Break Away (17 page)

He hung his head in his hands and his body trembled. “I couldn’t fucking find him,” he choked out. “He was calling for me, and I was running around in circles, wasting precious time because my own worthless body was failing me and my piece of shit ears weren’t working right. When I finally found him and saw him lying there… his bloody, ruined body destroyed by shrapnel… it was too late. He knew it, too. I could tell. There’s this ‘look’ that Marines talk about. It’s a look that you see in the face of a dying man that conveys everything that needs to be said without a single word. That one look says that they’re scared, it asks you to take care of their family, it tells you they love you and it begs you to never forget them. It’s the worst fucking look you could ever see and that’s what I saw in Teddy’s eyes. I sat there helplessly and watched the life drain from him, all the while knowing that it was my fault. I should have gotten to him sooner. If the roles were reversed, Teddy would have been out searching for me as soon as that bomb went off. Injured or not, he wouldn’t have let anything get in the way of finding me. I failed him.”

Dex turned to me with tears running down his face, and only then did I realize that I was crying, too. Without saying a word, I wrapped my arms around him and held him until his body stopped shaking. My heart ached for him, for everything he’d been though, but I didn’t say that I was sorry or tell him that it wasn’t his fault, because I knew that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Right then, he needed someone to listen and be there for him, so that was what I was going to do.

I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but I would have stayed there all night if that was what he needed. We eventually got up, and I reached for his hand, threading his fingers through mine as we walked off the beach.

I didn’t want to leave Dex alone. Since he was still fairly drunk, I walked him home and helped him climb into bed. I lay next to him, neither one of us speaking a word, until I thought he had finally gone to sleep. As I shifted to climb off the bed, I felt a hand on my waist.

“Stay with me?” Dex asked, his eyes pleading with me. “Everything’s better when you’re around, Liv. You push the darkness away.”

I nodded, pulling the covers down and climbing in next to him. Dex automatically pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. The lines were starting to blur, but I didn’t care. I snuggled in next to him and let him hold me, wanting to do anything I could to take his pain away.

We were still curled around each other when we woke up the next morning. I was relieved that Dex hadn’t had any nightmares. He swept his fingers along my arm, a simple motion that warmed me all over to the point that I felt like I was going to combust.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I don’t usually let people see me like that, but it was a rough day.”

I shifted my head from where it rested on his chest, meeting his eyes. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Dex. Ever. You can always be real with me and talk to me about anything. No judgments.”

“What I told you last night… I’ve never told anyone that before. Not even my family.”

I nodded in understanding. “For a long time after my mom died, I never spoke to anyone about it. It was too painful. When I finally did, though, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I know it’s not the same thing, but I do understand how hard it is to lose someone that you love. It’s still hard for me to talk about my mom, and it still hurts, but it’s easier when you have someone to share the burden with. So, for whatever it’s worth… I’m glad you told me.”

“Me, too,” he said, tightening his arm around me. “Thank you… for being there for me.”

“Always,” I smiled, curling into him further.

Over the next few days, I was determined to put all that shit behind me. I felt better after talking to Olivia, even though it meant completely breaking down and unloading in front of her. I kept expecting her to look at me with sadness and pity, but she never did. When I looked at her, all I saw was understanding. She didn’t push me or try to reassure me with empty condolences. She just listened.

I could feel something shifting inside me; in the way that I looked at her and the way I felt when she was around. I’d always been attracted to Olivia, but now it was something more. I could feel myself falling, and I didn’t know how to stop or how much longer I could remain just friends and hide what I was feeling.

After our long, emotional night, Olivia and I had decided that we needed to take our minds off the misery and have a little fun. We made a plan to get our friends together and head into Charleston for a night out. Nate and Amy both came, as well as Olivia’s friend Nora, her fiancé Jake, and their friends Susie and Ethan. Despite having just met Olivia’s friends, they seemed like a cool group, and we all got along really well. By the time we were halfway through dinner—and a few drinks in—we were all laughing like we’d known each other for years.

I wasn’t in the mood to lose control, so I stayed away from hard liquor and stuck to drinking beer for the night. By the time we got to the club, everyone else had a good buzz going, and even I felt pretty good. That was in mostly because of Olivia. She was being more affectionate toward me than usual—sitting close to me at the table, whispering in my ear, resting her hand on my thigh. I didn’t know if it was because her feelings for me were also changing, or merely because she was drinking. Regardless of the reason, I couldn’t help but sneak in the extra touches and flirtation… since she was actually flirting back for a change.

