Arrest-Proof Yourself (62 page)

Authors: Dale C. Carson,Wes Denham

Tags: #Political Freedom & Security, #Law Enforcement, #General, #Arrest, #Political Science, #Self-Help, #Law, #Practical Guides, #Detention of persons

BOOK: Arrest-Proof Yourself

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during arrest

clueless

crime scene

nighttime

during questioning

suspicious

during vehicle search

bicycles

body language

Bondo dent fix

brakes and braking

brutality, police

Bundy, Ted

car arrestability quotient (Car-Q)

car credentials (creds).
See also
identification

car stop positions

Carroll Doctrine

cars

lending

searching your own

for teenagers

celebrity arrests

charges, add-on

citations

closed containers

clothes

cluelessness

Cluelessness Chart

cluelessness quotient (Clue-Q)

Collins, Leroy

computers, use of

conformity, enforcement of

cops

behavior when arrested

reasons to avoid

court phones

credentials (creds) .
See also
identification

crew cabs

crime scenes

criminal justice system

criminal pyramid

criminals, career

crying

Dale’s Bill of Rights

DARE program

defensive body positions

detainees

diversity, encouragement of

dogs, police

domestic violence

dope.
See
drugs

driver’s licenses

driving behaviors

driving dos & don’ts

driving under the influence (DUI)

drug courts

drug paraphernalia

drug possession

drug trafficking

drugs

disposing of

dumb, being

easter eggs

electronic plantation

emergency arrest-proofing procedures

employment

evidence, planting

eye contact

eye flicks

failure to appear

Federal Bureau of Investigation

felonies

felony traffic stops

fetal ball position defense

field interrogation reports

finger, giving the

fingerprints

flashlight pokes

flushing rabbits

foam, gap-filling

fouling yourself

fraud

friends, cops as

gangs

global positioning systems

gloves

Golden Rules

guns

hearings

high-crime districts

hospitals

hunt and arrest tactics

identification.
See also
credentials (creds)

identity theft

immunity, sovereign

inciters

incongruity

insults

insurance

Internet

intoxicants.
See
drugs

jail

jits

jurisdictions

juvenile detention

lawyers.
See
attorneys

lending cars

license plates

lights, automobile

load tilt

loitering

lowriders

lying to cops

magic words

manners

marijuana. See drugs

McVeigh, Tim

middle-class crime

minorities

misdemeanors

monitors, in-car

name, telling your

National Crime Information Center (NCIC)

National Criminal File (NCF)

nighttime behaviors

no, nicely saying

normalcy

notice to appear citations

notices to appear

organized crime

outdoor lifestyle

panic

paperwork

parole

peeping behaviors

penal citations.
See
notice to appear citations

petty offenders

plantations.
See also
electronic plantation

points, arrest

Police Athletic Leagues

police brutality

politeness

prescription medications

prison

privacy, right to

proactive policing

probable cause

probation

profiling

prosecution resistance

prosecutors

questioning

during vehicle search

refusing to answer during

racism

radar detectors

rape, statutory

reasonable suspicion

respect, showing

responses

rights, during police stop

Rudolph, Eric Robert

running from police

school officers

scoring system, police

scream-out

searches

sex, consensual

Shields, Judge

silence

Simpson, O. J.

social backup

social security numbers

social services

sovereign immunity

speed

stereos

stereotyping

stolen merchandise

street credentials (creds).
See also
identification

street legal, being

streets, hanging out on.
See also
outdoor lifestyle

subpoenas

suspended driver’s licenses

tactics, police

talking to police

tickets, traffic

time management

tinted windows

touch

traffic citations

traffic court

traffic stops

trespassing

trick box

trunks

truth, telling the

’tude.
See
attitudes

turn signals

undercover operations

Uniform Traffic Code

values

vehicle registrations

vehicle searches

visibility

warrants

weapons

white-collar crimes

Williams, Wayne

women, crimes against

zero tolerance

Legalese for a piece of paper that, in the vernacular, goes something like this:
Yo, judge! I hereby promise, cross my heart and hope to die, that I will show up, bright eyed, bushy tailed, showered, shaved, and tooth-brushed, reasonably rational and not too funky, before Your Honor or Any Other Honor, at the hour herein designated and the place thereunto ordered.

Two-toned, alligator-hide wing tips. In the courts and jails, they’re a sensation.

Yes, I know that “left alone” is incorrect and “let alone” is proper. So what? I’ve got to speak American here.

“Respond” is the all-purpose cop verb. Cops respond out of the vehicle, respond up the stairs, etc. When a cop feels vitamin deprived, he responds into a doughnut shop.

I’ve followed this wise policy with all my wives, and I strongly recommend it.

Originally short for “jitterbug,” a slang term for a gang member or juvenile delinquent, the term now encompasses almost all extremely clueless people, especially teenagers.

Blunts are short cigars. Emptied of shredded tobacco and filled with marijuana, they give an excellent high. The THC in the dope is boosted by the nicotine in the tobacco leaf wrapper.

Grocery store meth has to be injected boiling hot. It cooks the veins going in. Fun, huh?

Phishing and pharming are Internet scams. The bad guys send out e-mails directing recipients to phony Web sites that look like the sites of banks or government agencies. There, clueless boobs are encouraged to enter their social security numbers, bank account numbers, and credit card numbers. These are duly harvested by pharmers, who sell the information to identity thieves on a cyberspace version of the black market.

Take a clue here. Your bank already has your account numbers. They don’t need to ask for them. As for government agencies, if they want to see you, they’ll let you know, and it won’t be by e-mail. Set that e-mail spam filter on HIGH! Never open e-mails from people you don’t know.

White slavery is a police term for the illegal transportation and detention of women for the purpose of prostitution. It does not refer to the race of the women.

In south Florida, contract murders are refined to an art form. The preferred method is two taps to the head with a snubby .22. A round from a larger pistol will penetrate the skull, then exit, often allowing the victim to survive. The .22, in contrast, enters the skull, then bounces around, scrambling the brains into mush. Pros appreciate such things.

Another reason not to take drugs is that they make you not only stupid, but also slow. The extra half second of reflex time you gain by being straight and sober is useful in emergencies. On that night my buddy was sipping diet cola, since he has deeply felt moral objections to paying $10 for a can of beer.

This is the famous lyric from the TV show
Cops
. I love the music. Bad boys are my business.

For the golf deprived, the 19th hole is the clubhouse, where delicious foods and fine adult beverages are always on the menu.

Despite strenuous efforts, women have not been able to get themselves arrested as often as men, who are just better at it.

Drivers of Ferraris and Maseratis get stopped anytime, anywhere, because if the cops are lucky enough to find enough dope in these handmade hot rods, they can, in many states, seize the vehicle, get title to it, then slap some blue lights and a siren on top. Cruising in a cop Ferrari is as good as it gets for the boys and girls in blue.

Cop slang for bales of marijuana and blocks of cocaine and heroin.

Dirty Harry movies are all-time favorites among cops. Of course, in real life any police officer who blasted everyone who annoyed him would be fired and indicted, and his city would be successfully sued for millions.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Introduction

PART I - CRIMINAL JUSTICE PLAYERS: COPS, BAD GUYS, THE CLUELESS HORDE

Chapter 1 - NEW PLANTATIONS FOR NEW GENERATIONS

IT STARTS WITH THE ARREST

THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE PLANTATION

JUVIE HALL AIN’T NO MALL

FIELD INTERROGATIONS

IT TAKES A VILLAGE? THE SOCIAL SERVICES PLANTATION

THE ELECTRONIC TATTOO

THE MATRIX UPLOADED—THE EYE IN THE SKY