Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (10 page)

How to sharpen a blade

My set of cooking knives includes a metal rod with a wooden handle. I assume this is to sharpen the blades, but I have no idea how to use it. How do you hold it?—K.L., Atlanta, Georgia

The steel isn’t designed to sharpen a dull blade; instead it maintains the edge of an already sharp knife. A chef or butcher will use the steel every few minutes; for cooking at home, it’s sufficient to steel after each use. Many people simply flail the steel and edge together, but craftsman Keith De’Grau, who runs HandAmerican.com, a site devoted to cutting tools, says control is the key. “My preference is to hold the steel vertically and then tip it 10 to 20 degrees one way or
the other, depending on the angle of the edge,” he says. “Run the blade straight down the steel, from bolster to tip, drawing it toward you. Repeat for each side.” (His site has photos.) Regardless of your technique, most steels are heavily grooved, which means that each time you run an expensive knife over them, the blade is serrated. This creates the illusion of sharpness but damages the knife. De’Grau suggests running 400-grit silicone-carbide paper over your steel for five minutes to make it less aggressive. If you aren’t comfortable using a whetstone to sharpen your trusted knives, have a professional do it for you every 12 to 18 months.

Grilling tips

My neighbor moved and gave me his gas grill. I’m new to the art. Can you run down a few basics?—P.S., Mesa, Arizona

Let’s talk steak. (1) Trim fat edges to a quarter inch to reduce flare-ups and heart attacks. (2) Sprinkle both sides of each steak with kosher salt and pepper, then drizzle with oil. Start with high heat, char both sides, then move the meat to a cooler area. Keep your steaks about an inch apart. (3) Use tongs rather than a fork so you don’t pierce the meat and let juices escape. (4) Cook with the cover closed. Let the steak sit for five minutes after you take it off the grill so the juices have time to settle back to the center.

That’s good advice, but what’s the best way to know when a grilled steak is medium rare?—R.R., Boston, Massachusetts

Most grillers press on the steak with tongs to measure its resistance; beef becomes less springy as it cooks. To get an idea of how it should feel, press the fleshy part of your hand between the index finger and thumb. That’s rare. For medium rare spread your fingers out and poke the same spot. For medium make a fist. Or spend five bucks on a meat thermometer. The FDA recommends cooking beef to at least 145 degrees for medium rare, 160 for medium and 170 for well-done. Whole poultry should be cooked to at least 180 degrees, measured at the thigh. Chicken breasts should be cooked to 170 degrees, pork and ground beef to 160.

Sushi bar etiquette

What is the protocol while eating at a sushi bar?—G.G., Citrus Heights, California

Never dip your sushi rice-side, and don’t soak it—the sauce should complement the fish, not kill its flavor. The ginger is there to cleanse your palate. The green stuff
(wasabi) is hot; mix bits of it with your soy sauce to taste. It’s best to eat each piece in one bite, but in the West that’s not always practical because sushi tends to be larger. Never pass food with your chopsticks; in Japan, this resembles a Buddhist ritual in which bone fragments from a cremated body are passed at a funeral. Instead, offer the plate. It’s okay to pick up sushi with your fingers, but always use chopsticks for sashimi. When you are not using your sticks, place them on the small, decorative hashi oki. If you take food from a shared plate, turn the sticks around so you’re not using the ends that you put in your mouth. It’s bad form to smoke. And while you should leave a tip on the bar for the chef, keep in mind that the people who handle the food never touch the money.

Charcoal vs. gas

A friend has been giving me a hard time about my new gas grill. He’s convinced it’s my plebeian attempt to be a griller. To hear him talk of charcoal you’d think he was indulging in foreplay. “The longer, the sweeter,” he says. But I grill almost daily, at times for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (Pancakes, eggs and pizza are some of my favorite meals.) I enjoy it as much as he does, but I do it more quickly and more often. In the end I think a juicy, satisfying sirloin is more a matter of technique. What does the Advisor say?—S.P., Kirchenthumbach, Germany

The Advisor says, “Will you two shut up and flip our steak?” You each have what you need. Although there is no question that meat grilled over charcoal tastes better, you can’t beat the convenience of gas. Don’t give up on charcoal; a chimney starter cuts down on the prep time considerably while eliminating the need for lighter fluid. And we prefer hardwood charcoal, which burns faster and with greater intensity. For some reason it’s a great comfort to tend that dancing flame.

Who says meat grilled over charcoal tastes better? Charcoal, like gas, is just fuel. The grilled flavor comes from the smoke that rises when the juices and marinade drip onto the briquettes. Gas grills approximate this with bars or rocks. I am an experienced griller and can taste no difference. However, the convenience of gas can’t be beat. It also allows you to grill in the winter.—R.G., Lake in the Hills, Illinois

In 2000 a research firm hired by Kingsford charcoal gave a blind taste test to 796 adults in four cities and found that around 65 percent preferred chicken and
hamburgers cooked over charcoal—by someone else, notably. But Weber, which makes both types of grill, says it has conducted repeated surveys in which people report they can’t tell the difference. As one griller puts it, a lot depends on whether you’re into the journey or the destination. Some people compromise—gas during the week, charcoal on weekends.

I am a propane cooker myself and challenge any briquette lover to serve a better meal. My secret is wood chips. Soak two cups of them in water for half an hour, drain and place in a foil pouch. Punch a few holes to vent and place as close to the flame as possible. You can buy smoking pellets, but they last only 15 minutes. Real wood chips smoke for up to 45. They also come in different flavors: hickory, mesquite, apple wood.—C.T., South Lyon, Michigan

You’re looking for trouble with that throw-down.

