Broken (Broken #1) (31 page)

This makes my heart ache,
“You’ve never been in love?”

“
Not
reciprocated love, not a lot of people enjoy my ‘quirkiness’,” His
lips twitch at the last word.

Eye roll, “I find that hard to
believe.”

“
You heard
what that wretched girl said earlier,” he smiles brightly, my eyes
go straight to his mouth where perfect white teeth shine at me. “I
don’t do oral.”

At this I blush. I slap his arm
and step back into him so my back rests against his chest, “Why’d
you try to kiss me Nathan?”

In a second his body goes from
relaxed to tense and his eyes widen briefly, “I shouldn’t have. I
apologize.”

“
That’s not
what I asked.”

“
It’s the
only answer I’m willing to give,” he retorts, his tone clipped. He
steps away from me. “You should go to sleep.”

I’m not tired but I agree after
apologising for waking him up. He promises me it doesn’t matter and
retires to the couch after making sure I get to bed safely.

My mind is a jumble of
thoughts, I want nothing more than to shut off my brain and its
stupid obsession with overanalysing everything; but I can’t.

Am I truly naïve?

******

I decided on the room across
from mine as the nursery, it’s the same size as my room but longer
and narrower, it also has an indent in the wall where the cot
should fit perfectly.

Right now the room is in
tatters, Nathan hired some guys to come and strip the walls and
decorate it the exact way it’s decorated in store. I’m humming with
excitement. Once I see the room everything will be real. I can’t
wait to go for long walks with the baby in the stroller. I can’t
wait to change his nappy and feed him. But mostly I can’t wait to
get back a piece of Caleb with hopes that it’ll stop my grief.

“
What if the
doctor’s right?” I say to Jeanine as we open the windows in an
attempt to get rid of the stench of paint.

“
About?” She
asks, giving me an inquisitive look.

“
What if I
hate the baby?”

She lets out a startled laugh,
“I’m sure he didn’t say that.”

“
Not in those
exact words.”

She lets out a long sigh and
turns me to face her, “My sweet girl, you don’t have it in you to
hate anyone. You’re too kind. It’s a flaw as well as a very sweet
blessing.” Her smile is warm and understanding. “I had postpartum
depression with, Julie, my first. It was tough but I got through
it. If it happens, it happens, it won’t last forever. Just don’t
expect miracles.”

“
What do you
mean?”

“
This baby
won’t bring back, Caleb,” I hate that she’s right. “This baby won’t
be Caleb either. If you remember that then you should be
okay.”

Now this is something I’m not
sure of. “Fancy going into town to get a coffee? This smell is
making me want to vomit.”

“
Definitely,”
she chuckles and we go to grab our coats. “Your friends are coming
down next month aren’t they?”

I nod, “I can’t wait. I miss
them.”

“
I bet.” She
looks at me sideways. “How are you doing? You seem to have perked
up a little more than usual this week. Although Nathan seems to be
in his usual foul mood.”

We came back from the city just
over a week ago and she’s right, Nathan’s mood has been foul.
Although he hasn’t aimed it at me, I’ve still felt the bite of his
fury just by sitting close to him. I’m not sure what’s bothering
him, all I know is that he’s taken a few calls that haven’t ended
well. His phone screen has a large crack down it from throwing it;
I assume.

His voice had been travelling
from his study all day, I couldn’t make out what he was saying as
it was too muffled, but I could tell he wasn’t a happy bunny. Part
of me wanted to go upstairs and console him but I knew by his
silence at the dining table that he just wanted to wallow.

Nathan parked further down the
driveway. Nathan was paranoid that the decorators would scratch his
car. I wish he’d parked a little closer, sure I can see the car
about thirty feet away but that’s a good thirty feet I could’ve
avoided walking down.

“
I’ll meet
you there,” Jeanine says and climbs into her own
vehicle.

