Desire (17 page)

“Jace,” I answer.

“Well, hello Jace. Thanks for showing up out of nowhere and totally saving our asses. Because obviously, this jerk is about as useful as a screen door on a fucking submarine.”

Isaac growl
s. Like, literally growls like a zoo animal. I’m actually rather impressed he hasn’t exploded already. This has to be so hard for him. He is moving heaven and earth to protect her and he doesn’t get any credit.

“Piper,” he says as calmly as he can manage. “I appreciate your help, but that execution left a lot to be desired. We need to—”

“You
appreciate
my
help
?”

“
Very much,” he replies, cringing. “But—”

“You are exactly the spineless weasel that I thought you were. You just left us out here hanging. Not so tough when you have to hit someone other than a tied up, terrified, emaciated woman, huh?”

Ouch. “Let’s get something fucking straight,” he snaps. Still pretty level headed for him though, considering. “I did not ‘smack her around.’ I don’t know how many times she has to tell you that and honestly, I could give a shit if you believe it.” That’s not true. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “That was really fucking stupid of you to say.”

“Excuse me?”

“If he thinks that’s what happened, we have a big fucking problem. Because then he’ll think he has a chance to convince her that it wasn’t his fault because he can blame it all on me. I guarantee you, that will come up now.
Thanks
.”

“Fuck you.” Th
is chick stands her ground.

“And the next time he comes over
, do not insult him. That was a—”

“Look, I don’t
know who you think you are and what you’re used to, but I don’t take orders. From anyone. Ever.”

“That escalated into a fucking disaster that could have been averted if you had let Maya ha
ndle it. We expected this visit and she knew exactly what to say. Sorry we didn’t get a chance to clue you in first.”

“D
on’t you dare turn this around on me.”

“You bulldozed her,” he shouts. “Didn’t let her
get a word in. She’s not as weak as you think she is.”

“Oh, my God.
I cannot fucking believe this,” she yells back. Could this exchange get a little louder? I’m just waiting for the sound of sirens and I have no fucking clue how I’ll get Isaac out of here if the cavalry shows up. “She needed somebody to stand up for her, and
you
obviously weren’t going to do shit. If this guy hadn’t shown up—”

“
Luke would have played Mr. Nice Guy for this visit if you hadn’t been here, or at least just left the lover’s quarrel between the two fucking lovers.”

“Oh, because you’re a fucking psychic now. You look like a scared little bitch from where I’m standing.”

Fuck. The ‘B’ word. I have to close my eyes and stifle an exasperated sigh. “You have no idea what would have happened if I had walked out of that room, do you? Not a fucking clue. If he sees me, he will go
completely
insane and we will have far worse people than Luke to deal with. He was dangerous because you antagonized him. It would have been fine.”

“Antagonized him? I was defending her.”

“You can’t tell someone like Luke, especially when he’s like this, that they have a receding hairline, a ‘pot belly’ and a
little dick
. Or mention failed pick up attempts. But I gotta hand it to you for the pretty mouth in prison thing, that was a good save.”

Her eyes bug out at him. “You are unbelievable.”

“When you eviscerate a guy like him, he takes it out on someone else. He has never even attempted to hit Maya before and there’s no way he would have if you hadn’t set him off. I don’t even want to think about what he’s about to do to one of his girlfriends to make himself feel better. Someone is going to scream and bleed a lot more than usual tonight because of this shit storm.”

Dude, that is not a normal thing to say
. “Get the fuck out of my house!” Piper shrieks.

Maya finally moves a little bit in my peripheral vision, her eyes widening as she starts to
snap out of it. “No,” Isaac bellows. “It’s not just your house. It’s her’s too.”

“I am not letting her fall for another asshole that pushes her around.
Get. Out!
”

“You’re the one that’s pushing her around, Piper!
” She starts to say something back, but he screams over her. “I’m not fucking going anywhere. I came here to hold her through the hysterical fucking breakdown that she is about to have, and I’m not going to blame that one on you because it was coming. And tonight I’ll be the one to wake her up from some horrific fucking nightmare. I never intended to get between them because he wouldn’t have done
shit
if you had just kept your mouth shut.”

