Confidential (24 page)

He seemed to notice the shift in my tone and stopped playing with my hands, straightening up a little bit. "Telling me what?"

"That man, that was outside my house today, his name is Patrick. He's a police officer." I said quietly, not really sure how to start this.

"Okay… Heidi, I have to be honest, I don't really know where this is going."

"And so is Anna." I said with finality, holding his gaze.

"I thought that Anna worked at the law firm." He frowned, his brain not putting the pieces together yet.

"No. Not really." I sighed, trying to figure out
a
way to try this again. "A couple months ago, I saw something that I shouldn't have, it ended up being… important. So I have some information that some people don't want me to share. Patrick-, that detective, was nice enough to keep me safe…By sending me here."

I saw in his face that it clicked a little bit, but he still looked confused. "Do you remember how you were always wondering why there was no family photos around the house? Or how Anna stashes all those guns everywhere?" He nodded slowly, what I was saying slowly beginning to dawn on him, "Anna's here to protect me."

"From what?" Camdon's voice was stiff, and he still had that frown on his face.

"Bad people. Some really, really bad people. But it's okay. Because they found them now."

"Is that what the police officer came to tell you?"

I nodded my head. I could see his eyes searching my face for more answers, "Why are you telling me this?" He knew, I knew he had to know, but I didn't want to say it.

"Because Patrick is taking me back to Phoenix. They need me to testify." My voice was low and quiet.

"So… kind of like witness protection program?"

"I guess." I shrugged.

Camdon didn't say anything for a really long time. "What's your real name?"

"Heidi Van Dauson."

"And your parents…?"

"Aren't really on a sabbatical. I had to leave suddenly. It was an… emergency I guess you could say." The atmosphere became really still.

"Who else knows?"

"Only you." I lifted my head to look at him. "You're the only one. You can't say anything. I told them I wouldn't
tell
you, but I had to-"

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? Instead of making me feel like shit for questions about the guns and pictures? I laid off of it, but you always acted suspicious, it took you weeks to not jump every time someone first touched you. I thought it was my fault."

I looked out his window, at the sun going down, "I had to. It's a miracle they didn't find me. I couldn't
tell
anyone."

"Yeah, but I thought I would be
a
little bit different." His voice sounded angry. "I'm not everybody else." Camdon looked away, "Or am I?"

"You are different, that's why I'm telling you now." I reached my hand out to touch his face but he pulled back, shaking his head.

"So you kept me from knowing who you actually were, this whole time? I told you everything about my dad, I let you meet my family, hell, Ella actually talks to you, I completely let you in, and now…" He gulped, his voice cracking slightly, "Now I feel like I don't even know you at all."

"Camdon. Don't say that. Please don't say that. You know that's not true at all." I said hurriedly, suddenly scared that I was going to loose him even more than I already had.

"I didn't even know your last name. I've never met your family, any of your old friends. You avoid telling me anything about your past… Heidi. I don't know you." Camdon's voice sounded so pained it hurt my heart.

"Stop it." I said forcefully, putting my hands in his hair, he closed is eyes, but the look of hurt didn't leave him. I kissed him, and he kissed back eagerly, almost aggressively, and pushed me back on his bed. I curled my legs around his and pulled him closer to me. He let out a groan that seemed to pull him back to his senses and he pulled away suddenly, and my body instantly missed his touch.

I wasn't going to let him leave like this so I pulled him back slowly. "Please, please please, promise me you won't think like that."

"I can't." His hushed voice was ragged and hurt. "All I can think about is all the time we spent together, and I can't separate from what was real and what was you pretending to be someone else."

"It was all real." I affirmed. "Stop talking like that." My voice broke at the end, and I couldn't help tears from leaving my eyes.

"I need time to think," he whispered and pulled away from me.

I got up off his bed, and tried to wipe the tears away quickly, even though I knew he had already seen them. "That's why I'm telling you this now." I said just as quietly as he had. "I don't have any time left." My tears couldn't be contained as I barely got out without choking on a sob, "I'm leaving tomorrow."

He was silent, and just watched me. I wasn't used to this, normally he would already have his arms wrapped around me, and I felt very alone with out him. I only stayed for another moment, before I turned and hurriedly left his house, after realizing that he didn't have anything more to say.

Chapter 13

"I need you to focus," Patrick told me sternly. I made myself turn my head and look at him. "This is serious. They are going to be grilling you left and right, trying to make it seem like its your fault, that your words are questionable, anything to make you testimony seem illegitimate."

I sighed, and nodded, everyone was starting to feel the pressure as the trial was coming up in a daunting couple of days. The police had all the evidence, testimonies, warrants, and charges ready and lined up. By the time they had actually caught Mickey, they worked for a speedy trial, normally it could take months, but this was cut short. The danger of the situation was felt by everyone and the anticipation of the entire police department was so electric, I could feel it. It passed between different officers, prosecutors, and the federal agents that were now involved. I felt it, and I also felt the pressure.