While we’re in the village we
stop by a bookstore, there’s a lot to choose from but nothing that
interests me. Jeanine goes book mad, piling them in her basket
before spending twenty minutes chatting to the girl behind the
counter. Something glints out of the corner of my eye, I
immediately head for the shelf and pick up the gorgeous leather
journal with a brass buckle keeping it closed.

“
What is
this?” I ask, effectively cutting off their
conversation.

“
One of the
leather journals I got in stock a while back. Only sold a few. I
think that’s the last one,” she says from across the
store.

My hand runs across the A4
sized book, the leather is patterned beautifully. “How much is
it?”

“
Fifty,” she
responds and I almost choke.

“
Fifty?”

“
Yes, it
should be sixty.”

Well I do enjoy a bargain. With
a heavy sigh I take the journal to the counter and hand over my
card. Inputting my pin into the machine after a long moment’s
deliberation, I finally relax. Fifty pound is a lot of money. There
are a lot of things I could buy with that.

Nathan deserves this more. He’s
done a lot for me and something tells me he’ll love this.

She wraps the book in parcel
paper and places it in a bag for me. I take it with a thank you and
follow Jeanine out of the store.

We part ways and I go home
feeling a little better.

Although the place still stinks
of paint when I arrive. Gross.

Tucking the leather journal
away somewhere safe in my room, I lie on my bed and stare at the
ceiling, my heavy stomach bouncing around. Caleb was always moving,
always. Maybe the baby gets it from him.

Knock, knock, knock.

“
Come in,” I
call, still sprawled on my back with my legs over the side of the
bed.

“
Where’ve you
been?” Nathan asks and closes the door. The paint smell seems to be
bothering him too.

“
I just went
into town for an hour,” I say on a yawn, raising myself onto my
elbows. “You didn’t need the car did you?”

He shakes his head, I pat the
bed beside me and flop back down. I’m shocked when he joins me. His
head turns towards me only a foot away from mine. We share a smile
but his fades when I wince a little at the dull ache throbbing in
my lower back. “What’s wrong?”

“
Back ache,”
I admit and wriggle a little. “It’s okay, it’ll pass
soon.”

I hear a thud when Nathan
slides to his knees by the bed. A squeal escapes me as his hands
grip the place behind my knees and pull me off the bed. My body
spins until only my chest is resting on the bed and my knees rest
on the floor.

What’s he doing? “Nath…”

“
Relax,” he
commands as his covered fingers lift my top up my back.

I try to look back at him but
his hand presses my face back into the bed. Soon his fingers start
stroking against my skin, I tense momentarily until they dig deep
at the base of my spine and slowly work that area. Oh god, that
feels great.

I barely register it when he
slides a cushion under my knees, because one hand never stops the
massage that is working the ache out of my back.

“
Don’t stop
doing whatever it is you’re doing,” I groan.

Am I drooling? I think I’m
drooling.

He kneels directly behind me to
get to all of the right spots more effectively.

My legs slip a little on the
floor as I relax deeper into the mattress, the top curve of my
stomach touching the side of it. Unfortunately Nathan’s closer than
anticipated and if this position isn’t already awkward enough my
arse connects with his groin.

He tenses and clears his
throat, his fingers still on my back.

“
Sorry,” I
whisper into the quilt and slide forward a little.

“
No problem,”
he seems to choke out. Then to make matters worse, he adds, “Your
skin is flawless.”

I blink in shock, “What?”

“
Your skin,”
he repeats and brushes his fingers lightly over the curve of my
hips, making me shiver. “It’s flawless.”

“
It’s
pregnancy, it has many benefits,” I mumble and move my hips a
little. “Keep going.”

His thumbs begin to circle once
more. Oh god. That’s so good.

“
No,” he
murmurs, pushing deeper into my flesh. “It’s just you.”

Okay, I’m all for compliments
but this is making me feel weird. The position, the touching, and
the way he’s speaking. “I feel better now.”

