Confidential (38 page)

"Okay." He grinned. "Keep going."

I looked down at our intertwined hands, "I came to San Diego, and the first day I went down to the beach. I ran into a group of people, but I didn't, well I wasn't really paying a lot of attention, so I didn't notice this guy-"

"Another guy? Seriously?" Camdon groaned.

"Stop it. It's not anything like that." I gave him a serious stare. "Like I was saying. I saw this guy, and he seemed really familiar, but I couldn't place where I saw him." I looked down at our hands again, "I saw him the next day, walking around the boardwalk, and it was really starting to bother me. There was something about him that was so familiar, and I couldn't figure it out, so when I saw him that night, I was kind of an idiot, and stepped in front of him on purpose so he would knock into me." I didn't know what Camdon's reaction was, because I couldn't
look
up at him. "And when he went to help me up, I noticed his eyes…" I couldn't help but look up at Camdon. "He had your eyes."

Camdon looked confused, as if he didn't quite get it. "I-I kind of yelled at him, calling him out on it, once I realized why he looked so familiar, and who he was. It was impossible, not to know who he was…" My voice trailed off. "You guys were so similar…" But Camdon's face was unreadable.

"It was your dad." I whispered.

"You found my father." Camdon said.

I put my hands over my face; I couldn't bear to look at him. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. "I'm so, so, sorry, I didn't mean to, I didn't even realize what would happen," Camdon pulled my hands away from my face.

"You found my father?" His eyes searched mine desperately.

I gulped, and nodded slowly.

"How? How do you know it's my father?" He demanded.

"He has your eyes… and I kind of yelled at him. Told him that he was a bastard who abandoned his girlfriend. And I could tell by the way he reacted, and when he denied it, I asked if was from Franklin, Iowa, and he kind of," I shrunk under Camdon's gaze, "He kind of freaked out." I whispered.

"What do you mean,
freaked out
?", Camdon's voice sounded cross.

"He flipped. I didn't know how much he knew, but I didn't say anything at first, I swear, he just started asking me all these questions, he didn't even know your name." I whispered.

Camdon dropped my hands and fell back against the couch. I stayed still for a moment, before I kissed the back of his hand. "Please Camdon, I don't think I can take loosing you again. I really am sorry I started this whole mess."

"I'm not mad at you." He said softly. Relief flooded my body, "You're not?" I smiled. He shook his head, staring at me. "No, I'm mad at
him
."

I sighed. "Don't be mad at him."

"What?" Camdon's voice came out deadly.

"No, no," I sighed, snuggling against him to try and make him less upset, "That's not what I meant, be mad at him, for sure, but at least meet with him,"

"How do you know he even wants to? He didn't my whole life." Camdon scoffed.

"Yes he did. Trust me, he hasn't left me alone since I found him." I grumbled.

"What do you mean? He hasn't left you alone?" Camdon's voice sounded angry. I closed my eyes. "Heidi?" He pulled me away from him to look at me.

"Imagine if you found somebody who knows your kid, someone you haven't ever seen. All he does is come by this place; he won't leave it alone. He wants to see you."

"He knows where we are?" His eyes widened.

"He doesn't know you're here."

"So what's going to stop him from walking through this door right now?"

I shook my head, "I told him he wasn't allowed to come by while Marcus and Dylan are here. They would recognize him for sure."

Camdon closed his eyes, rubbing his temple. "I can't believe this." He grumbled. "I just can't believe this is actually happening." I was silent. There was nothing you could say to someone who just found out his father was only minutes from him. "I don't know if I want to see him." He confessed.

"What are you feeling?" I asked him.

"I don't know. He's nothing to me." Camdon frowned, "Apart of me wants to know why he deserted me, deserted my mom. But the other part doesn't care, at all. He's just biological. I never knew him. He could have died and it wouldn't have affected me."

"Don't say that." I whispered.

"It's true. I guess, now that I know he's around, I'm curious. But I don't know if it will help anything, by meeting him. It will probably only hurt my mom. And I don't want to do that."

"Let me know if I can do anything." I offered, not knowing what else to say.

"Just stay here with me?"

"Okay." I snuggled up against him, "I can do that."

Camdon and I fell asleep against each other, and I briefly was aware that Dylan and Marcus came back, watching T.V. and doing something. But I was comfortable, sleeping lightly against Camdon, until my phone went off. I grumbled and ignored it.

"That thing is so frickin loud." Camdon complained. "Where is it?"

"I don't know." I said, still half asleep. "Answer it. Or hang up. Something."

Camdon reached into the side of the chair and pulled it out. "Hello?"

I heard a murmur on the other line but Camdon was completely silent. I turned my head and looked up at him, his face was completely white. "It's Tom." He whispered.

I pulled the phone from his grasp, as he sat there in silent shock. "Hey." I said into the phone, kind of irritated that he was upsetting Camdon, even if it was unintentional.

