BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (59 page)

Even though I did have to see Shawn at
school, I was happy to ignore him, as he seemed just as happy to do the same.
At lunch, I just sat outside, away from everyone, so that neither of us ended
up feeling uncomfortable.

It was true, I didn’t want to deal with
Shawn after our terrible ordeal the other day any more than he made it
abundantly clear that he didn’t want to deal with me.

Seeing Shawn, passing by in the hallway or
out of the corner of my eye at lunch, did still hurt. After what had happened
between us and all of the history that he was no longer interested in
prolonging, the thought of him made me incredibly sad.

Part of me wanted to figure out a way to
make it all right, but part of me just wanted to put our relationship behind me
and move forward. It wasn’t like I didn’t have my own friends and my own life.
I certainly didn’t need Shawn, but that didn’t stop me from missing him.

The weekend that we had just spent
together had put a lot in perspective and it had made me realize just how much
I missed sharing such an open and honest relationship with him. Therefore, his
flat out rejection, after I truly felt that he might have come to the same
conclusion, was disheartening.

However, even though ignoring him did not
ease the longing that I felt for things to go back the way they used to be for
us, it did discourage any further hurt.

I almost couldn’t believe how much his
words had wounded me. In truth, I had expected a completely different outcome
from what I received and so, I was disappointed, in addition to having to deal
with Shawn’s blatant disregard for my feelings.

Yet, by ignoring the situation it helped
me to try and move past it, at least as much as I possibly could.

I spent even more time than normal with
Zachary for the next week, which he was happy about. Of course, I enjoyed
spending time with him, but my ulterior motive was something a little more
innate and while it made me feel slightly guilty, it helped direct my anger
over the situation that was playing out before me.

When I came home one night, though, my
mother was waiting for me.

“Hi, Mom,” I said as I moved into the
kitchen.

“Hi, Valerie,” she answered, keeping in
step behind me, almost as though something was wrong.

Feeling the strange sensation immediately
enter the conversation, I turned around and stared at her with concern. “Is everything
okay?” As I did so, I glanced at the clock, just to make sure that I wasn’t
late for curfew or anything, but could find no reason why she would be upset
with me.

She nodded. “Everything is fine. I just
haven’t seen you in a while.” She put her hands up instantly and added, “Which
is fine. You haven’t done anything wrong, but I just wanted to make sure I
caught you, because I’m worried.” Her brow wrinkled as she said this and I
squinted my eyes at her, still slightly confused.

“I’m fine, Mom.” I couldn’t help but
chuckle a little. “Why do you ask?”

“Well,” she paused and shrugged before she
said, “Because of the conversation that we had…you know, about Shawn and
Zachary…”

Sensing a serious conversation coming on,
I sat at the island in the kitchen and my mother sat across from me. I smiled
reassuringly. “Well, you know, things are good, mom… actually. I patched things
up with Zachary…it was a stupid fight, really and I don’t know what is going on
with Shawn, but he and I are not on speaking terms at the moment.”

My mom seemed disappointed at that and
even though she didn’t say anything, her expression showed it easily. “Do you
see him in school? I thought you two had lunch together.”

“We always have lunch together,” I
answered her, sighing with a heavy heart. I had tried all week to get away from
talking about this and now that I was backed into a corner, I was a little
angry about it. This was probably one of the last conversations I wanted to
have right now. It was late and I was tired. However, the look on my mother’s
face told me that I should probably do my best to assure her.

She had always not only loved Shawn, but
worried about him as though he was her own. Since his mother was basically
useless, my mother had always stepped in to give him that little extra guide
and care; but in doing that, she had grown protective over him. I could
understand her wanting to know if he was all right, but this was just not the
week to be asking it of me.

“Well, don’t you talk then?”

“Honestly, I think you are on better terms
with Shawn right now than I am.” I shrugged.
 
“Besides, you’re the one who told me to give him some space…” At the
memory, I narrowed my eyes, as though demanding an explanation.

My mother’s shoulders scrunched up and she
cringed slightly. “I know…I know and I still think that is what he needs, but I
miss him.” Her eyes grew wide as she added, “I miss the friendship that you and
him had.” She laughed slightly. “Even though you guys did your share of stupid
stuff together, I never worried about you two when you were together. The only
time I ever really worried is when you were off with strange children.”

“What about when I am with Zachary?” I
asked as I thought,
you know, Mom, the
wonder boy,
but I didn’t dare say that. I knew that it would only make her
feel bad and that was the last thing I was trying to do.

She nodded earnestly. “Yes, I worry about
you when you are with Zachary. I like him a lot, but he isn’t…” she stopped and
amended, “even though he might be, a long time from now, he isn’t family and
Shawn is.”

I felt my face scrunch up with confusion.
“Okay, well…chances are that I am going to marry someone who isn’t family and
then you are going to have to trust me with them…”

She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. “I
know that and I feel comfortable with Zachary, but you’re missing my point.”
She reached across the table and grasped my hand before she brought it back to
herself. “When you and Shawn were friends, you were inseparable. It was great!
I never had to worry about you and I never had to try to reason where you would
be at any given time, because I knew that if you two didn’t hear from one
another in a specific amount of time, that you would be worried and he would be
worried. But now that you two are avoiding one another, I’m worried about where
you are and where he is constantly.” She pushed my hand back across the counter
towards me. “Even though Paul and I are fine, I feel like with you two at odds,
that my family is falling apart and I miss the way it used to be.”