“
Relax,” he
presses into my back again and I half relent. “What did you do in
town?”

“
Went for
coffee and for a walk,” groan, that feels amazing. “Then we went
into the book store.”

“
It didn’t
have anything you like?”

“
It
did.”

He waits for me to continue, I
don’t, I’m too drugged on this wave of relaxation that’s sinking
into me; making my skin burn and my blood warm. “Continue.”

“
If I do that
I’d have to move,” I grumble and feel him laugh
silently.

“
Just tell me
the name of the book.”

I don’t even know my own name
right now, “It doesn’t have a name; it’s unwritten.”

“
Now I’m
intrigued.”

I smile into the blanket,
savouring the feel of his leather clad fingers circling and
dragging across the skin of my back. Goose pimples swell over every
inch of my skin. I feel his thighs brush mine, unintentionally I
think; either way it makes me whisper a moan into the peach
coloured fabric. My nipples pebble as his hands cup my hips and his
groin brushes against my once more.

“
I got
something for you,” I manage to say, willing myself to pull away.
Screams echo through my mind as I chastise my traitorous body
mentally.

This time he deliberately
presses himself into me, I feel the swelling in his pants and gasp.
This is wrong.

He acts normal even though his
own body is betraying him, I feel the trembling in his hands as
they explore my skin. “Why for me?”

“
I just saw
it and thought you’d like it. You probably won’t.”

“
I will,” he
breathes and this thumbs dip under the seam of my trousers, right
above my soft globes.

“
Nathan,” I
warn as his breathing deepens and he presses himself into me once
more.

He lets out a quiet moan,
almost like a whimper and grinds into me. Heat pools in my belly, I
can’t help it. I’m almost six months pregnant, my hormones are
raging. I know this is wrong, so damn wrong. Why does it feel so
good?

“
Nathan,”
this time my voice isn’t a warning, it’s pleading.

His hands trail down the outside of my
thighs, dragging across the fabric as they go. In a second they cup
the front of my thighs and slowly peel them open, causing my breath
to hitch and my heart to accelerate.

Chapter
Sixteen

A voice shoots through my mind,
one I know so well. One that doesn’t exist anymore.

“
My brother
isn’t normal. Stay away from him, Gwen. Okay?”

As if a bucket of ice is
dropped on me I cry out and scramble away, Nathan instantly
releases me; not that he had a chance to grip me as my action was
rather sudden. I sit on the floor looking at his flushed face and
wild brown eyes. They come to me and his hand reaches out.

“
No,” I say,
my head shaking back and forth frantically.

He sits back, his legs bent in
front of him, his hands resting on the curves of his knees. We both
stare at each other for a long while.

What just happened?

I daren’t ask him why he’s
doing this, mostly because I’m afraid of the answer.

“
Gwen,” he
says calmly and stands slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. Placing
his hand in the air he waits for me to take it. I don’t, I daren’t
risk it right now. I’m aching in places I shouldn’t, so I don’t
trust my body.

“
Here,” I
lower my eyes and rush into my closet, hiding under a few folded
bed sheets is the journal I bought for him. My hands smooth the
parcel paper as I walk back towards him, chewing on my lip
nervously. “It’s not much, nothing in comparison to what you’ve
done for me.” I wasn’t going to give it to him yet but it seems
like an okay distraction for now.

He stares at me with a frown,
“You don’t have to pay me back.”

“
I want to,
it’s what friends do,” I add this last bit giving him an imploring
look. See reason, please see reason.

Dilated pupils stare intently
at my face as I look away, his hands take the gift from mine and
slowly peel away the paper. I hope he likes it, truly I do.

The silence stretches between
us as the journal finally comes into view. He looks from the
leather bound book to me and then back again. His hands turn it
over before stroking it to feel the patterned grooves that make the
cover.

“
This is
wonderful,” he says sincerely. “You said you got this from the book
store in town?”

“
Yes, it
literally caught my eye.”