Defender (Battle Born Book 4) (17 page)

Irritation turned to anger as he watched her fidget. She hadn’t missed him the way he’d missed her. She’d been completely absorbed in her vision quest. And now that all her harbinger tricks had failed, she would reluctantly
allow
his touch in the hopes that it would bring on the all-important vision.

He folded his hands into fists then bent his arms and concealed his fists behind him. This wasn’t her fault. The vision was important. But obviously he was not. He’d foolishly allowed himself to think that she might see beyond his harsh exterior. He should have known better. She was a treasure beyond compare and his only significant skill was the ability to kill.

“Raylon?” She reached for his arm, but he twisted away.

“I’ll come to your room in a while. I need a shower.”

Chandar watched him rush across the courtyard and disappear into his suite. His hair was damp and his uniform immaculate. He didn’t need a shower. Which meant she’d upset him with her request. She started toward her suite when Indigo stepped into view. Apparently, she’d been in the dining room, likely listening to the entire exchange.

She hurried over to her friend and whispered, “Why is he angry?”

Indigo tried not to smile and failed. “Oh Chandar, you have so much to learn about men.”

“I didn’t mean to upset him. I thought this is what he wanted.”

Indigo pulled her into the dining room and closed the door. “What do you want from Raylon? If it weren’t for the vision, would you have made the offer?”

Chandar didn’t answer immediately. Lying to Indigo was counterproductive, but she wasn’t sure how to arrive at an honest answer. “I wouldn’t have made the offer tonight, but the vision is not the only reason I want Raylon to touch me.”

“That would have gone a long way toward defusing his anger. You made it sound like you were summoning a sex slave to provide a necessary service.”

“Oh gods, did I really?” She covered her mouth with her hand as tears gathered in her eyes. “How do I fix this?”

“Go to him right now and don’t say a word. Kiss him like your life depends on it and don’t even try to explain until he’s finished kissing you back.”

“But what if he won’t kiss me back?”

Indigo shook her head. “If he doesn’t, he’s not the man I think he is.”

Chandar crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Grasping Chandar by the shoulders, Indigo gave her a careful shake. “Stop doubting yourself! If Raylon is your mate—and we both know he is—go claim him. You didn’t mean to, but you made this mess. Go clean it up.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath then nodded. “I’m so glad you were there.”

Indigo gave her a playful shove toward the doorway and Chandar took the hint. She walked across the courtyard and pressed her hand to the security panel. The computer announced her, but the door didn’t open.

“I’ll come to you.” Raylon sounded tense and angry.

This wasn’t going to be easy, but she stood at an important crossroads. She wanted control of her life, which meant she had to take responsibility for her mistakes. Indigo had advised her not to speak, but she had to make him open the door. “I need to talk to you first. Please.”

The following pause was so long, Chandar looked over her shoulder to see if Indigo was watching. As she suspected, Indigo loitered in the doorway to the dining room, trying not to be obvious. The door in front of Chandar parted and Indigo ducked out of sight.

Chandar quickly stepped into Raylon’s suite, not giving him time to change his mind. Her first impulse was to apologize, a habit he hated. He’d untucked his shirt and taken off his boots, but it was obvious he hadn’t taken a shower. Trusting Indigo’s advice above her own insecurities, Chandar walked right up to Raylon and rocked onto the balls of her feet so she could reach his head. She tried to bring his head down so she could kiss him, but without the assistance of the four-inch heels she’d borrowed from Indigo, she couldn’t reach his mouth.

He grabbed her hands and moved them to his shoulders. “I thought you wanted to talk.” A bit of his anger cooled, but he was obviously not ready to kiss her.

“I’m an idiot.” She said it with as much conviction as she could muster with her heart thudding wildly in her chest. “I’m terrified of disappointing you, so I try to minimize how much I want you.”

His head tilted and his gaze narrowed. “Did Indigo tell you to say that?”

“No. She told me to kiss you senseless before I tried to explain, but I can’t reach your mouth.”

