Chasing Ava: A Bachelor of Shell Cove Novel (The Bachelors of Shell Cove) (37 page)

“Ava left because she was selected to serve in the Navy Nurse Corps. It’s what she always dreamed of.” He understood that now, but it didn’t soften the blow that she had chosen a career over a life with him.
 

“That’s not why she left.” The confidence in Monique’s voice piqued his interest.
 

“Tell me why Ava left?” he moved closer to the bed, studying Monique as she became more animated.
 

“She left because some super rich lady threatened her because of you. She said I was getting worse because of Ava.” Logan stumbled back a step.
 

“Are you sure?”
 

“Yeah. I overheard Kathryn and Spencer talking about that, a butt wipe named Randall. Ava left because of you and me.” He felt hope swell in his heart, then it plummeted to his feet. Ava had not told him any of this. She hadn’t trusted him to take care of her.
 

“Can you get her back, Dr. Masters?” The innocence in her request had him nodding his head in the affirmative.
 

“I knew you would. You like her, just as much as she likes you.” Monique was smiling now. The bedcovers hung near the floor because she sat up to turn on the light over the bed.
 

“I recognize that glimmer in your eyes. I don’t have a red cape under this lab coat. She’s in the armed forces, Monique. Ava can’t leave and come back home. It doesn’t work that way.” He wished it did.
 

“I know. My dad retired from the Navy.”

“So you understand, Ava can’t come home because you want it to happen.” He wanted her back, too. More than anything in his whole life he needed Ava by his side.
 

“I’ll call my Dad, he can help us get Ava back.” The likelihood of a military retiree being able to impact the assignment process was slim, but Monique was enthused and happy.
 

“You do that.” He didn’t want to be the cause of that smile turning upside down. The super-rich lady was his mother. What did she know to make Ava run? He’d let his father handle Maribelle. Randall Lester had a bull’s eye center mass, and Logan had his missile locked and loaded.

Chapter 18

She loved Logan. There, she had said it. Her watch read ten twenty at night. She dialed Logan’s number. She had taken to the stairwell at lights out. He answered on the first ring.
 

“Ava?” He sounded surprised, rather than the elated she’d hoped for.
 

“I miss you.” Straight to the point Logan would appreciate directness.
 

“Is everything alright, sweetheart?” He had called her sweetheart. Her eyes started dripping water. God help her. She couldn’t be crying again. Something had to be wrong with her tear ducts. She needed to schedule an appointment at medical for further evaluation. She didn’t think she cried this much as a baby.
 

“No.”
 

“What’s wrong?” The rehearsed profession of love escaped her. Where should she start when she’d done so many things wrong in their relationship? Admit it, own up to your role.

“It isn’t considered a conversation if you don’t talk Ava.” After a few long seconds, she found her voice.
 

“I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. I miss you.” The line fell silent.

“Are you still there?”
 

“I’m here, but I can hardly believe my ears. You shared your feelings with me without being prodded. Say it again.” She smiled.
 

“I know you’re still on the line, you are talking to me.” It felt good to tease with him, again.
 

“Repeat the part about missing me.”
 

“Oh that. I miss you, terribly. If I were there I would be in your arms, cuddled up close. I can’t wait to see you.” A relieved sigh, it felt so good to hear his voice. She should’ve called sooner.
 

“Why do you want to see me?” His question was a slap to the face. She hadn’t expected him to question her motives. Inherently she understood the importance of her response.
 

“You’re mine, and I am yours. I was wrong to leave while you were away; it won’t ever happen again. I made a mistake. I left Shell Cove. I didn’t leave you. What I did was immature and I should have tried harder. I will never do that to us again. I promise. Logan say something.”

“How is training?”

“I’ve had some challenges. But things are looking up.”
 

“Is it everything you wanted?” He wasn’t acknowledging what she’d said about missing him. He was everything she wanted. When it was her choice to walk away.
 

“It’s not as fulfilling as I had imagined.”
 

“Similar to your experience with me.” She gasped at his comment, obviously meant to be a dig on her.
 

“You are more than I deserve. I would undo how I left if I had the power. Hurting you was never a part of my plan.” He grunted at her confession.
 

“When are you coming home?” The line was eerily still and Ava knew he would not appreciate her answer.
 

“I have a permanent change of station orders to Virginia. The Navy has a large medical center there,” she said quietly. “It’s a wonderful area I understand.”

“That is good news for you, Ensign Walters.” His tone was troubling. Ava started to get nervous.

“Logan we can make this work between us. Virginia is not very far from Florida. We can see each other at least twice a month.”
 

“You finally tell me how you feel about me. Make promises to me, knowing you won’t be coming back.”

“No,” she said in a rush. “It’s not what you are thinking Logan. I mean every word.”
 

“I’m sure you do. Will you feel the same when you are standing face to face with me? Or will you run, push me away at this first sign of trouble? I know you Ava. You’ve been running away from the beginning.”
 

