Broken (14 page)

“If I ever get a chance to meet her, I must say thank you.” He shovels his last forkful of food into his mouth.

“You’ll have your work cut out,” Tess pipes up. “Unless you can communicate with the dead.”

“Damn, I’m sorry,” James splutters.

I shoot Tess what must be the twentieth death glare of the night before focusing on James. “Don’t be,” I assure him. “It was seven years ago now. Lung cancer.”

He nods slowly, his expression apologetic. An awkward silence follows, broken by Tess licking her plate. It makes James smile and, in turn, so do I.

“Are your grandparents still alive?” I ask, gaining confidence in asking him questions. Surprisingly, he seems more comfortable answering them, too.

“My grandfather on my mother’s side is, but he doesn’t recognise us anymore. Alzheimer’s. He’s in a care home in Warrington.”

“I’m sorry. I imagine that’s even worse than them being dead. To know who they are, to love them, and yet you’re a stranger.” My voice fades, my mind unable to conceive what that must feel like. “Sorry. That was insensitive,” I add the second I realise I’ve practically just told him his granddad would be better off dead.
Fucking moron, Theo.

“No need. You’re right. It’s been difficult for all of us.” The rawness in his tone steals my breath for a moment.

“Do you visit him often?”

“As often as I can. At least once a month. Sometimes, if only for a few minutes, he remembers me. I see it on his face when it registers and…” Emotion causes a crack in his words and a lump forms in my throat. “I cherish those moments.”

We stare at each other and, right now, he’s the only person in the world.

“Well, I don’t know about you two but this third wheel is gonna leave you to it.” Tess’ voice startles me back into reality.

“You don’t have to leave,” I tell her.

“I’m not.” She jumps to her feet. “I’m going to bed.
Your
bed. At least with your sex ban I don’t have to worry about fuck-grunts and banging furniture keeping me awake.”

I’m too mortified to reply but in my head I’m wondering if you can buy arsenic on the internet.

“So she knows about your ban, huh?” James asks when the bedroom door closes behind Tess. He sounds amused.

“I tell her everything. Though I’m beginning to regret that after tonight.”

James chuckles. “I like her. She seems fun.”

“You do?” I don’t mean to sound surprised but James and Tess are opposites in every possible way.

“She makes you smile,” he says. “And you have a beautiful smile, Theodore.”

Biting my bottom lip, my gaze wanders down his body until it lands on the laminate floor. I’m not sure whether I’m embarrassed, flattered, or turned the hell on. Probably a little of each.

After clearing the plates into the sink, I nip into my bedroom and grab a spare duvet, laughing quietly at the sound of Tess’ snores. It’s the closest to a sofa I can manage and I spread it out onto the living room floor for James and I to sit on.

Castle
plays on the TV but we don’t watch it. For hours we simply lie together, on our sides, face to face. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we just stare at each other, but we don’t touch even once.

And it’s perfect.

What sounds like a bomb detonating over my head startles me awake and I leap from the floor like a ninja on speed. “What the fuck, Tess?” I blast, silently grateful that I haven’t shit my pants as I eye up the two pan lids in her hands. Unsurprisingly, James is sat up, too. I don’t remember falling asleep with him.

“Ha! Your faces! That was even funnier than I planned.”

Strangely enough, she’s the only one laughing.

“Your mum called. She’s doing dinner early today. Tom’s bringing his new bird over.”

Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I scratch my head. “Tom’s got a girlfriend?”

My brother has
never
brought a woman home before. His idea of a relationship is sleeping with a girl for a second time before he ends it.
A bit like James
, my mind torments me. My gaze roams to him, still sitting on the floor, and I inwardly tell my thoughts to fuck off. He’s here, that’s all that matters.

“Your mum sounded equally shocked,” Tess says. “Yet weirdly excited. Think she’s picking out a wedding hat already.”

“Tom’s your brother?” James asks, standing up.

“Yeah. Sunday is family day at my mum’s. I can’t get out of it.” It comes out like an apology, although I don’t mean it to.

“And you shouldn’t. Not all families are so close. Don’t ever lose that.”

Something hides in his words and I study his face. Envy, maybe? Is he not close to his family? The concern in his brother’s voice when I called him from the hospital made me think they were tight. So did the sadness in James’ eyes when he talked about his dad. Perhaps I’m reading too much into it, seeing things that aren’t there. I just can’t seem to shake the sense that there are some pretty dark demons lurking inside him and I wonder if his family know about them.

“Can I use your bathroom before I leave?”

“Course.” I point to the relevant door. “It’s the one on the right.”

I smile as I watch him walk away and I know I look like a lovesick fool. More to the point, I know Tess will pull me up on it.

“You look happy, T.”

That certainly isn’t the insult I expected. “I am.”
I think
. Is that what this feeling is? The one that makes my chest tighten, my stomach flutter, when I’m with him, when I think of him? Is it happiness? “But don’t mention him to my mum yet,” I whisper.

“Um,
okay
.” She sounds confused.

“She’ll want to meet him and I’m just not sure where things are heading between us yet.”

James coughs, startling me. I wonder if he genuinely needed to cough or if it was his way of alerting us to the fact he could overhear.

Shit
.

Tess disappears into the bedroom without a word and I swallow forcefully as James steps closer to me.

“Thank you,” he breathes, before brushing my lips so softly with his I can’t be sure I haven’t imagined it. “I had a really great time yesterday.”

“Me too.” And I mean it. I’ve learned so much about him in the last twenty-four hours. Nothing monumental, but the little things that have moulded him into the man he is today. His tastes in music, films, books. The places he’s worked, bits and pieces about his family, although the latter was brief. I don’t think he feels comfortable discussing the people he’s close to and I can’t imagine why. It’s just one of the many mysteries surrounding James Holden that I’ve yet to figure out.