“Isaac,” Maya whispers and he is there in a split second.
“I want to get out of here. Can you take me somewhere?”

“Maya…” he hesitates. “Let’s just go lay down for a little while first, okay?”

She nods, wrapping her arms around his neck as he carries her into her room and shuts the door. It reopens a moment later and the cat scampers out. Shit. I am under specific orders to keep that little vermin inside this apartment and the door is hanging open, but thankfully it hides under the couch right away.

Piper looks guilty, so she must know on some level that Isaac was right. Maya starts sobbing hysterically on the other side of the door, I doubt they are going anywhere.

“Um,” I stammer. “This is kind of weird because I don’t know you, but I feel like I should stick around in case that creep comes back. Or I could just keep my ears open, it’s not like everyone will be whispering.”

She
chuckles, shaking her head. “You can chill here for a while. That’d be great, actually. Are you hungry?”

“
Yeah, I am.” Especially for some of Isaac’s chicken carbonara, that shit is incredible. “That smells awesome. What is it?”

“Chicken carbosomething
oranother. He brought it.”

Our eyes lock for a second before they travel the length of each other’s bodies. Holy shit is she hot. Dark hair, darker eyes
, gorgeous face. Curvy as hell in all the right places. Half sleeve of brightly colored tattoos. Feisty, and it’s so good when they’re feisty. Talk about my type, no wonder Isaac told me to keep it in my pants. Piper likes what she sees, too. When our eyes meet again, we both know exactly where this would be headed if we weren’t literally standing in the most fucked up scenario you could possibly meet someone. Maya’s wailing on the other side of the door is making it even weirder.

“So I take it you’re not a huge fan of your roomie’s boyfriend,” I joke, before taking a huge bite.

“You could say that.” Her eyes widen delightfully as she tastes it for the first time. I pretend I’m just as pleasantly surprised. “Actually, I just met him today. It’s a crazy situation.”
That it is
. “And… he was right, not that I’ll ever give him the satisfaction of
admitting
it. That was dumb. I have a real problem controlling my temper in general, but I have been holding back for a
long
time with Luke.”

“It seemed like he deserved it.”

“And worse, but I should have let Maya handle him. I’m not usually like that, well… okay I’m sort of like that a lot, but that isn’t me. I see red and I don’t think straight.”

Well, that was self-reflective.
“There were a lot of tempers flaring, not just yours.”

“I guess. Anyway, where’d you come from?”

“I just moved in upstairs. Literally today. What is up with the neighbors, how did no one call the cops?”

“It gets
pretty rowdy in the building across the street and sometimes it carries over to here, people are used to it. It’s a safe place, though. So… are you in college?”

“Naw
, I’m too old. I’m the head of security at this new club not too far from here.”

“
The place that looked like a freaky dungeon porn dyke bar?” she says. I nod, trying not to laugh. Sorry Sloane. “I saw the ‘under new management’ sign. Is it going to be a normal club now?”

“
Yeah, they’re gutting it and they brought in a new guy.”
He’s in love with your best friend
. “It should open up soon.”

“Cool. Welcome to the neighborhood.” She licks her lips
slowly and gives me the look. Fuckin A, does this suck or what? I can’t stop myself from flirting back a little.

“So, what the hell were they talking about?”
I ask. She cocks her head to the side. Does she have an undercut? Holy
fuck
she is hot. “Cutting, choking, people getting tied up. What the hell kind of building did I move into?” I flash her my pick up smile and she comes at me with one of her own.

“
Don’t
get any ideas.” She winks at me. This. Fucking. Sucks.

“Hey, I’m all for a good time, but people
can get too damn weird, right?”

“
Yes
!” she laughs. “Thank you! I was starting to think I was the only one.”

