BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (56 page)

Shawn usually sat with two girls, as well
as his group of guy friends, but either they weren’t there today, or Shawn’s
crazy girlfriend had mandated that he not be seen with any other females, other
than herself. I certainly wouldn’t put it past her.

I tried to catch Shawn’s eye, but he
ignored me completely. In fact, he made it a point to turn and engage his
friend in a conversation that I was immediately ejected from, since I had no
knowledge of the game that they were talking about.

I couldn’t help but wince, knowing that he
was trying to avoid me. Yet, I stayed at the table, spoke to the friends that
remained, and tried my best to figure out what was bothering him so much.

Before this, I had known that we had grown
apart, but this seemed different. This seemed like he was obviously trying to
avoid me and that, I really wanted to get to the bottom of.

Chapter
6

Shawn

Well, lunch was awkward.

I remembered what I had said to Valerie
during our time in la-la land together and it wasn’t as though I didn’t
actually feel that way now. But I was just so angry, more at the situation than
at her, but that still didn’t mean that I wanted to have a heart to heart and
talk about my problems. Really, all I wanted to do was get through the rest of
the day and go home, to my mother’s house and just enjoy the silence.

At least there no one was hassling me and
demanding things from me that I didn’t want to give. Granted, no one was there,
but there still wasn’t anyone who would be able to bother me, which I liked.

However, I would not be able to get there
ultimately without a fight. I tried my best though, leaving the first chance I
got, when it wouldn’t look completely out of place. I shifted out of my chair
and made my way out to the picnic tables, which were located outside. It was
still fairly chilly, but I was happy to be away from the tension that was
building at that table.

Yet, almost as soon as I was settled,
waiting for the time to run out on lunch so I make my way to study hall where
Valerie couldn’t find me, I heard the door open and a familiar voice behind me.

“Can we talk?” Valerie asked, fairly
heated.

“Do we really have to?” I squinted my eyes
at her as I looked up against the blustery glare.

“Yes!” She sat down across from me on the
bench. She was glowering at me, but I wasn’t sure why she was so upset. I was
the one who had an ax to grind, not her. “What is it with you?” She demanded
after a pause.

“What do you mean?” I asked heatedly,
matching her tone and expression.

“You just ignored me. Why?”

“Because I normally ignore you.” I
replied, this time with a little bit more venom to my voice than I had meant to
inject, but that also didn’t stop me. “Or have you been too busy having a
perfect life to notice…or even care.”

I was surprised that my harsh words didn’t
seem to resonate as bitterly as I had thought they would. Instead, she looked
as though she felt sorry for me. Her hand immediately came out and clasped
against my own. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Shawn, but I don’t know what I
did.” She stared at me once again with a strange look on her face. She didn’t
seem angry, as I would have guessed she would be, and that bothered me.

In an odd way, I wanted her to feel the
same kind of anger that coursed through me on a daily basis, but instead, I was
receiving compassion. “Just leave me alone!” I growled. “Don’t you get that I
just don’t want to have anything to do with you?”

At this, Valerie’s head craned back and
her eyes narrowed; but she was more confused than angry. “Why, Shawn? What did
I do that was so bad that you can’t even talk to me about it?”

“What gave you the impression that I even
wanted to talk? You seemed to be okay with our relationship, or lack of, going
on like this for a long time now. You haven’t sat at my table in months.”

“Because I didn’t feel wanted,” she
insisted and I was sure that I was ruffling her feathers a little bit.

“That’s because you weren’t,” I spat,
laying it on thick, even though I knew I would feel terrible about it when it
was all over.

She gasped and took back her hand.
However, she didn’t speak at first. Valerie seemed to stop what she was doing
and contemplate what I had just said to her. Once she found the words that she
wanted to use, I supposed, she tried again. “I’m sorry. I thought that after
the other day, after the past weekend, maybe there was an opportunity to get
back what we so obviously lost.” She bit her lip nervously before she added,
“This weekend made me realize how much I missed you and it put into perspective
exactly how far we had grown apart. It made me realize exactly what we had and
what I wanted to get back.” She stopped, sighed and laced her fingers together thoughtfully.
“I guess that just isn’t possible, but I wanted to try…” After another pause,
she added, “Although, I do want to know what it is that destroyed us, the
friendship that we used to have…everything that used to come so naturally to
the both of us. The friendship that we both said would never fade.”

She stared at me now with a sense of
righteousness.

I thought for a moment, feeling warm under
the keen piercing of her eyes. I knew that I did owe her an explanation, if she
ever asked. I had always known that she deserved that. In fact, she deserved
better, but better was something that I was not able to provide. So, I settled
for just the clarification, at least what I was able to provide, how I
understood it, knowing full-well that she wasn’t going to like it.

“It’s really not you,” I said carefully,
trying my best to calm the anger and the hurt that I was feeling in order to
accurately explain everything to her.

“Okay,” she nodded and continued her
glower as she pressed for more.

“It’s…my father,” I answered, but didn’t
say anymore for the moment. It was fairly strange to me, but having to provide
an explanation to her was very complicated and aggravating. I wondered how I
could feel something so strongly that it was almost painful, but be completely
unable to accurately express to anyone, even the one person, who after all
these years, still knew me best.

“I understand you have some unresolved
issues with your father,” Valerie answered slowly, after she waited a good
amount of time for me to eliminate the obscurity of my position. “But what I
don’t understand is what those issues have to do with me.”

I took a long breath and released it
easily, before I finally blurted, “It’s how he treats you.”

