Broken (Broken #1) (34 page)

“
Yeah,” Tommy
dips his head. “Nice place.”

“
Thank you,”
Nathan says and leads us into the dining room.

Sasha lets out a long groan and
grips my arm, her eyes round and dramatic. “I’ve missed your food.
Consider me your new lodger.”

“
Fit for a
king, just the way I like it,” Tommy jokes and pulls out a chair
for Sasha.

Nathan does the same for me,
standing behind me he pulls out my chair and pushes me in much like
Tommy just did with Sasha. I give him a questioning look but his
eyes are on my friends. More specifically on Tommy.

Everybody helps themselves from
the plates in the centre, moaning and groaning with every bite.
This makes me happy.

Really happy.

“
So, how is
University?” I ask them both. They both begin talking over each
other, blaming each other for things I wish I’d seen. I love
listening to them talk, telling me stories that once upon a time, I
would have been a part of.

After dinner we move into the
living room and sit on the comfortable couches, music playing
softly in the background.

“
Tommy broke
up with his newest girlfriend because of me,” Sasha seems to think
this is hilarious.

Tommy shrugs, “Tanya was
jealous. She kept giving me ultimatums. It wasn’t because of Sasha,
it’s because of her own insecurities.” Tanya? What happened to
Zoe?

“
Bros before
hoes,” Sasha giggles and gives me a nudge with her
elbow.

“
Too right,”
I jest and rub my stomach, a habit whenever the baby starts to
move. Nathan sometimes joins in as well, I’ve kind of gotten over
the weirdness of it now.

Nathan, knowing without me
asking, throws me a pack of Gaviscon tablets. I chew two and wait
for them to kick in.

“
Heartburn?”
Tommy asks as Sasha places both of her hands on my moving
belly.

I nod, “Apparently it means the
baby is going to have a lot of hair. I hope his hair is worth
it.”

“
You’re
having a boy?” Sasha squeals and lifts up my top without permission
so she can see the baby move through my skin. My friend is
weird.

“
I don’t
know, I think so,” I glance at Nathan. “I kind of hope
so.”

“
We should
put bets on it,” Tommy suggests, I scowl good naturedly at him.
“Unless you’re afraid to lose.”

“
Stop it,”
Sasha slaps his arm and snuggles into my side, her eyes on my
rolling bump. After a few more moments she groans and pats her flat
stomach, I’m so jealous of her figure right now. “I’m
bloated.”

“
I got
bloated seven months ago and it’s only gotten worse since,” I say,
making the others laugh. Even Nathan smiles a little. “Why don’t we
go for a walk?”

“
Sounds
good,” Tommy smiles as Sasha groans, “Seriously?”

“
Come on
Sash, you should see the outdoors before it gets too dark,” I push
but it doesn’t work.

She shrugs, “You two go; I’m
going to clean the dishes.”

“
Leave them,”
I glance at Nathan whose eyes are on me. “Come on.”

“
No, I’ll
make you milk and honey too, it’s Friday.” She gives me a wink and
sashays into the kitchen the only way Sasha can.

I smirk and look to Tommy for
help, he stands and holds out his hand. Taking it, I let him pull
me off the couch gently.

“
Don’t go too
far, it’s dark,” Nathan tells me as he stands.

I give him a small frown,
“You’re not coming with?”

“
I’ll help
your friend in the kitchen,” he exits through the archway without
saying anything else.

“
I guess it’s
just me and you pregger-belly,” Tommy grins and throws his arm
around my shoulder.

My frown turns into a scowl.
“I’m not that fat.”

“
Sure you’re
not.”

I elbow him in the side, making
him stagger in jest. “I’m kidding, you’re glowing actually.”

“
Yay.”

“
You still
say that?” He chuckles, coming back to my side.

I blow out a breath, “Not
much.”

“
So, spill
all.” Ah great, the serious tone.

“
All of
what?”

“
Everything,
don’t hold back, I can take it.”

But can I? “I’m doing
better.”

