BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (60 page)

“What is it?” Dalilah demanded.

“Nothing…I’m just looking at the new movie
posters,” I said, slightly fearful of what would happen if I told her the
truth. Dalilah had adopted my anger at Valerie and her family, so I wasn’t
completely sure she would not take it upon herself to go over and say
something, which would likely ruin everyone’s night but her own.

Still, as I sat there, trying my best not
to turn back around, trying my best not to make even the first glimpse of eye
contact with her, I had a silent wish that it didn’t have to be this way. Of
course, I would have never told that to Dalilah and was barely admitting it to
myself, but I slightly regretted what I had done last week.

Seeing her made me realize that if I was
right and I really had broken the threshold of their care and affection toward
me, I should have never pushed it that far. My mother had never cared about me.
They had done plenty for me and all I had done was hurt them; hurt Valerie for
sure.

Even though I realized this and had these
feelings though, I still wasn’t sure that I wanted to go through the hurt of
blatant rejection. Perhaps that was weak, considering that was exactly what I
had done to Valerie, but I knew, between my mother and my father, their simple
ways of pushing me away in the worst possible methods, I could not take another
shove into being alone.

Therefore, I should keep the distance at
my own terms.
I should be happy that they
are leaving me alone,
I thought to myself with a stern nod.
Not having to continuously push them away is
far better for both of us. They got the hint, which means that I will never
have to do it again.

That was comforting to me and so, I was
able to turn back around and completely ignore Valerie and her wonder boyfriend
until after the movie.

Unfortunately, when the movie was over and
we were making our way out of the theater, Dalilah decided that she just had to
go to the bathroom before we left, despite the fact that I told her I was
uncomfortable and really wanted to go.

“Stop being such a baby,” she teased and
then made her way into the bathroom.

The cynical side to me thought about
leaving her there, but I knew that I couldn’t do something like that. It just
wasn’t right.

So, I waited, right outside of the
bathrooms, so paranoid, that obviously I actually had no earthly idea what I
was doing; because when I turned around, I was completely surprised to see
Valerie standing there.

“Hi,” she said cheerfully, staring
directly at me so that if I were to ignore her now, I would, once again, be a
total jerk.

“Hey,” I nodded, wondering what her game
was. “Where’s Zachary?”

She smiled at me and shrugged. “You know
me…always forgetting something. I left my purse in the theater. He went back to
get it for me.”

I smiled, knowing full well the extent of
her forgetfulness. “Good man…” I said, nodding my head, even though I knew she
didn’t need my approval.

However, before either of us could say
anything else, Dalilah returned. Immediately, she began to start trouble.
“Well, if it isn’t the traitor…” she mocked, glowering at Valerie in a way that
made me feel automatically defensive toward her.

I spun my head around and glared at
Dalilah menacingly, but Valerie was already on top of it.

“Excuse me?” she demanded. “I don’t
believe you were a part of this conversation.”

“Yes, well, after the other day, I was
under the impression that Shawn had nothing more to say to you.”

“Dalilah!” I exclaimed and then looked at
Valerie with an apology in my eyes.

It was at that time that Zachary showed
up. He saw who Valerie was with as well as the distress on her face and was
automatically defensive. “What’s going on here?”

“We were just leaving,” Dalilah spat. “We
don’t associate with such two-faced people.” Grabbing me quickly, she pulled me
away.

I couldn’t believe she had actually done
that and I was appalled. I turned toward her once we were outside and demanded,
“What was that?”

“That was me, sticking up for you in a
time of weakness,” she answered with a bite to her tongue that was sour.

“What?” I demanded. “No! You were just
rude.”

“Yeah, well it looked like you were
cozying up to the enemy and I would hate for you to fall back into her maniacal
little trap.” Carefully, Dalilah’s hand rose and she placed it against my face,
as though she was trying to make a caring motion. She dragged the back of her
hand down my jawline. “I just can’t bear to see you hurt again, when that woman
turns around and stabs you in the back. You know she will…” She smiled. “As
long as you remember that I’m the only girl for you, then you’ll be okay.” She
grasped my hand and pulled me toward the car, saying, “Come on! Let’s go home.”

While she pulled me away, I thought about
what she had said and suddenly, I wasn’t so sure.

Chapter
13

Valerie

I hadn’t said much on the ride home. In
addition to being completely angry over what Dalilah had said to me and about
us and the fact that Shawn had just stood there and took it, even though there
was no way he actually thought that was true, caused me to not only be lost for
words, but severely hurt.

I had said goodbye quickly to Zachary when
we arrived at the house and went in after just a brief kiss. I hoped he
understood that my sudden plummet in mood had nothing to do with him, but right
now, I was even too upset to care what he felt.

He had done what I had hoped he would and
that was to care for me, without engaging with either Shawn or Dalilah and so,
I was actually very happy with him. I was just far too upset to show it.

I raced up to my room as soon as I got in
the house, thankful that I didn’t have my mother standing there waiting for me
again. I decided that the best thing to do was just to go to bed.

Another saving grace was that tomorrow was
Saturday and therefore, I didn’t have to see anyone if I didn’t want to. I
could sleep in, forget about what had happened and hopefully be good to take on
another week by Monday.

However, when I went to plug in my phone,
I saw a text message on it from Shawn. I thought that was strange and wanted to
ignore it, but my curiosity got the best of me.

I opened the message, which read:
I am so sorry. I don’t know what got into
Dalilah. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do…I know it’s a lame excuse,
but it’s the truth. I know this is random, but I want to talk to you. I miss
you and I think that maybe we can work something out.