Propane toasting is not barbecue. Barbecue is cooking large cuts of meat for long periods of time at lower temperatures. Stop buying grills because they are shiny. Stop trying to cook a cheap hunk of meat at 600 degrees in two minutes. Stop using Italian salad dressing as a marinade. Then we can talk about a grill-off.—R.K., Los Angeles, California

As we have discovered, it’s dangerous to stand between two men wielding tongs.

Preparing truffles

A friend gave me a jar of black truffles from Italy as a gift. These things have such mythical status that I’m not sure how to use them to their best effect. I’m an adventurous cook within striking distance of a gourmet grocery, so anything is possible.—C.O., San Carlos, California

You don’t need adventure or gourmet groceries. In fact it’s best to keep it simple. “The traditional truffle dish is eggs,” says chef Peter Urbani, whose family runs Urbani Truffles (urbani.com). “Add a quarter teaspoon of truffle butter or oil, and shave your black truffle over them.” Urbani says your gift is either summer truffles
(Tuber aestivum
Vitt.
)
or winter ones
(Tuber melanosporum
Vitt.
)
. “Look for
tuber
on the jar,” he says. “If you don’t see it, it’s not a European truffle and you probably paid too much for it.” With any luck you have winter truffles, which are more flavorful. “It’s like the difference between catfish and sea bass,” Urbani says. He recommends using a
microplane to shave your truffles onto a risotto or pasta with cream sauce. Unlike white truffles, the black variety can also be added to the dish near the end of the cooking process.

Choosing the best cheese

How do you select interesting cheeses to serve at a party? I always get safe bets such as Swiss or Gouda, and I have no idea which of the hundreds of cheeses at the local deli might be good.—J.N., Chicago, Illinois

The proprietor of any good cheese shop can lead the way. That’s why we called chef Terrance Brennan, proprietor of the 10,000-square-foot Artisanal Cheese Center in New York City (artisanalcheese.com). He suggests serving three to five cheeses arranged on a plate from mild to strong, with the mildest at six o’clock. Present as much variety as you can, considering the regions where the cheeses originated, the type of milk used to make them and their textures, flavors and shapes. To get started Brennan suggests Uplands Pleasant Ridge from Wisconsin for a cow’s-milk cheese, Montenebro from Spain for a goat’s-milk selection and Spenwood, a sheep’s-milk cheese made in a small English village. Always include a blue cheese, because it’s a crowd-pleaser and a great finisher. Brennan recommends Colston Bassett Stilton from England; we also like Cashel Blue from Ireland. Plan on two to three ounces per person. Artisanalcheese.com has more information on pairing wines. (The Uplands is great with merlot.) In general, if you’re serving a red, keep it young, light and fruity. White wines are easier to match; you can’t go wrong with a sauvignon blanc.

Aging beef at home

How do restaurants age beef? Can it be done at home?—A.K., Dallas, Texas

They store it for three or four weeks in the walk-in cooler, typically at between 32 and 34 degrees Fahrenheit with 85 percent relative humidity. This allows the muscle fibers to slowly decompose, making the meat more tender. At the same time, it loses water, making it firmer and more flavorful. Most meat is wet-aged, meaning it is vacuum packed in its own juices and stored only until it’s sold and served. The meat becomes more tender, but its flavor doesn’t change. Merle Ellis, who has been a butcher for 50 years, offers this recipe to dry-age a loin at home: Pat the meat dry with paper towels, then store it for a week with the fat side down on the refrigerator shelf that has the best air circulation—usually the bottom one, which is also often the coldest. The surface will darken and dry, but that’s okay.
Check often to wipe away any moisture, or wrap the meat in clean white cotton dish towels and change them daily. After 10 to 14 days, cut steaks from each end and allow the rest of the loin to continue to age. “I’d be willing to bet that after dry-aging even under less than the best of conditions, the beef will be better than it was the week before,” Ellis says.

DESIRE

Feast or famine.

My spouse has no interest in sex

In the beginning of our marriage, my wife was very passionate. Now, 10 years later, she says she has no interest in sex. She treats it like a chore. She makes me feel like it’s something I do to her rather than with her. I’ve tried to talk to her about the situation, but she gets angry at me for bringing it up. Everything in the marriage is fine except for the intimacy. Any advice?—D.M., Baltimore, Maryland

Without the intimacy, it’s not much of a marriage. The typical advice you’ll get from self-help books is to be more attentive to your wife’s emotional needs and the sex will follow. We wonder why the equation can’t be turned around: If your wife fucked you more often, she’d have her emotional and every other need met—and then some. That’s why we like what we hear from Michele Weiner Davis, author of
The Sex-Starved Marriage
. She stands up for guys, noting that it’s not fair for a wife to refuse to fulfill her husband’s desires while demanding monogamy. “A lot of women need an emotional connection to feel aroused,” she says. “They can’t fathom how to have sex if there’s tension in the air, or the kids are home, or there are clothes to be folded. Desire is a decision. I tell women to succumb to their husbands no matter their mood, and see what happens.” One group was amazed at the response—their husbands suddenly read to the kids, set aside time to talk, fixed things. And women who think they aren’t in the mood often end up enjoying themselves immensely. “Men tell me that sex with their wives is about more than just getting off. It makes them feel wanted, loved, appreciated, masculine. If the wife shuts the husband out, he has one of two reactions: (1) He becomes highly critical because he’s so angry, or (2) he withdraws. Neither response will get you laid. My advice for guys is to explain how they feel when they’re refused. A husband told his wife in a session with me, ‘When I reach for you and you reject me, there’s no lonelier feeling.’ His wife responded, ‘When you touch me the only thing I can think about is whether I’m in the mood.’ That was a start.”