Back to Reality (6 page)

In the shortest flight in the history of flights I’d ever taken, I was aroused from my thoughts by the flight attendant tapping me on the shoulder.  “Ma’am...everyone else is just about gone. Are you alright?

I rubbed the spot where my forehead and the window were pressed against each other.  “Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.” I was completely out of it. I didn’t remember the flight at all. I remembered getting myself worked up over actually seeing Ty after all this time… and then I talked myself down from a panic attack… and then nothing.

I grabbed my tote and exited the airpla
ne.  The airport was busy and heavily congested.  I was jostled a couple of times as people rushed to catch their flights, but it barely registered with me as I walked against the flow of bodies.  When I made it outside, the heat of the sun warmed my skin.  I didn’t realize how cold I was until that moment. As I thawed, I stood frozen in the center of the sidewalk.  The nerves created caused a sharp pain to lance through me and it took everything in me not to double over.

Shaking it
off, I flagged down a taxi.  The 45 minute drive to Richland was sullied by the talking of the driver.  She was not deterred when I put in my earbuds or when I turned my body toward the window and away from her. 
Longest drive ever,
I thought right before we got off the exit and the city unfolded in front of me.

Taking a deep breath, I took mental pictures of the place I used to call home.  I loved Richland.
It had been the perfect escape…until I had to escape once again
, I thought as the taxi pulled in front of The Four Seasons. Paying my fare, I bolted out of the taxi, if for no other reason, to flee the driver’s nonsensical monologue. 

Quickly checking in and gaining access to my second floor room, I
threw myself across the bed.  I picked up my phone and called Emily.  It went to voicemail. Groaning, I tossed my phone on the pillow.  “Emily I need you!” I complained to myself as I pulled myself off of the bed.  I let my hand drag across the soft comforter.  I cut on the TV and found a rerun of Law & Order: SVU and pulled out my outfit for the night. 
Regardless of what happens, I will look good. And when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you don’t have to worry about having the police called on you because the owner wants to kick you out and have you arrested for trespassing,
I panicked as I sagged against the wooden desk that was positioned in front of the large window. 

Going through my breathing exercises
, I tried to calm myself down but it wasn’t working.  Clutching the back of the desk chair, I steadied myself on shaky legs.
I got this… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale. Okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay,
I coached myself.  Regaining control, I wiped the tears that dripped from my eyes.  My heart still pounded in my chest, but I was able to breathe again.

The time seemed to accelerate after showering and doing my hair in a pretty up-do. 
As 7pm inched closer, I decided to try Emily again. Not knowing if she was still with Emanuel, I just sent a text.

Sahara Lee: I’m about to leave. Call as soon as you can. Freaking out.

Emily Mills: So sorry! Still at the studio. Manny is setting up the computers and speakers in the auditorium. He is literally staring at me right now. I can call if you want but I wanted to check with you before calling.

Sahara Lee: No, please don’
t. Delete the message and call me when you get home.

Emily Mills: I’ve been deleting them all. Are you okay?  He’s in the middle of telling me a story but I can go to the bathroom in a few minutes and call you from there.

Sahara Lee: No it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just nervous. 

Emily Mills: Being nervous is natural. You will be better than fine. You’ll be great. Regardless of what happens, you got this.

Sahara Lee: Thanks. I’ll keep you posted.

Chapter 7     

Walking up the sidewalk, I stopped directly in front of Jimmy’
s.  The two story brick structure was beautiful. White uplights highlighted the building’s unique first floor windows and the black cursive Jimmy’s scrawled across the space above the windows.  Shaking out my arms and rotating my head in a circle, I tried to quell the knot of nerves that was growing in the pit of my stomach. Even though I didn’t need to, I adjusted the strap on my black Nicole Miller lace cocktail dress.  The dress fit my body perfectly. Paired with 4 inch Alexander Wang leather ankle strapped pumps, the outfit was short without being too short, sexy without being too sexy.  The plan was to distract him long enough to convince him to speak to me. 
With this dress and these heels, hopefull
y
Ty will see me and at the very least entertain a conversation with me so I can apologize,
I thought hopefully as I walked up the steps to the front door.

             
As soon as I walked into the welcome area of the soul food restaurant and lounge, memories flooded my brain.  Trying to distract myself with the mission, I quickly scanned the area to see if Ty was around. He wasn’t so I moved toward the hostess desk. 

             
“Welcome to Jimmy’s. Do you have a reservation?” An exotic looking woman with long dark hair greeted me as I walked up.

             
“Hi,” I began nervously, “I, um, was actually just looking to speak with Mr. Barker. Is he available?”

             
“Mr. Barker isn’t available. He’ll be in Boston for the next few weeks.  Mr. Cooper is available if you’d like to speak with him,” she offered brightly. 
Who is Mr. Cooper?
I thought as I quickly ran through the list of people who were in managerial positions with Jimmy’s. 