In that moment, I went from feeling like I
was drowning in the changing currents of my life, to being able to see a light.

I knew that I was far from safe and my
life was far from going back to what I would consider normal and had considered
normal since kindergarten; but at least now, there was hope and that was really
all I needed.

I texted back:
Meet you tomorrow at noon.
After all, I still wanted to sleep in as
much as I could. If he was still anything like the Shawn I grew up with, he
wouldn’t have to ask where.

When I woke up the next morning, I was
happy to see that I had not received a text back from him. It made me feel as
though, despite the craziness in our lives, I had not completely lost him. I
was excited to get ready and meet him.

Still, I didn’t tell my mother where I was
going. I was very aware that everything might not work out and so, I didn’t
want to get both of our hopes up. I also knew that if I didn’t say anything, I
wouldn’t have to explain myself when I got home.

I figured if things went really well, I
might mention that I saw him and that we were trying to work things out, but
that certainly wasn’t a guarantee.

When I got to the park around the corner
from my mom’s old house, where Shawn and I had spent most of our afternoons
during childhood, I continued to feel excited, but also nervous. I was scared
of what might happen with the two of us and in a way, I didn’t want to go
through with the conversation; I didn’t want it to end badly.

Still, I knew that if things really were
going to work out, it would probably rank as one of the best days ever.

I was happy and encouraged to see that
Shawn was already at the park when I arrived.

He walked up to me awkwardly, though, and
smiled in a goofy way. “Hi. How are you?”

I smiled back at him and wanted to give
him a hug, but I resisted. “I’m good…really happy that you texted me.”

“Yeah, I am so sorry about that…”

I shook my head. “No…Please…Don’t be. I
know that had nothing to do with you. Not after the text you sent last night.”
I looked at him seriously. “I know you aren’t really one for conflict.”

“Yeah…She’s crazy.” He cleared his throat.
“Um…Speaking of conflict, I am also sorry about what happened the other day. I
was just angry and confused.”

I thought about this before I answered,
“Are you still? Angry and confused?”

He shrugged. “I’m not really sure. A
little…” He paused before he turned back to me. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

He stopped and clasped his hands together,
and thought about what he was going to say. Even when he began to speak, he did
so slowly. “Please just answer the question, okay? Don’t ask me about it. Just
answer.”

“Sure. I promise.”

“After the other day…I didn’t hear from
any of you. Not you, which I get, but also not your Mom.” Then he rolled his
eyes before he added, “And I haven’t heard anything from my father since the
day I moved out. So, are you guys…done with me?”

“What?” I asked genuinely outraged, “Not
at all!” I almost asked who put that stupid idea in his head, but then stopped
short, remembering my promise. I didn’t particularly like that he had made me
promise, because I suspected that it had to do with Dalilah, but I also figured
that was a conversation for a very different day. So, I just told him the
truth. “We just wanted to give you your space, like you asked us too.
Honestly.” Then, without meaning to, I reached out and grasped both of his
hands in my own. “We love you! We want what’s best for you, but we also know
that you need to find your own path. After what happened the other day, I
wasn’t going to continue to bother you and you did hurt me, but that didn’t
mean that you were not on my mind every second of the day.” I looked at him
with genuine concern and I honestly felt that we were bonding. At least, I
hoped so.

He smiled back, but in a sad manner.
“Yeah, I am really sorry. I never meant for any of that and I feel stupid…” He
sighed. “I did try to avoid you, but we just kept running into one another.”

I was pleased that he didn’t recoil his
hand from mine, but was surprised when he turned his hands, so that we fit
together securely. He gazed into my eyes and I knew that I was not mistaken. We
were definitely having a moment. I was
 
sure of it.

Our eyes locked and while the feeling of
friendship was in the air, there was also another, more serious and probably
problematic vibe coursing between us. Still, I was just happy for any emotion
to be sparked again and so, I let it play out.

After a long moment of just sitting there,
staring at one another, I heard words I had longed to hear for a very long
time.

“I miss you…” he said earnestly, shifting
closer to me.

I beamed with contentment. “I miss you
too. You have no idea how much.”

We took in the moment silently for a
little while longer, before he said, “You know, once upon a time, we were more
than just friends.”

I smiled and nodded, knowing well the
implications of where this conversation was headed, but just didn’t care. “I
remember.”

His eyes widened at this and I felt his
hands squeeze mine before he replied in a sincere tone, “I think…part of the
reason I was so angry when our parents finally got married, was because I
missed that too…and knew that it would be impossible…given the circumstances.”

It was about now that I came to my senses.
I realized later, that it was only moments before I did something that I would
likely regret.

I didn’t want to push him away, but I did
want to set boundaries. “I know how you feel…” I then detached my hands from
his grasp and said, “But unfortunately, you’re right. That is impossible.”

Before he could say or do anything that
would change my mind, I added, “I’m sorry, Shawn. I want to be your best friend
again. I miss you and I would give anything to have us back, but…” I shook my
head, feeling panicked. “I’m just…sorry.”

Within a second, I found myself turning
around and bolting in the other direction, afraid of what would have happened
had I stayed even just another moment.
 

Chapter
14

Shawn

I watched her walk away and immediately
was overcome with a sense of anger. I knew that there was a lot more to the
feelings that I was having then just simple rejection, but I didn’t want to
think about all of that right now; in fact, I knew that I couldn’t think about
it.