Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (43 page)

POSITIONS

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How many are there?

How many sex positions are there? My girlfriend and I found a site online that claims to have more than 500. We would like to try one new position every day, and I figure that could keep us going until next summer. Then we could start over.—R.T., Hartford, Connecticut

That figure comes from the Indian scholar Yashodhara, who centuries ago wrote commentary on the
Kama Sutra
. He said there are precisely 529 positions, but he used some creative accounting. For example, here’s his description of the
dhenuka
, which translates as “congress of the cow”: “In the same way can be carried out the congress of a dog, the congress of a goat, the congress of a deer, the forcible mounting of an ass, the congress of a cat, the jump of a tiger, the pressing of an elephant, the rubbing of a bear, the mounting of a horse. And in all these cases the characteristics of these different animals should be manifested by acting or producing sounds like them.” So, if your partner barks one day and whinnies the next, you’ve completed two positions—or you need to move off the farm.

For the guys

What is the best position for men?—T.S., Omaha, Nebraska

Given the importance of visual stimulation in male sexuality, the best position would have to allow the man to see his partner’s reactions. A guy loves to know he’s the reason she’s moaning, groaning, sighing, grabbing and begging for more. That eliminates the reverse cowgirl, also known as woman on top facing away. Next, comfort. Missionary position can be one of the most uncomfortable. To maintain the best angle and allow his partner to breathe, the man must rest his weight on his palms or elbows. Over time, that takes a toll. It also doesn’t give him easy access to her clitoris. Doggie style is fun, and you may get to stand. But she’s facing the other way and you can’t see her breasts unless you crane your neck. We can’t overlook the spoon position, though the angle can be tough there, too. In our view, that leaves the cowgirl as a favorite. It’s comfortable for the guy because he’s on his back with a great view and the woman can control the depth and positioning of his thrusts. It also leaves the guy’s hands free to roam.

My wife and I prefer a variation on the missionary position. She lies on her back and bends her knees so they’re touching my shoulders. After a few ball-slapping thrusts, I lower her right leg and place my left outside of it. I turn my body to a one o’clock position, resting my weight on my left knee and on my right shoulder and chest. My left hand is now free to massage her temples, and she loves it when I put my fingers in her mouth. (She likes to have something to suck on.) I can caress and fondle her breasts or—and this is what she begs for—reach between her legs. I slide my right hand under her ass and lift it slightly for better thrusting. The best thing about this position is that I’m close enough to hear every groan and whisper. The position is comfortable, so it allows us to talk and fondle each other following orgasm. We do this until I fall out of her, and if the sex was really good, we start over. I’m sure this isn’t anything truly inventive, but it works for us.—D.A., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Your positioning is creative, but of course you’re not the first. You’ll be interested to know that, according to anthropologist Edgar Gregersen, the Nambikwara Indians of South America preferred rear entry and “a position not recorded elsewhere as a standard form of intercourse. The woman lays on her back, with the man on top facing her, his right leg between her legs and his left leg outside them.”

My wife and I have a position we call the Magnificent Screw: Once the man is inside the woman, she squeezes her vaginal muscles and slides up and down on his erection. She doesn’t go far enough to stimulate his head (very important—the guy won’t last long if she consistently hits his sweet spot) or so far that his cock comes out of her body. The formula my wife uses is 8 to 10 shallow thrusts to one deep one. She then slowly rotates so that she’s facing my feet, before repeating the process. She continues to rotate as long as either of us can stand it. I also play with her clitoris and anus to stimulate her, and I have wonderful alternating views of her beautiful breasts and her astounding ass.—T.W., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The A-attack

A buddy who spent some time in Japan mentioned the A-attack as something he had done there. He winked at me like I should know what he was talking about, so I said, “Yeah, that’s a great one.” Can you tell me what it is?—F.W., San Francisco, California

If you visit a Japanese bathhouse and ask your “health girl” for an A-attack, she will stimulate your anus with a vibrator or finger while masturbating you with her free hand. You can also turn the tables and “attack” her. A variation is the A-attack pearl, in which the hostess inserts a string of pearls into her client’s anus and then, while blowing him, pulls the string out pearl by pearl. These and other sexual delicacies are described in
Japan’s Sex Trade
, a guide by Peter Constantine. In
daisharin asobi
(the “big wheel game”), a “soap lady” lies on top of the man, then slowly rotates her body so he can lick and touch the parts that cross his face. Variations are
daisharin
, in which the partners rotate in opposite directions, and
tokei asobi
, in which the woman fellates the man while crawling clockwise around his body. If you’re lucky, she’ll take an hour to do it rather than a minute.

