Confidential (35 page)

"Okay, if that's what you really believe."

Tom continued to
pester
me. But he would take me out to really nice restaurants, for almost every meal, lunch, dinner, ice cream, whatever. I was probably gaining weight. But I knew it would be awkward, to explain to my mom why a thirty-something-year old man was taking me out to eat. It did come off as a little weird, but I got it. He thrived on anything and everything I said about Camdon or Jill, even Ella or Joe. I was really careful not to say anything, I never did give him more information after that night, but I would mention Jill teaching me about Dante, or Camdon during a lacrosse game, and it had an immediate affect on Tom.

He was nice to me, but I still felt a little bitter towards him, but I couldn't stop his plan of coming to Franklin, and I didn't want to tell Camdon he was, because Camdon never called, and I assumed he didn't want to talk. Dylan and Marcus were coming soon, and I was trying desperately for Tom to leave me alone.

Its not that I didn't like him, he was fine, I just didn't want him coming by. They weren't idiots; they could put two and two together, and I'm sure they would notice Tom's eyes. It was causing a lot of anxiety on my part. I told Tom that he wasn't allowed to be around Marcus and Dylan, because I didn't want them recognizing him, but he didn't think they would. I finally told him I would pretend like I had no idea who he was, and tell them he was a stalker or something, before he agreed to stay very, very, far away from the condo. After that was cleared up, my mom had called to let me know she wouldn't be there at all. The bamboo wood she imported was the wrong color. It was causing quite the disaster. So the morning Marcus and Dylan came in, I cleaned up the house and proudly set up the guest rooms for them, excited that we had the weekend to ourselves.

I took a taxi out to meet them at the airport, and walked down to the front gate, waiting impatiently.

The first person I saw was Marcus, and I couldn't help but break out into a big grin and run full speed at him, jumping into his open arms. He lifted me up and spun me around and hugged me tight. I sighed and relaxed into my friends hug, already feeling better.

"I missed you so much! Please tell me that you dumped that skank." He set me down and I smiled up at his tall form.

"Nope. Still going strong. Guess it just took a real man to tame the beast." He flexed his muscles and I just shoved him playfully. I was absolutely glowing; I had missed them so much.

"Hey, where's Dylan?" I asked curiously, trying to look over his shoulder, Marcus stepped in front of my view. I tried to move to the other side and he did it again.

"Heidi." Marcus said, his devilish grin on his face, I instantly stopped.

"What…?" I turned my head questioningly, squinting at him. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! Nothing. Chill out. I'm just asking you, if you would please, keep an open mind." He put out his hands hesitantly.

"What?" I asked again, I was not understanding him at all. "I don't get this. Can I just see Dylan please?" I stood on my tip toes to look over Marcus's shoulders but he was too damn tall. "Ugh, Marcus! Are you serious? Move." I laughed and had to do a little move to maneuver away from him and looked up to find Dylan and froze.

Camdon stood a couple feet away from me, watching me with weary, sad eyes.

Chapter 19

I was pretty sure the world stopped. My heart definitely did. I was so stunned I couldn't speak.

"Surprise," Marcus said meekly. I didn't
look
at him, I couldn't. I was vaguely aware of Dylan coming up next to me, but Marcus pulled him away. "We're going to get something to eat, we're starving."

Camdon stood in front of me, and it was like I hadn't seen him in years. He looked even better than the way I remembered him, if that was possible. My whole body was jerking, wanting to be near him, and I had to force myself to stay put. I imagined myself doing what I had dreamed of the past weeks, and run up and hug him, being able to feel his arms wrap around me, knowing that we were okay. I blinked, trying to bring myself back to reality. I wasn't sure how long we stood there, but it was past the awkward stage. Camdon, always being the one to smooth things over, cleared his throat, as if he was going to say something, but didn't.

A man hurriedly walked past me, knocking me to the side, simultaneously taking me out of my trance. My eyes quickly found Camdon again, unable to leave his form, and I took a couple steps forward, hesitantly at first, before we were only
a
couple inches from each other.

That was as brave as I seemed to get, that or I was just content at being so close to him again. I was so close, all I had to do was lift my arm, and I would be able to touch him. My body hummed simultaneously with electricity and serenity. For now, just being near him was enough. I saw him gulp as he hesitated at first, before reaching out and taking a strand of my hair into his hands, twirling it around his finger. He stared at it, mesmerized, before turning his gaze towards me.

"Your hair is different." He said quietly. "Its straight… and not blonde."

I smiled weakly. "Its my natural color." I had to look away from him, "My hair is normally straight."

"Did you change it because of the-the-" He couldn't seem to get the words out and I nodded, not wanting to bring anything up.

We stood there for a little while longer, and it was clear that he wasn't going to say anything else, and I was too flustered to do anything but marvel in our proximity to each other. I was used to him being hundreds of miles away, unreachable. And here he was. I wondered if Dylan and Marcus dragged him here, the thought made an overwhelming amount of sadness move through me. "We should probably get back to the condo-"

"Right." Camdon nodded, following me as I got Dylan and Marcus.