I missed the way everything was before
too, but I had already tried to fix our friendship. I had already tried to get
him to come back into our life, instead of listening to his stupid girlfriend,
who just wanted him to stay at his mother’s house so that there was no one
there to keep tabs on him. But that had completely blown up in my face, so I
really didn’t know what else I could do. I didn’t want to be so callous over
the whole thing, but I didn’t want to get hurt any more than I already was
either, so I was content to stay out of it.

At least until I felt I needed to get back
into it in order to help my stepbrother. I could tell he was on the path to
some kind of reaction, but I wasn’t sure what or when that would be; so I just
had to sit back and do what I could from the sidelines

So I smiled and assured my mom. “Well, I
am fine and from what I can tell from seeing Shawn at school, he is fine.” I
shrugged before I started my explanation. “But, I am getting over our fight and
whatever happens next will happen. People drift apart.” I couldn’t help sighing
heavily, before I continued in a genuinely saddened voice. “Even though we had
said we would be friends forever…that was never a guarantee and I regret that,
but I am pretty sure that Shawn just wants to do his own thing.”

“Is he with that…girl?” she asked with
disdain.

I shrugged. “Probably. She’s crazy, so if
they broke up I would have heard about it.” I smiled.

“Don’t I know it,” my mother answered
angrily. I knew that she really couldn’t stand Dalilah and it worried her that
he was now probably completely unsupervised, doing whatever she wanted to do,
because Dalilah knew how to play Shawn for a fool and get him to do pretty much
whatever she wanted. It worried me too, but since he didn’t want to have
anything to do with me, I couldn’t very well do much about that at the moment.

“Well, if you’re that worried about him,
call him…” I said with a shrug, trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing.

“I know…I should, but…like I told you, I
don’t want to seem like I am overprotective. He is a grown man, after all,” She
smiled in a slightly sad way and I was pretty certain I knew where that was
coming from. My mother was sentimental over us both and the idea that he was
old enough to be out there in the world, all by himself, scared her; especially
when he had a girlfriend like Dalilah.

“I know, Mom,” I answered, squeezing her
hand affectionately. “I feel the same way.”
   

Chapter
12

Shawn

Apparently, there were a lot of women who
really wanted to see this movie and quite a bit of men who were suckered into
watching it with their girlfriends, because the theater was completely packed.

Dalilah was as demanding as usual, but I
didn’t mind. At least I was there with someone I liked, and someone I could be
myself around, without having to worry about offending her.

After a long, aggravating week, I was
really happy to have the opportunity to just relax and enjoy having a night out
with my girlfriend. This way, we didn’t have to worry about anything. I could
just be myself.

I did think it was strange that I hadn’t
heard from Valerie’s mother though. Usually, she liked to keep an eye on me.

Still, I supposed that was just because
Valerie told her that I didn’t want anything to do with her. Even though I had
gotten angry at Dalilah for suggesting it, the more I thought about it, the
more it made sense.

Maybe
they really don’t want anything to do with me. Maybe I finally reached the
limit of what they were willing to take from me,
I had thought cynically on more than one occasion during the course of the
week. Each time, I would roll my eyes and shake my head, thinking that they
were no better than my mother. While she might have been more direct and had a
much lower threshold for not caring about me, Valerie and her family, my father
included, if not especially, also had their own threshold. My honesty with
Valerie the other day must have crossed it.

Whatever,
I
thought as I put my arm around Dalilah and hugged her close to me while we
entered the movie theater.
I guess that
doesn’t matter much. I have the only person in the world that I need right
here.

I kissed the side of her head
affectionately as I had the thought, deciding if I continued to have this
thought, that maybe one day I would truly believe it.

I was infatuated with Dalilah. I would be
the first one to admit it and the more she talked, convincing me, not just to
move out, but the truth of the situation, that I was now a burden on my father
and his new family started to make a lot of sense. It hurt to realize the truth,
but I would rather realize it and deal with it now, before it manifested in
other areas of my life.

After all, I was still going to school. I
was still trying to do my homework and I was still having a good time in my
social life. I felt fairly complete and figured that the hole that the loss of
my father and Valerie’s family made in my heart would eventually heal. It had
to, right?

“I want popcorn, but make sure they do not
put butter on it…and a couple different candies…and a soda…but if they don’t
have Sprite, were leaving and going to another theater,” Dalilah was saying as
I was caught in a reflection. I tuned back in, just long enough to hear the
thing about the Sprite.

I smiled, wishing that I had a girlfriend
that was only joking. She loved Sprite and one time they were out and she made
me go to another theater, call ahead to make sure they had the soda of her
choice and then buy new tickets, just so that we could go see the movie. She
insisted that would have ruined her night, had she had to settle for any other
beverage.

She
might be high maintenance, but she’s mine!
I thought, trying
to be cheerful. “I know, sweetie…” I answered, “I am sure they are not going to
run out.”

Apparently, the sweetie comment was just a
little too lovey-dovey for her, because she cringed and began to pull out of my
grasp.

“What’s wrong?” I said as I let her go.

“Oh God…You’re smothering me! You’re going
to ruin my hair.”

I tried not to roll my eyes as I pulled my
arm back. “Sorry.”

I moved up in line next to someone to stand
there for the popcorn and everything else she wanted, when I realized that I
saw a familiar face in the crowd. I felt my heart begin to pound and my mouth
went dry. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be angry, or pretend nothing
happened. Immediately, our eyes began to lock, as though she had planned this
all along. However, before Valerie could secure a look on me, I quickly turned
around.