Broken (Broken #1) (27 page)

“
Where are
you going?”

“
To get away
from you,” I make my way to the stairs.

“
I’m not done
talking to you.”

“
I don’t get
it,” I spin on this shout, my hands on my hips. “Honestly, I
genuinely don’t get it. I thought after yesterday we were
friends.”

He cringes, “What about
yesterday?”

“
The Ferris
wheel, the donuts, everything.” I half shout, my anger bubbling to
intolerable levels.

“
Just because
I decided to be kind doesn’t mean you can put yourself or that baby
in unnecessary danger.”

“
Oh my god,”
I laugh, seriously not believing this. “What the hell is wrong with
you?”

He shakes his head, a frown on
his face, “Nothing is wrong with me. You’re my brother’s fiancée,
I’m just trying to do right by you.”

“
Stop
bringing up Caleb!”

“
It’s
true.”

“
And
completely irrelevant!”

“
But still
true.”

I throw my hands up and turn
away. I’ve had enough of this. “You’re impossible.”

“
Don’t walk
away from me.”

“
If I could
run, I would.”

“
We’re not
done talking.”

“
Oh we are,”
I look at him over my shoulder, my eyes connecting with his. He
looks as angry as I feel. “We are so done. The sooner I get out of
here the better.”

“
And where
will you go? What will you do?” He follows me up the stairs. “I
asked you a question.”

Stopping outside my door, I
place my hand on the handle and my forehead against the wood, “Do
you know what is bad for a baby? Stress. And you are piling it on,
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. You clearly can’t make up
your mind on whether or not you like me, it’s best if I leave.”

Something seems to have struck
a chord in his system because his face has softened, “You’re right.
I apologize for causing you stress.”

“
Your apology
isn’t accepted. I get he was your brother but he was also the love
of my life.” A flash of pain swims through his light brown eyes,
it’s gone in an instant and I’m wondering why it came in the first
place. So far he’s showed no signs of grief over the death of his
brother. Has he been hiding it? Why? “I only put him to rest five
weeks ago. I should still be a grieving mess but for you, to make
you feel more comfortable I’ve been trying to perk up a bit. For
everything that’s happened I haven’t had time to grieve properly.
You of all people should be the main one to show me compassion
right now.”

“
I
apologized.”

“
It was
insincere and I don’t want it anyway. Just leave me alone,” I open
my door and step inside. Making sure to lock it behind
me.

I rest my back against the door
and listen to him sigh. “It’s not a good idea.” What? “This, you
and me, the whole being friends’ thing. I was stupid to try.”
Ouch.

His footsteps disappear from
earshot after another minute, I let out the breath I didn’t realise
I’d been holding.

Lying on my bed I touch my
sweet Caleb’s face, my fingertips hating the cold feel of the glass
that protects the photo. My mind wishing for real. A tear slides
from my eye.

“
I’m scared
Caleb,” I admit and hug a pillow tight to my chest. “I’m so damn
scared of doing this alone.”

His easy smile shines back at me and
for once, it doesn’t comfort me in the slightest. I want to throw
it across my room but my conscience tells me I’ll later regret
this, so I refrain.

Chapter
Thirteen

“
You know? My
mother always told me that if I kept pulling a face and the wind
changed, my face would stay that way forever,” Jeanine comments,
but her attempt to cheer me up hasn’t worked.

“
Maybe that’s
what’s already happened to me,” I say and move the books from the
shelf.

“
You don’t
have to help me, this is what I get paid to do.”

“
I know, I’m
nesting I think.” I’ve always nested, since I was little I’ve been
a thorough cleaner. Not to mention the fact I’m bored out of my
mind and in need of something to do.

“
Well, thank
you, it’s nice to have the company.” She slides the couch along the
floor and starts sweeping the dust that has gathered beneath it.
“Oh and those cakes you made the other day, I thought I’d died and
gone to heaven.”

