Confidential (28 page)

"Anna!" I grinned at her, "Annnnnnnnaa! I FINALLY testified. For months, and I mean months, I have been anxious about this, and its over. My part in this is over. No more being drilled by Kaiser, or shipped off to random places, or staying in hiding. I am here, and I testified, and now things can be normal.
I
can be normal."

She just shook her head at me knowingly, "Oh honey, things will never be the same, and never go back to normal." She patting my hand sympathetically, " You'll just have to make your own normal now."

Chapter 15

Even with Anna's cautious words, nothing could distract me from my feeling. As soon as I opened to door to her apartment I flew threw my stuff, looking for my phone. I immediately pulled it out and called the last number that I had dialed.

"HEIDI!" I heard Dylan yell over the phone, "It's been to long!"

I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see, "Puh-lease, it's been a day."

"And I already have so much to tell you." He teased.

"Like what?"

"Guess who Marcus is going to ask out on a date this weekend?" His voice was gleeful; he couldn't hold back the smile that was penetrating his words.

"Who?" I began jumping up and down.

"Clarissa."

I immediately stopped. "What?" I said in disbelief. "Are you serious? Making fun of her is one of our favorite past times. This is a joke, isn't it? She's like, a bitch with half a brain."

"He thinks she's hot." Dylan said as an explanation.

"She's not
that
hot. Not hot enough to listen to her talk for longer than five seconds." I smirked.

In the background I heard some mumbling voices, and a voice I recognized as Marcus, "Why are you smiling?" Silence. "Whose on the phone?"

"Heidi," Dylan said, into the phone, so I heard loud and clear. "Oh cool," his muffled voice said, "Wait… Did you tell her?" He shouted.

Then there was a lot of rustling and grunts before I finally heard Marcus's voice clearly.

"I like her!" He screamed into the phone.

"There is no need to shout. I can here you just fine," Was my reply.

"You're so pissed about this, aren't you?"

"Actually, I'm in a really good mood, so you and your 6th grade crush will have to make me angry another day." It was true: I was on cloud nine. I had testified.

"Legitimately, she can be kinda cool, when she's not…"

"A total bitch, which is when, never?" I asked sarcastically.

"Heidi." Marcus sighed, "I don't want to convince you as to why I like her. And at least I know she actually likes me, and I'm not just her shiny new toy, she'll stop liking once I move away."

It was a classic Marcus comment, sarcastic, rude, but not malicious. I knew he didn't mean for it to hurt, but I certainly felt my heart wrench a little.

"What does that mean?" I was afraid of the answer.

I heard more rustling and I'm sure the phone was yanked out of Marcus' hand.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something." Dylan said into the phone. "Its not a big deal or anything, and its nothing to freak out about, in fact, I wouldn't even mention it if Marcus wasn't such a…" I could imagine Dylan's twitchiness on overdrive.

"Just tell me." I closed my eyes, "It's Camdon, he has someone else, doesn't he?"

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, "Do you remember Kelly?"

"Of course." Oh please no, not Kelly, of all people. I liked her, but still, was I that insignificant, to replace me with
Kelly
who is so incredibly phony the only worse possible choice would have been Clarissa.

"They've been hanging out a lot, and apparently… I don't know if this is true or not, but I just thought you should know, but I guess they have hooked up a couple times."

"I only left two weeks ago." I said softly.

"I know." Dylan said. "Look, if that's true-"

"No Dylan, don't. We ended…badly. Horribly actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to think about me again."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, stop sounding like such a girl," Marcus called from the background.

"I'm gonna go." I told them.

"Are you sure? Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine, just a little sad that's all. I'm tried so I'm going to take a nap. I'll call you later okay?"

"Alright. Don't be too worried about it. We're here if you need us. And don't forget, we need to finish talking about Clarissa, Marcus is like a love struck puppy." Dylan whined.

"Gross." I scoffed, laughing a little, before hanging up.

I sat in silence for a full ten minutes. There was no way Camdon did that, no way he just went and did anything with Kelly. We didn't even officially break it off.

I never got to tell him that I loved him.

Tears threatened to ruin my precious day. But I made myself focus on all the good things that had happened today. I was done with Mickey. After the trial, and they would have to get her on something, I would be free forever.

Thoughts of Camdon plagued me though, and he was always in the back of my brain. I finally got his home number from Dylan, because I was too afraid to call his cell, and called it, hoping, if anything, to talk to Jill.

It rang several times, and I was about to hang up when I it stopped ringing. There was a pause on the other end, and no one spoke.

