Because of Kian (7 page)

“Not sure. I just… something happened a while ago that I didn’t tell you
about. I was kinda trying to forget about it. But I can’t.” Kian’s visit had poured salt on the raw edges of humiliation that burned my chest. In spite of my budding friendship with Sage, my self-abasement was keeping me from telling her what happened. That and her relationship with Jeff. As in ‘
Kian’s friend
’ Jeff. I wasn’t worth the fuss or any weirdness. They were all doing well before me, and I sure as hell didn’t want to ruffle feathers. But I suddenly wanted so bad to really tell someone, someone who knew the players, who might have an idea of how to find some sense in all this.

“Brynn?
Are you still there?”

“I kinda fucked stuff up, Sage,” I said softly
.

And then I spilled the whole sordid story.

• You Got What I Need ~ Joshua Radin
  

Kian

The continued
pounding on Brynn’s door was starting to seriously fuck with my fist. And I still heard no response.

Shit
.

I was worried.
It’d been a good week and a half since I’d stopped for the cut, since I’d seen her and apologized. And I heard nothing from her in response since. Every night, I waited at Hyper, and nothing. No sign of her.

I finally broke down and stopped at the salon again, this time with no
fabricated excuse whatsoever, trying my damnedest not to feel like a stalker. No pretense of needing a haircut, as my hair was shorter than it had been in years already. I just wanted to see her again. I met Marianne, her boss, who said she hadn’t been at work all week.

Fuck.

Had Evan shown up again? When I wasn’t around to protect her?

I wanted to kill that fucker
.

Finally, I broke down, dropped the alpha shit, and
stopped by Hyper to ask Sage. At first, she appeared very torn. Unsure what she should say.

But then
Cupid Sage came out to play. And Cupid Sage apparently wanted Brynn and I together.

“She’s hiding out, Kian. She feels like an idiot for, well… you know
… at the gym.”

I took a step back and looked at Sage warily. “
You know what happened at the gym?”

Sage nodded. “
She told me after you stopped by her work. I was actually half-pissed that she didn’t tell me sooner,” she smiled. “I was about to give up on the two of you.”

“Sage…” I warned, “I may have fucked that up a little.”

“Now, see? She thinks she did,” Sage said with an exasperated sigh. “And, honestly, she’s a bit messed up over it. I told her to talk to you, but she feels all awkward and stuff. She said she acted like an idiot, throwing herself at you when you so obviously didn’t want her that way.”

“Who the fuck said that?”

“Well, Kian,” Sage grumbled with her arms crossed, “you did. You said it shouldn’t have happened. You said you regretted it.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”
My exasperation was starting to make me growl.

“
Well, she heard it that way pretty clearly.”

“
It was fucking incredible. She’s just been through a lot of shit lately.”

“Yeah,
I don’t know a lot about it, but she did tell me how you met.”

“
That fucker. Just thinking about it pisses me off all over again,” I growled. “But, I’m just not sure that I’d be good for her. Especially after him.”

Especially the way I wanted her
.

“Do you want her, Kian?”

Fuck yeah
, I wanted her. Like nothing I’d ever known.

But
, I also had to be careful. Brynn was flighty as hell, and I didn’t want to scare her away more than I already had. At the same time, though, the way I wanted her…
Would she really want me back? If she knew?

I took a deep breath and released it thoughtfully.
“How much of this are you going to share with your boyfriend?”

Sage laughed. “Are you worried that you’re gonna
get some payback for all the times you’ve called him whipped?”

Not the real reason, but it would do for this conversation.
I gave a wry smile and nodded. “A little.”

“You’re secret is safe with me.”

“Fuck yeah, I want her,” I said as I looked Sage square in the eye.

Her smile grew as she grabbed a bar napkin. She
scribbled something down on it, then handed it to me. “Here’s her address. Make her talk to you.”

And here I was.

But Brynn wasn’t answering her door, and this wasn’t exactly the kind of thing I could shout through a wall.
So, anyway,
I’m sorry I was rude and inconsiderate after you fucked me stupid on the floor of my gym.
Probably wouldn’t go over real well with the neighbors.

I pounded again at the heavy door to her small
apartment.

And I heard nothing in response.

“Brynn!” I shouted through the door. “It’s Kian… are you there?”

Listening softly,
I finally heard slight shuffling footsteps come to the door followed by a few clicks of her lock, and then the door opened. I braced myself to see a resentful fire lighting her eyes. I prepared myself to feel the guilt for what I’d said at the gym. For letting it fester this long, for thinking she just needed time. For not forcing her to look at me and talk to me that day in the salon.

But, instead
of sad or mad Brynn, the door was opened by obviously-not-feeling-well Brynn. Standing in the doorway with puffy eyes in a set of plaid flannel pajamas. Her hair was pulled up in a messy top knot, and her cheeks were flushed. Fevered.

She wasn’t hurt
or angry or dejected.

She was sick.

“Kian, what on earth are you doing here?” she whispered with a raspy voice.

“Jesus Christ, you look like hell. Are you okay?”
The words once again left my mouth before I could stop them.
Fuck. Not so smooth.

The flicker of wonder in her eyes quickly switched to annoyance at my blundered outburst. “Fuck you,” she responded in a defeated tone and turned back into her living room, back to her couch
.

I felt a trickle of relief at her caustic reply. At least she wasn’t on death’s door if she could still cock one off at me like that
.