“I didn’t run from you. I was running from myself. The depth of my feelings for you terrified me. Being apart from you is harder than I ever imagined. I want you in my life.” Yes. We are communicating.
 

“Are you sure you aren’t using me as a crutch? Your parents told me you are failing officer training. Toying with me, have me run to your rescue, only to have you sail away after training. I don’t know if you were ever committed to me.” The flat tone in his voice broke her heart.
 

“I accept full responsibility for the damage I caused by leaving, but I will not allow you to second guess everything I’ve done in our relationship because of one error in judgment. I am committed to you. You are still the only man under heaven above that I want to hold me. To make love to me. I was afraid and the only way I knew how to deal with the fear was to guard my heart.”
 

“You don’t trust me Ava. What kind of relationship can we possibly sustain without trust? God knows, that I want you. You say you want me, but how can I know I won’t come home from work to find you gone again.”
 

It killed her to hear his doubts about her feelings for him, her commitment to their relationship. But she didn’t have a counter argument other than what she had already said.
 

“It’s me I don’t trust. Not you. If I didn’t trust you this entire conversation would be pointless.”
 

The hope that she had at the beginning of the conversation was slowly capsizing. “Do you want to be with me after everything that has happened between us?”
 

“You know the answer to the question, Ava.” Then why was he acting as if he’d had a change of heart?

“I’ve learned since joining the military to trust, but verify. Humor me. I want to hear you say the words.” She took a move from his playbook.

“You are the one that left, the real question is do you want me?”

 
“You’re stalling, Logan. I asked first, good manners dictate that you be the first to respond.” She hoped she sounded confident because that was not how she felt. Logan never beat around the bush. He always plowed head on into confrontation. Oh God, the shaking started in her hands, he was going to reject her.
 

She had ruined everything they had together when she fled. She should not have left Shell Cove, she should have waited for Logan to return, and told him about her past. She was being honest, talking about her feelings. There had to be a better way to broach the subject. She had gotten nowhere.
 

What good did it do to share your feelings with a man, when he beat them out of you like Marcus had? Or threw them back in your face? She was glad to be in Rhode Island right now. This would be the fresh start she talked about. No more reaching back for things you couldn’t have. Dang, her eyes were dripping again.
 

“I understand if you can’t be with me. I should let you go. Thanks for hearing me out.”
 

“Don’t put down the phone Ava. You are about to do it again.”

“Do what?”
 

“There is nothing okay about the way you left me. You couldn’t possibly understand how I feel. I was honest with you that first night. I don’t play games.” She could hear his anger at what she had done to him.

“I told you our lives were forever changed after we made love. You walked out on me like it meant nothing. So how could you possibly understand how I feel when you never really were honest with me? You didn’t give yourself to me. I gave you everything I am, but it wasn’t enough.”

“You are more than enough for me.”

“How can you ask me to believe you? It is so easy for you to walk away from me. To leave without an explanation, then hang up on me. I can hear it in your voice. You are getting ready to leave me again. To discard me.” She was crying in earnest.

 
“I can barely breathe without you. I feel like a fool for wanting you back Ava.”

 
“Nothing about you has been easy for me Logan. I wasn’t honest with myself, so it wasn’t possible to be fully honest with you. What you saw when we were together was an expression of my feelings for you. I can’t fake my response for you, my desire for you.” She took a breath and plowed through her confession. “Logan I am trying to fix my mistake. I’m setting myself up to be crushed by the man that holds my happiness in his hands. First...”

 
Logan’s call waiting indicator interrupted her plea. “I was saying …”
 

“Ava I have to take this call, hold the line. I will only be a moment. Dumbfounded was the only way to express what she felt. She poured her heart out to the man she loved and he put her on hold. Who was so important Logan had to take another call while they were repairing their relationship?

He would squash this business alliance once and for all. Sam Holbrook was calling. And he was not in the mood to keep rehashing the failed partnership. Ava waited for him on the other line. The sign he’d been praying for had come. Knowing that she left in a misguided attempt to protect him and Monique made everything better. She had not left him behind. But, he still had a lot of resentment to deal with. Resentment that had come through in their phone conversation.
 

“Sam, say what you have to say, and let’s be done with this business.”

“Hi, Logan.” Rebecca knew he had blocked all calls from her phone numbers.

“I told you not to call anymore, I know you’re not hearing impaired.”
 

“That’s rude Logan. First, I apologize for all the phone calls. I was trying to cheer you up. Besides, my father really wants this alliance and I have a favor to ask.”

“The answer is no.” Rebecca, like him had been reared to do her father’s bidding. Since Ava left she had redoubled her efforts to continue their illusion of a relationship.

“The foundation is having a Ladies’ Day fundraiser at the Preserve Saturday after next. The guy manning the booth with me backed out at the last minute.”
 
“Find someone else and don’t call again.”
 

“The monies benefit the pediatric surgical unit. Two hours in my company, then you are free to go. I’ll even swing by your place and drop off your research review proposal. The paperwork from Tyson Advantis came through legal affairs this week.”