Captivated by Your Love (The Blue Heart Series Book 2) (6 page)

Rolling over in the bed I grew up in, bubble gum pink walls and a huge white eyelet canopy, I lazily stretched my weary body and yawned. I didn’t know how someone could be so tired after not getting out of bed for two weeks but yeah that was me, as tired as they come.

I was gross. I hadn’t taken a shower in a few days. My hair was greasy and I think I was starting to smell. Not how I normally kept myself. I had always taken pride in taking care of myself. I worked out on a regular bases and wouldn’t go a day without showering. But now I just didn’t feel like doing anything. All I wanted to do was stay in my room and sleep.

My mom and dad had been good about giving me my privacy and respecting my boundaries. They knew everything that happened including the miscarriage. My parents were liberal, thank goodness. I didn’t tell them I had a threesome which resulted in a pregnancy, they had just thought I met a really nice guy and the baby was his.

They were livid with Jensen. Since I had been away, when I had called home, I would give them weekly updates on how my life was going and some of those details had included my relationship with Jensen. My mom couldn’t understand how this could have happened and my dad wanted to beat the piss out of him. I didn’t want to tell him that he needed to stand in line.

The night of the attack, before I had left, I pressed charges against Jensen. I didn’t know when we would be going to court, I just knew that we would be. I planned on taking him down if that was the last thing I did. Assault on a woman is a very serious offense in my book. But I should have known better. I felt like this could have all been avoided had I just listened to my friends warning me about him. And to think I was going to move in with him. What a fucking joke. Things would have probably gotten really bad and there was no telling what would have happened to me.

My phone chimed on my nightstand and I sat up to retrieve it. It was a text message and my guess was that it was either Justice or Sydney. Since I had been at my parents’ house, they both were in constant contact with me checking on me. I didn’t tell them that I was a total mess and dying inside. No, I kept that to myself. But I think that they had a good hunch. I wasn’t my normal, free spirited, talkative self.

I swiped open my phone, and it was a text from Justice. Like clockwork he texted me at the same time every day.

Justice: Hey, beautiful, how are you doing today?

How was I doing today? Maybe a little better than yesterday but I was still a mess. The days were getting better and his constant need to stay in touch with me helped. I missed him so very much. It was ironic because although we saw one another at the house, we hadn’t really gone out alone or on a date. What we had before the threesome was more of a flirtation between two friends. I had thought that I wasn’t ready for more with him but the more time that passed the more I thought I could handle it. The only complication was that I was a million miles away from him. Detroit was a long ways from Vegas.

Things were so much better in Vegas. I liked the pace of living there. My job was awesome at the hospital. I still hadn’t quit yet. I needed to, but I had taken a leave of absence.

Sydney had planned to send back my things. She was in the process of boxing up my room for me. I think she was taking her sweet ass time in hopes that I would change my mind and go back. In so many ways I wanted that as well, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not yet anyways.

I decided I should probably reply to Justice.

Me: Hi Justice. I’m making it. Just waking up.

Justice: You realize it is pretty late there don’t you?

I looked at the time; it was late. Really late, it was well into the afternoon.

Me: Yeah I guess it is kinda late. Sorry just sleepy.

Justice: Babe I’m worried about you.

I was worried about me as well. I had basically slipped into a deep depression. My emotions were spread all over my room, kinda like the dirty laundry on the floor. I had thought about going to see a doctor about prescribing me an antidepressant, but then I decided against it because I didn’t want to be dependent on a pill. But I would be the perfect candidate for a shrink.

Me: I know you are. To be honest I’m worried about me too. I’m just not the same person anymore.

Justice: Have you gotten out of the house yet?

I didn’t want to lie to him. Since I had been home I had kept myself locked in the safety of my room. I didn’t want to see any of my friends or my extended family. Explaining why it hadn’t worked out in Vegas wasn’t something I was eager to do. Keeping to myself at this time suited me.

Me: No

Justice: Well you need to, sunshine is good for you. It would make you feel better. Look I know you are upset about everything. But come back and give me the chance to prove to you that everything will be okay.

I wanted to, I really did. Being with Justice would put a smile on my face but it would also remind me of the baby we lost. I knew that I wasn’t very far along and I hadn’t had the chance to grow an attachment to him or her, but I felt like a little part of me had died when I had the miscarriage, and in all actuality it had. When I left the ER that night, I left a piece of my tattered heart there as well. At this point I didn’t know if I could ever get pregnant again. I was told I could physically but the point was, I didn’t know if I wanted to. If something happened again I didn’t know what it would do to me.

