Ascending Darkness (Shattering the Darkness) (4 page)

BOOK: Ascending Darkness (Shattering the Darkness)
8.65Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Don’t I?

Fuck, I’m so confused now.

I sit back in my seat, completely ignoring my food and try to figure out why this bothers me. It should make me happy. I don’t want to be one of those girls that plays games. I didn’t end it with him just to get him to chase me. It was for his own safety.

Hell, all he did was chase me. He never had any regard for the fact that I didn’t want anything to do with a relationship. He just pushed and pushed until he worked his way into my heart; like he knew that was the only way that I would ever let him in.

And, I suppose, he was right. If he had backed off I wouldn’t have felt the way I did.
If he had let me, I would have shut him down every time he came near me. Hell, I would’ve moved as far away as I could just to avoid him. But if he had allowed that, I wouldn’t have had that time of pure happiness and bliss.

Then there’s the fact that my concerns and fears are, apparently, unfounded. There has not even been a ripple in my life to confirm my reasons for ending it. Nikko must have hidden my past really,
really
well.

But that was a national magazine that ran the story. How could they not have seen it? And
if
we got back together, then there would surely just be more photos and there would be no way to avoid it getting out eventually.

And then there is
the fact that Breccan deserves so much more than me. He deserves someone who can proudly walk beside him. Someone that he’s not ashamed of…

It’s not just about
my past catching up with me, because, honestly, I could get protection… or something. There’s no reason why that should stop me from being with Breccan, I suppose. But him finding out that I was a whore? I would never be able to look at him again. There would only ever be disgust in his eyes.

And who could blame him?

The things I’ve done to my body, or had done to me, is pretty fucking disgusting. I’m damaged goods… Used up and thrown out.

I’m trash and he is good
… and clean… and right.

I’m pulled out of my daze when Avery jumps into the conversation, “You mean all of this could have been avoided if Nikko would have just backed off?” His voice is laced with irritation. “Breccan could have just talked some sense into Harper and all this could have been avoided! Why didn’t we interrogate him? What a
clusterfuck!”

“Talked some sense into me?” I ask with a raised brow
, my voice laced with attitude.

They both ignore me as Brynn answers him.

“Calm down, Nancy. Fuck. Nikko is right. Harper needs to do this on her own. She knows Breccan is right for her; Nikko just wants her to work it out on her own. And apparently so did Breccan at first. But that man is about the most impatient fucking person in the world. He’s driving Rich nuts. So don’t be pissed at Nikko, Harper is the one who needs to get her head out of her ass.” Brynn replies as she digs into her sandwich.

“Um, you guys do realize I’m right here, right?” I butt into the conversation.

“Yeah, you’re right here.
Not
with Breccan,” Avery snaps.

“What the fuck is the problem with you two
? Who gives a shit if I’m not with Breccan? How is this any of your concern? It’s my fucking life,” I snap right back.

Brynn lets out an irritated breath. “It is our problem, because you’re our friend and Breccan is a good guy. There is no way your past would put him off you. I know that’s what you’re thinking too, so don’t try to deny it bitch.” She points a fry at me before popping it into her mouth and then continues on berating me, since I’m too shocked of her ability to read my mind to interrupt. “And if someone were to come looking for you, we could deal with that when it happened. But, has
anyone
shown up? Or have you had any evidence to back up your claim?”

“All right, counselor. This isn’t The People’s Court. You’ve made your point about no one finding me. But you’re wrong about him being okay with my being,” I lean forward and drop my voice to barely a whisper, “a prostitute.” I sit back up and reach for my sandwich right before saying, “Men
want to own their women. A few guys they can usually get past. Hundreds…? That’s a problem. It will always be on his mind. The things I’ve done…” I trail off for a moment and let out a long sigh. “I’ve had more action than LAX,” I say then take a bite of my sandwich and my stomach immediately knots.

I usually love this place, but clearly this conversation has completely put me off eating. I set my sandwich back down on my plate in disgust.

“What a crock of shit,” Brynn snaps, making my head jerk up in surprise. “There is no way you are that stupid. It’s not like you volunteered for the job. Explain everything to him and he’ll understand.”

“Yeah, because all men want to tear through a high traffic zone for the rest of their life. He’ll be disgusted enough that he’s even been with me
,” I roll my eyes. “Just let it go. It’s for the best.” I slouch in my chair and take a drink of my water.

“In the meantime, what? You’ll just be miserable?” Avery voices his concern softly.

“I’m fine.”

“Girly, you are
not
‘fine’.” He grabs my hand and holds it in his while looking me in the eyes. “You are a mess,” he says with a voice full of sadness. I feel a stinging behind my eyes and nose and take a deep breath to keep the threatening tears at bay. “Oh! I know!” Avery squeals loudly and happily after a minute, making me jump and jerking me out of the path my thoughts were about to head down. “You’re birthday is next week. We’ll throw a party and that will get your spirits up!”

“That’s a great idea!” Brynn, apparently over her snit, chirps then exchanges an odd look with Avery that I can’t quite decipher. “It’s your thirtieth, right? We’ll have a big shindig.”

“No, really. Please don’t.” I beg.

“Too late. It’s decided
,” Avery quips, leans toward me and kisses me on the cheek. “We’ll rent a place. Ooo! The W Hotel over on the coast! Their Whiskey Blue room is fabulous! We’ll rent it out. And then everyone can just stay in their rooms.”

“Uh… isn’t that a little expensive?
” I ask. “And you need a lot more notice than a week to get a booking for one of their party rooms. Or even a regular room.”

“I’ll make a call
,” Brynn pipes in, ever helpful.

