Catia (Starkis Family #6) (7 page)

“Chase, wait,” Catia said, rushing to keep up with me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Forget it,” I muttered. “Just forget it.”

Catia

I tried to sleep, but after half an hour of tossing and turning, I gave up and turned on the TV. Nothing could capture my attention for long, so with a heavy sigh, I turned it off and tossed the remote on the sofa cushion. I dug into my overnight bag, reaching for my Kindle. I hoped I could distract myself with a novel for a while, but after five minutes of reading the same page over and over, I tossed it aside too.

I glanced at my watch. We’d checked into the hotel two hours ago, which meant Chase was probably fast asleep. Unless our argument was keeping him awake too. I wouldn’t get a moment’s rest until I explained myself, so I slipped my feet into a pair of flip-flops and padded down the hall to his room.

Since I had been standing behind him at the reception desk when he checked in, I knew which room he was staying in. I was pretty certain he hadn’t expected me to use that knowledge to wake him up in the middle of the night though. I knocked on his door softly as I continued wrestling with myself over whether this was a good idea. Just when I was about to run back down the hall, the door opened slowly.

“What do you want, Cat?”

My mouth was suddenly dry as I took in his bare chest. He was wearing black athletic pants low on his hips, and his chest was exactly as I remembered—all rippling muscles free of hair to distract from his perfection.

“I’m sorry to wake you.” I obviously had since his voice was gruff and his short dark hair was standing on end. Damn, he was sexy. Made even more so by the dark stubble covering his jaw.

“Then why did you?” he asked, running a hand over the six-pack my tongue had traced the last time we’d been locked up in one of these rooms.

“I had to talk to you.”

He sighed heavily before stepping back to let me in. “Make it quick. I’m tired.”

I glanced at the rumpled bed, wondering if it was still warm from his body heat. Not half as warm as it would have been if I’d been there to share it with him. Turning to face him, I licked my lips, noting with satisfaction that his pupils dilated as his eyes fell to my mouth. Apparently he wasn’t immune after all. Good to know.

“I was way out of line earlier,” I said, crossing my arms. I wasn’t wearing a bra under my tight white tank top, and apparently he wasn’t oblivious to that either. “I shouldn’t have questioned you about Karen or the girls. How you choose to handle your personal life is none of my concern.”

“You’re right.” He stepped past me, and I was surprised to see him head for the minibar. I’d never known Chase to be much of a drinker except in social situations. That he seemed to need a drink now spoke volumes about how tense he was.

“I’ve been tossing and turning,” I said, watching him dump two small bottles into a glass. “Trying to figure out what to say to you, how to apologize. But it all comes down to one thing—I care about you. And I hate to see you hurting like this.”

He threw the double shot back in one deep swallow before slamming the glass on the table. “Really? You hate to see me hurting? If that were true, you wouldn’t have screwed me over the way you did. ‘Cause I can’t remember the last time anything hurt more.”

I thought I’d come here to talk about tonight, not the night I decided to leave town. But I couldn’t have been happier he finally seemed ready to open that can of worms. I knew we had no hope of getting past it until we both aired our grievances.

I walked up to the minibar, pushing him aside when I decided he wasn’t the only one who needed a drink. My drink of choice was vodka, when wine wasn’t available, so I poured a shot, took a sip, and relished the burn while I planned what I wanted to say.

“I knew I was falling in love with you that night,” I said.

He sucked in a sharp breath when my arm brushed his stomach. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared. I didn’t know what that would mean for us. The only thing I knew for sure was that your life was about to change in ways you hadn’t even imagined. You were about to become a full-time single dad. At a time like that, the last thing a man needs is the stress of a new relationship.”

Instead of putting some distance between us, he reached around me for another small bottle, and he tipped the contents into his empty glass.

I watched him bring it to his lips, but instead of tossing it back as I’d expected him to, he rested the rim against his lower lip before he set it back down without taking a sip. “That’s not what I need now. What I need is answers, and you’re the only one who can give them to me.”