"Hello?" I asked, confused. Maybe they hung up…

"Heidi!" I heard an excited Ella's voice come through the phone.

"Ella." My whole face broke out into a smile. "I miss you! How's my favorite girl doing? Chatting up a storm yet?"

"No." She giggled. "I'm waiting for you to come back home! When will you come back? Camdon's been so sad without you."

That's not what I heard, I thought to myself. "He's been sad? Are you sure?"

"He even cried a couple times." She said a matter of factly. "Mommy called it love."

I couldn't help but get chocked up. "I love him
a
lot. I think your mom's right." I hugged a pillow to my chest as I sat down on the pull out couch. "Is he home?"

"Yes. He's in his room. Want me to get him?" Ella asked, hopeful.

"Can you? I really, really want to talk to him, I have some good news!"

"Oh what is it?" She sounded so giddy and sweet.

"I might be able to visit soon. It'll be okay for me to go back."

"Did you keep your promise to those people?" She asked,

"Yeah." I said, her words bringing me back to the day I left.

"Okay. I knew you would. I'll go get Camdon." I heard a soft shuffle on the other end of the line, and a soft knock on a door. A muffled "What?" was spoken. "Whose on the phone Ella?" Camdon sighed tiredly.

"Hello?" His voice sent thrills through me, and I almost started crying, I was so happy to hear him again.

"It's me." I paused. Hoping he still remembered my voice. "I have some good news." I said, my voice light.

Camdon sighed into the phone. "What are you doing calling here?"

I bit my lip, "You don't want me to call?"

"No. I want to be angry at you. I trusted you with everything." His voice was quiet, but when he spoke again, it was stronger, angrier. "Things I never told anyone, ever, and you didn't even trust me enough to tell me your real name. Or what was going on in your life. I didn't need all the details, but you didn't have to lie."

"You don't understand."

"I do understand. You thought if you told anyone, you might somehow have been found. I wouldn't have said anything Heidi, that's not me." He was voice was stern.

"It wasn't
about
you telling other people. It was about if they found me, and knew you had information. I don't know what they would have done." I stopped, not wanting him to hear my quivering voice.

"Whatever Heidi. I thought I loved you." His voice broke this time. "Actually loved you, even though I knew I didn't know much about your past, I thought it didn't matter. But I find out all this… and I don't know what to think or feel anymore."

"Camdon-"

"Just let me be angry. I can't talk to you right now." Click.

The dial tone set in, and I stared at the phone in disbelief.

When Anna came home she found me laying on the couch, listening to the saddest songs I could find, eating out of a tub of Nutella. Screw Ben and Jerry's, I only eat it for the chocolate anyways. She walked in the room and raised her eyebrows at my speakers, a Hootie and the Blowfish song filling the apartment, soothing my broken heart.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, her voice a little comical at my dramatics.

"I think my heart just shattered into a thousand pieces today." I commented dryly, putting a spoonful of the delectable chocolate, hazelnut spread in my mouth. She sat down next to me, and was silent, waiting for me to speak. "I was having such a great day today. After I testified, I was so happy, it was a milestone marker, you know?" I turned and looked at the blonde-haired, doe-eyed beauty I had learned to love like
a
sister. "It's amazing that I can feel so good, and he can make it seem so insignificant. Like if I can't be with him, I can never truly be happy. Ever." I smacked the Nutella jar on the table in front of me.

"Why is this song playing?" I snapped. "Its way too happy for this play list." I grumbled some more and turned on another song. I looked back at Anna, "Oh! And guess frickin' what?"

She looked startled, her wide doe eyes watching me, "Guess who Marcus is dating?" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air.

"Who?" She asked frowning.

"Clarissa. That witch, Clarissa."

"But I though Clarissa didn't bother you so much anymore?" She asked sweetly, I glared at her and her accurate memory.

"She does when she's dating one of my best friends, I don't want him to be corrupted. This is horrible. I feel like complete shit." I started crying in front of her, and I felt like I was back to the first couple days I had been here.

Anna came up and put her arms around me and pulled me close. "Let me make you some real food, first of all, second of all, you need to tell me exactly how your conversation went."

I nodded and sat down at her little dining room table. I told her how I called Dylan and Marcus, then how I called Camdon, but I didn't mention talking to Ella. I picked at the chicken she made me, and looked up expectantly, waiting for her words of wisdom.

"Heidi, I'm disappointed in you," My head snapped up, and I gave her a confused look, "I cannot believe your moping around. That conversation wasn't that bad at all."