Me: Justice, as much as I appreciate it I need to stay here and figure things out on my own. My terms and my own timing. I can’t do something because you want me to. Just give me time to heal. I feel safe here.

And I did feel safe here. Jensen was a long ways away. I was with my parents in a city I knew with people who cared about me. It was the best fit for me at the moment. If I went back to Vegas I would be too freaked out that Jensen would try to attack me again.

Justice: Abbee, I will keep you safe. I will never allow anyone to hurt you again. You have my word.

His word. He was an upstanding guy. I knew he believed in what he was saying and I did too. I guess I was just too much of a chicken or too stubborn. I liked the cocoon of being in my parents’ home.

Me: I know you would. I have no doubt in my mind you would take good care of me. Just please respect my decision to stay in Detroit. It’s what I know. Plus it is really good to see my parents. They missed me.

Being so far apart from my parents was hard. I was close to them and they treated me like a queen. I was an only child, so I was pretty much spoiled rotten. I had a really good life with them. Granted I didn’t want to live with them the rest of my life but I was comfortable here. When I was up to eating there was always something prepared for me and when I wanted to talk I knew they would be there. They were just really good people, the best. I was lucky. Poor Sydney couldn’t catch a break with her stepdad and we all know what a piece of shit her stepbrother, Wes is...

Justice: Well I’m gonna be blunt here. I fucking miss you. I miss you so damn much.

My heart instantly melted at his admission. I was like a puddle of goo, he made me feel so good. I missed him too. I missed Sydney and Damien and especially the baby. I wasn’t quite sure how I would handle being around the baby right now. I didn’t know if Lucy would be a constant reminder of the baby I lost. There were just so many “what if’s.” I knew here was where I needed to be right now and that I had made the right decision.

Me: There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you too. I miss your smile and the way you try and boss me around. I especially miss when you growl. Cracks me up.

Yes, the growl was pretty damn funny. He did it often if he wasn’t getting his way. It was like his trademark and what made him unique. I couldn’t believe that I had just admitted to him that I missed him. That was pretty daring. But I wanted to be honest with him. I didn’t believe in being dishonest. Well, except for my threesome, but I ended up telling Jensen. It was just aif we were never going to be anything more than friends, which I still didn’t know about, then I needed to tell him the truth always and to share my feelings with him. My parents always raised me to believe that honesty was the best policy.

Justice: Let me come see you? Let me remind you why we are so good together.

Me: As tempting as that is I just can’t. I made a decision to be here and I’m leaving Vegas behind.

I was in no condition to see him right now. I didn’t want him to see the person I was right now. He knew me as strong and confident, not this weak person I had turned into over the last couple of weeks. Plus, if he came for me it would melt my resolve. He always knew just how to get to me.

Justice: If you know me. And I think you do. You know I’m not going to give up. Not today, not tomorrow, and not next week. I will wait for you to come back to me. Hell, if you want to stay in Detroit, I’ll apply to the force there and move my life to be with you. I would have to get things figured out with Camden but that is how much I want to be with you. Baby, just please. Please consider my words.

His words really hit me. I got butterflies in my stomach and a smile actually graced my face. It has been over two weeks since I had smiled. I knew he wouldn’t give up on me and maybe I didn’t want him to. No, I didn’t want him to. But I felt badly stringing him along. I just didn’t know when I would be ready, if ever.

Me: I can’t ask that of you. I know you don’t want to be away from Camden and I don’t want you to. Just be patient with me and give me some time. I want you to know that you actually just made me smile today. It has been the first one in a long time. Knowing you won’t give up on me means a lot to me.

Justice: I’ll never give up on you. We have so many good times ahead of us. I just know we do. I have no doubt in my mind that I could have you smiling daily and that would be because I put it there.

He was just so stinking sweet. I believed him whole heartedly, but it just wasn’t time yet.

Me: Just be patient with me. Miss you got to go.

I couldn’t talk to him any longer. He was breaking down my walls brick by brick. I knew that if I had talked to him much longer I would be packing my bags and taking the first plane out to Vegas. I needed time to heal. To find myself again. Most of all, I needed to get my grubby ass up and take a shower.

I hopped off the bed and padded across the room in my bare feet. I did a quick sniff test. Yeah, I reeked like b.o., it was really foul. I really needed to get my shit together and soon before I lost the people I cared about most in my life.

As I was approaching the door there was a knock and then it slightly opened. My mom peeked her head in. My mom and I were close. “I was wondering if you were ever going to make an appearance today?”

She was such the good mother, always so worried about me. “Sorry, I was just tired.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be with all of the sleeping you have been doing, little missy.” She gave me a pointed look.

