An Inconvenient Desire (17 page)

An hour later, Jonathan’s dad’s deep voice called up the stairs, “It’s almost time to go, ladies.”

“Show time. Go ahead and wow them,” Olivia instructed.

Stephanie was resplendent in her ballgown-style wedding dress. She was so beautiful, so happy, that tears welled in Olivia’s eyes. Despite Jonathan’s indication that he was falling in love with her, she still found it hard to believe that she’d get her happy ever after.

She could hear the men exclaim over each woman as they descended the stairs.

“Where’s Olivia?” Jonathan’s voice rang out after a minute.

She wiped her eyes and left the room. “I’m here,” she called down from the landing.

Jonathan passed Hannah to his father and took the stairs two at a time. She was still in the yoga pants and t-shirt she’d pulled on first thing this morning. The dress she’d intended to wear to the wedding hung on the back of the guest room door.

“You’re not Cinderella. You get to go to the ball,” he said as he reached her side.

“I know, but everyone’s ready and I’m not. Go ahead, I’ll catch up to you later.”

“I’ll wait.” He turned but Olivia caught his arm.

“Jonathan, be reasonable. I haven’t even had a shower yet. I’m going to be at least half an hour. You’re part of the wedding party. If you make everyone wait for me, I’ll be so embarrassed. Please, go. Just leave me the address and I’ll take a taxi as soon as I’m ready.”

He seemed about to argue but then shook his head. “Promise me you’ll come.”

“I’ll come.”

He caressed her cheek, gave her a quick kiss, and then he was gone.

• • •

Jonathan stood at the front of the church, trying to pay attention to the ceremony. Hannah sat between his parents in the first pew, looking adorable. Her pigtails, tied with blue ribbons to match her dress, were completely askew, which only added to her cuteness. He smiled at her and she waved back. Although not an official part of the wedding party, Stephanie had given her a basket with some pretend flower petals so she felt part of it all.

His daughter wasn’t the only female on his mind. Every two minutes or so he would surreptitiously look to the back of the church to see if Olivia had arrived. It had been an hour and a half since they’d left her at home and the ceremony was almost over. He’d looked forward to walking into the church with her on his arm, introducing her to people he’d known all his life. If she didn’t show, he’d drive back home before the reception and collect her.

His head turned at the sound of a door opening behind him. Olivia tried to enter quietly, tiptoeing in her high-heeled shoes as she slipped into the back pew. She mouthed the word “sorry” as she caught his eye.

For once, he was glad he that all he had to do was stand and try not to look too bored. Because any kind of rational speech was beyond him at the moment. Although being on public display, where anyone with keen eyesight could see the growing bulge in his trousers, wasn’t the most convenient place to be. He stared at the floor and willed his hard-on down. But try as he might, the image of Olivia in a long, red, Chinese-style dress kept him up. He couldn’t even claim the outfit was inappropriate for a church as it completely covered her body, except for a long slit up one side he’d spied as she sat down. It should be demure—even her shoulders were covered by the short sleeves. But with her long, dark hair straightened, she looked sultry, exotic … dangerous. And as sexy as he’d ever seen her, not counting the babydoll nightgown she’d been wearing when he woke her the other morning. Damn…

“I now pronounce you man and wife,” the vicar announced. “You may kiss the bride.”

The congregation broke out into clapping and he mentally recited the current interest rates for the top ten emerging markets, trying to get his body in control. Stephanie and Steve made their way down the aisle, and eventually Jonathan took his assigned bridesmaid’s hand and walked after them, with only a slight hitch in his step.

The photo session outside the church seemed to go on forever. Occasionally he’d catch sight of Olivia and his heart rate would accelerate. She chatted among the other guests, holding Hannah’s hand, often bending down to talk to his excited daughter.

Finally the photographer claimed he had enough pictures for now, and the wedding party was released to their own devices until the reception. Jonathan mumbled a hasty “see you later” to his wedding counterpart before scanning the crowd waiting to congratulate the newlyweds.

He eventually found Olivia in a sheltered corner of the churchyard. She was wearing her full-length, black cloak again, hiding her dress from view. He hurried over, anxious to put his arm around her waist, feel her against his side.

