Because of Kian (2 page)

That said,
through everything that happened in the alley, it had been pretty dark. The shadows had more or less hidden his features. So I hadn’t really seen him. Until now.

The warm pendulum
fixture that illuminated our table made for a cozy atmosphere. It almost shielded the rest of the dining area in a shadow, creating a sense of intimacy.

And, quite simply, Kian
was breathtaking. Deep blue eyes, a trace of stubble on his chiseled features. His hair was a dark, dirty blonde, quite a bit darker than my own light sunny shade. I’d honestly never seen someone as perfect as him. And when he spoke, I sort of drifted off to another plane where I could only stare in awe at his masculine perfection. I just wanted to lose myself in his lips as they formed the words he delivered in a rough, velvety tone. That knock to the head had apparently triggered my previously stagnant libido.

Or he was just really
that fucking gorgeous
.

“
Evan, huh?” he murmured, interrupting my appreciative perusal of his features. “I take it you know him?”

“
Um, yeah, I know him. He was my boyfriend,” I replied awkwardly, a little embarrassed at my own ho-ish response to him. Unsure of why I was even answering his questions. But for some reason, I felt like I could. After all, he cared for me in the darkness behind Hyper and was doing his best to keep me upright. I owed him a little explanation, I suppose. “I lived with him, actually. It didn’t start like it ended, though.”

“I
t doesn’t usually,” he offered gently. “I’ve seen it up close.”

I
froze.
How does someone respond to something like that?
That raw torment in his voice and a sincere regret that tugged at my heart. My hand slid over his where his fingers wrapped around his coffee mug. His eyes rose back to mine, and I could see the raw and jagged edge that had never healed over. His other hand closed over mine, sandwiching it between his while his fingertips softly ghosted across my skin.

“So how did it start?” he asked, tilting
his head and pausing for me to continue.

I
slipped my hand away and poured a little cream into my coffee, watching the light liquid swirl through the dark. “He was always kinda moody, had a little bit of a dangerous vibe to him, I suppose. But nobody is sunshine and butterflies all the time, right.”

Kian smiled sadly. It
unnerved me, the extent of this understanding that seemed to emanate from him. It was comforting, and
that
was frightening.

“
I’m not sure how it started,” I continued. “It isn’t like I had a rough childhood or anything. I was just an ordinary kid, and my parents were totally normal. My dad works at a bank and my mom stayed at home with me, taking care of me, shuttling me to Girl Scouts and dance class. Up until Evan, my life was always so…
stable
.”

I stopped for a moment to sip my coffee, peering over the rim at him while he focused on my story
. Putting my cup down, I continued.

“
And then, I left home and met Evan. He’s a lawyer in Beavertail, kind of a big fish in a very small Montana pond. His uncle is the sheriff, his dad is a state senator. I thought he was very good-looking,” I smiled grimly. “Very smooth. Very connected. I was a nobody, just out of beauty school. I wanted an adventure, to brave the wilderness, so I found a job far away from home. He saw me and he liked me. We started dating. I moved in with him. It all happened kinda fast. Next thing I knew, he was thumping on me, so I left him.”

“It’s good that you got out when you did,” he offered.

“That was about six months ago. He didn’t really take the break-up well. He’d come to my work, call at all kinds of weird hours, and show up where I was staying when I moved out. He just couldn’t really let it go.”

“And his uncle was the sheriff.”

“Yeah,” I smiled wryly, “and his dad is a senator. It made things kinda weird. I tried to get a restraining order, but with his family connections it didn’t do much. There was a lot of looking the other way, questioning me over and over until I wasn’t even sure what I’d seen or heard.”

Kian’s brow
knitted tightly. He looked angry, but somehow this reassured me because he was clearly angry
for
me.

“So, after a few months of that, I packed up and moved here. I found a quiet little
apartment. Nice and safe. But everything still seemed so frightening. I was scared to leave my place, afraid of everything. I’m a veritable agoraphobe. And then it occurred to me that I was letting him win. I was allowing myself to be victimized every day because I was afraid to go anywhere or do anything, just getting through each day running back and forth to work.” I paused for a second, wondering just how much of my nutjob self I should reveal before I decided to fuck it and let ‘er rip. “So I started seeing a shrink.”

“That’s good,” Kian murmured. His hand
lifted and he was tapping his fingers against his lips thoughtfully. The motion caught my attention, gave me a focus to soothe my nerves.

“
She’s
good. She certainly earns the hellacious amount of money I spend. Rose has a way of digging a lot of shit out of me, helping me deal with what she says is something along the lines of PTSD. She encouraged me to take baby steps. So I started going to Hyper. It’s a bit terrifying. About the only person I ever talk to is the bartender, Sage. But when I get out and dance, I’m able to put some of that away.”