“Yes, Mom, I know. It’s just these past few weeks have been really rough on me.” I knew she had to understand how I was feeling. Before my parents had me they suffered a miscarriage. They didn’t think they would be able to have kids after that, but I ended up being their miracle child.

“Let’s go out, honey, maybe go for an early dinner or some shopping. Anything to get you out of this room, out of this house,” she pleaded.

“I’m really not up to it.” Going out was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment. I was lucky to be up and heading for a shower.

“You know it does get easier.” She pulled me into her arms as the tears started to flow down my cheeks. I didn’t want to cry, I really didn’t. I had gone an entire day without crying, but the wounds were just so fresh.

“How?” I needed to know how you moved past something so devastating.

“With time, honey. With time.” She patted me on the back and held me tight while I sobbed like a little girl in her arms. It felt so good that I really let myself go and gave into my emotions.

In that moment I made a decision that I wasn’t going to cry anymore over something that I couldn’t control. God had obviously made these decisions for me and I needed to hold on tight to them. I didn’t know if I was going to stay here or go back to Vegas; I just knew that I had to do something for myself. I had to pick myself up and brave the world again. Because I wasn’t the only one who had ever been through a situation like this. I was one of many. I would conquer this head on and try to find my strength again.

I pulled away from my mom and wiped my eyes. “Thank you, Mom. I love you so very much and I don’t know what I would do without you right now.”

“I love you too, honey. We will get through this together.” She gave me a look of sincerity and her words warmed my heart.

We were meeting at my parents’ house tonight for family dinner. I really wasn’t in much of a mood to be around anyone. I was cranky and highly irritable. I was sure I was going to be a real joy to be around tonight; God bless my family. It wasn’t often that I was in a foul mood. I was generally a pretty happy person but since Abbee had been gone, I had been a fucking bear to be around. My partner on the force had been giving me shit lately. He had to spend the most time with me and I felt badly for him.

My family was everything to me, but I knew they would nose into my business especially if I wasn’t myself. I had told my mom what was going on because we were tight, but I didn’t think my dad knew. He wasn’t much into stuff like that.

My siblings were great, but I had a feeling I would receive the Spanish Inquisition when I got there and I just didn’t want to hassle with it tonight. I would have preferred to stay home, sitting on the couch, my feet up on the coffee table, a beer in one hand and the remote in the other. The solitude of my home, all to myself, sounded pretty damn pleasing at the moment. Then if I needed to get pissed off at anyone, I would just get pissed off at myself. Sometimes I was my own worst enemy.

It had been two weeks since Abbee had moved back to Detroit and I was fucking miserable. Beyond miserable. I talked to her every day via text, once in the morning and once at night, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to see her, to hold her, and to feel her. I just wanted to be near her. She was all I thought about with both my little head and my big head.

I was a horny bastard. Her tight little pussy and velvet lips were always on my mind. The way she kissed me the last time we were together about knocked me on my ass. There was so much pent up passion that passed from her lips to mine. I wish that we weren’t drunk when we had sex. If she would only give me a chance again; I could show her just how amazing a sexual experience with me could be. Not saying it wasn’t amazing, but my brother was there for God’s sake; it wasn’t intimate enough for me. I didn’t want to share her with anyone, I wanted her all to myself. And boy did I crave her. I wanted to sink balls deep into her and show her how good we could be together. In not so many words she had admitted to having those same types of feelings for me as well, but she often played coy with me, which really pissed me off at times. I just wanted her to quit beating around the bush, come home, and be with me.

Pulling into my parent’s driveway I saw that I was the last to get here. I looked at the clock and noticed I was ten minutes late. My fucking luck, my ma would probably smack me upside the head and give me a stern talking to. That was one thing that was a rule, you didn’t miss family dinner nor were you ever late. You were on time because when you got there dinner was served.

I loved my mom’s cooking. She was full-blooded Italian and could put those chef’s you see on those fancy shows to shame with her cooking. Her food was out of this world good. My stomach grumbled a little just thinking about it.

My mom had taught me how to cook. Each of my siblings and I knew our way around a kitchen really well. I even knew how to make homemade pasta. I liked cooking for myself. I rarely ate carry out except on the nights I was too tired to lift a finger. I preferred a home cooked meal. What I wouldn’t give to cook for Abbee.

In the times I had been over to their house for dinner, Abbee had never cooked, it was either Damien or Sydney but most of the time Sydney. I had to wonder if Abbee knew how to cook. My fucking luck she didn’t. I would just have to teach her. I was a great teacher, a little bossy, but I gave good instructions.

