Broken Glass (36 page)

“I’m s
o sorry,” I whispered, when he had
pulled away. He just looked at me intently, his eyes searching mine. He was confused. So was I. How would we do this?

But for the first time since Tyson had died, I was at a calm. Even if confusion was what I felt, at least I was
feeling
something.

“I’ve gotta go, Conner,” I said abruptly, standing up.

“But
—
” he began. I smiled at him.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” I assured him. “I just have to…I have to go take care of something.”

I waited for
Tyson
for the next two
days. I was surprised that he
hadn’t shown up that very night after
I’d left Conner. But I knew he’
d come if I were patient. And I would wait as long as I had to.

It was 11:47 p.m. two nights later when he appeared. I was sitting at my desk in my room, writing
in my journal
.

I knew it without even turning around that he was there.

“Tyson,” I whispered aloud, looking up from my paper and letting the pen in my hand fall to the desk.

“
Do you love him
?”

I turned around. There he was. I
smiled. He was wearing what he had
worn on the night we’d first met each other. Blue jeans, the poofy, dark green coat, and those beat-up, blue Converse shoes. His eyes were the brightest blue I’d ever seen them. I stood up and walked towards him.

“Tyson, I do love him,” I replied, quietly. “Not like I loved you. But I…I do love him.”

Tyson nodded, looked around the room thoughtfully, his hands stuck in his jean pockets.

“
He’s a good guy, Ava
,” Tyson said, then, a serious look on his face. “
I wanted this for you.
”

“Did you?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“
The only dream I had that was worth anything was that you would be happy for the rest of your life
,” Tyson told me
. “
Now I can rest in peace, knowing that he’ll take care of you like you deserve
.”

“I’ll never love him like I love you, Ty
son
,” I whispered, my bottom lip quivering. “I’ll never stop loving you like I do…Conner knows that.”

Tyson smiled slightly and took a step closer to me.

“
You can’t escape love, not even after you die
,” he said. “
Oh, Ava. If only you knew how much I love you
.”

“Tell me,” I whispered.

He reached out and his hand was against my cheek. I shivered violently at his chilly touch, but nonetheless, it was as if he was there in the flesh. His skin was real against mine. I put my hand on his and held it there.

“
I can’t stay, Ava
,” he said, smiling. “
I gotta go. I have a gig tonight…apparently, I’m to be the best bassist in Heaven. Well, Jimmy Hendrix seems to think so, anyway.
”

“I knew you would be,” I said, trying to swallow that all-too-familiar lump in my throat. He gazed at me for a second, and I became lost in those blue, blue eyes for the last time.

“
Goodbye, babe
,” he said then, still smiling, and now, there was no sadness in his face. “
I’ll save you a seat in the front row, okay? For when you come home to me
.”

“Will you wait that long?”

“
I’ve got time
.”

“Oh, Tyson!” I cried then, and he leaned forward. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. I don’t know if it was real, or
if it was
just me wanting it to happen so bad
ly
that I imagined it. But I felt those lips, not cold like his hand had been. It was just like all our kisses before.

“
It’s all gravy, baby
,” he murmured, pulling away from me then and stepping back. He turned away and walked towards my bedroom window.

“Tyson!” I called suddenly. “T-tell me how much you love
me. Please, I just need to hear.
”

“
Infinity plus one
,” he replied. “
God gave me the best gift he could ever give anyone, y’know
?”

“What’s that?” I whispered.

“
He gave me infinity to love you
,” Tyson replied, smiling.

And then he was gone.

28
.

I went to Craneville the next morning. Not to see Henry, or Shakespeare, or even Julianne. There was only one person in the world I wanted to see. Only one.

I walked into Craneville, gave a brief hello to Nurse Josephine and I immediately saw him out the window, walking along the trail with Julianne and
a
few patients.

I practically ran out the door and across the dead grass to get to him.

“Conner!” I called, in an almost panicked voice. He, along with Juliann
e and the patients, froze
in their tracks and looked over. I halted in place about twelve feet away from him, but I could still see the
happy
in his green eyes.

“Ava?
” he was surprised to see me. He looked so wonderful, his curly hair windblown, his face animated wi
th a million different emotions.
Tyson had said he wanted this for me and now I realized something
—
I
wanted this for me.

“I love you,” I blurted out, and I had complete tunnel vision then. “And I’ve been so stupid, dragging you along since I met you. I knew how I felt about you early on and I was too afraid to let myself show you that. You deserve the best in the world, Conner. A-and I think I can give you that if you’ll give me a chance. You gave me an ultimatum up on the dam…either all or nothing. And so I’m here, laying it all out on the line for you
—
I’ll give you all; I’ll give you every damn thing I have
left, though it may not be much
. I-I never thought I could be okay in this world again, but you…you never stopped telling me that I could.

“And you said that it was devastating for you to be away from me…well, you’re not the only one. Y-you make my heart beat entirely too fast, and I can’t eat and I can’t sleep and I don’t want to be even halfway sane for anyone else.”