I roll my eyes, knowing I’ll never win in this argument, and let them go about their planning.

My mind wonders to Breccan and what he is doing. I think of how nice it would be to stay with him in a suite at The W and to have him with me for the party.

Or anytime…

Knowing that is a dangerous road to allow myself to travel down, I shake off my thoughts and start listening to Brynn and Avery plan so that I can drown out the pity party playing in my head; it’s like I am a freaking broken record. 


Chapter 3

 

 

One week later…

 

This week has been much of the same. I went to work each day feeling empty and hollow, receiving looks from my staff- clearly wondering what the matter was. Kole, Mark and Rory even cornered me in my office on Tuesday to try to push the truth out of me.

 

*****

 

“We know something’s up. You have obviously lost weight
,” Mark accused.

“Yeah, and you used to always be so meticulous with your clothes and appearance. Now it’s like you just don’t care. Your hair is always tied back in a mess and you only ever wear jeans and a t-shirt
,” Kole, clearly the fashion police, notes.

I didn’t realize I was looking so shabby. I know I always used to care so much about how I looked and I think in a way it was like armor to protect me from who I used to be. But now I just feel nothing
, so there’s no point in being protected when you can’t be hurt, right?

“We are only worried about you. You just haven’t been yourself
,” Rory puts his two cents in with a gentle voice. “You hardly talk and most of the day you just stay back here in your office. You haven’t even brought Bane in here in nearly two weeks.”

“You guys it is very sweet that you are worried, but I’m fine. I’m just working through some things. I’ll be back to myself in no time.” I paste a bright fake smile on my face.

“It’s that Breccan guy isn’t it? What did he do? I swear to God, if-” Mark begins to threaten.

He has always been the one to keep an eye out for everyone. He walks the girls to their cars every night that he works, and I am
actually moved that he cares about me enough to make a threat on my behalf. I feel the- now all too familiar- stinging behind my eyes and work at pushing it back.

I interrupt Mark, “He didn’t do anything, Mark. Calm down. Everything is fine. I promise.”

Wow, biggest lie
ever
.

“We don’t believe you and we are still keeping an eye on you
,” Rory says.

“Okay, keep an eye on me then
,” I let a small smile curve my lips as I look between the three of them standing across from my desk with arms crossed and looking rather unhappy.

“All right. We’ll see you Saturday at The W
,” Kole says as they turn to head out the door.

“How did you know about that?” I ask before they make it out into the hall.

“Your friend, Avery, came by and invited all of us,” Mark answers.

“Oh
… Okay, I’ll see you guys there.” Avery has been rather busy.

“See ya.” They each say and walk out.

 

*****

 

On Thursday, Kara Sullivan, Nikko’s girlfriend, comes in and takes a seat at the bar in the late afternoon.

Kara is a journalist for
Leaders International Magazine
and is a really sweet woman. Nikko and Kara have made several stops in the evenings when they know I’m alone. We usually sit and just talk about our days. Nikko never brings up Breccan when Kara is around.

Thank God for small mercie
s
.

They’re always so happy and ‘
coupley’ and it makes me a bit sick. Always touching and kissing, not that I could really blame them. Nikko is a good looking guy and Kara’s red hair and beautiful brown eyes make her a knockout. I know I shouldn’t be jealous, but I’m crabby and can’t help it. I never let it show to them that I’m bothered. They shouldn’t be miserable just because I am.

That afternoon I assumed she was there to see Nikko, who was out running errands at that time. I walked up to her and told her he was out.

“Oh, that’s okay,” she replies with a genuine and warm smile.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I ask.

“Um, how about a water?” I pour her water and set it down in front of her. “So how are things going?” she asks.

“Fine. Business is good, which is nice
,” I answer.

“Well, I was wondering… Saturday is your birthday party…” Kara trails off and she looks uncomfortable.

“Yes. Brynn and Avery are planning a party. Are you coming?”

“Oh, yes. Of course. I wouldn’t miss it
,” she smiles brightly.

“What is it you want to ask, Kara?” I pull my lips up slightly into a friendly smile
, knowing she is feels a bit uncomfortable asking me for something.

“I know you have so much already, but I really want to get you something and I always hate asking people because they never really answer. I just feel like you need something great
,” she says rushing the words together.

I can’t help but laugh at her nervousness, but she does make sense. I would have just told her nothing, but now I’ll have to think of something.

“Hmm… I’m not sure. Let me think on it for a bit. Okay?”

“Sure. I’ll just wait here.”

I go about work and before long I have a great idea of something that should be an easy gift for Kara to get me. I walk over to her and sit on the seat next to her. “I’ve got an idea.”

She turns toward me in her seat. “Okay.”

“I have some pictures of Nikko, Brynn, Avery and I and I’m not very crafty and I remember Nikko saying that you are and I was wondering if you could maybe do some kind of collage with them?”

“Oh
my gosh! That’s a great idea! I would love to!” she squeals and wraps her arms around me.

I can’t help it, I let out a giggle at her exuberance. It’s the first time I’ve laughed since Breccan and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Kara leans back and
gives me a huge Trademark Kara Smile.

I realize at that moment what I have put everyone through with my miserable attitude. She barely knows me, yet she has been so
worried. I feel sadness wash over me knowing that if she feels like this then Nikko must be even worse.

And Brynn

And Avery

BOOK: Ascending Darkness (Shattering the Darkness)
8.65Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Rapture's Tempest by Bobbi Smith
Alaskan Wolf by Linda O. Johnston
Calcutta by Amit Chaudhuri
Kindred Spirits by Julia Watts
Arena by John Jakes