             
Looking over my shoulder at the group of six who walked in loudly, I stepped to the side. “Go ahead and take them,” I offered. 
Ty never missed a Saturday. On the way to New York, he told me that it was the first Saturday he had ever missed at one of his restaurants. Bennett said he was okay. Before I left, Bennett said he was okay. He said he was okay.  If he was okay, he would be here. He wouldn’t miss a Saturday,
I thought to myself in a panic.

             
Unconsciously, I started pacing in front of the desk.  My mind was spinning and worse-case scenarios inundated my brain.  Feeling the ball of anxiety grow inside me, I fought the tears that threatened to fall. 

“Ma’am… would you like me to call Mr. Cooper? He may be able to help you,” she proposed again.  I
took a calming breath and nodded slightly. 

She stared at me
for a beat too long before she picked up a phone and called Mr. Cooper to come to the Welcome Room. She eyed me quizzically as we waited.  Another group of customers came in and I took that opportunity to walk away.  My nerves were shot and I didn’t want to remain standing awkwardly at the hostess stand, so I walked closer to the dining room door. As soon as I walked to the door of the beautifully decorated restaurant, I felt a pang in my chest. The sheer beauty of the room was mesmerizing, but I halted because in the far right corner of the room a woman was singing and playing the piano.  As she smoothly belted out ‘Never Felt This Way,’ the hair on the back of my neck started to stand on end.

Ty said this song was how he felt about me,
I thought as my eyes filled with tears. I bit the tip of my tongue as the beautiful rendition captivated me. 
I won’t cry. I won’t cry. I won’t cry,
I chanted as I couldn’t stop the flashes of the last time I was in Jimmy’s play in my mind. 
Here is where we were just beginning to make up. Here is where our last kiss happened.  Here is where I made him promise to hurry back to me.

“Hi Mr. Cooper. This is the woman who wanted to speak with you,” the hostess said, pulling me out of my reminiscing. I blinked back the tears that had welled in my eyes before
preparing to turn around. 
I don’t want this guy to think I’m a weepy ex-girlfriend. If he thinks that, he won’t tell me anything,
I thought taking a deep breath.

“Hello… I’m Mr. Coop—”
the deep voice started.

I turned around and my mouth fell open. “Bennett?!” I uttered in shock. 

Bennett’s face hardened as shock quickly turned into irritation.  His thick neck strained against the dress shirt that was buttoned all the way up.  His hazel eyes flashed angrily, but he didn’t say anything.  He looked as though he were trying to maintain at least a modicum of professionalism as he rubbed his huge hands together.  He glanced at the hostess who was looking between us with wide eyes. A couple had walked into the Welcome Room and they too were looking intrigued by the silent stare-off between us.

Bennett
flashed a wide smile to the hostess and the couple standing in front of her.  “Lily, I’m going to the office for a few minutes if anyone needs me.”  Looking back at me, he growled quietly, “Follow me.”

Because I’m not easily intimidated, I was surprised at the level of difficulty I had meeting his eyes. 
Guilt filled me as I followed Bennett into Ty’s office.  The familiar space made me simultaneously long for Ty and worry about him. 
He never misses a Saturday,
I thought suddenly.  As soon we were in the belly of the office, I made eye contact with Bennett.  He stood behind Ty’s desk and the anger radiated from him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Bennett asked through clenched teeth.  He was fuming…and I couldn’t blame him.  However, he wasn’t going to speak to me any kind of way.
 
I deserved Ty’s wrath. I deserved Ty’s irritation. I deserved to feel guilty for what I did to Ty. But I don’t owe anything to Bennett,
I thought as I put my hands on my hips and glared at him.

“
Don’t you ever speak to me like that again. Where is Ty?” I countered in an even tone.

We just stared at each other not speaking and not moving.  We were in a battle of wills and I was determined to win. 
I came all this way to speak to and apologize to Ty. I’m not leaving without him knowing how sorry I am,
I promised myself determinedly as the office phone rang three times.  Bennett didn’t answer the phone and neither of us moved. Seconds turned into minutes and we continued to grit on each other.  The sound of the door opening broke the tension in the room as we tore our eyes away from each other and toward the short hallway that led to the door.  I heard his voice before I could actually see him.

“Bennett, I’m paying you to—”
Ty began before he stopped in his tracks. A short beard covered his handsome face. Although I preferred him clean shaven, he still looked extremely good.  He wore dark grey jeans and a black button up with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows.
He could wear anything and still look like a male model,
I thought as I took him in. My eyes watered and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to stop the flow of tears, but I bit down on my tongue and tried my hardest.

“What’s going on?” Ty asked as he looked from me to Bennett and then back to me. 

“She was just leaving,” Bennett assured Ty as he moved toward me. 

Ty held up his hand and Bennett stopped moving.  “She’s here for a reason, I presume. You don’t mail an ‘I’m sorry’ note and then completely disappear…only to reappear two months later for no reason.”  Ty pushed his sleeves up further on his arms and crossed them.  The look he gave me told me everything I needed to know. He was pissed.