I paused for a moment before continuing in a less rambling tone of voice,

“The thing is, I more than just love you. I’ve fallen so in love with you, that I’ve lost all control of my heart and soul. I am so in love with you that I let him go.
I let him go
.”

Everyone was staring at me. Julianne’s mouth was open in shock.

Conner’s eyes were filled with tears as he walked to me and took my face in his hands.

“You let him go?” he whispered. I nodded, and my eyes were filling up with tears n
ow, too. Conner kissed me, hard
on the mouth and I clung to him, temporarily forgetting we weren’t alone until Julianne cleared her throat.

“S-sorry,” I said, pulling away from Conner and looking at her.

She was beside us now and had the darkest look on her face.

“Julianne,” I said
to her
. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way. It’s the last thing I ever expected. But you were my friend before. You believed in me. I’m still that person you wanted to get better.”

“You’re not good for my son,” Julianne’s voice quivered slightly. “He’s got so much going for him. He’s never been in love. The last thing he needs is his heart broken.”

“Mum,” Conner spoke up, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Your heart is the one that is broken. You can’t wish that on me. It’s not fair.”

She blinked fast, tears coming.

“You don’t know how it feels,” she whispered. “You don’t know how it feels to love something
so much and it’s just ripped away from you.”

“But
I do
,” I said and she looked over at me. “You preached one thing on me, Julianne
—
hope. Where is your hope? I found mine in your son
, your hospital, your patients.
Let me help you find your hope, like you so wanted for me to find mine.”

She didn’t reply, but the dark look was gone from her face now.

“I would never hurt him,” I promised her. “Not just because I love him, but because hurting him would hurt you and I would never do that to you, Julianne. I would never hurt you.”

T
he tears suddenly spilled out of her
, and she was nodding.

“I’m so sorry, Ava,” she cried, putting her hands to her face. “Excuse me.” She walked back inside quickly. I looked on after her, worried.

“She’ll be all right,” Conner murmured in my ear. I turned to him. “And so will you. And so will I.”

I nodded and smiled slightly.

“Your patients are now officially in freak out mode,” I pointed. He turned around and all four of the patients were staring at us wide-eyed. Conner laughed loudly.

“I guess I should get back to work,” he said.

“All right,” I replied.

“Er, may I come to your house later?” He asked me suddenly. “To meet your mother?”

“What?” I was surprised by his question.

“Well, seeing as my mother has seen you through hell and back, it’s only fair I at least have a cup of tea with your mother,” he grinned, his dimples deep in his cheeks. I giggled.

“Sure,” I said. “She’d love that.”

29
.

A surprise was awaiting me when I got home that afternoon. I walked in the house and there sat my mother at the kitchen table
—
chatting with Channing.

“Channing!
” I exclaimed, running over to her and throwing my arms around her neck. “What are you doing here?”

“Came to see you!” She beamed. She looked wonderful. Her dark hair was cut short, with a thick pink streak in the front.

“What’s this?” I asked her, touching the pink strand lightly.

“An ode to Aurelia,” she laughed. “Gosh, Ava, look at you! You look so non-crazy now!”

“Thanks!” I laughed, too.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” my mom smiled, standing up from her chair. “It was wonderful to meet you, Channing. I hope I’ll be seeing more of you.”

“Definitely, Ms. Darton,” Channing smiled. After my mom had left the room, I became more solemn.

“I heard about your brother,” I said. “I’m so sorry, Chan.”

“He needed to leave,” she sighed, as we sat down at the table. “Turns out it was his fault that Aurelia killed herself.”

“What!” I was shocked.

“Yeah, he came to see her, gave her the rope,” Channing told me. “He told her the only way they could be together was in death
—
like Romeo and Juliet or something. So she killed herself and he didn’t. He just didn’t want to deal with her anymore. When he told me, I was so upset. Like I could’ve done something to stop Sam, you know? So I told him to leave and never come back or I would tell the cops. He was gone the next morning and left that dumb note for our parents about being so devastated about Aurelia.”

“Wow,” was all I could say.
“Are you okay?”

“Not really,” she shrugged. “But I couldn’t have stopped it. I’ve made peace with what happened…it’s one day at a time.”

“Are you still living with your parents?” I asked her.

“Yeah, but
now I’m just looking for a place of my own,” she said. “I got a job at Luna’s restaurant and I mean, I’m making pretty good in tips, so…”

“Channing, that’s awesome!” I smiled. “I need to get back into college myself.”

“Ava, you just got back home!” she said. “Take a breather, jeez!”

“Yeah, it’s almost as nuts here as it was in Craneville,” I replied.

“Tell me about Conner,” she said then. “What’s the deal? All I know is…well, pretty much exaggerated nothing from Henry and Shakespeare.”

“I love him,” I told her. “A-and we’re gonna try this thing…to be together, you know. We’ll see.”

“What about Tyson Andrews?” she asked.