Come as You Are (64 page)

emotional One Ring and,
87

factors influencing,
61
–63

gender differences in perception of,
64
–66

Shaft of penis,
19
,
21
,
22
,
26

Shame,
17
,
31
,
205

Shower analogy,
71
–72,
92
,
93

Sideways approach to coping with trauma,
128
,
129
–31

Silicone lubricants,
220

Silver, Nan,
320

SIS.
See
Sexual inhibition system

Skene’s glands,
30
–31

Skin conductance,
194
,
199
,
200

Slate.com
,
206

Sleep,
122
,
203

“Sleepy hedgehog” model of emotion management,
143
–44,
237
,
290
,
291
,
319

Slings & Arrows
(television program),
245
–46

Socks and orgasm,
282
,
290

Solace sex,
135
,
137
,
141

Somatic Experiencing (SE),
129

Spectatoring,
265
,
268

Spontaneous desire,
3
,
227
,
229
,
231
,
296
,
297
,
307

changing one’s attitude toward,
322
,
324

the chasing dynamic and,
245

cultural context and,
243

gender differences in,
225

the little monitor and,
236

percentage of women experiencing,
225
,
257

Stage approach to sex therapy,
253

Steinem, Gloria,
250

Stepmom
(film),
194

Stopes, Marie,
160

“Story of Us” (relationship narrative),
201

Strain gauge,
193

Stress,
6
,
89
–90,
94
,
111
–31,
137
–38,
180
–81,
283

body self-criticism and,
165

desire and,
237

disgust distinguished from,
172

dual control system and,
52
,
60

eagerness and,
86

love/attachment and,
144
–49

separating stressors from,
114
,
123

sex and,
117
–20

worksheet on coping strategies,
151
–52

Stressors,
114
,
120
–21,
123

Stress response cycle,
113
,
250

completing,
112
,
121
–24,
145
–46,
147
,
149
,
179
,
290
,
329

culture impact on,
120
–21,
146

described,
114
–17

Subtractive integration,
283
,
284

Sympathetic nervous system,
48

Symposium
(Plato),
131

Tai chi,
122

Teasdale, John,
130

“Tend and befriend” dynamic,
133
,
144
–46

Testes (testicles),
17
,
20
,
22

Testosterone,
15
,
214

Testosterone-dependent desire,
16
,
360
n
20

Therapeutic masturbation,
339
–41

Therapy,
127
,
128
,
251
–52

Thermostat metaphor,
229
–30

This American Life
(radio program),
135

Threats, potential,
47
,
49
,
52
,
61
–63,
69
,
75
,
79

Tickling,
77
–78,
79
,
270
,
302

tl;dr lists,
7

anatomy,
40
–41

arousal nonconcordance,
222

context,
94

cultural context,
187

desire,
257

dual control model,
69

emotional context,
149
–50

meta-emotions,
330

orgasm,
292

Top-down approach to coping with trauma,
128

Trans* sexual functioning,
8

Trauma,
124
–31,
150
.
See also
Sexual assault/rape

arousal nonconcordance and,
214
,
215

bottom-up approach to coping with,
128
–29

experience and consequences of,
124
–26

healing with nonjudging,
316
–17

sideways approach to coping with,
128
,
129
–31

survivorship and,
127
–31

top-down approach to coping with,
128

Tremblay, Tom,
125

Triphasic model of sexual response,
45
–46,
230

Trust in one’s body,
83
,
111
–12,
129

arousal nonconcordance and,
201
–2,
207

learning,
172
–74

Tuiten, Adriaan,
213

Tunnel metaphor,
123
,
143
,
308
,
310
,
311
,
312
,
319

Turning off the offs,
48
–51,
285
,
287
,
289
,
290
–92,
323

with science,
247
–51

worksheet,
258
–61

Turning on the ons,
48
–51,
285
,
287
,
289
,
323

University of Connecticut,
199

Urethra,
16
,
21
,
22
,
28
,
30
,
274

Urethral groove,
19

Urethral opening,
22
,
27

Urethral orifice,
19

Urethral sponge,
274

Urination,
30

Urogenital sinus,
19

Vagal brake,
352
n
6

Vagina

defined,
29

orgasm through penetration of,
2
–3,
16
,
272
,
274
–76,
292
,
322