Every single person in the building knew who I was. The pain I felt in leaving Camdon was so much, I didn't think I could do it. I wanted to shout and scream, and tell Patrick and everybody that I wasn't going to do it, they didn't need me to testify, it wasn't worth it. Not for me.

But then I saw all these people, who had dedicated years of their lives to capturing these people. How could I not? I thought about all the lives lost or corrupted because of a power-hungry lunatic. As much as I hated leaving Camdon, as much as I didn't want to get on the stand and reveal to everyone how weak I was when Mickey's men had attacked me, I couldn't not do it. I was here, in Phoenix, whether I liked it or not. I might as well make sure that the woman who messed up my life so badly suffered for it.

And I wanted her to suffer, badly. Because my mind is so turned around, half the time I don' t know what to feel, say, do, or even think. During the past couple days I had been in Phoenix I had come to the conclusion that it was all her fault. When I thought about my situation, it always ended up being on one of the extremes: I was in a comatose state, I missed Camdon so badly it hurt every part of me, and it was like my body shut down, and I would either cry or mope around like a zombie. The other involved having my whole body humming with anger at this despicable woman, who, because of her, I was sent to Iowa, because of her, I left my wonderful, normal, slightly shallow life and was thrown into one where Camdon existed. It was literally two different worlds, and I was beginning to be torn apart. I was angry or depressed, I was in a city or a small town, my mind couldn't take it, my body physically couldn't take it.

Someone snapped their fingers in front of my face and I jumped three feet in the air, almost falling off the chair I was sitting in. "What?" My voice snapped, annoyed at whoever had done that. I glared at Detective Kaiser. We would never be on first name basis. That was reserved especially for Patrick.

Patrick rubbed his hands over his face, long and warn as it was. Sighing, he said, "We'll take a break." He pushed his paperwork in front of him roughly, looking at the end of his rope.

"You should go sleep." I offered, my mind already wandering to the room and bed I missed so much. I hadn't really slept since we landed.

Kaiser shook his head, his old self still as bitter and energized as ever. "There is way to much to do."

"Patrick is never going to be productive if he doesn't get some sleep. He'll get more done with a rested body in an hour than he would with a tired one in a whole day." I said truthfully.

Kaiser persuaded him to go sleep, and when I got up to leave he stopped me. "That place changed you."

"What?" I asked, my annoyed tone returning. "What are you talking about."

"Since when do you give
a
rats ass about anyone but yourself?"

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed, putting my hands on my hips in some type of teen protest.

"The girl I met at the beginning of this year would have never shown any type of concern like that for anybody. Let alone some Detective you haven't known for longer than a couple months." His gaze was stern, "This is probably the best thing that's happened to you." I started shaking my head but he cut in, "You may not realize it now, but someday you will."

I opened my mouth to give him a piece of mind, because if anyone could bring out some of the old fire in me, this aging bastard could. "First of all, that's incredibly insulting. Patrick has helped me a lot; I credit him to being a major part of protecting me. And I have never been such an ice queen as to not care about someone's well being." Even as the last couple words came out of my mouth I knew they weren't true. The fact that I openly recognized someone else's problems was a new thing with me, as was giving some type of solution.

"Right." The officer smirked. But I just rolled my eyes and stormed past him, entering
a
little room they had full of bunks. I had assumed Patrick had gone home, because I didn't see him in here.

Lucky for me, the department decided that going back to school and going home was still not safe for me, so I was camping out here all day until Anna came and picked me up and I stayed with here at her apartment. It was so enjoyable, being stuck in an office all day.

At first I was really angry at the arrangement, because come on, they make me come back her for what? So I can be a sitting duck, just like always, but in a new place? Great.

But after
a
little while, I was relieved. I couldn't go back to school. What was I supposed to say to my friends? I didn't even really consider them friends, I hadn't talked to them all year, and, to be honest, I wasn't really into people anymore.

If they weren't Anna or Patrick, then I didn't talk to them unless absolutely necessary. The only people I talked to besides them were Marcus and Dylan, who I called at least once a day. I hadn't even seen my parents yet, that was my decision though. I was going to see them after the first day of the trial. But I wouldn't be testifying until later.

I crawled into one of the bunks and curled up into a tiny ball, it was all too overwhelming. I thought about Camdon and cried myself until I fell asleep, even though it was still midday, just letting the aching feeling in my heart wash over me.

*  *  *

"Heidi." I heard a sweet soft voice say, as I was shaken ever so gently, "Heidi," it came again. I was in that half dream state, and for a couple moments, I almost thought it was angel. I smiled at the thought of something so nice.