“I’m guessing you don’t use your parents’ insurance for her, either?”

“No,” I frowned.

“Does your family know?
Any of this?”

“Well,
I haven’t quite gotten there yet. It’s just… too much. I couldn’t bear their concern and worry. Not right now. I’m kinda checked out from them at the moment.”

“They may have some ideas, you know. Parents seem to know more than they let their kids think.”

“Maybe. I feel awful, actually, because I just completely pulled away while I was with Evan. I’ve just never really seen a way back. It was hard enough to sit there and tell Rose, to see the pity written all over her face, and I’d only known her for a few hours. She’s only seen me post-Evan, status post the mindfuck of a situation I’d created.”

Kian lowered his hand to touch mine. “Hey, you didn’t create that.”

But I had.

The words almost spilled out of my mouth. But, thankfully, a
t that moment, the waitress came back over to check on us. They continued to echo throughout my head, though.

I had created that.
It actually was my fault.

Kian
paid the bill and gave me a ride back to my car. As we rode through the quiet city, the sun was just starting to peek over the mountains, and wispy streaks of gold and pink spread across the sky to the east. It seemed so strange that it was morning already. The time had flown by while we sat in our quiet little corner of the restaurant.

Honestly, I didn’t want to get off the bike.
At all. Ever. The soothing cool leather of his jacket pressed against my bruised cheek, the wind blowing through my hair. My arms wrapped tightly around his waist, growing a little tighter with every time he gunned it, which made him chuckle. I couldn’t hear it, but I could feel the laugh as it coursed through his body.

I slid off the back of the bike, doing my best to
appear calmer than I felt. As I rifled around in my jacket pocket for my keys, Kian stepped close and caught my jaw in his warm, strong hands. He tipped my face up to his, studying me closely in the faint dawn glow.

“Pupils look good,” he said
.

“Um… thanks?” I murmured hesitantly
.

Kian smiled at me tenderly before he straightened.
“You okay?” he asked, glancing over at me. “Any headache? Dizziness?”

“No
thing out of the ordinary,” I softly chuckled, but at his concerned expression, realized he wanted me to be serious for a moment. “Actually, I feel surprisingly good,” I replied softly, “aside from my cheek.” I peered up at him, cataloging his features in my brain since I was unsure if I’d ever see him again, my savior in the dark alley. “Thank you. For stepping in. I’m honestly not sure what I’d have done.”

“No problem. Glad I was there
,” he smiled, his straight, white teeth glinting in the faint early morning light.

“Well, I better…” I
trailed off as I started to back away.

“Brynn?”

Oh my God… the way he said my name
. That deep, husky voice. It sent a rush through me that made me weak in the knees and pulled all the air out of my lungs. I instantly froze and waited for him to speak again.

“You can tell me it’s none of my business or to fuck off or whatever
, but I teach martial arts classes in a gym across from the post office. Most of my students are kids who come in after school, so I doubt you’d want to join a regular class. But, if you were interested, I could show you a few moves after work, some things to protect yourself with.”

I
really needed to get out of here before I said yes to this. There was something about this guy that pulled at me, and that alone terrified me. While I wasn’t afraid of him, my reaction to him was unnerving.

Because, oddly and for the first time in a long time, the
fear and guilt had all but disappeared. Not even a hint of either since I’d met him tonight. Not when his hands brushed over my bruised cheek. Not on his bike as I pressed against him and we rode through the cool summer night. Not spilling my guts at the diner. Not even now, just standing here and saying goodbye. It all seemed so surreal, especially after my altercation with Evan.

S
omehow, even now, after the adrenaline had faded, I felt a spark run through me just looking at him, a hopeful excitement cutting through my usual apprehension and guilt. I could feel my heart beating, the pull of breath in my lungs. He made me want to really
live
. That was new. It was also, in its own right, a little scary. But a good scary.

So, i
n the end, in spite of this new unsettling fear, or more likely because of it, I said yes and agreed to stop by his gym.

• Where the Streets Have No Name ~ Thirty Seconds to Mars
  
• A Beautiful Lie ~ Thirty Seconds to Mars
  
• Summertime Sadness ~ Lana Del Rey
  

Brynn

I
rescheduled my hair appointments and stayed home from the salon for a few days to let the swelling and bruising fade away. I didn’t need questions. My boss, Marianne, was a kind soul and would have worried.

So I hid.
Totally for her sake.

Well, not totally.
But there wasn’t enough makeup in the world to cover the bruises, and who wants to go to a beautician who looks like she went rounds with a UFC fighter. Not telling her why, though, that
was
for her sake.

Okay
, maybe that was for mine, too.