I watched him take the glass from my hand and set it beside his. When I thought about protesting, he claimed my hands, and all other thoughts fled. He was touching me again. Finally.

“Tell me why you couldn’t talk to me. Tell me what you were thinking and feeling.” He released me and ran a hand through his hair as his gaze left mine, fixating on something over my head instead. “I went through hell thinking you just didn’t want me.”

I rested my hands against his solid chest, inhaling deeply so I could appreciate that woodsy, aquatic scent that always made me think about getting naked with him on the beach.

“Don’t,” he whispered, curling his hands around my wrists. “Don’t touch me.”

“Why not?” Though he claimed he didn’t want me to touch him, he hadn’t torn my hands away, so I knew he was facing the same internal battle I was. He wanted something he believed wasn’t good for him, something he doubted he could have.

“Because if you do, I’ll forget all the reasons you shouldn’t.”

I leaned in closer, allowing my eyes to drift closed as I reveled in the pleasure of his arousal, of knowing that he still craved my body the way I craved his. “Maybe that’s what we need to do. Just forget. Forget the past and focus on the future.”

He swore softly before releasing his grip and stepping back. “Don’t say shit like that. You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

“I’m asking you to take a chance.”

“I can’t.”

I hadn’t come to his room to pressure him about a relationship. I’d only wanted to apologize and know that I had his forgiveness so I could sleep, but after one look into his tortured eyes, I knew I had to tell him how I felt about him. I couldn’t let him go on thinking I’d left because he hadn’t been enough to satisfy me.

“I’ve never felt about anyone the way I did about you.” I loved him even more now than I had then, but he wouldn’t believe that. So I focused on the past because I knew that was safer. “I thought I’d been in love before, but I guess I wasn’t.”

He stepped around me, looking more anguished than frustrated. “You’re like that rare chocolate truffle you know you shouldn’t have. If you have one, you’ll want another and another, and soon you’ll be addicted.”

I knew I should be insulted he was comparing me to a piece of chocolate, but I couldn’t be when I caught a glimpse of the lust in his eyes.

“Nothing else that ever passes your lips will taste as sweet. You’ll crave that flavor for the rest of your life, and everything else will pale in comparison.”

“Is that how’s it been for you?” I asked, torn between curiosity and terror. I didn’t want to hear about the women he’d used to try to erase my memory, but I couldn’t help my obsessive need to know. “Have other women paled in comparison?”

He closed his eyes, tipping his head back as he grimaced. “I haven’t even tried to replace you. I knew there’d be no point. You’re…” He opened his eyes and stared at me. “One of a kind.”

My heart rocketed with the knowledge he hadn’t had any other lovers since I left town. It was almost inconceivable to me that a man as sexy and passionate as Chase could have abstained for so long, but my friends would never have believed me if I’d told them about my period of abstinence either. “So are you.”

His eyes widened. “Are you saying…?”

“You were my last lover.” I let him process that for a minute. “I haven’t wanted anyone else. Haven’t even been tempted. If that doesn’t give you some indication of how you’ve been monopolizing my thoughts this past year, I don’t know what more I can say.”

I knew he may not believe me. After all, he only had my word, and he’d already made it clear he didn’t find me trustworthy. But when his full lips tipped up in a half smile, my heart tripped. He believed me.

“You don’t know how happy that makes me. I went through hell this past year, imagining some other guy doing all the things to you that I wanted to do.”

His eyes swept across my body, resting on my peaked nipples, and I knew it would only take one small tug on my drawstring pants to get this party started.

“I didn’t want anyone else to touch me,” I said, biting my lip as I toyed with the hem of my tank. I was trying to entice him as I raised it just enough to give him a glimpse of my belly button ring. “I only wanted you. I still want you. I crave you.”

I’d never been shy, but baring myself to Chase was different than it had ever been before. This wasn’t just my body; it was my heart and soul.

He swallowed, obviously torn between acting on impulse and putting on the brakes. “We need to slow this down. You just got back to town. I’m still trying to figure things out.”

