Confidential (34 page)

"Now hold on." I got really defensive, staring at the man in front of me. "
You
didn't ruin her life." He looked up at me curiously, "You screwed her over, for sure, but Jill has a great life. She has the sweetest husband I have ever met, who adores her. She has two great children; and I mean amazing kids. She has a good job that lets her spend time with them, and allows her to read the thousands of books that take up her whole house. That whole town loves her; she's surrounded by people who care about her." I shook my head, seeing that even though he was broken, he was arrogant. "And look at you. You're alone. You have obnoxious friends, you missed out on knowing and raising one of the greatest people I know, you work at a boring job; the only good thing about your life is you live in California."

"You are alone." I said again, with finality. He started crying again, a little harder this time, and I felt a little bad but not really.

"I had a girlfriend for three years." He sniffled, after finally stopping to cry. "She wanted to get married, but all I could think about is Jill." He gulped, and turned his pretty blue eyes onto me, "She has a husband?" He asked, the sadness not hidden from his voice.

"Yeah. He's amazing. They give me hope for marriage, I swear."

"Is he as good looking as me?" He asked.

"What? Are you serious?" I was a little agitated, "You are such a little-"

He started laughing and put his hands out, "I was joking. Can you tell me about Camdon. Does he play any
sports
? Theatre? I'm assuming he's quite the charmer if he can get a girl like you to go soft." He grinned.

I pulled my knees to my chest. I thought about how Camdon told me that people in his town were always waiting for him to screw up, to blame it on growing up without a father, how they always gossiped and speculated about him. "I don't think Camdon would like me sitting here and gossiping about him."

"Please. Just tell me anything."

"Okay…" I thought for along time on what to say, something that Camdon wouldn't be mad about me telling. "He's the president of the student body, as a junior. Which never, ever happens. I don't know if you remember, but only seniors get to run for executive board, because they monitor all the other class officers. But because he's Camdon," I rolled my eyes and shook my head smiling, "They let him run, and he won of course." I laughed, remembering the day before I had to leave, "He was having a hard time figuring out what to do for prom, because he had never been before, and he has to plan it."

"People like him that much?" Tom's face was delighted; his smile was wide and bright.

"Yeah. It's annoying actually. Everyone loves him," I laughed to myself, "I don't like to share. But, he's the most genuine person I know. Honestly, I don't know how he got to be so nice. And I mean, he's sweet to everybody, no matter who they are or how they act. I've almost never seen him angry…" My lip started trembling slightly and held my self a little tighter, hoping I would stop thinking about that night. I left, and he didn't stop me, he wanted me to go…

"He doesn't play football?" Tom asked, a little disappointed.

"No." I said sternly. "He doesn't like to be associated with you at all, I think that's why he's so nice." I wish I could have taken back the last couple of words but it was too late, I was already crushing this man's heart into bits. "He plays lacrosse, and does baseball sometimes, and I think he does track, I can't remember. He didn't do baseball this year because student council kept him too busy."

"Is he smart?" Tom was hanging on to my every word.

"Yeah, he's pretty smart. Not Jill smart, but he does his homework and stuff." I was starting to get a little bit uncomfortable, questioning whether or not I should stop talking. I don't think Camdon would like me sitting here and telling Tom all of this. He would either want to do it himself, or not tell him anything at all.

"What about colleges?" Tom looked at me eagerly, his vibrant blue lighting up. "Maybe he could come out here, and I could get to know him."

"I don't know," I spoke softly, "We never got to talk about it."

He just sat there, as if he was absorbing all that I had told him. "Thank you so much. I have so many questions… What about Jill's family? You said she had two kids?"

"Camdon and Ella." Talking about their family was not part of the deal. Camdon was very protective about Ella. That I would not do.

"How old is she?" Seeing that I remained silent when he asked, he brought it up again, "Do you think I could go see them?"

I froze. "I- I- don't know." Camdon was going to kill me. He resented his father way too much. I don't know how he's not dying of curiosity though. I would want to know my father. Maybe it's the part of me that wants to be a long-lost princess or something, but I would at least want to know who they were.

I asked him about it once, to which he replied, "Why would I want to know somebody, who didn't want to know me?"

Oh if only he knew. "What changed?" I asked him, "Why are you now interested in Camdon, or haven't contacted them before."

"I have. I called her old house phone, but they moved out my sophomore year, which was when I realized what a mistake I made. And after that, I was never brave enough to just show up there and look for them." He looked up at me hopefully, "But maybe I will be now."

"Oh no no no no," I put my hand out, "Look, you could have looked for them, gotten their number somehow, you just didn't try hard enough. Don't try to play this off as one big misunderstanding. Because it's not. And they're living a good life. They won't necessarily want you to just show up and say 'Hey! I'm ready to be a dad now!'"