I smile a little, “Thanks. I
think Nathan liked them. I came down the next morning and there was
only one left in the centre of the plate.” He was considerate
enough to save me a cake that I made. I don’t mind, it was nice to
see they hadn’t gone unappreciated. Besides, I never would have
been able to eat the eight I made for Nathan and me.

Jeanine laughs at this as I
continue to pile books neatly on the chair. This shelf needs a good
polish. “Have you spoken to him at all?”

“
Nope,” not
in the past two weeks since we had that massive argument. I’ve made
him: breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert everyday but I haven’t
seen him. “He’s busy probably.”

“
That man
will always astound me. He’s so…”

“
He’s just
the way he is,” I cut her off, not wanting to slag him off behind
his back no matter how badly he’s pissed me off. “Not worth getting
upset over.”

It’s at this point I hear a
door upstairs slam and wince. He heard me. Now I feel bad but I’ll
be damned if I apologize. Maybe he didn’t hear me, maybe he just
likes slamming doors.

I almost laugh at this last
thought because Nathan has to be the quietest man I know, he
slammed the door because he wanted to be heard.

“
I think that
shelf is sparkling as much as it can,” Jeanine says, breaking me
from my thoughts. “The next one needs a good clean.”

“
Right,” I
blink myself back to reality and start piling the books back on the
shelf. Something just tapped me on the foot. That better not be a
spider. Or worse… a rat.

I squat and pick up the small
square of paper. It’s a note I think. Maybe a book marker of some
sort.

My thumb hooks under the folded
edge and slowly begins to part it.

“
Everything
okay?” Jeanine asks, reminding me I’m not alone.

“
Yeah,” I
stand and tuck the small square into my pocket. “Just dropped a
receipt.”

“
You know,
this house is hundreds of years old. Don’t let its modern interior
fool you. I bet there are lots of little things left behind from
Nathan’s family line,” she says, her voice high and thoughtful.
There’s no pulling the wool of Jeanine’s eyes that’s for sure. “In
fact, during my times of cleaning I’ve found a few things myself.
Love notes, letters, old pictures and drawings. It’s amazing the
places they’ve turned up.”

This fuels my curiosity
further, “Where are they all now?”

“
I imagine
Nathan put them away somewhere, I gave them all to him.”

“
Great, if
you ever find anything else, please let me know,” I’m relieved when
she agrees and hastily get back to my dusting. I shake every book,
old and new but find nothing else. Though I’m not sure why I’m
interested. I don’t even know if the paper in my pocket is a note.
I’m definitely going to find out later when I’m away from curious
eyes.

Jeanine leaves at eleven, I
quickly start on lunch, glad to be busy again. Every day I come up
with something even messier to make. I swear I’m doing this just so
I have something to do.

Nathan doesn’t come down, even
after I’ve finished and sit at the table picking at my food. Not
that I blame him. Things are weird between us right now.

The weather isn’t too bad so I
pull on my walking boots and jacket and head out into the cool air.
It’ll be autumn soon, I can’t wait. I can only imagine what these
beautiful trees will look like when their leaves die in the most
colourful way. It’s a sad notion, it’s sad when anything dies but
at least new leaves will grow in their place. Unlike Caleb. I’ll
never be able to replace Caleb.

This baby will never be able to
have that father slot filled. I hold true to my word. The word I
gave Caleb when he promised me to never leave him.

I’ll never leave him, never. No
man will ever replace him.

With my chalk in hand I go a
different route this time, my feet steady and sure as I plod along,
marking the tree trunks as I go. This time I’m heading behind the
house and through the trees that way, I’m not sure why but I just
feel like this is the place I want to go this time. The trees are a
lot thinner here and there is a foot path covered in small twigs
and rocks. I still don’t risk not marking the trees even though
there’s a path to follow, I’ll probably get lost either way.

As I walk along the dirt trail
I pull the folded square from my pocket and slowly start to peel it
open. It’s not a note. It’s a picture.

