Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (16 page)

My wife wants to have her inner labia trimmed. I tell her that I like hers the way they are. When she pulls on them, they stretch out to about two inches. Is there a doctor in his or her right mind who would do this type of operation? This is really bothering her.—S.W., Louisville, Kentucky

A plastic surgeon can trim the ends, or, in a technique developed by Dr. Gary Alter of Beverly Hills, remove a V-shaped wedge from the middle so the labia keep their natural edges. Alter says about 90 percent of the women who ask him to perform the surgery do so for cosmetic reasons; like your wife, they dislike the appearance of their genitals. Some are so hung up on it, they have a hard time enjoying sex. The other 10 percent, he says, complain of discomfort because the labia rub together or against clothes and become irritated, or get pinched. As with any surgery, there are risks, and the one-hour procedure will cost several thousand dollars or more (don’t expect insurance coverage). Before your wife decides on surgery, buy her a copy of
Femalia
, which includes 32 photos of vulvas with labia of all shapes and sizes. Its editor, Joani Blank, says she is troubled that any woman would have herself trimmed. “The scientific names we give the lips are unfortunate,” she says. “Labia minora means ‘little ones,’ which implies to some people that they shouldn’t show.” Blank suggests that your wife speak with other women, who might have more luck convincing her that her labia are normal and natural. And you should keep reassuring her that her lips are as beautiful to you as the rest of her.

Clit pumping

What is clit pumping?—B.J., Seattle, Washington

It resembles penis pumping, but you need a better eye. The practice draws blood to the clitoris, which increases sensitivity and lubrication. The FDA has approved a $360 device called Eros-CTD to assist women with sexual arousal disorder. It consists of a suction cup and a palm-size, battery-operated pump. But some women have been pumping for years. You’ll find details in
The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex
by Karlyn Lotney, who reports that women have pumped their clits up to four and a half inches long and five inches around. That’s the extreme; in most cases, pumping is viewed as occasional kinky fun. “Most men have about six inches of erectile tissue, and so do most women. It’s just not as easy to see,” she writes. “Pumping makes the clitoral shaft stand out in broad relief, which makes it easier for a partner to find and caress.” Some women reach orgasm from the pump’s sucking sensation; others find it intensifies the pleasure of oral sex after the cup is removed. Clit pumping can be hazardous, so women who attempt it should proceed carefully and stop immediately if they feel pain. Lotney suggests that beginners experiment with the yellow rubber suction cups found in snakebite kits. “Lubricate one of the suckers, squeeze it together around the flesh of your clitoris, and let go. The sucker will stay in place until you squeeze it again to break the suction.” While a snakebite sucker is less intense than vacuum pumps, Lotney recommends not leaving it on your genitals for more than a few minutes at a time until you have more experience with the sensation.

How deep is the vagina?

How deep is the average vagina? If you were to slide a yardstick into a woman, how far would it go?—C.C., Grand Ledge, Michigan

The ones we’ve measured have been about four inches. But we used our tongue.

Breaking the hymen

Can a woman lose her hymen before sex and not know it? I met my wife as a freshman in college, and she swore to me that she was a virgin. I believed her, but months later, when we finally had sex, there was no blood. In fact, she seemed very loose. What’s your opinion?—S.B., Dallas, Texas

The notion that virgins always bleed is an ancient, stubborn and bogus belief. In many cases, the hymen doesn’t produce much blood (if any) when it breaks, or
it stretches but remains intact, or it breaks naturally before sex, or the woman doesn’t have one to begin with. There’s no reliable way to tell if a woman is a virgin.

Spot the fake

My buddies and I often disagree on whether the Centerfold is all natural. Is there any surefire way to tell?—B.H., Chatsworth, California

Natural breasts aren’t exactly the same size, they aren’t perfectly round, they’re in proportion to the woman’s frame and weight and they don’t defy gravity when she lies on her back. Many of the breast implants we see on women who believe “that’s what
Playboy
wants” can only be described as grotesque, which is why we never recommend the procedure. (Seventy percent of the women who submit photos to the magazine are rejected simply because they have bad boob jobs.) According to one of our photographers, only about 5 percent of the women he sees who have implants leave him guessing, which he sees as a sign of quality.

Larger breasts through herbs

My fiancée has tiny breasts. I would love them to be larger, but I don’t want her to go under the knife. I’ve seen magazine ads for herbal breast enlargement products such as Isis and Bloussant. Should I get her a supply?—R.T., New York, New York

Have you asked your fiancée about this? She may be happy with her size, which means she shouldn’t change a thing. Regardless, enlargement pills and creams don’t work. In fact, the Federal Trade Commission cracked down on the makers of Isis for false claims, including the company’s assertion that its concoction had no side effects. (The FTC heard from hundreds of users who experienced headaches, nausea and allergic reactions.) A medical device called Brava has been shown to increase size in some women, but it has to be worn 10 to 12 hours a day for three months. A pump suctions air from plastic domes secured over the breasts with a mesh bra. This stretches the tissue, causing new cells to form. Not everyone is sold on the device, which costs $1,250 online or up to $2,500 if you buy from a doctor and Brava throws in a guarantee. Visit home.comcast.net/~drmomentum/bravargh for cautionary tales.

