Desire (21 page)

“Okay, my wealthy, older
boyfriend started talking about our future. It made sense. I’d say it was 67% him, 33% money.”

“
Exactly why did this plan stop making sense to you?”

“It didn’t
. It all adds up, but it’s still not what I want. I’m starting to realize that you really can’t put a price on happiness.”

Osbourne leans back in his chair, crossing his arms.
“In other words, he dumped you.”

My cheeks flush.
I wish.
“No, he didn’t, but he probably will. He’s wasn’t exactly thrilled when I went back to the old life plan. I don’t care. I almost turned into one of those girls that defines herself by a guy. That isn’t me, it never will be. No one can pretend forever. Once you stop fooling yourself, it all crumbles.”

“I like you Maya.
I don’t officially have favorite students, but if I did, you’d be pretty high on the list. I’ve truly enjoyed working together, you have a unique way of seeing things. But I have my reservations. I’m very busy, I’m only taking on a limited number of students. None of the others have ever wavered like that.”

“Last semester was a bump in the road. I had to explore my options. It’s not like I dropped any classes. Wavering made me
more focused. What I want is crystal clear to me now because I walked a little further down a different path. I can’t imagine working with those people every day. I don’t care if I’m good at it and someone will pay me handsomely. I want to do what you do. I want to explore.”

Osbourne rolls his lips together and taps his temple. “Good answer. I’ll let you know at the end of the week.”

That is totally his yes face. I’m in. “So… did you get it?”

Eyes lighting up, he beams at me. “I did.”

“So you will be very busy.”

“I
will.”

“Well, congratulations.”

“Thank you, and right back at ya. I’ll see you on Thursday.”

So that went extremely, impossibly well. I’m on a high when I walk into my building, but I come crashing down when I get to my door. Flowers. Isaac wouldn’t dream of it. I’d like to think they’re for Piper, but I’ve seen this exact bouquet before. It’s definitely Luke.

Fighting the urge to kick them over, I pick them up instead and sit them on the counter. It takes me a half hour before I can force myself to read the card.

Hope you had a great first day
, cutie. Love, Luke.

I refuse to let myself fall apart, but my heart is thudding in my ears. I just want to cry and curl up in a little ball. But what good would that do? My second instinct is to run, but I’m not getting chased out of my own home.
He hasn’t talked to me at all since that huge blow up with Piper and that guy that lives upstairs. Luke is being Mr. Nice Guy again, just like Isaac said he would. He’s not going to try anything for a while.

I can’t relax until I push the couch in front of the door.
Call me, Isaac. Please. I need to hear your voice.

18

Isaac

If I call her, she’ll k
now I’m going out tonight because I can’t stay on the phone. Plus, I run the risk of being a total asshole because Sam was in that class today.
He
gets to see her almost every fucking day when I have to settle for just hearing her voice and playing a game with her. But who knows what she’ll assume I’m doing if I don’t call. She has such a vivid imagination.

Maybe she made the decision for me because my phone is vibrating. Fuck, it’s Jace.

“What’s up?” I answer.

“She’s fine, but we heard
a weird scraping sound and flipped on the video. Maya pushed the couch in front of the door and there are flowers on the counter. You might want to call her.”

“What an asshole. Thanks.”

He terrifies her, completely ignores her for weeks without so much as a phone call, and then fucks up her perfectly good day with a goddamned bunch of flowers.
Fuck you, Luke, I gave her cookies this morning
. I’m going to strangle that shithead one day, I swear.

“Hello?” She sounds so scared. He
will fucking pay for this somehow.

“Hi, baby. How was your first day back?”

“Pretty good.”

“You sound funny, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she squeaks, her breathing ragged. “He sent me flowers. I can’t throw them in the garbage, what if he shows up?”

“He might call, but he won’t come over.”

“Piper won’t be back until tonight.”

“Keep the door locked and don’t let him in.” She’d feel so much better if she knew how safe she was.
Too bad I can’t tell her.

“Okay.
Any idea when you’ll be able to come over again?”

That rips my heart out every time. “I’m not sure. Soon.”

“That’s fine, don’t beat yourself up about it.” Her voice is so shaky and quiet. I need to be there right now. “So… Sam has a girlfriend. That’s why he’s been calling.”

“Oh.” I’m such a dick. “Well, good for him.”

“You don’t have to wonder about him flirting with me or expecting anything. I’m really sorry.”