The tall and short of it

My girlfriend is five feet tall and I’m 6'3", so it makes it difficult to 69. Do you have any suggestions as to how we could pull this off?—B.T., Baltimore, Maryland

We take it she’s not interested, or you wouldn’t have written. Most couples of disparate height find that, with minor adjustments, every position works. That’s because, as a 5'4" lover once told the 6'5" Advisor, “We’re all the same size in bed.” Ralph Keyes concluded the same after interviewing hundreds of tall and short Americans for his book
The Height of Your Life
. “As is apparent in any room full of seated bodies, height variation above the hips isn’t nearly as great as that below,” Keyes noted. “With rare exceptions, the only real difference in sex between couples whose height isn’t matched and those whose is is that their toes don’t touch when they make love lying down.”

Worker’s position

What is the worker’s position?—K.A., Oakland, California

We’ve heard it described as any position in which you’re being screwed. Actually, according to Brenda Venus, author of
Seduction Secrets for Women
, it’s similar to making spoons. Instead of both partners curling together on their sides, only the man does while the woman lies on her back. She lifts the leg closest to her partner and places it over his pelvis. Lying on his side, he puts his top leg between her legs, then slides inside her. If the coordinates are right, he should be able to kiss and suck on one of her breasts as he thrusts. Venus says it’s called the worker’s position because it allows you to rest after a long day.

Chuukese hammer

Recently there has been an influx of immigrants here from the island nation of Chuuk. We’ve heard references to a position called the Chuukese hammer, but when we ask for details, our new friends just respond with big smiles. Can you help?—L.Y., Agana, Guam

The Chuukese hammer (also known as
wechewechen chuuk
, which translates as “Trukese striking”) requires the man to sit with his legs spread. The woman kneels facing him and scoots forward so her partner can slide the head of his penis just inside her labia. He then grasps his erection and moves it up and down (the “hammer”) to stimulate her clitoris. As the couple reaches climax, the man draws the woman closer and slides inside her. To signal the height of her arousal the woman may place her finger in the man’s ear. The Chuukese hammer reminds us of an American-made trick called the builder’s grip. During intercourse, the man occasionally pauses, wraps his hand around the base of his penis, withdraws and gently “hammers” his erection against his partner’s clitoris. Just make sure her fingers are out of the way.

Have you ever heard of a variation of the Chuukese hammer called
gichigich
? It was invented by the Yapese.—R.R., Berkeley, California

Who hasn’t? Gichigich is essentially the same position. The woman sits on the man’s lap, facing him, and her inserts his erection between her outer labia. He then moves the head of his penis up and down and sideways, varying the speed and the direction. Eventually, this stimulation makes the woman “frenzied, weak and helpless,” writes anthropologist Edgar Gregersen, working from field notes recorded near the turn of the century. “The woman experiences one orgasm after another and involuntarily urinates a little after each orgasm (the sensation for the man is that he is on fire).” The position is supposedly practiced only by single men and women; married Yapese fear it could leave them unable to work the next day.

RELATIONSHIPS

It takes two to tangle.

What are you thinking?

What does it mean when a woman asks, “What are you thinking?”—W.G., Bowling Green, Ohio

She’s looking for a pulse—some acknowledgment and reassurance that the relationship is humming along. The question usually confuses guys. They figure if the relationship isn’t working, one person will leave. They think, Does she want me to catalog my current random musings on baseball, tits and blow jobs? That will only piss her off. But if you respond with those old standbys “nothing” or “you,” that doesn’t satisfy her either. Men need to recognize that the exchange of seemingly mundane details is how women establish intimacy with their best female friends. She’s approaching you in the same way. Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown who wrote the best-seller
You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation
, says the best way to deal with this is for couples to acknowledge what’s going on. The man should get in the habit of bringing up topics for discussion. The woman needs to reassure herself that, absent other signs the relationship is suffering, his silence doesn’t mean he’s unhappy. Linda Vaden-Goad, a social psychologist at Western Connecticut State University who has studied how couples use silence, says even if men are willing to share their thoughts, they are more comfortable with action than analysis. “Disclosure makes them feel vulnerable, and they’re supposed to be strong,” she says, “though some men in our studies admitted to using silence as a strategy to maintain power because it keeps their partner guessing.” Which is interesting but not something we want to talk about.

We’re dating, but are we friends?

I have tried in vain to explain to my girlfriend that we are not friends, just as a parent is not his child’s friend. While elements of friendship might be present in these relationships, calling each other friends isn’t accurate. I believe my view is logical, while others are using their emotions. They see not being “friends” as horrible, while I view it as it should be: something better and deeper. Either I’m not explaining myself well enough, or I’m wrong. Help!—K.P., Lancaster, Ohio