Ice-cold remedy

My friend told me to put ice packs on my breasts because they are stimulated by cold. Does that work? Also, if you have small breasts, how do you make yourself look sexy? Most guys want girls with large breasts.—S.S., Scarsdale, New York

Most guys aren’t that picky. They may have quicker reflexes around large breasts, but they need more to keep them interested. We know plenty of women whose sex appeal makes their breasts exactly the right size. Ice packs will make your nipples hard and your breasts numb, but that’s it.

FITNESS

The best shape of your life.

Free weights vs. machines

Which provide the better results—free weights or machines? I say there is no difference; my father says that a barbell and a bench are all he needs.—K.O., Chesapeake, Virginia

Studies have not shown a significant difference—your muscles don’t care what provides the resistance. Free weights engage more muscles than a machine because you must balance and control the load. They also give you more flexibility to design exercises specific to your sport, especially for the lower body. They’re less expensive, take up less space and work with every body type. However, they take more time to adjust, which can slow down your workout, and usually require a spotter. Machines are more comfortable for most people; free weights seem riskier to beginners. Some people prefer hybrids such as Bowflex, which provides resistance through flexible rods and handles.

Balancing the weight

A buddy was telling me about a theory that says if you strengthen your left arm and left leg, your right arm and right leg will grow equally strong. Sounds like bunk, but maybe I’m working with only one side of my brain.—B.N., Venice, California

You’re talking about the concept of bilateral transfer, also known as cross-education. Studies have shown that when you train one side of your body, there can be improvements in the other side as well. But these changes are minor at best. Still, some research suggests that exercising one side of the body one day and the other side the next can lead to quicker strength gains (and allow you to hit the gym daily). It also can be helpful for athletes who continue light training after injuring an arm or a leg. As a regular routine, however, it ignores muscles that bridge the two sides and does nothing to develop balance or coordination. Generally, total-body conditioning with 48 hours’ rest between sessions is the most efficient way to go.

Getting rid of chin flab

After being tossed back into the dating pool, I started working out. Running, biking, push-ups and sit-ups have worked wonders everywhere except my chubby face and double chin. What exercises can I do to tone those areas?—B.B., Los Angeles, California

Along with love handles, the chin and face are the toughest areas to slim. If you were only 10 or 20 pounds overweight, keep up your workouts and you should see slow improvement. If your weight loss was more than 30 pounds, liposuction may be the only option. Or you could grow a beard.

Butt, seriously

I’m in good shape, but my wife says my butt is starting to sag. How can I tighten it up?—K.B., Little Rock, Arkansas

At least she’s still looking. To solidify your glutei, lie facedown on the bed or a workout table with your pelvis on the edge. Place the ball of one foot on the floor. Keeping that leg relaxed, lift your opposite foot toward the ceiling until you feel your butt muscles engage. Don’t extend any further than when your hamstring is parallel to the floor. Do 10 reps with each leg, three sets total, which should take about five minutes a day. Once the exercise becomes easy, add ankle weights for resistance and go to three days a week.

Lift before or after workout?

Is it better to lift weights before or after your cardio workout? My buddy says to do cardio first because otherwise you burn lactic acid instead of fat when you lift. What do you think?—F.C., Spokane, Washington

If your goal is to burn fat, it makes no difference. The key to eliminating flab is a cardio workout designed for endurance, not speed. Lifting strengthens the muscles you’ll need to endure the longer workouts.

Dangerous bike seats

A few years ago you warned that prolonged bicycling can lead to impotence. How much riding is too much?—W.D., San Francisco, California

It’s hard to say. Some men ride for many hours per week and never have problems, while others are injured after one ride. One study of 1,800 cycling club members who averaged 118 miles per week on narrow racing seats found that 60 percent reported genital numbness and 13 percent experienced impotence. The more biking
a man did, the more numbness he reported. Other studies suggest that racing seats can cause problems for women as well. The problem is that the nose of a saddle seat forces you to place your weight on the arteries and nerves that supply your genitals with blood and feeling, rather than on your “sit” bones. One study found that these seats cut the amount of oxygen reaching the penis by 70 to 80 percent within three minutes. Even newer ergonomic seats don’t always relieve the pressure enough from this area. It’s better, researchers say, to have a seat that doesn’t have a nose. Whether you’re riding outdoors or on a stationary bike, rise out of the seat every five or ten minutes. Lower your seat if your legs are fully extended at the bottom of the pedal stroke. The top tube of the bike should be positioned three or four inches below your crotch when you stand over the frame (better yet, pad it). Finally, lift your butt when you ride over railroad tracks or bumpy terrain.

Steam vs. sauna

What are the differences between a steam room and a sauna?—D.K., Brookline, Massachusetts

The difference you’ll notice immediately is that one is hotter. A sauna is typically 170 to 180 degrees and has very little steam (dry heat). A steam room is typically 100 to 110 degrees and will have more steam (wet heat). Saunas are constructed of porous material such as cedar, while steam rooms are sealed off. There’s no evidence that sitting in a hot room for 15 minutes rids your body of toxins, cleans pores, sheds pounds or offers any other longterm health benefits—even the diehards at the Finnish Sauna Society will tell you that. But it can be relaxing. Because saunas and steam rooms increase your heart rate dramatically, decrease your blood pressure and dehydrate you, doctors say they shouldn’t be used before or after strenuous exercise.