“I was worried. You were so late,” he began.

“Sorry, my hair took longer than I thought. It always takes longer than I think. I should just cut it short; it would be so much easier to manage,” she said, tucking a loose strand back inside her hood.

“You would look stunning no matter what you did with your hair. But I have this fantasy where we’re both naked and your long, dark hair is hanging down your back, plastered to your body, after a rather vigorous round of lovemaking.”

“Jonathan, you can’t talk like that in a churchyard. What if the vicar heard you?” But her scolding was mixed with a lustful look of her own.

“I’m pretty sure the vicar saw the look on my face when you walked into the church. I don’t think he’d be too surprised.” He glanced around as his sister climbed into the waiting limo. “I guess it’s time to go to the reception. I just have to stand in the receiving line and dance with the bridesmaid for the second dance, then I’m done with my duties.”

He took Olivia’s hand and led her to his father, who was holding Hannah.

“We’ll meet you at the reception hall,” he told his father as he reached for his daughter.

“Mind you go straight there,” his father warned.

“Trust me, if it weren’t for Hannah, you wouldn’t see either of us again tonight. But with our little chaperone in tow … ” He left the rest unsaid.

“Drive safe then and keep your mind on the road,” his father said with a laugh as they moved toward the car.

• • •

“This is our song,” Jonathan whispered in her ear, her body plastered against his full length. The singer’s velvet voice crooned a sultry version of “At Last.” They moved slowly to the music, oblivious to the other couples dancing around them.

“Well, at the very least we get a chance to talk,” Olivia whispered back. She’d enjoyed the wedding more than she’d expected. Jonathan had to sit at the head table with the rest of the bridal party, but she had sat nearby with his parents and grandparents and Hannah, of course. She’d often caught his eyes on her, especially if she laughed. And there was a lot to amuse her as the family was more than willing to share stories of Jonathan’s youth. During a lull in the festivities, she’d gone to the ladies’ room, and, as she knew Jonathan was watching her, she had ever-so-slightly exaggerated the sway of her hips. On her way back to the reception hall, he suddenly pulled her into a dark alcove.

“I have thirty seconds to kiss you before I’m expected to toast the happy couple,” Jonathan had murmured, his lips already descending to hers. As abruptly as the assault on her senses began, it was over and he was gone.

“You can stare daggers at me all night, little brother. I don’t care. I want to dance with the lady in red,” Jonathan’s brother said, cutting in on their third dance.

Jonathan reluctantly moved aside and George took her hand. He whirled her onto the dance floor, a large smile on his face, as Jonathan stood at the edge with his arms folded across his chest. George was remarkably light on his feet for such a big man.

“I just wanted to say thank you,” he began. She glanced up, surprised. He was as tall as Jonathan but his hair was not as fair. His features were also not as regular as his younger brother’s, not as classically handsome. But the same blue eyes twinkled at her as he spoke.

“For what?”

George, like his father, was a man of few words, and he’d hardly spoken to her during the weekend. Not out of lack of friendliness, but more, she sensed, out of deference that others in the family were better able to communicate their feelings.

“Thank you for making my youngest sister radiant on her special day. And for making my mother look and feel twenty years younger. But mostly, for making my baby brother squirm in his seat when he saw you leave earlier, just before the speeches. He’s got it bad for you. As his big brother, I’d say make him walk the high road as long as possible. But as a man, I have to say take pity on him sooner rather than later.”

“I’m glad I could help with the wedding. I have no family, so I haven’t been part of this type of thing before. It’s wonderful how you all made me feel like I belong. Jonathan and I have a few things to work out. But I hope this won’t be the last time we meet.”

“Me too,” George replied. “I’d better hand you back to Jonny before he passes out.” He nodded at his brother, who was pretending to listen to one of his aunts, but Jonathan never took his eyes off her.

“Your lady,” George said gallantly, putting her hand on Jonathan’s arm. “I’m off to find my wife. Married fifteen years and Shelley’s been flirting with me all night. The only good thing about other people’s weddings is that they make my lady frisky.” George’s deep laugh boomed through the room.