"But I need this." He pleaded.

"Isn't that what got you in this situation in the first place? You're only thinking about what you want, what YOU need. I can't speak for Camdon's family, but I don't exactly think that this is a good idea."

"Just give me their phone number, or address, or something." He begged again.

"No! That is not up to me-"

"I won't
tell
them where I got it, I swear I won't, I'll say I got it from a private investigator or something."

"I'm not going to lie to Camdon! I'm done doing that." I put my head in my hands, what a mess. "If you really think you should do this, you're doing it on your own. You show up to Franklin. Ask around about them, or contact one of your old highschool friends or something. But I can't be apart of this. I'm not going to help you turn that families life around."

"You already did," Tom looked at me, shrugging, "What's done is done."

I felt the blood drain from my face. I wasn't sure how Camdon would take this. As betrayal? Would he ever even call me again? Not to mention the distance between us. I felt an ache in my heart as it broke again. I wonder if I'll even be able to feel after this whole thing.

"I think I need some time to myself." I spoke quietly, already regretting the whole day.

Tom just stared at me for a little while before nodding. "Can I come back tomorrow? I'll take you to lunch or something. As a thank you,"

I shrugged, "Sure."

"I never got your name by the way."

"Heidi." I mumbled curling up on the couch, waiting for him to leave so I could drift off to a sleep, where hopefully my heart would stop hurting so badly, and maybe the guilt would be gone when I would wake.

"Well thank you Heidi. You did a lot for me, and if my son can't see what a true person you are, then maybe I should have stayed around to knock some sense into him."

I smiled to myself, but didn't respond, curling up into ball and sinking into a deep sleep.

*  *  *

Tom and I walked into
a
nice restaurant and the hostess lead us to the best seat in the place, perfect view of the beach, outside, but not too close to the boardwalk.

The pretty hostess smiled deviously at Tom, "It's good to see you again Tom," She set down our menu's suggestively, something I didn't even know was possible, and sauntered away from us, looking back at the good looking guy sitting across from me.

I raised an eyebrow at him, he looked at me, "What?"

I smirked but didn't answer, looking at a menu. I immediately found the most expensive thing on it, and decided to order that, a smoothie, and a sprite. I was going all out.

"So, Where are your parents? Where are you from again?" Tom looked
a
little bit like a frat boy, an older one that was still in his law school days filled with keggers and whatever it is they do. He currently was at ease, and he was radiating joyfulness. It was gross. He was so happy, he was obsessing over what to do and say, he had officially made up his mind that he was going to see his son.

"I'm from Phoenix." I watched as he captured the attention of a lot of the younger ladies in the room. "And my parents are busy."

He sighed. "Come on, there's no need to be so frosty towards me. I'm trying to make conversation, get to know the girl who's in love with my son."

My Son.
He needed to stop referring to Camdon as his son. I don't know if Camdon would like it. Joe's a good guy; I don't think he would like it either. "My mom comes up in a couple days, and so do some of my friends. I get some time to myself, which is really nice, I've had a pretty hectic year."

Tom nodded knowingly, "Yeah, junior year is a tough one."

I didn't respond, and instead talked to the waitress who appeared in front of us. "Would you guys like some drinks?"

"Yes, I'll have a glass of wine, thanks." Tom smiled at the young woman, who flushed and continued to eye him suggestively.

"I'll have a mango smoothie, with whip cream, and a sprite please." I looked at the menu, "Oh! And an appetizer would be good, we'll have the brie cheese and apple biscotti."

The waitress scrambled to write everything I had to say down, and I flashed Tom a snide grin.

He shook his head and laughed, not saying anything, until the waitress came back to take our order and I asked for the lobster, and the scallops.

"You literally ordered the two most expensive things on this menu."

"You literally abandoned the love of my life."

Tom chuckled a little bit before realizing that I wasn't joking. "The love of your life? Really? You don't think you're being a bit dramatic?"

I glared at him over the apple and brie cheese biscotti I was eating. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."

"I'm not trying to insult you." Tom took one and began eating it too. "I'm trying to explain that you're young. Really young. You have no idea who else you might meet, when you go to college, your whole world changes." He shrugged, "And, you're in high school in Arizona, he lives in Iowa, and even though you love him, I don't doubt that… but the love of your life?" Shaking his head, he said, "It's a bit unrealistic."

I thought for a couple moments about what he said. "I'm not going to say that I'll never meet anyone that I like as much as Camdon, but I have never met anyone who makes me such a better person. And I know that some people say it's just a phase, first love or whatever, but I don't think so. Camdon's someone whose going to be in my life forever, I can feel it." I stared at Tom, "I don't know if we'll still be together, but we'll always be drawn to each other, its weird." I shrugged.