I parked my car, turned off the ignition, got out, and walked to the door. I could hear the sounds coming from inside. My family was the loud family, all except Sebastian. He was the quiet one of the bunch. Little bro needed to come out of his shell. I often gave him a hard time but I loved him nonetheless.

The real spitfire of the bunch was my sister, Destiny. She was knock out gorgeous and didn’t take any shit from anyone, especially me. She just recently had a hell of a time with a guy. It was a situation that I had to straighten out. Between Damien and me, we did damage control. She was tender hearted though. I knew she was hurting. I needed to do something special with her to help boost her confidence. Not saying that she wasn’t a confident girl, but I thought she had lost a little faith in love.

Love was a tricky subject. I could testify to that. Not that I was in love with Abbee, but I wanted to have that opportunity to find out if I could be. Fuck my life.

Just fuck it.

Opening the door, I saw myself into the house. I went straight to the kitchen and found everyone socializing around the dinner table.

“Hi,” I addressed the room.

“Well, it’s about time you showed up.” My mother came over to me and wacked me upside the head. “We were going to eat without you.”

“Ma, I’m sorry. It’s been a long day.” I had another grueling day at work and got stuck late doing paperwork. I hated paperwork. I preferred to be out on the streets in a cop car. But my real dream would be to become a detective. At this time there wasn’t an opportunity for me to do so, but I had told my captain that I was very interested. I wanted to work the hard cases and solve the crimes. Putting criminals behind bars was my mission. I felt like I was good at my job, so who knew, maybe someday I would get promoted.

“You know the rules around here, Justice; you are never late to dinner.” She looked at me crossly. If looks could kill was pretty sure I would be laid out on the hardwood floor.

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Bending down, I placed a kiss on her cheek. She was a short little thing. Small but full of personality.

“Forgiven, now everyone manga,” she said to my siblings and father. Eat; she often would throw in an Italian word here and there.

I took my usual seat next to Damien. He and I normally shot the shit all night at dinner with bits and pieces from Sydney and of course Reeve always joined in on the conversation. “What’s up, bro?” Damien asked me.

“You know, same ol’ shit different day.” I grabbed my napkin and placed it in my lap.

He paused and looked at me, like really looked at me. “So how are you doing?”

Damien and I didn’t mince words. I could cut straight through the thick layer of heaping bullshit with him. I was probably the closest to him out of all my siblings and I pretty much told him everything; even the stuff he didn’t want to hear. I was honest to a fault and I could get pretty detailed with my words.

I believed being honest with people was the right thing to do. I usually told you straight up what was on my mind. Sometimes people didn’t want to hear it because the truth can hurt. It is just the way I roll. I’m a caring person and I think to be a genuine friend to someone you need to tell them the truth.

“I’ve been better.” To put it simply, I was a fucking mess over this chick. One night with her magic pussy had put me in a tailspin. It wasn’t just her tight little body but her, the person that she was. I was fucking crazy about her and I just wanted her back. These last two weeks had been the longest of my life. Every day when I talked to her I made sure she knew I missed her and that I would do anything I could to see her. I was half tempted to take my sorry ass to Detroit and drag her home. That is what I really wanted to do, even if I had to toss her over my shoulder kicking and screaming. And I bet the little firecracker wouldn’t go without a fight. It would be just my luck. We would probably get in a huge argument and then end up rolling around in the sheets together. Our connection was that explosive.

“You talk to her?” he said rather seriously.

“Yeah we text every day, twice a day. I’ve been checking up on her.” I wasn’t about to give up on her. I didn’t think I would ever be able to.

I really wanted to hear her voice but I hadn’t called her yet. I felt like that would be crowding her. I was good at crowding people but I wanted to give her the space she needed. I was trying to be patient. This way when I texted her she could respond to me on her own time. Usually she got right back to me. But if she was feeling off or struggling, I wanted to give her the time she needed.

“How is she doing? Syd said she has been having a rough time.” That was an understatement, it was like her light had quit shining. Although I will say that she was improving and I was seeing some semblance of her old self. Thank fuck for that.

“It’s been rough on her. I think she is pissed off with herself for dating such a douchebag when everyone had told her he wasn’t a good guy and then the miscarriage.” I paused and said a silent prayer to God that he was looking out for the spirit of my baby and then I turned back to him. “She’s been better.”

“Boys, are you two going to stop talking like a pair of teenage girls and eat your dinner?” My mom didn’t like it when we didn’t dig right in and tell her how much we enjoyed her cooking. And my family wonders where I get my bossiness from. My mother wore the pants in this household. Sure my dad had his say in things but my mother was the true Alpha in the relationship.