“Can I speak with you? Alone. I won’t take up too much of your time,” I whispered nervously. The stilled silence in the room made me acutely aware of how fast my heart was beating. I could hear the blood rushing through my veins.  And I could almost see animosity directed toward me.

After a moment, Ty responded, “Fine. You have five minutes. Bennett, can you check on things in the lounge please?”

Bennett looked conflicted before he grunted an affirmation and left the office.

“You have five minutes,” Ty reminded me as he walked around to his desk and sat in his chair.
  He leaned back and propped his head up with his fist.  His fingers slowly stroked his beard. I was hypnotized by the movement of his fingers deftly stroking the dark hair of his neatly trimmed beard.

I cleared my throat
and glanced around the room nervously. “I’m glad you were here. The woman up front…Lily, I believe her name is, said you weren’t here. I was worried,” I started. 

He stared at me impassively and I struggled to find the words to say to him.  Everything I had thought to say escaped me as I looked into his beautiful brown eyes.  I opened my mouth and then closed it again.  I could hear my heart beginning to race and I didn’t want to have a panic attack in front of him. 
It was bad enough when it happened before I really knew him. Now, I don’t think I could take the rejection if he watched me hyperventilate,
I thought worriedly.  I opened my mouth again and only a gasp came out.

“I informed my staff to divert
all inquiries to Bennett while I’ve been in Boston working more closely with Motive. You have four minutes,” he responded curtly.

The cold, formal way in which he was speaking and looking at me was beginning to take its toll. My defenses were wearing thin and my eyes filled with tears. 
I began again, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Ty. I…” My voice faltered as I stood before him.
In my head, this was going to go differently. I was going to say my piece, beg for forgiveness, and then walk out with my head held high. I mean, I knew I was going to be nervous, but I didn’t imagine I’d be as nervous as I am,
I thought as I swallowed hard to force the bile I felt rising.

Ty didn’t say anything. He just continued to stare at me as the crease between his furrowed brows deepened.
Without any inflection in his cold voice, he stated, “You’re sorry that you cheated?  You’re sorry that you brought him to the hospital?  You’re sorry you got caught?  You’re sorry you left some half-assed note?  You’re sorry that you led me to believe you were someone that you aren’t? Fully break it down for me.  Because for the last couple of months, I’ve been at a loss as to what you meant by I’m sorry.”

I felt as though I had been slapped across the face. Hard.  His words stung and the mixture of hurt and fury in his eyes was painful to have directed at me.  But the truth in his statement hurt worse.
I am a horrible person,
I thought as I tried to break eye contact.  I wanted to look away, but I deserved to take everything he was throwing at me.  Even if it broke me down in the process.

My voice broke as I said, “I’m sorry Tyree.
Everything you said is true. And I’m sorry for everything.  You are…” Fat tears fell and as quickly as they came, I wiped them away.  “You are a good man and you didn’t deserve to be treated like this. I called and I waited and—”

“
Ty.” A sultry voice drawled from the door, interrupting my apology. “You in here?” 

I
dried my face quickly and looked curiously from Ty to the short hallway and then back at Ty.  He offered nothing in response and just sat back in his chair, watching me.  His fingers stroked his beard and his eyes didn’t leave mine. The office door clicked closed and in seconds a leggy model type strutted into the room.  Her already tall frame was supported on electric blue stiletto heels.  Her light brown skin contrasted beautifully with the white tank dress.  The dress was short and tight and fit her light a glove.  Her long, light brown tresses flowed down her back and each strand was perfectly placed. 

“Oh, pardon me. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m
Ava,” she extended her hand to me.  Ava’s Spanish accent was heavy, but her English was clear.
She’s beautiful and polite,
I silently noted as I shook her hand.

Although I was a mess inside, pretending that I wasn’t was second nature to me. “I’m Sahara,” I replied confidently.

Ava smiled and a flicker of recognition crossed her eyes. “Nice to meet you, Sahara.”  Turning her body to look at Ty, she continued, “Ty, I don’t mean to intrude on your conversation, but can I speak with you before I leave?”

I
rotated my head to look at Ty.  The room was absolutely silent as we waited for his response.  He held my gaze and my heart beat increased as he studied me.  I lost all semblance of thought. I lost my ability to breathe.  It felt as though my next move was predicated on Ty’s next move. Without taking his eyes off of me, he responded, “Of course, Ava. We’re done here.”  

A rush of air escaped my lungs as
I took his words like a punch to the gut.  Ava tossed her hair over her shoulder and pursed her lips.  She didn’t turn to look my way, but I could tell she was satisfied with Ty’s decision.  I didn’t embarrass easily; but, the hurt and embarrassment burned my cheeks and I was sure my brown skin had reddened.  I brought my hand to my neck and tried to will my heartbeat to slow down.
Leave with your head held high…cry after you leave,
I instructed myself as I bit the tip of my tongue and smoothed the side of my hair.