By My Side (4 page)

I turned around and marched downstairs.

              Downstairs, I wanted to collapse on the ground under the weight of the pain. I had lost my father, my mother, and now my best friend. Why couldn't I keep people in my life?

             
“Hey. I told you he wasn't in a good mood,” Gabe said softly, leaning against the wall next to the entry of the kitchen.

             
“I think I'll never try again,” I replied softly. Gabe brushed his T-shirt off—thankfully now he’s got one on—and looked up the stairs.

             
“He's just jealous. We boys can be big idiots with girls we like.”

             
“It's not like that.”

             
“Believe me, he's into you.”

             
“Even if it's true, I can't deal with this crap right now,” I said, exhaustion audible. “I thought my best friend would see that.” I looked at him pointedly. He saw it, Gabe understood me.

             
“Jealousy makes people blind.”

             
“Never mind, I've got to go.” I turned around and headed to the door, feeling hot and anxious.

             
“Wait. Where are you going?” he asked. My hand on the handle, I stopped.

             
“I'm going to the lake. It's too hot outside and I need to swim.”

             
“Can you give me a ride?” he asked in return. I thought about Andy and rage overwhelmed me. To Hell with everybody, even him!

             
“I'll wait in the car.”

             
There were families swimming or tanning everywhere, and groups of kids from school. I was very conscious of Gabe walking next to me. Many people said hi and everybody looked at me strangely. They knew perfectly well we couldn't stand each other, so coming together must be an unusual spectacle.

             
I thought he would go with his friends, but instead he put his beach towel next to mine and sat down on it. He stripped off his Sex Pistols T-shirt and lay down. Once again, my eyes took in the view. My excuse for my behavior? I was a teenager with crazy hormones like every other girl. Not a reassuring explanation, but better than thinking I was attracted to him.
Eww.

             
Still standing over my beach towel, I took a breath and stripped off my shorts and tank top. I felt naked with only my black bikini. I unleashed my hair and fell on my beach towel, taking in the view. I felt Gabe's eyes roaming over me. I didn't look at him, but I needed a remark to break this embarrassing moment.

             
“Now that you checked me out, I can ask you why you're still with me and not with your friends.” I turned towards him and saw him smiling. He was blushing,
Unbelievable!

             
“You're alone,” came his reply.

             
“Oh please, like that’s a problem for me!” It was true, I was a loner at heart. I brushed my flat stomach where some dirt got stuck after the wind blew. Gabe followed my movement and swallowed. I frowned.

             
“I don't want to go with them, but if I stay alone they'll come to me. I know I don't have to speak with you,” he explained.

             
“I'm a convenient choice? Nice.” He sighed and tugged himself on his elbows to have a better look at me.

             
“I didn't want it to sound like that,” he replied, biting his lower lip.

             
“I'm kidding. It's fine,” I said with a small smile, looking at the bright sky. “Let's go for a swim.”

             
Walking over the little stones was really painful. I hated it, but the ocean was too far away, so we had to take what we've got. It's better than nothing. I put one foot in the water to test it. Wow, it's hot! It won't really refresh me.

             
“You're afraid of a little water, Saunders?” he teased, two steps behind me. I turned around and gave him a mischievous grin. He arched one eyebrow.

             
I faced the lake and ran in, plunging underwater. I stayed two seconds and resurfaced. He was in the water, up to his waist, looking at me with his goofy grin he was well known for.

             
“So, Gabe, you chicken? Is the water too cold for you?”

             
“Better start swimming, Saunders!” he yelled with a laugh in his voice. The bitterness was no longer there and he seemed happy again. I saw him storming to me, and made my run from him, laughing as I tried to swim away. I didn't think about my parents or Andy. It's just me and now, and for a short moment in life, I was enjoying my little piece of freedom.

             
The sun was bathing my skin, lulling me to take a nap. I could hear Gabe breathing calmly, sighing sometimes. We had played in the water nearly an hour. I ended up in his arms once, pressed against his hard chest my breath caught in my throat. We took a step back immediately and he fell under the water. I laughed aloud, trying to breaking the tension.

             
I couldn't deny being self-conscious around him, and the constant staring from others didn't help either. Knowing the reason why he's here changed something between us, or maybe it was because of what's happening at home.

             
“I can't believe I’d ever say it, but today was nice,” I said, my eyes still closed.

             
“You know, normally we say it when the day is over. Are you trying to get rid of me?” Leaning on his elbows, he looked at me. I opened my eyes and looked into his gray ones. I didn't remember them being so dense.

             
“Ha, ha, ha. I'll never say something nice if you say some crap like that,” I said ruefully.

             
“Oh, Lily,” he said in a sigh. “You know I'm joking. Open up a little.”

             
“You're such a clown. I'm dying of laughter.” I froze. Crap! I needed to learn when to shut my big mouth. I bit my lower lip and looked at the little space between our towels.

             
“I didn't mean to ...” I began and fell into silence, not knowing what to say or how to say it. I didn't know how to say sorry. I couldn't say it. I just couldn't.

             
“It’s okay,” he said in a murmur, brushing his right cheek, which was now shaved.

             
“No it's not.”

He put a hand under my chin and made eye contact with me. His breath was like sugar,
Yummy
. No, no I didn't just think yummy.

             
“It's okay.”

             
I released a big breath I was holding and saw goose bumps appearing on his arms. I backed away a little and cleared my throat. My hands were shaking. It's not unusual when you're nearly naked with a man, obviously not a boy anymore, in summer. Nothing to be alarmed about, even if we're enemies. Well, maybe not anymore.

             
“I'm starving, and you?” I said suddenly, breaking the silence with a shaky voice.

             
“Yeah, let's go grab something in town,” he answered in a husky voice. Why was he so hot? God, it's unnerving! I stood up in a jump and tried to cover my curves with my arms. I was being ridiculous because he didn't even glance at me.

             
We were eating tacos—my other péché mignon—talking about Shakespeare.
Shakespeare!
I mean, Gabe was a jock! I discovered he loved
Othello
and I said that I was reading
Much Ado About Nothing
at the moment, again.

             
“Yeah, I read it three years ago. Really different and quite fun, all the characters brought something to the play. A masterpiece of his art, but not well known.”

             
“Exactly!” I approved enthusiastically, my voice high pitched. “Now I want to return to it. It's crazy.”

He laughed and shook his head. He must think I was a crazy freak.

              “You're in the basketball team at college, right?” I asked him, still baffled to see how much he knew and enjoyed literature.

             
“Yeah, but maybe not for too long. You think jocks can't be into studies, right? It's so cliché,” he said somberly.

             
“What do you mean by not for too long? I thought you had a scholarship to play.” I was lost. Okay, his best friend died, but it's not a reason to abandon a passion.

             
“I can't play anymore. I ...” He smoothed a hand over his now dry hair. “I was playing outside the night Connor, my best friend, had his overdose.” Now I could understand, but it's not a reason to stop playing. He's not the kind to let something go.

             
“You've got a hang up, but you can get over it.”