“See you tomorrow,” I whisper against his mouth.

“You can count on it.”

He breaks away from me and I feel empty. Lost. I miss him already and he’s barely reached the door. When it closes behind him, I run my tongue across my lips as if trying to taste him again. I can’t, and it leaves me feeling deflated.

“That was sweet,” Tess says, her smile beaming when she re-enters the room.

“You were spying on us?”

“Of course I was! I’m actually offended you think I wouldn’t.”

“Well, that’s kinda weird, but whatever tickles your pickle.”

“Watching two guys play tonsil tennis doesn’t tickle
anything
, but seeing my best mate so happy does.”

I smile because it makes me think about James and everything we did yesterday.

“And you know, he’s not nearly as much of a twat as you made him out to be.”

“I did
not
!”

“Whatever. It’s not
that
long since you couldn’t finish a sentence about him without saying how much you detested him.”

She’s right, yet that feels like a lifetime ago, not weeks. When I think back to the James I knew then he’s like a stranger. I can’t even remember what it feels like to hate him, which reaffirms my suspicion that I’ve never hated him at all. I just didn’t want to love him.

Whoa. Did I just say…
love?
What the fuck? Like. I meant like.

“And he’s hot, too. And that’s coming from a lesbian. Bet he’s got a rocking bod underneath those clothes, right?”

“I wouldn’t know.” It’s never occurred to me how weird that is until I just said it aloud.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You’ve had sex with the guy.”

“It’s always been, I don’t know, rushed. He’s never taken his shirt off before.” Something about that sentence makes me feel uncomfortable, maybe a little embarrassed.

“Hmm. Okay.” She looks as bewildered as I suddenly feel and I hope she leaves it at that. “By the way, you’ve got a bazillion Facebook notifications. Your phone was twinkling like a Christmas tree on acid when your mum called.”

I’ve been neglecting my social media lately. With James and the new job, I’ve barely had time to take a piss.

“People are expecting updates on the new book.” I sigh, frustrated that my writing mojo seems to have fallen out of the window and landed under a speeding bus.

“Then give them one. When we get back from your mum’s tonight get in bed, open your laptop, and remind yourself why you do it.”

“It’s just not going the way I expected it to. Paul knows Rick is hiding something but he doesn’t know what. He doesn’t know what, because
I
don’t know what yet. I’m struggling to get into my character’s head with this one.”

It’s only when I say the words aloud I realise I don’t need to get into their head anymore, I’m already there. I have been since the night I met James. Suddenly, I’m filled with ideas, words, and emotions. I’m excited, and I kiss Tess’ forehead with a giant smile on my face.

“We need to pick up some decent coffee on the way to my mum’s,” I say. Tonight is going to be a late one as I pour my feelings into my laptop through my fingers. TS Roberts is officially back.

**********

It’s late afternoon and we’re sitting on my mum’s floral sofa, stuffed so far to the brim with chicken dinner I fear I might literally burst. Amused by the sight of my mum fussing over Jennifer, Tom’s latest squeeze, I toss a sideways smirk Tess’ way. I knew from the moment we arrived my mum was making an effort because she’s wearing a skirt, something she only does for weddings, funerals, and when she’s trying to impress people.

“Bakewell tart, Jennifer?” Mum offers, holding out a plateful of shop-bought cakes. I’ve no doubt she’ll have pulled out all the stops and bought Mr Kipling’s as opposed to Tesco’s own brand.

Jennifer plucks one from the plate and smiles. “Thank you, Mrs Davenport.”

So far, I approve. She’s not one of the usual bright orange bimbos I’ve previously seen my brother with. She seems sweet and intelligent. She looks it too with her jaw length, brunette bob and thick, dark glasses. I like her.

Mum brings the plate to Tess and I and hovers it in front of my face. “Theo? Tess?”

Tess grabs one while I hold up my hand. “No thanks. I’m still full from dinner.”

Mum tuts. “I’ve already taken the cherry off for you. Eat it.”

Resisting the urge to huff, I take the one that has a little hole where the glace cherry should be and force myself to bite into it. If she brings out anything else I’ll almost certainly spew all over her cream carpet.

“So, Theo,” my mum begins, making herself comfortable on the armchair. “Are there any plans for
you
to settle down yet?”

Here we go
. Tom’s been with someone for a month and now I’m lagging behind. “When there is you’ll be the first to know.”

“You know gay people can marry these days. What are you waiting for?”

“I’m well aware of that, Mum.” I can’t stop myself from laughing. “But just like straight people, I need to find someone first.”

“You need to get a move on. I won’t live forever you know.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” I say, smiling and shaking my head.

“What about you, Tess? Any lady in your life I should know about?”

I’m laughing wickedly in my head, as I’m sure Tess was during my turn to be grilled.

“Still waiting for Angelina Jolie to call me back.”

I love how my mum treats Tess like one of her own children. Tess’ dad disappeared before she was born and her mum is an alcoholic scrote who lives off vodka and cigarettes paid for by the government. I guess you could say my mum has unofficially adopted her. Tess isn’t just my best friend, she’s family.

“You should grow your hair. Wear a little makeup. Make the most of that pretty face of yours.” She sounds offensive, but she really isn’t. Like most mums, she just can’t help being an interfering busybody.

“I’ll bear that in mind.” Tess steals my answer.

Cheater.

We stay another hour or so, Jennifer remaining the hot topic of conversation the entire time. My mum interrogates the poor girl, requesting her whole damn life story. She answers every question, but I feel a little sorry for her. My mum’s great, but she can come across a little intimidating until you get to know her. She’s fiercely protective of Tom and I and, although she makes a fuss of Jennifer, she makes her stance clear with not-so-subtle comments that imply if she hurts Tom, she’ll hurt
her
.