“
No you’re
not,” the look he gives me is one I’ve seen on Tommy before. It
shows disbelief, sorrow and pity. I hate pity but I don’t hate him,
I never could, so I let it slide. “I mean, you are, but I can see
that you still struggle.”

“
It’s been a
four months,” I respond quietly, my hand tucks my hair behind my
ear. “It hurts, every day.”

“
And
Nathan?”

“
Seeing him
at first made it hurt more, but now, it’s gradually becoming a
comfort. He’s nothing like Caleb,” I smile softly at how close
we’ve become over the past month. “He doesn’t have Caleb’s easy
smile, or constant hyper activeness and excitement for life. He’s
secluded, withdrawn but when he smiles, it makes all the bad stuff
disappear for a while.”

“
What?” Tommy
seems startled by my words.

I rush to defend myself, “I
mean, at first I thought he hated me, I hated him a little bit but
now I’m happy to say we’re friends. He’s grumpy, completely
intolerable but one of the nicest people I know.”

“
Huh,” he
looks up at the sky. “It’s getting dark, we should head
back.”

“
We’ve only
been walking for five minutes,” I laugh and tilt my head towards
the greying sky.

“
Yeah, well,
Sasha’s on her own,” he lies because obviously she’s
not.

“
Whatever,”
he’s probably tired and doesn’t want to admit it. “Thanks for
coming, Tommy.”

He smiles down at me, his arm
still around my shoulder, “I’ve missed you.” A shadow flits across
his eyes. “I miss how things used to be.”

That hits me hard, too hard.
It’s remarkable how things can change in just a few short months.
“Me too.”

The house comes back into view,
I look up at its glowing windows and think about my future. A few
months ago my future was with Caleb, in our little house, finishing
school, getting a job and a decent placement.

Now my future is here.

As bright as that may seem,
which it should be because I’ve been a lot more fortunate than
most, it still fills me with a dread I can’t explain. Like an
impending darkness is closing in on me. This isn’t the life that I
want, but it’s the life that I have. I have other options but none
of them seem better than the option I’ve taken.

Am I being selfish?

After all of this time am I now
just realising that I’m using Nathan?

Am I using Nathan?

I don’t think I am, I genuinely
like him and I’m certain he likes me. It’s all so weird. After
seeing my friends in this atmosphere with Nathan instead of Caleb,
none of it is clicking right and I feel like I need to explain the
situation to them. I feel like I should defend myself and my
choices, even though I know they’re not judging me.

I feel guilt.

Well-deserved guilt that I
should feel each and every day for still breathing when he’s
not.

Now that I can see my friends
in front of me, I see my old life. I see my old life clashing with
my new one. I’m assuming this is the reason I’m feeling so off
about everything. Maybe it’ll pass.

Hopefully it’ll pass.

“
Where’s
Nathan’s car gone?” I ask aloud as we walk past his empty parking
space.

“
How should I
know? Maybe he went to get milk or something.” Tommy suggests and I
snort. Like Nathan would go out at night to get milk. Not unless I
asked. Plus we have milk, we have plenty.

I open the door and step inside
before Tommy, Sasha peeks around the kitchen door, “Hey, the drinks
are ready.”

“
Where’s
Nathan?” I ask, glancing around to confirm what I already know;
he’s not here.

“
He left a
minute or so after you guys, said to tell you he had some things to
take care of.”

“
Did he
mention what things?” I ask, knowing full well he wouldn’t have
said anything to Sasha.

She gives a shrug, “I don’t
know, he had a large brown envelope in his hands though.”

A large envelope? “Probably
something for work.”

“
Yeah.”

How did I not hear his car? Or
see it? We weren’t that far from the house.

He’s like a ninja, even in a
car.

“
Okay,” I say
with a smile but inside I’m nervous. Nathan usually only leaves
unexpectedly when he’s pissed off about something. Also, he always
tells me that he’s leaving. “Where’s my milk?”

“
Do you still
do that?” Sasha asks, handing me the warm cup of golden tinted
milk.

What?

She notices my look of
confusion and continues, “The milk and honey on a Friday.”