It was Friday night, so the club was packed by the time we got there. The girls immediately went out on the dance floor, dancing together in their own little circle and giggling with each other like teenagers. I loved seeing Olivia let loose. She looked so happy and carefree. With those bright blue eyes and dazzling smile, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“How long have you and Olivia been together?” Jake asked me.

“We’re not. I mean, not like that. We’re just… friends.”

“Well, you could have fooled me. Maybe you won’t be ‘just friends’ for much longer,” he said, tipping back the rest of his beer. “Now, if you’ll excuse me… I gotta go join my girl on the dance floor.”

Jake made his way through the crowd, coming up behind Nora and wrapping his arms around her waist. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and he nuzzled his head into her neck, whispering something in her ear that made her smile even wider. They seemed so… happy. I wondered if I would ever have something like that—have someone to look at me like I was the greatest part of her day.

Ethan and Nate eventually joined them, and I was relieved that Nate had taken pity on Amy and was dancing with her. Only Olivia was left, and I could see a few guys nearby watching her like vultures, waiting to make their move.

Hell no.

I gulped down my beer and pushed off the bar, weaving through the crowd to get to Olivia. I came up behind her and gently placed my hands on her hips, careful to leave some space between us. I held her loosely at first but when she leaned into me, my grip tightened, and I pulled her close, enjoying her sweet, sexy smell.

She placed her delicate hands over mine, and I drew her in further, completely enveloped by her. The way she was moving her sexy little body against me had my dick stirring to life within seconds, but I couldn’t help it. She felt so fucking good. With each swing of her hips and shake of her ass I was growing harder, and I knew she could feel me pressing into her. I expected her to move away in disgust, but instead my obvious arousal seemed to encourage her, making her dance more seductively and push her body even more firmly against mine.

I groaned into her ear, causing her to shiver slightly, and I felt like I might explode. She wanted me to want her. I could tell she was turned on by it, so I decided to let go and enjoy it. When I spun her around to face me, she didn’t hesitate to drape her arms around my neck. Dropping my hands to the curve of her ass, I dragged her against me, pressing myself into her and letting her feel exactly how badly I wanted her. She let out a sexy moan, running her hands up my abs and over my chest, and I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. Everything about her drove me wild… Her smell, the way she touched me, her sexy giggle, the bead of sweat running down her neck that I wanted to lick from her skin… if there was even the slightest chance that she wanted me the way I wanted her, I knew I had to take it.

All of a sudden, she looked up at me, murmuring something about needing to get some fresh air before pulling away from me and turning to the exit. I thought she might be running away from me, but then she tossed a flirtatious smile over her shoulder, locking eyes with me as she walked away.

Was that an invitation?

Before bolting through the door after her, I paused. Now was the time to decide if I wanted to go for it, risking our friendship in the process. I’d never wanted anyone the way that I wanted her, but I didn’t want to lose her as a friend. Despite my feelings for her, I wasn’t sure I was ready to do the “boyfriend” thing. Could I really handle being there for her that the way she needed? The way she deserved? What if I failed her like I’d failed everyone else?

***

What the hell was I doing?

I knew it was a horrible idea to flash Dex that stupid “come hither” look, but let’s face it… the alcohol was making me bold, and I wanted him. For once, I wasn’t thinking about tomorrow, or the day after that, or the week after that. All I cared about was right now. Being pressed so close to him and feeling his thick arousal against me as he blatantly let me know how much he wanted me… It had put me in such a haze that I couldn’t think clearly. All I could think about was the burn in my stomach that craved more.

Just when I thought Dex was going to leave me hanging, I felt him come up behind me and wrap his arms around me.

“You’re driving me fucking crazy tonight, Liv… You know that?” He pressed his lips to my neck, and I couldn’t contain the moan that escaped my throat. “You like that?”

All I could manage was a nod as he continued to move his mouth over me, licking and sucking my heated skin. His grip around me tightened as I melted into his body, overwhelmed with sensation and barely able to stand.

“I can’t keep myself from touching you. You’re so fucking perfect. You’re gonna have to tell me when you want me to stop.”

“Don’t stop. Please,” I begged. My body was screaming for his touch, and my brain was no longer in charge of the words pouring out of my mouth.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” His hands roamed down my ribs, grazing the sides of my breasts before settling on my hips. “Here?” He kissed a trail down my neck and over my shoulder, and I was desperate to feel his hands on me.