He hooked his hands under her arms and lifted her until their faces were level. “So, kiss me.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and fit her mouth over his. When he didn’t respond, she pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I meant what I said in the shower. I don’t need a sex toy. I want more than that from you.”

“Really?” His gaze bore into hers as he pressed her back against the nearest wall. Then he quickly dragged her skirts up so she could wrap her legs around his hips. “What else do you want from me?”

“I want to spend time with you, share your meals, learn everything there is to know about you.”

He tore his gaze away from her face and closed his eyes. “I’m a warrior, Chandar. I fight wars and kill people. There’s nothing more to know.”

“That’s what you do. It’s not who you are.” When he didn’t open his eyes, she pressed her hand against the side of his face. “If brutality is all there is to you, how do you explain how you’ve treated me? You’ve been gentle and caring as well as fiercely protective. You’re not just a mindless soldier.”

His lids slowly opened and he shook his head. “No one can hurt someone like you. Anyone would have done the same.”

“Not anyone. There were plenty of men on the
Relentless
that had no trouble hurting me. You are not a mindless soldier. There is nobility in you.”

He grabbed her hips and pressed against her, his arousal inescapable. “Does this feel noble to you?”

He was trying to push her away, to use her fear as a wedge. She tightened her legs and rubbed against him, stubbornly ignoring the uncertainty welling inside her. “If I said no, you’d put me down. I might not even have to say it. If you saw fear in my eyes, you’d pull back. You’ve done it over and over, because you care for me.”

“I want you.” His tone became hash, but he averted his gaze. “That’s all this is.”

It was such a stupid argument. Their empathic link didn’t lie. She’d already tasted his emotions and they were richer and more complex than lust. He might not love her yet, but he was well beyond want. “Works for me.” She tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled his mouth down to hers. “Let’s use each other.”

His lips parted and his breath escaped with a throaty growl. In an instant, he took control and she happily surrendered, reveling in the freedom. She didn’t trust her ability to seduce him, but she could sure as hells respond.

He grabbed her butt and aligned their bodies even more intimately. They were fused from hips to shoulders, but separated by layer upon layer of clothing. Instead of focusing on the frustrating detail, she gave herself over to the kiss. He was truly aggressive for the first time. His lips demanded, his tongue moving boldly in her mouth.

This was the real Raylon, the one he’d carefully restrained whenever he touched her. Fascinated and intrigued, she activated their empathic link and let his energy flow into her mind. Brighter and more forceful than he’d ever been before, she felt scalded yet invigorated by the intensity. He might not command magic, but Raylon had a wealth of power to rival any harbinger.

He’s your mate. Why does that surprise you?
Her inner voice suddenly sounded like Indigo.

He tore his mouth away, panting harshly. “If we both get naked, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop. If you’re still trying to trigger a vision, I’ll keep my pants on.”

She looked deeply into his eyes as she summoned all the courage she possessed. “I don’t want anything to distract me from our first time. If you’re still willing, we’ll try for a vision later.”

“Are we bargaining now?” A humorless smile twisted his lips. “Give me what I want so I’ll give you what you need?”

Frustrated by his persistence, she paused for another kiss, then rested her head against the wall. “The empathic link is active, you stubborn man. Look into my mind and tell me what you see.”

He clenched his teeth so hard a muscle in his cheek ticked. “I. Don’t. Know. How.” He ground out each word without releasing his jaw.

Of course. The empathic link she’d established required intentional actions, unlike a mating link that functioned automatically. He wasn’t telepathic. He didn’t know how to push emotions across the connection or use the link to explore her mind. She hadn’t meant to, but she’d obviously made him feel inferior again. “I’ll show you. It’s no big deal.”

“For a harbinger.” He lowered her feet to the floor and moved away.

She didn’t let him get far. Emboldened by the tenderness swelling in her heart, she grabbed his elbow and held on until the resistance made him stop. “Give me your flexblade.” His startled expression made her smile. “I have no idea how to use one. I don’t possess the skills. Does that make me less than you?”

“You’re not a soldier.”

“And you’re not a harbinger.” She gave him a knowing look as he made the connection. “We’re from very different worlds. That’s part of what makes this so interesting.”

