Blessed Fate (6 page)

The only thing worse than doing the walk of shame at eight in the morning is having to do it at four in the afternoon. Luckily, at that hour, it's not as obvious that your departure from the hotel is the tail end of a quick romp between the sheets. Just like every time I was with Tanya, I felt sick to my stomach as I walked down the block to the public ramp where I'd parked my motorcycle.

If my mother had any clue I had stooped to such a deplorable level, she would kick my ass six ways into Sunday—not this Sunday, but some Sunday a year down the road. The one thing she worked hard to instill in me was to respect women and take care of them. I'd done neither with Tanya and let myself continue doing it even though I knew it was wrong.

As I zipped my leather jacket before starting the bike, I caught a faint whiff of women's perfume.
Fuck.
I could only hope it was because that sickening scent was burned into my sinuses and not that my clothes reeked without having had any physical contact with her body.

Rain was walking to the arena when I pulled in beside the bus. "Nice you could join us," she said over her shoulder. "We were thinking about doing a little sound check. Think you're up to that?" There was an edge to her voice I wasn't used to. I didn't like it one bit. I immediately started wondering if she somehow knew where I was, what I was doing and whom I was doing it with.

"Yeah, be right there." I put down the kickstand and threw my half helmet into one of the saddlebags before jogging to join her.

She curled her lip at me when I got close to her. "Feel better?" She sneered.
Double fuck. Please, if there is a god, don't let her know who. It's bad enough she knows I was with
a
woman, she doesn't need to know it was Tanya.

"Uh, yeah." There was no sense lying about it. The worst that could happen would be her kicking me back into the bunk stack and giving me the cold shoulder for a day or two. I tried to shy away from her but she slinked her arm around my waist.

"Good. You were starting to get a little grabby in your sleep." She laughed, poking me in the side. "Didn't realize you had a friend all the way down here."

Fuck again.
"It's a long story. Can we not talk about it?"

"Awww, don't want to talk about your fuck buddy with the woman you share a bed with?"

No, as a matter of fact, that's the last thing I want to do.

Seeing my discomfort, she doubled over laughing. "Dude, if you could see the look on your face right now. Seriously, it's okay. As long as you didn't take her into my bed, I really don't care."

"Are you going to kick
me
out of your bed because I took off like that?"
Idiot, you don't want to have this conversation. Shut the fuck up, go on stage, get sound check over and go on with your day.

Rain placed her hands on my shoulders, staring at me with eyes that look like two sparkling emeralds. "Colt, as long as you aren't bringing strays into the bedroom, I'm not going to say anything and I'm not going to kick you out. We're friends who sleep in the same bed at night because it's more comfortable back there. Really, it's cool."

Whoever wound up being with Rain was a lucky son of a bitch. If she had a truly jealous bone in her body, I don't think I'd ever seen it. Then again, there would have to be something there to be jealous of first. It didn't help my conscience one bit that she wasn't jealous. In fact, it only served to twist the knife in my heart a little bit more.

"Oh, but do me a favor..." She looked at me as if she had something profound to say. Her hands rested on my shoulders as she looked directly into my eyes, making sure I understood what she was about to say to me.

"Sure," I said nervously. Whatever she wanted, I knew I would do for her.

"Take a long shower before you set foot in that bedroom. You smell like a French whore." With that parting shot, Rain left me gaping at her as she walked through the access door.

Getting involved with Tanya, even on a purely carnal level, was probably one of the top five stupidest decisions I had made in my twenty-six years. Not only did I regret every encounter, every day, for personal reasons, I couldn't rip her to shreds the way I wanted to because of what it could do for Blessed Tragedy. While I wasn't sure how much power she really had over our success or failure, it wasn't beneath her to remind me repeatedly that our success over the past few years has been partly her doing. I had no doubt many of her industry connections stemmed from her eagerness in the bedroom, but she had managed to get us some pretty sweet gigs.

I had been trying to steer clear of Tanya since that night in Shreveport. She'd taken the hint for about three weeks, but ever since then, I'd been getting text messages at least once a week telling me where to meet her. The tables had turned and I was no longer in control.

Tanya: Marriott, Room 1722. Don't be late.

I wanted more than anything to delete the messages when they came in, pretending I hadn't received them but I knew that was futile. She had pictures of me leaving her apartment and the room at Holiday Inn and a list of threats for what stories she would tell if I didn't take care of her needs.

Me: Not sure if I'll have time. We're cutting it close today.

For three months, I had been sneaking off to meet her as soon as the buses parked. On more than one occasion, Rain made sarcastic comments about wanting a peek at my little black book since I obviously had a woman in every city. I hated myself a little more every time she mentioned anything, knowing she was very aware of what was going on.

Tanya: Fine. I can wait until after, if that's what you need. But you will meet me. It'd be a shame for me to have to hit send on those emails.

Staring at my phone, hoping the right answer would magically appear on my screen, I didn't notice Rain curled up on the end of the couch until I heard her softly sobbing.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I slid closer, pulling her onto my lap. Her sobs shook both of us as she handed me her phone. As I read the email, she watched me through watery eyes as she chewed the corners of her fingernails.