“
You
have nothing to apologize for,
I’m
the one being a jerk. So don’t worry about it.”

“Alright,” she croaks. “Are you busy tonight?”

Fuck
. “Unfortunately, yes.” I hear the start of a sob then the line goes completely silent. She must have covered the receiver. The last thing she needs to picture right now is me whirling Gloria around the dance floor. “Remember that therapist I told you about?” She squeaks out some version of yes. “He’s coming over for dinner, along with a few of their friends from high school,” I lie. “It will look rude if I hide in my room all night.” I want to tell her I’ll try to slip away, but why give her false hope?

“So is she showing you off?”

Yes
. “No, I think it’s a cautionary tale type of thing. One of the friends is a former heroin addict, the other lost a boyfriend or something.”

“Oh.
That sounds pretty sucky. At least the food will be good.”

“Actually it won’t, because I’m not cooking for them. Glory’s chef is back, she’s doing some vegan or macrobiotic thing
, or whatever the most current trend is. They’re all health nuts.”
For drug addicts, anyway.

“Well, that’s too bad. They’re missing out. I’m eating some of that soup you left me right now.”

“Good.” She sounds a lot better, I’m glad I lied.

“You
need to go, huh?”

“Yeah,” I whisper
, my throat twisting. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Okay. I love you, Isaac.”

“Love you too.”

I hang up so she doesn’t have to. There’s a weight in my stomach from lying to her, but I’d rather carry it than give it to her. Deceit probably is the best strategy after all. A little more guilt won’t kill me.

Glory’s shoes clap down the hallway as I bite down on a k-pin, savoring that minty taste I look forward to every day. I have to do this, there’s no other way. She doesn’t trust me in the slightest right now, not that she should. Her eyes widen and she stops fidgeting with her earring as soon as she sees me standing near the door, ready to go.

“Wh
y are you all dressed up?”

“You tell me. I figured a tux was a safe bet.”

“There is no way in hell I’m taking you with me, Isaac.”
Yes, you are. You want to.

“Does that mean you’re meeting someone there?” I ask, infusing the question with a hint of false jealousy that
pulls her lips into a slight smile.

“Maybe I am.”

“Well, he’s a lucky guy. You look fantastic. Sexy yet sophisticated as always.” And unhealthily thin. Her friends will be so envious.

“
Why, thank you.”

“So do you want me to come or not?”

“Missing Jill already, I see?”

Rolling my eyes,
I shake my head. “She called me a few months back to tell me you were fucking her husband again. Wanted to know if I was interested in getting a little revenge. I declined.”

Glory’s eyes narrow. “Oh really? Why was that?”

“Because I’m not a pissed off teenager anymore. I didn’t let her down gently, for your benefit. It’s the least I could do.”

“How many months, exactly?”

“Um… sometime in May, I think.”

“She started screwing Mitchell around then.
” Glory and her gossip. “Like I care,” she laughs bitterly because she obviously does.

“
So how about you pile it on a little more and walk through her door on my arm.”

“I don’t
need a fucking pity date,” she snaps. Touchy. Maybe she does.

“I could use one,” I reply softly
after an awkward silence, looking at the floor. “A little rumor to help my pride. And I’m still a great dancer. Take me with.”

“So you can sneak off with someone else and make me look like a fool? I don’t think so.”

“You honestly think I would do that, don’t you?” The little kid act isn’t fucking helping at all. “I told you, I don’t want your friends. That doesn’t mean they don’t want me. Everybody knows Mitchell blew you off before you went to Japan. For her. Do you really want to show up alone? Or do you want me to help make them jealous? You know I want to.”

“The last thing I need is you treating me like your mother in front of my friends.”

She turns to leave and I grab her by the wrist, forcing her to look at me. My eyes drop to her cleavage and I lick my lips. “
That
is the last thing anybody is going to think. And I won’t be acting,” I lie. “I thought you wanted to help me get my mojo back.” Slowly sliding my hand into the small of her back, I pull her closer. “Let’s get out of here.”

Her lips part as her eyes
flick downward, wondering if there’s something for her. At least she’s not surprised that there isn’t. “You always were a good dancer.”

“I learned from the best,
” I whisper into her ear before I break away.

Grabbing her coat,
I hold out my arm and she takes it, a smug grin crossing her face. I fucking hate that smirk, it’s the worst one. The fact that I just turned her on is unbearable. I want to grovel at Maya’s feet and beg for forgiveness, but instead I hold the door open for Gloria and flash her a lecherous grin.

