Cowboy Desires: The Complete Collection (5 page)

“Why are you here now? After all this time? I waited and hoped and prayed and called. I never got a word in return. You just vanished completely. You knew what happened, and you left me to deal with it alone. I’m still scarred. I’m still sad. But I was finally ready to move on.”

“There hasn’t been a minute that I haven’t thought about you. I worried about you every day. I wanted to call or text, but I was scared. I changed my number because I knew if I heard from you, I would come running back. I couldn’t face what happened. I couldn’t get over it. I wanted it as much as you did. I figured once that part of us was lost, we would never be able to make it together. I couldn’t sit there for another second and watch you falling apart. I knew you had your sisters and that they would help you. But I couldn’t take the pain. I was an asshole. But I love you so much. I never stopped loving you, Jamie. You have my heart. No one else ever will.”

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left me when I needed you most. You wouldn’t have walked out of the hospital room and never come back. You would have sat there and held my hand and been there for me after the surgery. You would have cried with me instead of running. You would have gotten through it with me and we would have been stronger for it. Do you have any idea what I went through alone?”

“You weren’t alone. You had your family. I wouldn’t have left you there if I didn’t know that.”

“I never told anyone. I waited and waited for you to come take me home the next day, and when you didn’t show up, I called a cab. I couldn’t bear to tell my sisters what happened, so I pretended I had the flu and holed myself up for days. Then I closed up my heart and faced the world. I tried to get in touch with you, but my texts were returned. I asked around about you, but no one knew where you were. Or you swore them to secrecy. I’m still not sure. Either way, I am still struggling with it to this day, and you are still the only person who knows about the hell I went through. How could you leave me so broken?”

“I had no idea you didn’t tell anyone. Why did you do it alone? I ran. I was an asshole. A selfish asshole. I didn’t mean to stay away for so long. But I was mourning, and I didn’t want to face you or anyone else here. I didn’t want anyone to see me go through my grief like that. I cried every day. I still cry a lot. I had closed up my heart for so long. When I finally let you in, that was a huge step for me. When that happened, I figured it was all my fault for letting myself fall in love with you. I lost two people that day. And I lost myself too. Unfortunately, you were the one who suffered the most.”

“You have no idea, Mason! I had to go on fucking anti-depressants. I still cry more than normal people do. I heard our song the other day, and I had to pull over because I was sobbing. All I wanted was you. You were the only one who could understand my grief. I wanted to build a life with you. I wanted to marry you. We could have tried again. How could you love me and leave me? You completely broke me.”

I was sobbing again now. Angry tears of rage and hurt and love were falling down my face. What surprised me the most was looking over and seeing the same tears falling down his face. That was the last thing I expected to see.

Despite all the pain he had caused, I still wanted to go to him. I couldn’t stand to see him cry like this. He had meant everything to me and, up until yesterday, I had still been waiting for him to come back to me. Now here he was, sitting here in front of me, pouring his heart out. He was sharing his feelings like never before. But he still hadn’t told me where he had gone. Was he living alone? Did he see anyone else? Did he sleep with anyone else? I didn’t know if I could take the answers to those questions.

“I’m broken too, Jamie! I completely lost everything that day, too. I was ready to build a life with you. To start our family. But I’m not strong like you. I ran to my aunt and uncle’s farm in Pennsylvania, and I have been there this whole time. Hard work and quiet was the only way I knew how to get through this. They didn’t ask any questions, and they always have a room for me there. I worked my pain out. But when I couldn’t get the ache to dull, I knew it was because the only thing that could ever make it better was you. I need you, Jamie. I want you back. Please tell me it’s not too late.”

He was crying the whole time he spoke. In all the time I had known him, this was the only time I had seen him cry. He didn’t even cry in the hospital that day. My heart was crying out for him. But I was trying to process all of this information. Plus I had built my defenses up in preparation for his return. I couldn’t deny the fact that I was still head over heels in love with him. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt him get closer.

Mason was standing in front of me, and he reached down to grab my hand and pulled me up in front of him. Since I was barefoot, I only came up to his chest. That was something that I had always loved about him. Standing so close, I could smell him and feel the familiarity of the warmth of his body. He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I was looking into his eyes. His face was still wet with fresh tears that matched my own. His eyes were the same blue that haunted my dreams night after night. He looked so vulnerable that I couldn’t take it anymore. Despite my pain, I got on my toes, took his face in my hands, and pressed my lips to his. The kiss immediately became heated, igniting a fire of passion, love, heartache, and desperation. His hands were wound up in my hair, and I was sucking on his bottom lip. Our bodies were pressed so tightly together that there was no air. I was so angry with him but hungry for him at the same time.

Words would have stopped this from happening, so we pulled apart in silence, and he led me upstairs to my bedroom where we had made love so many times before. We started kissing again and he reached for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. He reached behind me and undid my bra with one hand, letting my full breasts fall free. His hands were immediately on them, cupping them and pulling my nipples between his fingers. Then his mouth was on them, and I could feel the burning low in my belly from the movements of his tongue. My body responded to him immediately as if I had never felt the pain of his absence.

He kissed his way down to my belly button and was on his knees in front of me. He pulled down my pants and panties in one motion, and I was completely bare before him. I didn’t try to cover up because Mason already knew every curve of my body. He had touched and licked every single inch of me at some point in our relationship, and he had told me that he loved me exactly the way I was.

He continued to kiss his way down until he reached the spot just above where I needed him the most. Then he moved me backward so I was against the wall and put one of my legs on his shoulder. He didn’t keep me waiting after that. His tongue came out and licked a slow, soft circle around my clit. I cried out from the contact and rested my hands on his head to keep myself steady. One of his hands reached around behind me and kneaded my ass. Then he took one of the fingers from the other hand and pushed it up inside of me. I was already soaking wet from kissing him. It didn’t take much to get me ready for Mason.

