I wondered if that counted since he technically didn’t penetrate me. Oh Jesus, what if I didn’t work right? What if he really didn’t fit? What if
nothing
did? Dammit, I was seriously regretting not taking Ash's advice and using that stupid vibrator she'd bought me as a joke for my birthday.

I buried my face in the duvet and debated holding my breath. If I could pass out then I wouldn’t have to deal with the mortification.

I had just made a complete ass of myself.

Oh, my God.

"Are you okay?" I felt an arm slip around my shoulders and then the side of my face was pressed against his chest. Jordan's heart was beating furiously in his chest. His skin was hot and moist. "Look at me, Hope."

I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

I was too freaking embarrassed. 

"Ugh," I groaned. "Can we forget that I just molested you against your will and broke my vagina while doing it?"

He stiffened for a moment before chuckling softly and I died a little more inside.

Oh, great!

He was laughing at me.

Perfect.

Fucking fantastic.

"You're so dramatic."

"You're so … not," I muttered with a pout. "And I'm being serious," I added with a huff. "I think I broke a bone. Do you think there's a clinic that specializes in x-raying your womb?"

Jordan laughed, truly laughed, and it was a beautiful sound.

"God, I love you," he said as he rolled me onto my back and leaned over me, his elbows resting on either side of my face.

His eyes were locked on mine, piercing through me like flashes of dazzling emerald. "I do, Hope," he whispered, rubbing my nose with his before lowering his lips to mine. He kissed me, deeply, passionately and my legs fell open of their own accord.

My heart leapt in my chest, my vagina fluttered, letting me know there was life in the old girl still. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let nature take its course.

And when he did move in me, push through me, it wasn’t so bad. It was good, actually. Really good and I was ready.

Jordan trembled above me; his weight on my chest was heaven and my whole body ignited in an achy burning heat. Spasms of white-hot pleasure shot through my core as Jordan slowly moved inside me. "Are you okay?" he whispered, burying his head in my neck.

I nodded, biting down hard on my lip, as I arched upwards, my body chasing something I wasn’t quite sure of, but knew I'd do just about anything to reach it. "Are you?"

"You feel …" he shuddered, "I … you're everything to me." He picked up speed, gently at first, and then he moved faster, harder, and rougher inside of me and I loved every second of it.

The soft moans coming from my throat became louder and louder until I was screaming in ecstasy. 

Jordan seemed to thrive on my screams; as he circled himself inside of me, his thumb found my clitoris, and that’s when I went a little crazy.

He growled.

I moaned.

He hissed.

I cried out.

His lips parted, his body spasmed and I …

"What the hell are you doing?" a voice roared, breaking through the silence of our heavy breathing, tearing my good nerves to pieces.

The shame ... the pure, raw undiluted shame …

Jordan's father stood in the bedroom doorway with his mouth hanging open.

"Get out of here, Dad," Jordan hissed.

Oh. My. God.

Jordan shielded my body with his, which didn’t help much since his naked ass was sticking up in the air. I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed the closest object on Jordan's nightstand to me and threw it at him.

It just so happened to be an apple.

"His daughter? Really, Jordan – my best friend's baby girl?" I heard Derek moan and I clenched my eyes shut. "Couldn’t you have picked a girl who is less likely to have a homicidal father?"

"I love her," Jordan replied calmly. "I always have. That's not changing."

"He's going to kill you," Derek rambled. "He's going kill
me
– I've got to talk to Lee about this."

"Mom's getting a divorce," Jordan announced, and Derek froze on the spot. "I have to go back," he added. "Tonight – she needs me to help her with some … things."

"Do you …" Derek's voice caught in his throat and he seemed to struggle for a moment before letting out a shuddering sigh. "… you want me to come with you?" he finally asked in a voice thick with emotion. "Is she okay?"

"No," Jordan replied coldly. "But she will be. I'll take care of her. I've talked to Uncle Danny and he and Cindy will put her up for as long as she needs."

"Fine." Shaking his head, Derek turned for the bedroom door and said, "Put your clothes on Hopey-bear. I'll drop you home."

Ugh …
"Okay, Uncle Derek," I said with a wince.

When Derek left the room, Jordan cupped my cheek and rubbed my nose with his. "I'll come back for you," he whispered. "I promise."