“Yeah, Ms.” I picked up my fork and dug into my spaghetti and marinara sauce. It tasted damn good. Hit the fucking spot. “Tastes delicious as usual.”

We commenced conversation and continued to eat. I didn’t want to be whacked upside the head again. My mother could be fierce when she wanted to.

Baby Lucy started crying from the other room. “Darn it, she never lets me eat a meal.” Sydney complained to Damien and I overheard her. Seemed like she had the grouchy bug as well.

“Here, babe, I’ll get her while you eat.” Damien got up from the table leaving half of his meal. Damn, he was a good guy. Sydney had really lucked out with my brother. Actually he had lucked out as well, she was a pretty damn good girl and a fine mother. She doted on that child every chance she got. There wasn’t a need that wasn’t met or a cry that wasn’t heard.

“Hi, Justice, how are you doing?” Sydney asked me and then shoveled a bite of pasta into her mouth.

“Doing alright.” Damn, I was going to have to tell everyone my sob story tonight. Sydney knew most of it because we stayed in touch constantly. She was always giving me advice and encouraging me not to give up on Abbee. I admired her for that. I had wondered if she would get pissed off about me liking her best friend but it was just the opposite, she encouraged me. She was our biggest cheerleader.

“You talk to her today?” she asked me curiously and raised an eyebrow.

I took a sip of water and then settled my glass back down on the table and turned my attention to her. “Yes, of course. She seemed better but still not back to her old self yet.”

She took her napkin from her lap and blotted her mouth. “I know, but I see a lot of improvement. When I talked to her today she said she was going out to lunch with her mom. I was so happy. I think this was the first time she had gotten out of the house.” She smiled.

“Yeah, she mentioned that to me as well. I was glad to hear it.” I paused and asked the fifty million dollar question, one that I hoped she had the answer to. “So do you think she will come back?”

I held my breath waiting for her to reply. This would make me or break me. If she didn’t say yes I didn’t know what I was going to do. “Honestly, it’s hard to say. She is stubborn, as you know. I know she misses it here. Misses you.”

“She tells me she misses me but I have to wonder if she means it, Syd. I mean if she was really missing me, don’t you think she would come back?” That was something I didn’t understand. We both wanted to be together. We had basically both admitted that over the last couple of weeks, but she was adamant about staying in Detroit. Perhaps she did need more time. I was running out of patience when it came to giving her time. I wanted her right fucking now.

“I think she means it, Justice. She has even said she misses you and Vegas. I just think she needs an extra nudge to get her ass moving back here.” Hmm…an extra nudge. I wondered what I could do to give her the nudge she needed.

“What did you have in mind? I’m trying not to be too overbearing and bossy because you know I have a tendency to be that way.” I shoveled another fork full of pasta in my mouth and then followed it up with a bite of meatball while waiting for Sydney’s answer. She seemed to be in deep thought. Her brow was creased and she had this look like she was really fighting with what she wanted to say to me.

She set her fork down on her plate and then scooted over into Damien’s chair. “Well, I’m going to give it to you straight, Justice, because I like you and I think you are good for her.” She paused and then ran a hand through her long hair. “I think you need to go to her and bring her back home.” That was sweet music to my fucking ears. Just what I needed to hear and what I wanted to do all along. I just didn’t want to piss her off and then cause her to permanently want to stay in Detroit. I needed to get my plan together.

“You don’t think it will piss her off?” I asked with trepidation.

She looked down and then brought her eyes back up to mine. “Well.” She wavered a bit. “You know our Bee. She can be a feisty one and she does have a short fuse.” Her lips turned up to a smile.

“Yes, I know that all too well.” I smiled back at her, remembering our little fights we always got into. I loved to fight with her. She was so damn cute when she was mad.

“It’s worth a try. This way you go there and then she will know that you are serious. I think you will be making a huge statement.” Yes, indeed it would be a huge statement she would know just how serious I was about her.

“Well, then it’s settled. I’ll take the red eye out tonight. Can you give me her address?”

“Sure.” She pulled out her phone from her back pocket and texted it to me. My phone chimed.

“Sydney, I hope you’re right.”

She smiled again. “I know I’m right.”

Picking up my plate, I stood up, walked over to my mom and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “Ma, dinner was good. Thank you. But I got to head out.”

“Where are you going?” she asked me. She didn’t look very happy with me leaving family dinner early. That was another rule. You were always supposed to stay until everyone had eaten and then of course she had scrumptious dessert. The guys also had beers and shot the shit.