I thought the ride back to our place would be more awkward than anything I'd ever experienced, but it wasn't. We just talked about Clarissa the whole time, and I finally realized why Marcus was the one to come out and greet me. Dylan was practically seizing he was fidgeting so badly. It would have been too easy to spot that something was up; I don't even know how he kept this a secret from me. I would have to talk to them later. But as it was I could barely concentrate, with Camdon sitting in the seat in front of me. A part of me felt pathetic, I had a backbone, I knew I was stronger than this. I could survive a malicious drug lord, but when it came to a guy, I crumbled into some type of…girl. But I needed him more than I had ever needed any one. When I was with him I felt whole, he brought out a side in me I didn't know I had. He made me realized what I valued in life, what came to be important to me. I left my shallow life behind; he showed me a new one, with friends and family, even love. It was worse, being near him and not having things right. As if a temptation was in front of me, constantly making my mind think of how we could be, if things went back to normal. How happy we all could be. It was hard for me not to start crying over the fact that he wouldn't even look at me, or that I couldn't ask him how he was doing. I wanted to know how he had been, how Ella was, and Jill and Joe. Just thinking about it all sent me into a tizzy. By the time we got back to the apartment, Dylan definitely noticed my state.

He gave me worried looks, before soothingly squeezing my hand. Dylan tugged on Marcus, being glaringly obvious, "Do you care if we check out the beach? I've never seen the ocean before."

I wasn't even focusing straight, but I appreciated what they were doing, "Don't get lost," I told them absentmindedly, I wasn't fully paying attention to anything but the person that held my heart, standing right in front of me, I only had eyes for Camdon.

Camdon sighed heavily as he watched them walk away; it was apparently obvious that they were trying to get us to work things out. I stepped into the condo, Camdon right behind me. I shut the door and turned to face him before bursting into tears.

He seemed a little surprised, but I didn't care, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself to him tight. I officially lost all control of myself. The last couple weeks had been
a
hard one, emotionally, and I really had needed him. Being able to feel him only made it worse, I couldn't stop the tears from coming. "Please stop being mad." I sobbed into his shoulder, "Please."

He tried to gently pull me away from him, which only broke my heart more. I stepped away, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." I instantly felt embarrassed, and I tried to breathe to make myself calm down. "You don't have to be here if you don't want-" I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. After a couple moments I, humiliated that I had just sobbed on his shoulder, asked in a small voice, "Will you say something?"

Camdon's eyes stared at me, and I knew I must have looked pathetic, but honestly, I couldn't have our situation be like this. "You can be with Kelly," I began, attempting to smooth things over, anything was better than this silence, "I won't bother you about it, I just want to be able to talk to you again…I miss you." My lip started trembling, but I bit it, hard, waiting for an answer.

"I feel like the biggest jackass in the world." I had to blink a couple times to comprehend that he was speaking to me.

"What?"

He went over to me, and ran a hand through my hair again, staring at it curiously. "It looks so different." I remained still and silent. "I saw your testimony on T.V. I must have watched it a hundred times." He laughed darkly to himself. "I read every article, every report about that whole case." And finally, what I had been waiting for the whole time we had been apart, was those beautiful, beautiful eyes, staring into mine. The way he looked at me, really looked at me. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I have no idea what that must have been like."

I started crying again. I honestly can't remember anyone actually saying that. Saying it to me so truly, like they actually cared, and wasn't just interested in some nitty gritty detail I could tell them. He pulled me with him as he sat down on the big chair we had in the front room. I curled up into his lap and closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I ran my hand through his hair, which had gotten
longer
. I gripped it and let it go, letting my fingers trail down his face lightly. He just watched me, as if I was the only thing he ever wanted to see.

I never wanted to move, his arms wrapped around me, I fit perfectly, I felt perfect. But our faces were so close, I missed him so much, and I saw the way his eyes kept drifting to my lips. It was like I was transfixed, in some type of trance, I took both of my hands and roughly ran them through his hair, he closed his eyes and sighed. I let them fall from his head down his neck to his chest, and ran my fingers along his shoulders, down and up his arm, back to his face again, to lightly run my fingers along his lips.

"Heidi," He breathed, his eyes still closed, seemingly in a haze.

I was wide-awake though, and I immediately slid off of him and was on the other side of the room. Camdon's eyes fluttered open. "What's wrong?" He sounded concerned, "Did I do something?" Then something dawned on his face.

"Oh." He mumbled.

"What?" I asked meekly, I was hugging myself, still frazzled and upset, not quite sure what to make of our situation.

"Your with that Ian kid right?" I heard a distinct anger in his voice that made part of me really happy.

"What?" I practically laughed.

"That guy, Ian, Marcus showed me on Facebook. He looks… older."

"No." I rolled my eyes at the "fond" memories I had of Ian, "We're not together anymore. He cheated on me."