But, like a good little girl, I still went to therapy. After all, Rose knew what I’d been through. I’d poured my heart out to her more than once over the past couple months I’d been in town. Sh
e knew about Evan’s short fuse. But, more importantly, she knew about my fucked up response to it.

As I walked into Rose’s office, her normally calm and
serene composure slipped.

“Oh my God,” she gasped
.

“It looks worse than it is…” I tried to downplay
what had, by that point, turned a lovely green-tinged shade with a yellow hue. I honestly didn’t want the sympathy, but I also knew she’d be invaluable to get me past this. This latest attack of Evan’s could be a major setback in my therapy. That enveloping terror invaded my soul as soon as Kian and I had parted ways the other night, after he made sure I was securely in my car. Even though I’d promised him I wouldn’t, I slept when I got home…
hard
. I’d woken up to call Marianne, and then collapsed back into my bed to sleep even more. As was most often the case, lethargy seemed to be my most likely response to extreme stress.

So
, for four days until my next appointment with Rose, I pretty much just crashed. Woke up to eat and shower, and then slept again.

“What happened?” she asked, her brows fretted in concern.

“Evan
happened. He showed up the other night. Caught me off guard outside Hyper. I didn’t see him until it was too late. He smacked me pretty good.”

“
How did you get away? I’m surprised you’re not comatose in the hospital.”

For a second, I just sat quietly, still trying to process the events of that night in my own head. Quietly, I answered,
“This other guy showed up, thumped on Evan a little, and chased him away.”

“Someone you know?” she asked
after contemplating my words, sifting through them to pull out the one thing I was trying to slide by her. Rose was always able to read more into my words than I tried to reveal.
Dammit
.

“I hadn’t met him before, but…” I trailed off.

“But what?”

“He
just kind of showed up. And then I was out. When I came to, he…” I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands. “He was holding me, making sure I was okay.” Another pause. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to go here. “He made me feel… safe.”

With everything I’d told her, sometimes even
trying
to get a rise out of her, this was the first time I’d ever seen Rose really, truly shocked. Speechless. This little confession truly meant something. I waited for her to speak, but she only stared at me with wide open eyes and a gaping mouth. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? Someone I’ve never met…
” I shook my head and looked down at my hands. “I don’t even know the last time I felt safe. Long before Evan.”

Regaining her composure, Rose considered my words as she jotted down a few things on her notebook. “So, tell me what happened next,” she murmured thoughtfully
.

“He was conc
erned about the bump on my head. After Evan hit me, I fell and cracked it pretty good on the pavement. I actually blacked out for a few minutes.” I could feel her eyes shoot back to me, so I pointed to the area of my head that hit the pavement. “I’ve got a pretty good knot here. That jackass landed quite a punch, and I was down and fading fast. I heard Kian show up, heard a scuffle. Evan was never one to take on a man. Apparently, he’s more into beating up small women who can’t really fight back.” My mouth twisted wryly. “The next thing I knew, I was coming to on the ground, Kian’s arms around me. He said he was going to take me to the hospital.”

“Well, I’m glad he did that,” she breathed in a sigh of relief. “Because, knowing you—”

“I didn’t go,” I mumbled, and received the expected look of reproach. Rushing to explain, I suddenly felt like a kid who was being reprimanded. “Rose, I can’t do that. My parents… they’d end up finding out.”

“Maybe they should find out.”

“I’m not ready to go there. I don’t want to tell them yet.”

“It’s not your fault, you know.” This wasn’t the first time she had told me this. And I didn’t believe her any more now than I did the first time
.

It was
all
my fault.

“Yeah it is,” I murmured.

She gave me a look full of empathy, then continued on. “You still won’t do a restraining order.”

“Had one… didn’t work, remember?”

“That was back in Beavertail, Brynn. His family
owns
that town, so, yeah, it didn’t do squat. But here—”

“Not going there,” I interrupted, digging in my heels and raising my hands in protest. “It will only tell him where he
shouldn’t
be, and that’s exactly where he’ll go to find me.”

Rose scribbled a few more notes and thoughtfully chewed on the tip of her pen. “Have you ever thought about self-defense?”

I chuckled, then all out laughed as she looked at me over the rims of her reading glasses. “Kian actually, um… he teaches martial arts. He asked me if I’d be interested in learning some things.”

“The man who saved you,” she asked.

My smile faded. I didn’t like how that sounded. It made me feel weak and vulnerable. Yet, at the same time, if I was being totally honest to myself, part of me really did like what she said. Because it also made me feel warm and protected. “Yeah… the man who saved me.” My voice was barely a whisper.