I listen to
Piper’s abridged, PG-13 version of the whole thing and try to act shocked. She has no idea how much worse it is. At some point, Isaac and Maya start having sex, and she can be a real screamer. Piper offers to help me unpack and even though I know I shouldn’t, I take her up on the offer. She almost spots a picture of me and Isaac when we were kids, but I distract her and hide it. It wouldn’t be a problem for anyone else, but
nobody
has eyes like that guy, it’s obviously him. Why did she have to be so good looking? And incredibly easy to talk to. And funny as all hell. I might have to charge Isaac more for the frustration.

13

Isaac

I arrive at the appointment about five minutes early and sit with my back toward his office door, trying to minimize the chance that he’ll see me. His assistant checks me out. I honestly never enjoyed that because all it ever did was remind me of something I c
ouldn’t have, but now it feels so wrong I can’t fucking stand it. But I can’t be rude, if anything I need to lead her on a little because I’ll be seeing her again, so I flash her a smile and glance at her necklace so she thinks I’m looking at her tits.
Sorry Maya
.

“The doctor is waiting for you,” she coos. Who the hell picks up patients at a shink’s office?

“Thanks.”

Okay, take a deep breath. The first
thirty seconds are critical. I close the door and stand in front of it, blocking the exit so he can’t toss me out right away. The look on Roger’s face is fucking priceless.

“What the—”

“It’s not what you think,” I interrupt him. “I need your help and I’m willing to help you back. Just hear me out.”

“Seriously, Isaac? Pretending to be
a new patient? I would have seen you.”

“Oh.” That’s a good sign. “I couldn’t take the chance.”

“Have a seat.” Okay, this part was way easier than I thought it would be. I guess Roger is used to threats and it’s not like I actually blackmailed him. “You look well. All grown up. It’s been, what, almost four years?”

“Something like that. This isn’t a trick, right? You don’t have one of those buttons under your desk like bank tellers do in case they’re robbed, do you?”

“Actually, I do.” He smirks at me. “But I didn’t push it. Should I?”

“I a
m very sorry for punching you, Roger.”

“
You’re
sorry? You have grown up.”

“In some ways, I guess.”

“So, are you actually having suicidal thoughts or was that a ploy to get an emergency appointment?”

“What can I say? You’re a popular shrink, the waiting list was too long.”

“Not for existing patients. You look nervous. What’s up?”

“I need your help with Gloria.” Now that riled him a bit and he drops the friendly posture, his eyes narrowing. “I, uh
… I’m moving in with her again, but I don’t want to start fucking her and I’m not sure how to let her down gently.”

“
Why are you moving in if you have no desire to sleep with her?”

“It’s complicated.”

“You paid for an hour.”

“Roger, I’ve been… doing some really fucked up stuff for the last few years and I want to stop.”

“Fucked up stuff, huh? For your father?”

“
For
him, not
to
him. Though he did recently, kind of…” My heart starts to race and my breathing quickens. Roger, the trained professional that he is, sees it right away. “Anyway, that’s not why I came here.”

“What are you taking, Isaac?”

“Well, I was up to four milligrams of Klonopin a day, sometimes six, but now I’m down to two. If I drop below that, I start to get sick and make up the difference with Xanax anyway, which has too many peaks and valleys. I’d rather stay level. But I rarely go over five bars a day, usually only two or three, but sometimes if I need to sleep, I’ll mix a little triazolam in there.”

Roger starts taking notes on his pad of paper, the
unusually loud sound of his pen making me uneasy. I glance around the room, wondering what’s missing. I think there used to be a little water fountain in here for background noise. “You’re still struggling with insomnia at those levels?” he asks.

“Until
very recently, yes. And if I know I’m going to have a particularly shitty night, I’ll switch out the Xanax for Ativan. If I’m lucky, I get amnesia. Usually not, but it’s worth a shot.”

“No amphetamines?”