“I’m ‘interesting’ to you?” he huffed.

“Oh, you really are on a mood, aren’t you?” She scowled at him, finally feeling comfortable enough to lose her temper. “Are you going to throw every word I choose back in my face? I came here to apologize. Clearly, I should have waited until you calmed down.”

She turned and headed for the door, secretly hoping he’d stop her. He didn’t disappoint. He swept her into his arms and carried her into his bedroom. “If this isn’t what you want, tell me now. I won’t ask again.”

“Thank the gods.” She tangled her fingers in his hair and kissed him boldly, claiming his mouth with her tongue before he had the chance to claim hers. “I’m tired of telling you yes, then watching it fall apart.”

He chuckled and tenderness chased away the rest of his anger. His emotions flowed freely into her mind, but he still didn’t know how to access hers. It wasn’t fair for her to have this advantage, so she wiggled out of his arms. She ended up on the bed, kneeling near the edge while he stood on the floor. Even with the advantage, she had to look up at him. “I don’t want to do this until you can feel my emotions too.”

“All right.” He sighed, then curiosity warmed his gaze. “What do you want me to do?”

She indulged in a wicked smile as she whispered, “Where do I begin?”

“I can wait for the link, if you want something else more.” He ran his index finger down the bridge of her nose and nearly touched her lips but she snapped at him playfully and they both laughed. “I like you feisty, makes me feel like I can be the same.”

Any comment she made would only distract him from what she wanted to show him, so she just smiled. “Close your eyes.” His eyes narrowed then closed and she paused to admire his features. She knew he thought the scar had robbed him of any claim on physical appeal, but he was wrong. There was such nobility in his face, such strength and character. Many were intimidated by him, but even more respected him and looked to him for advice. Danvier had grown tired of her questions about Raylon and finally told her to ask Zilor. Each had given his unique impression and she’d added theirs to hers.

“Am I supposed to be doing something?”

“Sorry. I got distracted.”

He opened his eyes and arched his brow. “By what?”

“How handsome you are.”

He scoffed. “I wasn’t fishing for compliments. How does this work?”

It was obvious he wasn’t ready to believe her, but she refused to give up. Before she was finished with Raylon, he would understand how attractive she found him.

She closed her eyes as well. Staring at him was obviously too distracting. Slipping deeper into his mind, she increased the intensity of her presence. “Can you feel that?”

“Oh yeah.”

“If I move, can you sense the change? The direction of my movements?” She eased even deeper then slowly pulled back.

“Yes. I can feel it.”

“All right. Then follow me across the link.”

He started to move then sighed. “I lost you.”

“Tell me when you can feel me again.” She gradually increased the flow until he gasped.

“I can feel you now.”

“Good. Let’s try again.” His brow creased and his hands found her hips. She wasn’t sure if he was steadying himself or if he just needed to touch her. Either way, she welcomed the contact. “Almost there. Keep it nice and steady.”

They passed into her mind together and his fingers dug into her hips. “Gods.” He gasped then shivered. “You are so beautiful.”

He wasn’t referring to physical beauty, which made the compliment even sweeter. “Thank you, but what else do you see? More importantly, what do you feel?”

Chapter Eight

Raylon opened his mind, allowing Chandar’s vibrant energy to flow through him. He could see her bright colors and feel the vast power at her command, even hear a faint crackling as she moved, and yet he knew none of it was real. No, it was real, it just belonged to a realm of existence he’d never accessed before.

Can you sense my emotions?
Her telepathic prompting refocused his attention and a ripple of concern flowed along with the thought.

Yes.
Like sun-warmed honey, affection flowed into his mind. He’d known she trusted him to protect her, not just from physical threats, but from nightmares and memories. She turned to him for comfort and reassurance. But her true emotions were much more complicated, deeper. He felt curiosity and attraction, security and longing. But through it all wound threads of fear, insidious and virulent, ready to pollute everything it touched. He had to find a way to keep that fear at bay, so they could cultivate the other emotions. “This is extraordinary.” Needing to see her, he opened his eyes. “I know it’s nothing to you, but I’m in awe.”