“
You know, it might be a good idea,” Rose said. “You need to do something, especially since hiding from Evan doesn’t seem to be working.” She looked pointedly at my bruised cheek.

“I
did tell Kian I’d stop by his gym someday.”

Rose leaned forward and locked her gaze onto mine. “Well,
I think today should be someday.”

Kian

The last of my students had left and I was pulling up the mats when I heard the outer door open and close. Someone must have forgotten something. Happened all the time and they’d just come in to the entryway and grab it before taking off back out the door.

But then the
swinging door to the gym opened and there was Brynn.

I’d been thinking about her constantly
, my thoughts whirling back and forth between her cryptic words and her rough story. And, of course, her looks. Because she was really fucking hot.

I’d seen her at Hyper a few times
when I was hanging out with the guys. Brynn didn’t really mix much with anyone. She mostly just talked to Sage for a few minutes to order a drink. She didn’t have a herd of women
she hung out with and was pretty damn dismissive to just about anyone else who approached her. It took me a while to figure out why she even went there.

But
then I watched her dance. And that’s where she’d really gotten my attention. It wasn’t like she was trying to seduce every guy in the room with super sexy moves. She stayed a bit off to the side of the dance floor, out of the limelight. She didn’t bump or grind or twerk like so many of the other barstool bunnies out on a manhunt.

She just…
moved
.

Fluid and lithe.
As though the beat poured through her body, and her muscles simply followed its command. Her expression would go from wary to sublime as she seemed to
become
the music.

She’d dance for hours. I
knew this because I watched her for hours. Telling myself I was not doing what I actually was doing, I kept returning to Hyper… just to see her. I’d hang back with the guys, sipping slowly on my beer. Feigning interest half the time with what they were saying. Jeff had been after Sage for quite a while and she was finally showing a little interest in response. So I did listen a bit closer to what they said, hoping for a little intel. But about all I’d learned from them was that her name was Brynn. Aside from that, I just watched… alert and waiting to catch a glimpse of her. To catch a whiff of her captivatingly fresh scent.

She wasn’t the only one in the world who was a little fucked up.

Once in a while, some other guy would catch sight of her, see a glimpse of what I saw, and make a move. She didn’t appear terribly receptive to that. She’d come out of her blissful cloud and almost shudder at the sight, or sometimes even the touch, of her admirer. Her entire body would tense. Her shields would go up. Those guys never stood a chance with her.

Watching her actions over
past few months, I’d wondered what she’d been through.
What had burned her and scarred her
?
What caused her to close off and retreat inside herself at the slightest hint of flirting
?

She always came and left alone.
She didn’t drink much, only a couple of what appeared to be screwdrivers or something, but never enough to impair her.

I knew this because I
always followed her to her car.

That might sound a little creepy, but my heart was really in the right place. I felt the need to make sure she was safe. To look
for any signs that she shouldn’t be driving. To keep an eye out for one of those shunned guys who might want to get her alone.

And
, then, the other night, I’d just stepped out the door when I saw that fucker hit her. Not just hit her, but actually
punch
her. Everything in me went red. In spite of my own proclivities, that shit was not cool. And I made that crystal clear to him.

He’d
started out with a tough guy act, but completely wimped out of taking on a dude. He ended up running off like the little pansy-ass prick that he was. Typical bully, though. He wasn’t so tough when someone actually fought back. If Brynn hadn’t been out cold on the ground, I’d have taken after him to make sure I got my point across.

But, right then, she needed me.
And, in a sick little way, knowing that for a moment felt awesome. Because I was way more into her than I’d let myself think. I knew the fresh fragrance that followed in her wake when she passed by me in the club. I knew the sound of her voice as she ordered her drink. I could pick her out of the crowd by the light blonde swish of her hair.

She was the most
fascinating woman I’d ever encountered.

Even as she sat across from me in the restaurant with her hair half
mussed from the scuffle and then blown wild by the ride on my bike. Even with the bruise on her soft, pink cheek. I was beguiled by her soft voice and sweet, sad smile. By the flicker of spirit in her sea-green eyes.
I was fucked.

I knew I wasn’t good for her, but I
also knew I had to try to be. Because now she was here… in my gym. I’d hoped she’d show, but I was truly astounded that she actually did.

“Hey,”
she softly said as she came closer. Her voice echoed through the massive room. That light, fresh scent of her surrounded me and, for a moment, I just stood staring as she nervously bit her lip and twisted her hands.

I felt an uncontrollable urge to
smile as I breathed out her name. “Brynn…”

Her breath caught in her throat and I saw the faintest tremble in her lips before she swallowed heavily.
Fuck, I had to get control of myself
. I was going to scare her away if I just stood here and stared at her like a jackass. And she totally looked like she was a split second from flitting right out of there.