Autum's Lost (A letting go series) (7 page)

"And if I know my Dad he probably asked you out didn't he?'" My shocked looked must have given the answer away because the duo are now high fiving each other, plus, they now have become the wooo-hoo girls.
It’s way too early for this shit, my coffee hasn’t even kicked in.

"ALL RIGHT FINE! Yes, he asked me out….But I didn't say yes." In an instant the wooo-hoo girls have been replaced with the look of 'are you kidding me' girls. "But I didn't say no either." As I look right at Clarissa she nods her head yes and looks away. I walk over and wrap her in a hug, "I hate to use the word complicated, but…in this instance, it is. I care deeply for your dad, don't ever think different, ok?" Clarissa is hugging me like her life depends on it, and then looks at me with tears in her eyes,

“He loves you Addy, and so do I, you have been my adopted mom all my life, and that will never change whether you say yes or not." My heart swelled up so much my eyes start leaking.

"I love you so much Rissa
. Autum and you have always been my ray of sunshine when I needed it. Now let's sell some old clothes and smelly shoes, deal?"

"DEAL!" Clarissa says excitedly wiping the tears out of her eyes. We turn and walk into the garage to start wheeling and dealing with the customers.

Just before noon my mom walks over. "Just to let you know, your phone has been ringing off the hook. I finally had Jess answer it and she is inside, you might want to go inside to see what was so important." The look of DO IT NOW, was on my mom's face and I knew it was Curt.

"Rissa, can you stay out here and help Grandma Suzie?"

"Of course I can," Clarissa walks over to the table to help an elderly lady. I walk into the house and the explosion of cussing hits my ears.

"STOP CALLING HER YOU ASSHAT, she is done with you and your manwhoreing ways. OH, PLEASE fucktard! You are sooo full of shit it oozes out of you. YOU DON
’T HAVE THE BALLS!!" I am now standing in the kitchen and Jess's face is bright red and the phone is up to her ear. I motion for her to hang up, which she does and I can hear Curt screaming on the line as it goes dead.

"Do I even want to know what he wanted?" I ask Jess skeptically

"Well, let's see. He is sooo sorry, he misses you sooo much, he can't live without you…blah….blah…fucking blah!!!!" She rolls her eyes and sighs a heavy sigh. "I have no idea how you stayed married to him all those years. He is the king of the douche bag community!"

"Well that's a great question that I have no solid answer to, but, lots of excuses for," I state as I walk toward her and give her a hug letting her chin sit on my shoulder.

"He's a life drainer, you have lost too much to go back to that, and I know you don't want me to say this and you can be pissed at me but…Michael is your future Addy that man loves you, has for years. When you are ready he will be there and he will never let you go."

"I know Jess, I want happiness but I feel that it's too soon, I need to grieve, and I feel like for Autum's memory, I need to step back." Jess steeps away from me and her look is one of understanding and irritation

"Addy, Autum wanted you happy, she knew you were not happy with douche bag, she told me several times."

My face falls to confusion "WHAT
? She told you that?? I...I…I never ever said anything bad about Curt in front of her, why would she say that!" My heart is racing and my hands are shaking I can't believe what she just said. I was the shield for her, this can't be true!

"She said it once in a while off the cuff, I remember one time, while I was over here and you were running errands and Curt was…well who knows where he was, and she mentioned that she was worried because you were sleeping a lot in the spare room and Curt was barely speaking to you, so she wanted to know why you stayed with someone who didn't show you affection or say nice things every day." She came over and took my hands and I am lost in tears. Holding me and letting me cry until my eyes are a wreck. I take a deep breath
in and exhale loudly.

"I tried to shield her; I thought that if I was strong and kept the ugliness of Curt and me away from her, she would be safe. I should have known how smart she was. She didn't deserve to believe that happiness can't happen in a marriage. I failed her Jess…what kind of mother was I?" A small squeak behind us gives us a jolt.