“
Oh,” that.
“Not often. Nathan did it with me once, not long after I came here.
It’s a family tradition apparently, one he doesn’t stick to.” I
look at my friends and force a smile, “Come on, I want to know
about you guys. Tell me what I’ve missed.”

Sasha brightens a little, Tommy
places his chin on his hands, his elbows resting on the table. “I’m
dating someone,” Sasha begins, her face animated with joy. “He’s so
sweet.”

Tommy rolls his eyes when she’s
not looking, making me thin my lips in an attempt to stifle the
giggle that’s rising up my throat.

“
He bought me
flowers on the first date,” she swoons. “And he opened the car door
for me. It was so…”

“
Sweet?”
Tommy interjects and her face brightens further,
“Exactly!”

“
That’s
great,” I smile at my friend. “It’s about time you met somebody
decent.”

Tommy snorts and lowers his
head, Sasha’s smile soon turns into a frown. “What is your
problem?”

“
Nothing,” he
waves her off and looks at me. “If I have to hear one more freaking
time about how freaking sweet this guy is, I’m going to gradually
turn into sugar.”

I snigger, Sasha shoots her
frown my way. My hands go up in surrender but my smile is still
there. “I think it’s sweet. Tell me more.”

“
His dad is
the manager of a restaurant in town, he wants to take it to new
heights. He started late but his skills are impressive, he cooked
for me and oh man, it was like an orgasm in my mouth.” She groans
with delight at the memory. It’s almost disturbing to see. And this
is just over his food, I can only imagine what she’ll be like when
they do the deed.

Wait. “Have you done the deed?”
My presumptuous tone makes her cheeks turn pink, just around her
nose. “Oh my god, you have.”

“
No!” She
practically squawks. It’s that ‘bird like’ of a noise, I almost see
feathers burst from her arms.

Tommy rubs his ears as his face
scrunches in pain. “Ouch.”

“
Okay, so if
you haven’t done it, then what have you done?”

“
I am totally
going to bed right now,” Tommy says and stands.

Sasha laughs with me as we
order him to sit down with promises that the conversation will
change.

It’s just turned eleven and my
mood has soared. The conversation has flowed so easily between the
three of us and I’ve found myself willing to talk about Caleb and
his goofy ways. Found myself smiling over it too. Almost been in
tears because of it and so has Sasha. Tommy is better at handling
his grief but I see it in his eyes. They were good friends, despite
their rocky start because Caleb was jealous of our
relationship.

Well, not jealous. More like he
felt threatened. I loved it though, the sex was amazing when he was
riled up. Telling me I belonged to him, promising me he’d screw
every other guy right out of my head. Not that I had any other guy
in my head, still, I appreciated the effort he put into it.

“
What’s going
on with Nathan?” Sasha asks making me choke on the water I’m
sipping. Her eyes widen. “Babe…”

I shake my head, that guilt
from earlier back. My heart hammers with it, every thump seems to
ricochet through my chest with a burning ache that lasts until the
next thump only to start up again even stronger.

“
No, don’t
even go there. We’re friends.”

She lowers her voice, it’s
barely a whisper, “He looks just like Caleb, I’d understand…”

“
Sasha,”
Tommy warns but I cut him off.

“
No he
doesn’t,” I blurt, my words rushed. “At first, yeah he did, but not
now. I’ve seen him too much. I barely recognize the similarities.”
She opens her mouth to say something else, I’m shocked when Tommy’s
clipped tone interrupts, “Leave it, Sasha. You’re pushing where you
shouldn’t.”

Sasha’s mouth hangs open, “I
was just going to say that nobody…”

“
How do you
think you’re making her feel, huh? Honestly? There’s nothing going
on between her and Nathan yet you’re spreading shit that’s going to
stick in her mind. That’s Caleb’s brother. She already feels fucked
up enough about staying here with him, you putting extra on that
isn’t going to help her.” He doesn’t sound angry but he does sound
something close to it. I’m grateful for him having my back but I
wish he hadn’t said anything. It’s made this a little bit
awkward.