She narrowed her eyes. “He treats me
well…”

“Yes, but you are like
daddy’s little girl
and you’re not even
his little girl.” I couldn’t hide the disdain in my voice now.

“I am very thankful for your father. He is
the only father figure I have ever known. But to be fair, my mother is also the
only responsible, motherly figure that you have ever had consistently in your
life, so I don’t think that either of us should be hurt.”

“It’s not about your mother!” I yelled,
but calmed eventually, not wanting the whole school to hear us. “It isn’t about
my mother, or even your father. This is about my father and the way he treats
you, as opposed to the way that he treats me. I’m his actual son, after all,
but I don’t get anything but a hard time from the man, while all you get is
praise.” As I spoke, I slammed my hand down on the table but quickly realized
how loud I was becoming, once again. I made a conscious effort to stop, since I
had made my point.

At this Valerie stood up and yelled right
back at me, “I’m sorry you feel that way and to be perfectly honest, I don’t disagree,
but I still don’t understand why this is my fault? I didn’t ask for this. I’m
thankful for the way your father has taken me in as his own and I appreciate
it, but I certainly never wanted him to ruin his relationship with you over
it!”

“Valerie,” I spoke sternly, before I took
in a long, calming breath. Releasing it, I said to her, “I’m sorry. You’re
right. It has nothing to do with you, but after he seemed to treat me so
disproportionately for so many years, I couldn’t help but become jealous of you.”
I had regretted the words the second I spoke them and I knew that she was not
going to let me live them down; not after everything else I had said.

Now, instead of looking angry, the main
emotion that she had swirling around inside of her body was definitely hurt.
She stood there, straight as a statue for a long while before she answered,
“Jealousy? Is that really what this is all about? You’re jealous of me…because
of the way your father chooses to treat me?”

“Valerie…” I said as I stood up and tried
to reach out for her, but she casually pulled her hand back from me.

“No.” She stepped away. “I understand now.
As much as I hate to say it, you make perfect sense. It all makes perfect
sense. You can’t hurt your father, so you are trying to hurt me.” She narrowed
her eyes and spoke with a teeming sense of disgust. “You destroyed our
friendship, on purpose, because you were jealous over something I had no
control over?”

“Valerie…I’m sorry…” I answered, moving
toward her again, only to be rebuffed once more.

“No,” she hissed as she recoiled, “you’re
not. If you were, you would have nothing to apologize for. Our friendship was
obviously a matter of convenience to you.” She shook her head. “And therefore,
it never meant anything to you at all.” When she said this, I watched as hot
tears rolled down her cheeks. This bothered me greatly, but as she turned and
ran away from me, just as the bell rang, I realized there was nothing I could
do.

I had defiantly burnt that bridge with her
and although I felt terrible for doing so, I had no other choice but to let her
go.

When I walked in my mother’s house later
on that day, even though I didn’t feel much better, I immediately breathed a
sigh of relief.

At the very least, especially with the day
that I had with my stepsister, it was good to know that I was alone; truly and
honestly alone. That was a fairly new concept for me and I liked every solitary
second of it.
 

Even though I never had a problem living
in my father’s house, except the recent and fairly obvious problem I had with
my father, there was always someone there. There never was any true privacy,
because I never knew when someone was going to come in or out. And that caused
an underlying sense of anxiety, especially when one person in particular always
seemed to be trying to catch me doing something wrong.

At my mother’s house, there wasn’t anyone
there, but more importantly there wasn’t anyone trying to catch me doing
anything wrong. If my mother was there, she was usually looking for her first
excuse to leave.

I knew that probably should bother me, but
it didn’t. I just grabbed a soda and made my way into the living room, before
plopping myself on the couch.

However, I wasn’t settled more than five
minutes before there was a knock on the door.

Chapter
7

Valerie

I was so devastated. After school, I ran
home and collapsed on my bed. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I was
completely dumbfounded. There was absolutely nothing that I could do.

I had tried to reach out to him and have a
nice conversation with him, but he turned it into some awful experience. I kept
replaying the conversation in my head and I just couldn’t believe what kept
bouncing back at me every time he opened his mouth. Even though I knew every
word of what he said, I just couldn’t comprehend what he was saying.

“You know, just the fact that he knows it
isn’t my fault is bad enough!” I sounded off to Zachary after school, “How
could he say that to me? We are supposed to be best friends!” I shrugged my
shoulders and narrowed my eyes as I added, “All I really feel like we are now
are mortal enemies.” When I turned back to him, I couldn’t hide the tears that
were welling up in my eyes. “I just don’t understand.”

Zachary looked upon me with pity. I knew
that he had no idea what to say, or he probably would have already said it. I
knew he wasn’t great at comforting me; not like the Shawn I grew up with was.
He could tell exactly how I felt and then turn it around so that everything
seemed brighter in a matter of seconds. Zachary was just awkward, but at least
he tried…and so I supposed that was what was important.

Zachary put his arm around me. He shrugged
and answered, “I don’t know why Shawn feels that way…”

“I mean, I do get it. My stepfather is
pretty unfair to him,” I stared at Zachary, seeking an honest answer that I
wasn’t sure he could give. “I just don’t know why that’s my fault!”

I hissed a sigh and shook my head. “I just
want to be able to enjoy…having a friend, you know? If he wants to be mad at
Paul, then he has every right to be mad at Paul, but it’s not like I did
anything to make him be that way towards Shawn.” I shrugged. “That’s just his
parenting style, I guess. It is what it is.”

He nodded. “I mean, I understand Shawn
being angry, but why he had to go and say those awful things to you, when you
were only trying to help is something that I just can’t get a grip on.”