Clarissa is standing there, tears, marking her beautiful face. "Addy, you are the best mother in the world," she softly says. "Autum knew, she always said I have the best mom in the world. I would beg my Dad to stay over here because of you. I always wanted to wake up to mom hugs in the morning, and know what it feels like to have movie night on the couch and have a mom play with my hair, like you did with Autum." She is now sobbing and I rush over to her stroking her hair holding her tightly.

"You, Rissa, are the best thing that could have ever happened to Autum. I love having you here! You make me want to have more kids
. NOT with Curt." She giggle-snorts into my shoulder at that comment. "But generally speaking, you are the best sister Autum could ever have. I love you Clarissa Kathryn Crestmoore more than you will ever know." Jess comes over and joins in the hug circle and we all laugh because of course Jess farts and blames me for squeezing her too hard. I take Clarissa to the spare room bathroom and have her clean her face up.

As I am walking down the hallway mom meets me all worried "Is Rissa ok? I heard she was upset?"

"Yes, mom, she is fine. We just had a moment, and she is in the spare room bathroom if you want to talk to her."

"Yes, I do want to see her.
Can you go outside and help Jess? She is not a good negotiator with the customers, if you know what I mean."

I laugh "What are you saying? She just wants to make sure no one is trying to hustle her."
Mom laughs as she walks down the hall to the spare room. I saunter back out to the garage and start in with the customer negotiations on a pair of heels.

Finally at eight pm we closed the garage door. “Oh.My.God. I am beat!" Jess cries as she plops down onto the couc
h in the living room. "We sold ninety percent of your crap. Now we get to haul the rest to the Charity Barn tomorrow. Yay us."

"Quit your bitching Jess!
We all worked hard, and now the animals will eat like kings!" Clarissa says as she plops down next to a laughing Jess.

"Did you say bitch…young lady?"

"No, I said bitching, totally different context my lady."

"You kiss your father with that mouth?" Jess asks

"No, but I believe Addison would." Clarissa pulls a couch pillow over her face to hide the smiling and laughing.

I walk over to her and pull the pillow down just past her eyes. "What did you say? Did you say I kiss your father?"
Clarissa's eyes get big and she is laughing harder trying to say no. "What did you say? Speak up I can't hear you." I start tickling her and she is bellowing with laughter. "Did you say I kiss your father? Huh little lady? I think you did," she is laughing so hard now she is crying. “Say it…I know you said it."

"FINE! You can kiss my father!"
She is still laughing, rolling off the couch. I step back and right into Michael. Of course he's here. He always is when I need to make an ass of myself.

"You want to kiss me Addy?"
He smiles and tilts his head, hazel eyes shining right at me.

"YES, SHE DOES!"
The traitorous duo yells together with laughter. I look at the two dumpty’s on the couch, well one is on the floor and the other has fallen over laying down.

"I didn't hear you knock Michael,” I sputter, changing the subject
FAST
!

"Susan let me in. I have come to take everyone out for dinner, sounds like you guys worked up an appetite."

I look at Michael and shake my head, "Not for me, I am going to go take a long bath and drink some wine." I look over at the duo and slit my eyes at them "Not.One.Word."

Of course Jess pipes up
, "Nothing being said here, how about you Clarissa, you have anything to say?" She looks over at Clarissa who is smiling ear to ear.

"Nope, I got nothing." She winks at me and Michael chuckles behind me.

"Fine, everyone BUT Addy is going out for dinner. Yes?" Michael asks when my mom walks into the living room and chimes in.

"I'm starving big guy, let's go!"
They all shuffle off the couch and start out the door. I hug Clarissa and Jess and my mom kisses my cheek and gives me a hug. Michael is the last one standing in the doorway looking at me smirking, he leans closer to me,
dammit why does he always smell so good
, and wraps his arms around my waist. His normally deep voice is now sinfully silky, and he dips his head near my ear and brushes his nose very lightly in the crook of my neck.