"Did you ask those boys about Camdon?" Tom asked, loud enough that Camdon heard. I felt his body tense against mine.

"Can I talk to you about this later?" I told him.

"Just say yes or no, is he doing okay?"

"Yes, he's doing fine. I'll call you with any news." I hung up the phone, turning it off. I watched Camdon, "Are you okay?"

"I just talked to my dad." He said. "This is so weird. I can't deal with this." He shook his head.

I held his face in my hands, "Of course you can." Whenever Camdon gets really bothered about something, he checks out of reality for a little bit. He grows quiet, and you can tell he's over thinking everything. For the rest of the day, Dylan and I were too aware of how quiet he was. He seemed to be totally lost in thought. We spent the whole day in the water, boogy boarding and laying in the sand, but it was hard to relax when Camdon was tearing himself to pieces, trying to decide what to do.

We all headed back to the condo late that night, after roasting marshmallows and having a little campfire. We were tired and all retreated to the different corners of our rooms.

I looked at my phone as Tom called again. I sighed, and pressed ignore. Camdon came and walked through my door, laying down beside me. He rested his head on my stomach, and I absentmindedly played with his hair.

"If you were in my position, what would you do?" He asked me.

I contemplated what to say to him, knowing he was in such a tormented state, "I know what I would want to do, but I honestly have no idea if that would have changed or not. I didn't grow up with a single mom raising me, and I never had to see her sacrifice so much for me. I never felt the way you feel about your father, and I don't think I'm the best person to…reference for this." I shrugged, even though he couldn't see it. "We've had totally different situations. It's easy for me to say one thing, but I have no idea what it's really like to be in your position."

"So?" He said, relaxing into me as I continued to play with his hair. "Just tell me what you would do, or how it would have played out, if this were you."

I sighed. "Well, from my standpoint, I'd be dead curious. I would have probably googled his name
a
hundred times to try and find him. I would want to see him, if anything, to curse him for being such a douche bag. But I don't know… I think a part of me would really want to know what he's like, if I was anything like him, if he liked the same foods, or music. If I had any half-brothers or sisters, I would have
a
lot of questions I would want answered."

"Do I have any other siblings?" Camdon asked.

"Not that I know of. He once said that he had a serious girlfriend, but she left him because he didn't want to be married." I frowned, trying to remember, "Or something like that."

"Go figure." Camdon scoffed. "I do want to know about him. For awhile now, I didn't, but I had come to terms with the idea that I would never know who he was, or what he looked like. I used to imagine walking into a room, and him being there, and having no idea that the person sitting next to me was my dad."

"Trust me, this guy is your dad. You're eye color is the same. You look more like Jill though, I think. But the resemblance is more than apparent."

"Thanks. I love being told I look like
a
girl." Camdon chuckled. "Are our eyes really the same? Do they hypnotize you like mine do?" He grinned deviously, getting up to turn around and look at me, fixing me with his stare.

I hate it when he does this. He does it on purpose, because he knows how much I find his eyes interesting. "No." I smiled at him, unable to look away. "I always thought it was the color of your eyes, but may be its something else."

Camdon looked a little bit confused, but kind of relieved. I don't think he liked the idea of me staring at his flighty dad the way I always looked at him. "Like what?"

"Like… maybe its you. Maybe it's because you're you."

The smile on his face was genuine, "Thank you," He murmured, as he kissed me.

"Do you think I should talk to him?" Camdon asked.

"I think you should do whatever you want to do." Camdon sighed at my response and stared at the ceiling, still trying to figure out his life.

Chapter 21

I slid out from under Camdon's sleeping form to walk into the kitchen. I was hungry, and couldn't wait any longer. I stopped by Marcus and Dylan's rooms, but they were both asleep, it had gotten pretty late. I pulled open the fridge, and took out everything I needed to make a sandwich.

"You don't get up as quiet as you think you do." A voice said from behind me. I jumped, startled, but Camdon wrapped his arms around me. "Sorry," He laughed, "I didn't mean to scare you." He kissed my cheek and pulled me into him.

I took deep breaths and tried to slow down the pounding in my heart. My hands were shaking so bad I had to put down the turkey and lettuce I was holding. I turned around to face Camdon, smiling, "No worries, I'm just a little jumpy." But the look he gave me was intense, as if he was trying to see something through me. "What?" I asked him, as he took my hands in his to steady them.

"Do they always do this?" He asked quietly, frowning.

"Um… my hands? I told you I'm jumpy. You remember that." They were finally starting to settle in his warm grip.

"Is that because of what happened to you?" I froze up, and this did not go unnoticed by Camdon who tugged on my hands lightly, pulling me back to him, I hadn't realized I had stepped away.

"I guess so." I said, steadying my voice. "Just a normal reaction now, it's actually gotten a lot better."