He sucked my clit gently into his mouth and I thrust my hips forward in response. He hadn’t forgotten what I liked, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I found my release. He slid a second finger inside me and started to fuck me hard with it. I was no longer able to be quiet, so I just let myself moan and cry out his name. I had missed this. I had missed everything about him, and I didn’t want anything to break the spell that had taken hold of us in the moment. After a few more minutes of his tongue and fingers working their magic, I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Oh god, yes, Mason! I’m coming! Fuck it’s been so long! Baby, don’t stop!”

I gripped his hair and held him in place as my juice flowed into his mouth and down his chin. He didn’t move away until my body stopped shaking. Then he gently removed my leg from his shoulder and stood up, never losing some sort of contact. Then he took my by the hand led me to my bed.

I lay down toward the head of the bed on my pillows and just watched him. His eyes burned with hunger for me, and his chin was still wet with my juices. I held my breath as I watched him remove his shirt. He was on the thin side, but that’s the way I liked it. It kind of balanced us out since I had extra curves. Then he undid his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, revealing just the top of his plaid boxers. He pushed his jeans to the floor and stepped out of them, and that’s when I could see that he was fully aroused.

I had loved Mason for many reasons, but I was extra lucky when it came to him in one department. His tool was 9 inches long and plenty thick, and he knew exactly what to do with it. I tried to push aside the fact that he had been with a lot of women before me that most likely taught him what they knew. It all ended up being to my benefit.

He stood there in just his boxers for a few seconds and he looked like he was just admiring me lying on the bed with my legs spread. When he slipped them off and stood there completely naked, I immediately wanted him inside of me. He didn’t waste another minute of our time. He crawled up the bed until he was positioned between my legs. Leaning forward, he began to kiss me again, slow and sweet. I was coming out of my skin in anticipation of feeling him push inside of me for the first time in over a year. The head of his cock was teasing between my legs as he rubbed it back and forth through my soaking wet folds.

“Baby, I can’t wait another second to be inside of you. It has been way too long.”

I reached around and grabbed his ass to let him know I was ready for him. He placed the tip of his cock at the opening of my pussy and started to slowly push inside. Right away I was overcome by the pleasure that he could bring. The fact that my love for him was still so overwhelming helped make it that much better. There were so many issues that we had to work out, but this was once place where we had never had a problem.

When he was all the way inside of me, he just stayed there for a minute. We kissed and he brushed the hair off my forehead as he looked into my eyes. Then he pulled back out and pushed back in slowly, rocking his hips in rhythm with mine. Even if I wanted to speak, I had no words for the overwhelming emotions I was feeling. The man I had loved and lost was back in my arms and in my bed.

Our movements were perfectly synced, as if our bodies remembered everything that we had forced ourselves to forget. As Mason made love to me, I let go of the pain I had been feeling and just stayed in the moment. It was almost like going back to another moment in time with him. When things were simpler and I didn’t have to carry around the burden of lost time.

He picked up one of my legs and placed it over his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper inside me. The way his huge monster hit me in just the right place each time made it seem like we were crafted to fit together. I ran my nails lightly up and down his back and never took my eyes from his. I reached up and cupped his face in an attempt to show him how much this meant to me.

We were moving quickly toward a common goal, and I was not going to fight it. I wanted this release with him. Maybe it would help to wash away some of the pent up anger I still carried inside. Maybe it would help to heal a few pieces of my broken heart. As his pace increased, I knew we were getting close to the end.

I pressed my hips up eagerly to meet his. His pelvis made contact with my most intimate parts and that was it for me. I whimpered against him as my orgasm came on forcefully.

The feeling must have been too much for him, too, because he cried out and released stream after stream of himself inside of me. He said my name over and over, and only closed his eyes briefly when the pleasure held him captive.

When he was done, he didn’t pull out immediately. Instead, he just lay on top of me catching his breath. I was too reluctant to have this moment end, so I didn’t try to push him away. We remained silent for what seemed like hours. When he finally rolled off of me, I immediately felt the blow of his absence again.

“Jamie, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t even want to talk because I was afraid of what would be said. But that was perfect. It was just as amazing as always. I don’t want to live without you anymore. Please say you’ll be with me. I want to start our family again.”

“That was all I ever wanted, but it’s not that simple, Mason. You’ve been gone for so long. My life has changed. I’ve changed.”

He looked stricken by my last statement.

“What do you mean your life has changed? Are you seeing someone, Jamie?”

His words carried an undertone of accusation, like a scorned lover, but he had no right to act that way.

“So what if I am? I assumed when you didn’t come back for months and months that it must be over. We couldn’t still be in a relationship if I didn’t have your number or know where you lived, right? And I don’t believe for a second that you didn’t share another woman’s bed that whole time.”

This time I saw guilt flash on his face as he reacted to my last comment. Deep down I already knew that he most likely had sex with someone else, but seeing the confirmation of my fears on his face reopened the wound.

“It was just sex with them. I thought maybe I could forget the pain for a while, but all it did was remind me that no one would ever be you. Anyway, it sounds like you had some fun of your own!”

He was starting to raise his voice and I didn’t like. I got up and put my bathrobe on. It didn’t feel right to be naked with him anymore.

“To tell you the truth, I just started seeing someone. His name is Austin, and he’s a gentleman. He treats me like a queen, and I don’t have to beg him to like me like I had to with you. He found me crying over you and dried my tears. He wants to help me pick up the pieces of my shattered life. The life that you left in ruins, Mason!”