Looking around, her
small apartment seemed rather bare, almost unlived in. No photos, no girly decorations like flowers and candles and little bowls of shit that smelled like berries. Not at all what I’d pictured her place to look like. It had all the personality of a mid-rate hotel room, unless you took into account the coffee table that was littered with Kleenex and cough drops.

She flopped onto the overstuffed couch, pulling a soft chenille blanket over her. As she settled against a
ruffled purple bed pillow, her feverish eyes narrowed at me. “So what’s up?” she asked hoarsely.

“I stopped to see you at work and you weren’t there. I got worried.”

“I just took a sick day.”

“That lady you work for said you’ve been out all week.”

“Um, okay… so I took a couple sick days. It’s only Thursday. I have a shitty cold and I didn’t want to share it. So what?” A confused look crossed over her face before she spoke again. “Wait a minute, how did you know where I live.”

“Sage,” I admitted. “I was worried about you. It’s just,
the last time you disappeared was when, well… Evan…” I trailed off.

Her expression softened a bit and she raised her head.
Apparently, she was beginning to realize that I wasn’t just being overly protective. Excessively stalkerish, maybe. But, she seemed to realize that I was genuinely concerned. She looked down a little before she softly spoke. “Not Evan,” she reassured me. “Just a cold. Fever and chills. I didn’t get the shit beat out of me. No worries.”

I slumped into the recliner across from her couch,
then leaned forward some to look at her sternly. “Well, now I’m worried for a whole new reason.” I noted an empty glass on the coffee table alongside a dirty bowl and spoon. “Do you need anything? Something to drink or eat?”

“No, I’m okay,” she reassured me weakly, sinking back into the pillow. “
And you probably shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to make you sick.”

“Fuck that. Let me get you something. What were you drinking?
Juice?” She knitted her brow and looked off to the side for a moment before casting her gaze back to meet mine. I regarded her suspiciously. “What is it?”

She pursed her lips before answering. Funny how, even obviously sick, she was awfully fucking cute. “Nothing, I’m just trying to figure out how to answer without you feeling like you need to do something about it.”

“Chances are, I’m gonna do something no matter what you say, so you may as well just tell me.”

“I’m out of juice. I need to run to the store
and was just trying to get the energy up to do it.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Kian, I don’t need you to—”

“Brynn,” I simply said, firmly and authoritatively, essentially ending the argument with a stern look in her direction
. Her mouth snapped shut as I stood and headed for the door. “Is there anything else you need?” I asked, fishing my bike keys out of my pocket.

Behind me I heard a raspy argument start up again. “I
can just run later.”

I
glanced back at her momentarily before looking around the small apartment. Off to the side was a small alcove, what looked to be a little galley kitchen.

A messy galley kitchen.

I knew enough about Brynn to know that she wasn’t really a messy person. She folded the clothes in her gym bag and kept her shoes in a Ziploc bag, for Christ’s sake. So she must have really felt like shit to leave this sink full of pans and bowls.

“How are you set for soup?” I called as I opened and closed a few cupboard doors to check her stocks. Brynn stayed quiet, no more arguing, but no more answers.
Fine, I’d figure it out myself.
I saw a can of ABC vegetable and some type of chowder in one cabinet, but that was about it for soup. On the counter were a bunch of empty cans of chicken noodle which sort of amused me. I picked up one of the cans and looked back out to Brynn on the couch.

“Um, babe…? Campbell’s
Chicken Noodle Soup? Really? Just how old are you? Five?”

“I like it, so just fuck off,” she grumbled and turned towards the back of the couch
.

I couldn’t help but
chuckle aloud at her pique as I mentally made a list of what she needed. Back out in the living room, I looked again at the coffee table, taking note of the brands of cough drops, cold medicines, and tissues. Then, I leaned over her and brushed the hair back from her eyes. “Shit, baby. You’re awfully hot.” I rifled through the empty packages of cold meds. “When’s the last time you took something?”

“I ran out last night,” she mumbled with a creak in her voice.

“Okay, I’ll be back in a little bit,” I said as I softly pressed my lips against her warm brow.

Her eyes flickered open. “You don’t have to do any of this, Kian. I’ll be fine. It’s just a stupid cold.”

“I want to,” I replied as my fingers brushed her mussed hair back from her eyes. “So don’t argue with me anymore.”

One more quick kiss to the forehead, and I left for the store
.

Brynn

I lay there for a while after Kian left. God only knew how unbelievably horrid I looked. Not that it mattered. I’d already managed to freak him out with my ho-ish ways. Besides, he was way too good of a guy to get stuck with me and all my issues. The last thing I wanted was to get all wrapped up with any dude. Even Kian.
Really.
Even though he was fucking gorgeous and protective and strong and… just simply amazing.

That said
, it really did feel nice to have someone worry about me, as much as I hated to admit it to myself.

With that thought floating through my brain
, I dozed off for a bit. As crappy as I felt, there wasn’t much choice. I awoke to a cool, damp cloth caressing my flushed cheeks, gently sweeping over my eyes to rest on my forehead.

“Brynn,” Kian’s voice softly cut through my haze enough to allow my eyes to open. “Here’s some
cold meds. You’re burning up, and we’ve got to get your fever down.”

I opened my eyes to see him holding a few tablets in front of me
.

“Open up, baby,” he ordered, and I
feebly complied.

Dropping the pills in my mouth, he lifted a
bottle of ginger ale so I could take a sip. It felt incredibly cool and relieving on my parched throat, and my hand lifted to stay the bottle as he began to pull it away. After taking a long drink, I released it.