"I know you want to kiss me Addy, but, when you do, it will be
after
I have kissed, massaged, and worshiped Every. Part. Of. Your. Body." My eyes are closed and I am clenching his shirt. My head is tilted and I am breathing heavy. My body responds so fast to him I can't stop it, and the truth is I don't want to. He kisses my cheek and whispers, "Good night, my beautiful girl." My eyes slowly open and he starts to walk away but I am still clenching his shirt. He looks down at my hands smiling and places his on top of mine to remove my fingers.

Stepping back away from him my face is flushed and I am trying to get my breathing unde
r control, I finally get a few breaths in and get out "Good night Britty." He smiles, winks at me and turns around to walk out the door, I watch him walk to his car and I wave at them as they drive away. I close the door and lean against it still breathing hard. How in the fuck am I going to sleep tonight? Thanks Michael for the almost sexy times in the doorway! I need a bottle of wine, a bath, and most likely I will be taking care of business tonight with B.O.B just so I can fall asleep.
DAMN YOU MICHAEL CRESTMOORE!!

A little over a month later the almost sex escapade wa
s just a memory. A very
steamy
memory, which I replayed many times over in the shower, in my bed and the bathtub. I managed to get the rest of the leftover crap from the garage sale loaded up in Jess’s SUV and dropped off at the Charity Barn. Jess and Clarissa, being the traitorous duo they are, did try to convince Michael to help but it was busy at the funeral home. He promised to show up soon, and I know it most likely will be out of the blue and scare the bejesus out of me.
Sneaky little Britty!

As I am walking through the house I see the red leather arm chair that Autum said made the room pop. The cream walls are faded; the wood floors are now dull except the spot where the brown leather couch was along with the matching end and coffee tables that I sold in the garage sale. The stone fireplace needed a good cleaning along with the mantle above it that had nothing but pictures of Autum and Clarissa, she said her best friend was her sister since she didn’t have one so she would always be place
d prominently along with her. A huge Roman numeral clock was the piece on the wall that I really thought looked cool needed dusted along with the 52’ plasma T.V and X-box system.

I sit down in the arm chair and look at the massive space and how empty the house actually is. I have contemplated not selling it since it has so many memories of Autum. Can I sell this place and be happy eventually? I just don’t know, in my head I hear the conversation that Jess and I had right after the garage sale.

It’s your home now Addy, make it yours! Paint this shitty cream color and make a statement. No one will judge you now, well, except me. That’s what I do and don’t paint it purple; only crazy people color their house purple.
I laugh out loud at Jess and her opinion of crazy people.

Looking at the dusty clock and knowing that I need to call my dad about the fishing trip that we planned since we missed the Walleye opener. I promised that we would do a family outing for fishing and camping. My brother is going to rent us some cabins up in northern Minnesota so we all can go and sleep without being rained on and freaking mosquitos coming into the tents. Something Minnesota and Wisconsin are known for, blood sucking bastards!

Walking into the kitchen my cell rings and Jess’s duck face is on the screen.

“Hello friend,”

“Addy, get over to my house right fucking now!”

“Oh My God, what’s going on Jess, are you ok?”

“Skyler just bought a motorcycle!!”

“GOD DAMMIT JESS!! You scared the shit out of me. You are a dead bitch when I get there!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA, yeah right. Now get your ass over here. I will give you thirty minutes, and bring your helmet.” Click…the phone goes dead. I really am going to kill that bitch. My heart is slowing down from the near panic attack.

After I showered and braided my hair so my helmet will fit over my head I head out to the garage, but the garage door is open and I know Curt is here. “Fuck,” I swear under my breath.

“Hey babe.” Curt looks over at me smiling. What is he doing calling me babe, and what is he doing in the garage?

“Umm, what are you doing Curt?” I asked in my getting pissed voice. He looks back at the shelf that he was
digging in “I am going to fix dad’s car but he was missing some tools, so I came over here to get mine.”