“Not unless you count caffeine, I pretty much have energy drinks on an IV drip. About 600-800 milligrams a day keeps the fogginess to a minimum. And no opiates or barbiturates, either. I’m extremely paranoid about having another seizure.”

“
What about alcohol?

“
Believe it or not, I like breathing quite a bit, so very rarely. I’m a foodie, I drink one glass of wine with some meals, I just can’t help it. I did a few shots on my 21
st
birthday and totally fucking regretted it.”

“That’s
still a dangerous mix you’ve got going there, kid. Who the hell is your doctor now?”

“
Sorry I can’t tell you that. He works for my father and he’s not much of a doctor anyway. He gives me whatever I want.”

“When was the last time you
overdosed?” He didn’t even have to ask.

“
Well, OD just means sleeping through the night at his point,” I chuckle. “But about four months ago, I went too far and had double vision, coordination issues, that sort of thing, and fell asleep for like 18 hours. But I made it for a close to a year before that. I even quit, well close enough for me anyway. I stopped getting high on them, I only used Xanax for panic attacks.”

“Cold turkey
on the Klonopin?”

“Shit,” I laugh. “No
, I went down to half a milligram a day. I’d fucking die if I just quit, right?”

“Possibly. Honestly I’m a little surprised you haven’t already. Impressed, even.”

“Thanks?”

“Yeah, it’s a compliment,” he
assures me. “I harbor no resentment toward you, Isaac.” I eye him skeptically. “Okay, a little bit. On a testosterone fueled, caveman level.”

“Caveme
n.” I look down at my knees and try not to smile. He’s changed the carpet since the last time I was here. “I always loved those analogies. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.”

“In what way, exactly?
”

“Roger… if I tell you something, will you promise
not to tell her? Even if the jealous, testosterone fueled caveman inside you is screaming to get back at me?”

“I can’t legally tell anyone, Isaac.”

“Legally,” I scoff. “That’s not good enough for me. You’ve told her a lot of stuff I’ve said in here, and actually I need you to do that again, just not this.”

“She was your guardian then, Isaac. It was different.”

“Still not good enough. I don’t want to threaten you again, that’s not why I’m here.” Despite his best efforts to look collected, he stiffens up as beads of sweat form on his hairline. “I swear. I never told her about you and my mother, I fucking promise. I didn’t want to hurt her.” He starts to say something, but I cut him off. “So I’m hoping we can help each other. I’d like to help you get back together with Glory.”

“What makes you think I’d even want that?”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t,” I say. He can’t do it. “There’s no shame in it. If anything, quite the opposite. I’m not good for her, not like that. You are.”

“No deal. I will
not help you hone your manipulation skills, Isaac.”

“Okay, maybe I’ll just appeal to your humanity then. If you tell her, she
will
tell my father. Without a fucking doubt. And he’ll fucking kill me, it won’t be pretty. You know he could. Legal doesn’t mean
shit
to him. I think he’s looking for an excuse anyway. He’s even more surprised than you are that I’ve held out this long and he has been very fucking erratic lately.”

“You’re obviously still struggling with paranoia as well. I honestly don’t think your father wants to kill you, Isaac. Why are you so convinced
that he does?”

“This is definitely a trick. I
am not rolling on my Dad, that’s not why I came here.” Yet I was stupid enough to use the term ‘roll.’ Great. That definitely got his attention. “Stop writing Roger. Do not put anything about him on paper. I am not fucking paranoid, I’m just cautious.”

“If you’re so terrified of him, how were you able to almost quit your meds while you were… doing what you were doing?”

“I noticed that he was getting a kick out of my addiction. It satisfied him to watch me disappear. He was just waiting for me to break. Fuck that. I started tapering off just to spite him. But I’ve pretty much pushed spiting him to the limit, he has made that crystal fucking clear.”

Roger leans across the desk. “Isaac. I don’t want to see you dead if that’s what you’re getting at. Aside from not wanting blood on my hands,
especially yours, that would fucking kill her. So please, give me the caveman analogy that’s sitting on the tip of your tongue.”