“Okay.” I couldn’t deny I was disappointed, but at least he wasn’t the slamming the door in my face again. “I can wait. As long as you need me to.”

“Why?” he asked, his eyes thoroughly tracing my face. “Why would a girl like you waste a single day waiting for a guy like me?”

Because I love you.
“I guess you’re worth waiting for.”

He smiled, making me feel more hopeful than I had in a long, long time. I stood in front of him, reaching up to stroke his jaw before I rolled forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. Chase wasted no time deepening the kiss as he drew me into his arms. I felt limp but never more alive as I trusted him to support me. He took his time getting to know my mouth all over again, reminding me how incredible it had been the first time I felt the depth of his passion for me. But this time, it was so much more. He was letting me know he still cared about me. My heart pounded against his as our breaths mingled, our lips barely touching yet somehow still connected.

“I love kissing you.” I needed him to know that the things I used to take for granted with other men, like kissing, I didn’t with him. After all the nights I’d lain awake, thinking about how amazing it would be to kiss him again, I knew I would never take that simple intimate act for granted again.

“Not half as much as I love kissing you, baby.”

Baby.
I’d always hated being called that, but any term of endearment rolling from his lips made me melt.

“Then kiss me again,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. I tipped my head, inviting him to continue the exploration. “And again.”

He groaned, holding my hips to keep them a safe distance from his. “As much as I want to, I meant what I said about putting on the brakes. We can’t rush into anything. I need time to figure this out. So do you.”

I’d already had more than enough time, but since I had breezed back into his life without warning, I understood why he needed more time to process it. “Fine.” I gave him one more quick kiss. “But can I talk you into having breakfast with me before we hit the road in the morning?”

“You got it.”

I slowly backed out of the room, eyeing him suggestively. “Should you decide to ease up on the brakes, you know where to find me.”

***

Sharing breakfast with Chase reminded me of the times we’d met at our favorite café before heading into work. We’d talk about the game plan for the day over muffins and coffee, and he’d tease me by listing his attributes as he tried to talk me into going out with him.

I missed those days. Maybe, if I played my cards right, we would be having breakfast like this every day.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, reaching for his juice.

“I was thinking about how we used to meet for breakfast every morning when we were working on my father’s restaurant.”

He smiled. “I pretended we just bumped into each other by coincidence the first few times. But you were on to me by the fourth day, so I decided to give up the pretense and let you know I was interested.”

“I remember. That’s when you asked me out the first time.” I’d never met a man so forthright. At the time I found it unnerving since I’d been struggling with my feelings for him, but now I would have given anything to know exactly how Chase felt about the prospect of dating me.

“Yeah, first of many times, if I recall.” He chuckled. “I’ve never been shot down so many times. I’m surprised I didn’t need a bout of therapy after that.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please. I’ve never met a more confident, self-assured man, and that’s saying a lot given my family.”

“I’m not sure whether that’s a compliment or an insult,” he said with a half smile. “And it’s probably best if I don’t ask you to explain.”

It was definitely a compliment. I wouldn’t have been drawn back by a weak man. Chase was the first and only guy who’d really challenged me. He didn’t try to control me, but he wasn’t afraid to call me on my B.S. either. He built me up when I needed it, tore me down when I deserved it, and poked fun when I needed to laugh. I’d dated enough losers to know a winner when I saw one, and Chase definitely won the prize for most compatible, if only I could figure out a way to convince him of that.

“It’s not like you to be so introspective,” he said, pouring coffee into our cups from the carafe he’d charmed the waitress into leaving on the table. “I was convinced you didn’t have a censor. Whatever pops into your head pops out of your mouth.”

I took his teasing as a good sign. It meant we were easing back into the easy rapport we’d once enjoyed as friends and coworkers before the sexual tension made it difficult for us to be in the same room.

“Maybe I’ve changed in that regard too,” I said, watching him over the brim of my cup before I took a sip. “I told you I’ve changed a lot this past year. Don’t you believe me?”