Madeline,

I would have called you, but I never know when you'll be up at the same time we are. Your mom's cancer is back. I think you need to come home when you can. And call her.

~Dad

"Fuck, I'm sorry, baby." I didn't care if Tanya had pictures of me in the middle of screwing her brains out; there was no way I could leave Rain like this. "Did you call them?"

She buried her face in my chest, shaking her head. This wasn't the tough-as-nails woman we'd grown to love. With one message from her dad, she had reverted to the shattered girl she was when she first joined the band. I brushed the ruby curls away from her face, softly kissing her head.

"It'll be okay. Do you want me to sit with you when you call?" What I really wanted to offer was to make the call for her, see how bad things were and break it to her gently. I needed to do something to take away the pain I saw in her eyes. I knew that was impractical seeing as I was just a friend and her family had no clue who I was, but that didn't lessen the feelings.

"No, I'll—I'm—I'll just email him." I had never before seen the light leaving someone's eyes, but that's exactly what was happening with Rain as she sat in my lap. The emerald fire was gone, replaced by such a dull tone it scared me.

It wasn't often that I had no idea what to say, but listening to Rain trying to form a complete thought left me speechless. Part of me wanted to tell her she needed to call them immediately but I knew she wouldn't, given everything she had told me about her relationship with them. She wasn't technically estranged from her family since she still emailed back and forth with her parents, but that was the only contact they seemed to have.

Jon poked his head out of the bunk when Rain's crying grew louder. I shook my head, silently pleading with him to stay back there. Rain needed to get this out of her system and she would lock up emotionally if anyone else were there to see. It was her M.O.

I slid her off my lap. "I'm going to grab you some water. Why don't you email him?" She nodded as she began composing her reply. I ducked into the bathroom to tell Tanya to do what she needed to do.

Me: Not tonight. Rain just got some bad news from home and she's going to need us with her. Do whatever you want...

After grabbing a bottle of water and two beers, I returned to the couch at the front of the bus. "Here, drink this." Rain crawled back into my lap as soon as I was comfortable. I had only seen her this fragile a few times, and it crushed me every time.

"I want the pain to stop," she sobbed. "Please, Colton, make it stop."
Fuck, this isn't good.

In the years since she had come out of rehab, Rain had only slipped twice. The last time was when she got word that her mom had ovarian cancer. Both times, we were able to get her to talk to Travis's counselor friend without having to have her admitted.

To hear her tell it, drugs had never been recreational for her. They were a way to forget about the baggage she carried around on a daily basis.

I cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me. "I'll do whatever I can do, but you have to stop talking like that. You know you'll hate yourself even more if you do something stupid." I tightened my grip on her cheeks as I felt her trying to pull away from me. "Rain, you need to promise me. If I have to, I will be stuck to your ass like white on rice to make sure you don't slip again. You don't need it."

"It just hurts so fucking bad. Do you know what it's like to have a mom who hates you? Who can't even look at you without disgust in her eyes?" She buried her face in her hands, trying to stifle the uncontrollable sobs.

Her phone pinged, alerting her of a new email. I shamelessly read the message over her shoulder. I wanted to know exactly what was going on so I knew how to help her, even if that meant telling Jon we were going to be down a member for a while.

Madeline,

No, you don't need to rush home right now but it's not good. They're saying six months. There's a chance she can beat it this time, but the oncologist wasn't very optimistic.

~Dad

The man could have just as easily been emailing someone a stock report for all the tenderness his message contained. No matter what messed up issues they had, he could have set that aside to at least tell his only daughter that he loved her.

"What do you want to do?" I draped one of my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me while the other was across her back, rubbing her arm.

She brushed the tears from her cheeks and stood. "I'm going to get ready to do a show," she said confidently. I knew it was a facade but chose to let her do what she needed to do. That didn't mean I planned on letting her out of my sight when we were off this bus; there were far too many resources backstage for her to get her hands on cocaine.

As I watched her walk to the back of the bus, my phone chimed. I didn't have to look at it to know whom the new text was from.

Tanya: I'll give you tonight off, but you'll have to make it up to me.

I needed to find a way to get this cold-hearted bitch off my back and I needed to do it fast. There wasn't going to be any time that would be a good time with what Rain was going to be dealing with and she was my first priority, even if it was just as her friend.

Seeing that I was alone at the front of the bus, Jon slid out of his bunk, buttoning his jeans as he walked towards me. "Everything okay up here?" He grabbed the beer I had hidden from Rain when I realized how bad off she was.

"Definitely not okay. Rain's mom has cancer. Sounds like they're not giving her much of a chance to beat it."

"Shit. What's she going to do?" Jon scrubbed his hand down his face as if he was trying to clear the mental cobwebs.

"Ignore it. She told her dad she'll go home after we're done with the tour." I stared through the windows on the opposite side of the bus, debating whether or not I should share my concerns with him.
Fuck it, he needs to know.
"Hey, we need to stick close to her. I'm worried this will tip her over the edge again."