I gasp when I see what it is
and instantly close it out of shock. It’s Caleb, stark naked, aged
seven at least. Blinking through my shock I open it again and laugh
at the scowl on his face. He doesn’t look happy being photographed
nude, not that I blame him.

He’s stood in front of a
window, the light making his hair shine. I smile, he was adorable.
Tears fill my eyes.

This is the only photo I’ve
seen of Caleb as a child and naked or not, I’m keeping it. I refold
it and tuck it back into my pocket, happy to have a piece of Caleb
with me as I continue along the trail.

My side is aching, I shouldn’t
have started walking so soon after eating. Oh well. I’m nearly at a
clearing of some sort. Can’t go back now.

When I make it to the edge of
the trees I nearly stumble on a fallen branch but manage to right
myself at the last second. The grass here is long, at least up to
my thighs. What if there are rats?

Who am I kidding? There most
definitely will be rats, or foxes or some kind of nature that wants
to kill me.

Ooh, what’s that?

My eyes pick up a piece of
charred wood in the distance, poking over the long grass. Now I’m
focusing on it I see more charred pieces. How odd.

I really want to explore but I
daren’t wade through this jungle. Huff.

After a moment’s deliberation I
step forward, my leg is instantly swallowed by the grass. I can do
this, I can. My other leg comes forward.

The wind picks up making the
grass sweep to the side like a million tiny hands beckoning me
further.

Fuck this.

My rapidly beating heart urges
me away, I follow its warning and run back the way I came. I’m
never doing that again. Never.

Shudder.

I make it back home in record
time due to the fact I’m running from imaginary rats that are
nipping at my heels. My already ragged breath leaves me in a long
heave as I make it inside and slam the door behind me. I place my
forehead against it, relieved to still be alive.

I’m never going that way
again.

Once my trembling has subsided
I turn, only to crash into a familiar chest. Why was he standing so
close? “Sorry, didn’t see you.”

“
I’ve been
stood here for three minutes,” he smirks as I lean back to look up
at him, his hands are gripping my biceps tightly but not too tight.
“Are you okay?”

“
Yeah, just
imaginary demon rats,” I mumble, causing him to cock his head in
question. “Nothing, I was walking… ooh,” I click my fingers. “I
came across a field back there.”

His body tenses, “Where?”

“
Behind the
house, I could see a load of charred wood.”

“
Oh,” he runs
his tongue over his lower lip. “It’s an old barn that burned down
not long after my grandfather died.”

I cringe and place my hand on
his chest between us, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“
Hmm,” he
says but he looks pained to say it. He must have loved his
grandfather very much. “Stay away from there, there are probably
rats and other vermin I daren’t name.”

“
I knew it,”
I whisper, my eyes narrowed and my mind flicking through images of
demon rats lying in wait to feast on my poor pregnant body. “Did
you eat lunch?”

He nods, “I did.”

“
If there’s
anything you want in particular just let me know.”

“
You don’t
have to cook for me all of the time,” he says irritably. “That’s
not why you’re here.”

“
I know,” I
give him a shrug and manoeuvre past him. “Cooking is my passion I
guess, or it used to be before…” Caleb. “But now it’s just a way to
get through the day.”

“
We should
start setting up the nursery, how long do you have
left?”

My mind goes blank for a
moment, I never expected him to bring up this. I’m glad he has.
“Nineteen weeks.”

“
That soon?”
He shudders a little. “I hope you know that I have no idea what I’m
doing and no intention of stepping into Caleb’s shoes. I’ve never
even held a baby. To be honest, they freak me out and gross me out
all at the same time.”

Oh. “Oh. Is that…”

“
I’ll do my
best to help you but I think if you need it, we’ll hire a nanny or
a professional of some sort.”

“
I’m sure I
can manage,” I lie because there’s no way I’ll be able to manage on
my own. I have no idea what I’m doing either. I’ve never held a
baby, never even been near a baby and children freak me out too.
This is why I can’t blame him or hate him for his
admission.