We certainly have our issues, but Roger has never been anything but good to me.
He’s always treated me a lot better than I deserved. My eyes start to sting and tear up. What the fuck? “Um…” I sound just like a little kid. I can see Maya’s face when I get like this, feel her fingertips run through my hair. “What happens when a when young caveman, a weaker caveman, maybe not physically, though that’s kind of a draw… but he’s a lot lower on the food chain, he’s got a lot less status within a very fucked up tribe… what happens when he can’t help himself and he challenges the bigger caveman and steals his woman?”

“You know I have an unconventional opinion on caveperson gender relations, Isa
ac. Women weren’t traded. That is not what human beings are.”

“I don’t mean club-her-over-the-head steal her. I guess I mean, steal her affections.
Maybe a better way to frame it would be that two cave youngsters are sneaking around behind a psycho caveman’s back.”

His eyebrows raise and he exhales loudly. “Well, I’d say that
big psycho caveman is very likely to react rather violently.”

“Yeah, he’s done that before and it seems likely t
hat it would happen again because the cavewoman in question was kind of his favorite.”

“
Is the young cavemen in question trying to protect her?”

“Yes. He’s doing a pretty good job so far, but the surrogate cave
mother he’s been inappropriately fucking gets back from her walkabout soon. So he decided he would climb up the hill overlooking the village to ask a wise cave shaman that he really trusts for some help dealing with her. And maybe because…” I guess it’s okay to cry at a shrink’s office, but I still feel like a huge wimp. “He kind of needs someone to talk to because he doesn’t really have anybody else aside from the cute cavegirl he’s in love with and he doesn’t want to scare her.”

“Is the young caveman overdoing it on the
herbal tranquilizers that the shaman used to make for him?”

“
A little, sometimes, but not really. I don’t like to feel dull anymore, not when I’m with her. But I can’t stop. I’ll never be able to stop all the way, will I?”

“Maybe. But it sounds like you’re under a lot of stress right now, so it’s not the best time.
Are your panic attacks bad lately?”

“No, but… is there any such thing as a rage attack?”

“Explain what it feels like.”

“Well, I can’t let
myself lose it, it makes me look weak. It makes me feel weak. So I made myself get angry instead, just to get it out. And then I didn’t have to try anymore, it’s just how I react to stuff that used to make me fall apart now.”

“Have you hurt anyone, Isaac?”

“Yes,” I croak. “Yeah, a friend of a friend. He was bragging about being a real bastard to his girlfriend in bed. I just snapped and totally wrecked his face. He was almost blind in one eye. And I don’t feel fucking bad about it, Roger. At all. He deserved it.”

“Not even a twinge of guilt?”

“No. But then I…” Fucking great, now I’m really crying like a kid. At least it adds to the realism. “Then I became a real bastard in bed. I know what you’re thinking, but I wasn’t like that with the cute cave girl, it was the total opposite. But then she blindsided me with a friends with benefits situation she had going on behind the psycho’s back. I got extremely territorial and I hurt her. Not that bad, but still. And I couldn’t stop myself, I really tried.”

“Does this happen frequently?
”

“Only a few times, but it’s more of a sliding scale
than an off or on thing. And it’s complicated by the fact that she gets off on it, too.”

“Are the psycho and the cave girl two of your clients, Isaac?”

“You know about that?”

“I do. Glory told me, I’
ve known for years.”

So she talks about me when she comes here. Is that a good or bad thing? “Yeah. They are.”

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to pursue a relationship with her?”

“For me or for her?”

“For you. It’s always about you in here.”

“Yeah, it is. I don’t get anxious when I’m around
her, well, unless we’re worrying about her boyfriend together. And I guess you could say that it really helps with those self-esteem issues that you insist I have, too. I don’t feel like a piece of shit when I’m with her. She makes me a better person. A lot better.”