“What did big brother have to say?” Jonathan steered her toward a vacant corner of the room. Thank God. Dancing with him was too sensuous. She’d be the one dragging him into a darkened alcove next. And it wouldn’t be just for a kiss.

“He said he likes to see you squirm,” she replied playfully.

“Ha! You’d think he’d have more mercy. Shelley made him squirm plenty when they were going out.”

“I like your family.”

“They like you, too. Stephanie says you’re her shopping sister.”

“I hear that’s the best kind of sister to have.” The feeling of family was starting to overwhelm her. It was like a starving person being presented with a buffet. Or, more appropriate in her case, a model standing outside looking through the window, being told she could come in and enjoy if only she gave up everything she’d worked for.

“You okay?” Jonathan turned her face up to his. She dropped her eyes to his lips so he didn’t read her confusion. She’d promised a weekend without issues, but it was hard to enjoy something she knew could be snatched away in an instant.

“Yes. I’m a little dehydrated. I need a glass of water.”

“Wait here, I’ll get you one.”

Jonathan headed toward the bar and she admired his lean form, laughing when he grossly exaggerated the sway of his hips as he walked away. While she waited for his return she glanced around the room. Hannah was in a circle with her older cousins on the edge of the dance floor. She shrieked with joy and clapped her hands, twirling her dress around her. Every few minutes one of her older cousins would pick her up and swing her around the floor, and her delighted squeal would drown out the music. She was so happy.

It struck Olivia like an electrical shock. Hannah didn’t need her. She had a huge family to love her. Even if she had to come up to Yorkshire to live for a few years, she’d be so loved it wouldn’t take long before she forgot Olivia even existed. Another “Exit Here” sign appeared in her brain.

Jonathan approached with a large bottle of water and a tumbler of ice. He remembered she liked her water ice-cold. Her heart beat frantically as he drew nearer. How could she do this? How could she leave him?

This was going to hurt. Excruciatingly.

Olivia woke, dripping in sweat. She leaped from the bed and looked frantically around the room, her heartbeat so loud in her ears she couldn’t hear anything else. She caught sight of the dress she wore to Stephanie’s wedding hanging on the back of the door and fell onto the mattress. She wasn’t living on the streets again. She was in the guest bedroom of Jonathan’s parents’ house.

In her dream, as she’d approached the young woman at King’s Cross Station, the girl’s face had morphed into her own. Except not her at fifteen or even now. It had been an older Olivia, but still living on the streets. Then the face had changed again, to that of her mother, eyes glazed with drugs, skin gray with poor health, her clothes tattered and filthy. If that hadn’t been enough, clutched in her arms was Olivia’s dead baby.

She took several deep breaths, waiting for her heart rate to return to normal. It had been years since she’d had a nightmare like that. What had set her off this time? Probably talking to the homeless girl at the station on Friday, coupled with the anguish of knowing today she was going to say goodbye to the best thing that had happened to her in ages.

There would be no more sleep tonight.

She threw on some clothes and packed up her bag. She checked her phone. The first train wasn’t until 5:30
a.m.
Another hour and a half. Should she write a goodbye note or wait for someone to wake? Every instinct in her body told her to run before she changed her mind.

Quietly, she tiptoed downstairs, hoping for a cup of tea to soothe her jangled nerves. The kettle clicked off as she approached it. She whirled around to see a figure staring out the window into the night. Jonathan’s eyes met hers in the reflection from the glass before he turned.

“I didn’t want to startle you,” he whispered. “Can’t sleep?”

She swallowed. “No. You neither?”

“No.”

“Why not?” He sauntered over to her, blocking her exit to the door. She wasn’t afraid, but the run instinct was still screaming in her ear.

“Well, you see, there’s this woman. I really care about her. But every time I try to get close, she backs away. Oh, she puts on a fake smile and pretends that nothing’s wrong. But I’m not fooled. Then she calls out some other guy’s name in the night. And poof, sleep gone.”

“What name?” Her voice broke. Jonathan stared hard at her.

His eyes were so icy she wrapped her arms around her waist. “Isaac.”

Her dead baby. Calling his name must have been what woke her. “She sounds unstable. You should probably stay away from her.”