Scandal. Rumors. An ego boost that will help her live up to her reputation. It’s the only thing I can give her and I
need to give her something. Lucky for me, she really needs it right now.

I spend the rest of the night hating myself,
beyond desperate to punch one of these rich assholes in the face. I despise these parties and these fucking people disgust me. Fake friends exchanging false smiles and passive aggressive well wishes while they judge each other’s fake tits. And the gossip, it’s never ending. Why the hell do they insist on getting together if they all hate each other so much? I will never understand this bullshit.

I’m sta
rting to remember why I almost enjoyed strangling these women, but I get a little nauseous every time one of them eyes me. When I was younger, I’d find a place to disappear at these things after a few hours, but if I do that she will think I’m off fucking one of her fake friends which defeats the entire purpose of putting myself through this. The benzos aren’t doing shit and I run the risk of getting sloppy if I take another one because I had a drink. The only thing that helps is thinking of Maya, but that just makes the guilt gnaw at me more.

After several hours of ‘just one more dance’ and ‘ooo, come say hi
to this random asshole that I was fucking because I can’t stand his wife’, she is
finally
ready to leave. At three in the fucking morning. So much for getting home early and surprising Maya with a phone call. But Glory is happy. Giddy, even. She definitely got her ego boost. She’s also blasted out of her goddamned mind. I didn’t realize she still did so much coke, let alone mixed it with whatever the hell she was popping, not to mention the ten glasses of champagne. Some sobriety companion.

“You look exhausted,” she
giggles.

“
It’s hard to keep up with you.”

“
Did you see their faces when we walked through the door?” she squeals.

“
I did.” I catch her before she tumbles over and roll her into the back seat.

“My feet are
killing
me.” She kicks off her heels and leans her head on my shoulder, dragging her hand down my thigh until it rests on my knee.

“I’m surprised you can still feel them at all.”

“I’m
so
glad you wanted to come, I had a
great
time.”

“So did I,” I lie.

“Honestly, Isaac, I didn’t think this was going to work out.”

“Tonigh
t or living together in general?”

“You moving back in. I kind of thought you were up to something.”

“What the hell would I be up to, Glor?”

“I don’t know. You’re crafty, a
lways have been.”

You have no idea.
“Thanks?”

Giggling maniacally, she shoves my shoulder. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Why not? You know all of mine.”
Or so you think.

“You’re not going to
liiiike iiit
…” she teases

“That’s not a shocker.”

“So… remember Scott, that guy I was telling you about?”

“The assistant you took to Japan? Yeah. Is this the part where you confess you’re
having sex with him?”

She slurs out laugh. “Yes
! How’d you know?”

“I knew the second his name popped out of your mouth.”

“Well, we’re not just having sex. He fucks me like you used to be able to.” Gritting her teeth, she inhales sharply and winces. “Sorry! Ooops. Sorry sorry ssssorry.”

“It’s okay. You can say it out loud.” At least then it seems like she remotely understand
s. Though in her defense, practically every fucking word that comes out of my mouth is a lie. “So what about him?”

“You’re not jealous?”

Fuck
. “I’m used to being jealous. When have you not had at least two other boyfriends? I know how to deal with it.”

“I guess,
” she grumbles.

“
Just don’t antagonize me until beat him halfway to death the way you did with Greg.”

“
That’s right! You messed him
up
! Then you fucked his wife.”

“And his mom.”

“I completely forgot about that part,” she laughs hysterically. “Oh, my God. We used to have
so
much fun.”

Oh, yeah,
doesn’t get much more fun than a white hot rage fueled physical assault. Good fucking times.
“Those were the days.”

“You were
such
a little slut back then,” she giggles. I glare at her playfully. “Oh, go ahead and say it.”

“I learned from the best.”
I shrug. She feigns outrage and squeals again, laughing until she nearly falls out of her seat. Will this night
ever
fucking end?

“But seriousl
y,” she pants. “I don’t want to fight. And I don’t want you to
leeeave
.” She tickles my ribs. “I missed you. A lot.”

“Me too.” What I wouldn’t give to be saying that to Maya right now.

“You’re really doing the monk thing, aren’t you?”

“I am.”

“Well, if you’re not going to fuck anybody else, you can stay as long as you want.
But.
Scott knows about you, but he doesn’t really know about
us
and he doesn’t know that you moved
in
.”