Desire (18 page)

“But you worry about the effect you have on her?”

“No, that’s not it. I just don’t want to get her killed, or worse. Actually, I think I’m good for her, personally. That’s what she tells me and I think that’s why I feel so much lighter when I’m with her, because I see it too.”

“Do you fight a lot?”

“No, we don’t. We were trapped in an apartment for close to a month and hardly got on each other’s nerves at all. And, yes, she knows about me, she knows what I do. She likes it rough, but not violent or degrading. I didn’t do that shit to her anyway, I just couldn’t.”

“That is a very good sign. Is she an addict, too?”

“Not in the slightest. She had a crazy panic attack once while we were there and I gave her some crushed up Xanax under her tongue the way you did for me when my mom… And then I gave her another one the next day when I told her that her boyfriend monitors her phone and she can’t break up with him, she has to wait for him to leave her. But that’s it. She doesn’t like it, she won’t take it anymore even when she gets upset.”

“Okay. It’s not the best idea in general, but if it helps you, I think it’s fine to pursue this relationship.”

“I didn’t come here for permission, Roger,” I laugh.

“I was simply stating my professional opinion. And trying to put you at ease, because I can tell you feel guilty for involving her in all of this even though you didn’t. Why
did
you come here, Isaac? How do I figure into this?”

“You
probably know what I do with Sloane, right?”

“The submissive reconditioning thing?
Why, yes, I do. Didn’t Sloane tell you? I took in Nadia. She was one of your favorites, right?”

“You what?” Roger just smirks at me. “What the fuck? I thought you were better than that, so much for the Mr. Nice Dom bullshit you used to feed me,” I snap. I can’t fucking believe this.

“Hey, slow down. It was a little satisfying to get back at you, but that was just a bonus.”

Telling him
that I’m not jealous, just worried and a little guilty probably isn’t the best idea. “Well, Glory knows too.”

“So cut Sloane off for a while.
Don’t go over there.”

“That
will be a problem because I need a cover to see my girlfriend.” I really love saying that out loud. “And I’m helping Sloane manage her club now. So we’re orchestrating a fight, a rumor of a fight, really. Sloane’s ego couldn’t handle me taking over the place, so she cut me off from her harem.”

“Okay…”

“So that takes care of the long hours and late nights, but I’ve been sleeping at my girl’s house for the past two weeks. I wouldn’t have slept at Sloane’s. I haven’t been to Glory’s at all, I just couldn’t do it. I need an alibi. So I was hoping you could tell Gloria that I was in rehab and I flunked. You didn’t want to worry her while she was gone. It would also explain why I haven’t taken any of her phone calls.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“Well, for one thing, I didn’t know what to say but… it’s also hard for me to hear her voice. It sets me off.”

“In the anger department?
”

“No, it makes me
extremely anxious.”

“Isaac, moving in with Gloria is
a horrible idea.”

“I know, but i
t’s my only way out. My father signed off on it. They haven’t spoken for six months, by the way. Her choice.”

Roger tries not to let me see how happy that makes him, but he can’t hide it. “I don’t like the idea of lying about rehab.”

“It’s not like you’re telling her it worked. But what I really need you to do is convince her that celibacy is a critical part of keeping me on the right path. And that’s not really a lie. The last time I was with Gloria… it didn’t end very well. Sex of any kind had been setting me off pretty bad, actually, until this started.”

“Setting you off? Are you referring to the massive panic attack you had when you cut someone about six months ago? I’m assuming you think that led to the overdose a couple months later?”

“Yeah, I had some issues with abuse after that. And I basically turned into a hermit, but it was difficult to be indoors for a long time, so maybe I was more of a nomad.”

Roger hesitates. “Do you want to hear my theory?” I nod. “Don’
t you think it could have anything to do with the fact that Gloria gave you a picture of your biological mother around that time?” My heart drops into my stomach and sputters. “You took that pretty well. Are you heavily medicated at the moment?”

“Yes. And yeah, maybe that picture had something to do with it.”

“Is it difficult to look at?”

“No. Actually, I kept it out all the time. I find it comforting that I didn’t forget her face. I thought I had. How much does she tell you, anyway?”

“We talk about you quite a bit. You’re actually good for her, when you aren’t fucking her anyway, but she is definitely not good for you either way. I guess that doesn’t matter, though.”

“Yeah, it does. It means you’ll help me.”

“I will. I’ll lie, and yeah, for her.”

“Just for her?”

“Okay, a little bit for me, too, though I do care what happens to you, Isaac. But there are two conditions.”

“Anything.”

“Well, the first one you probably expect. You need to come here at least once a week.” That doesn’t even sound bad. “We need to come up with a better regimen for you, kid. What you’re taking right now is dangerous.”

“Done. What else?”

“Okay, this one comes from the jealous testosterone filled caveman and just pure curiosity. And since I can, I’m forcing the issue. It’s a deal breaker.”
Great
. “What did Glory do, Isaac? Why did you leave her?”

I’m still so pissed off about this and I shouldn’t be, especially now. It would have ruined everything with Maya. But even thinking
about it is fucking agony and on top of that, now I get to feel guilty about the anger and hurt. “I got her pregnant and I wanted her to keep it. She likes to think it was my father’s, but it was mine. She got an abortion. I couldn’t handle it.”

“When was this?”
Oh, that got to him, which satisfies me in a very twisted way.
Fuck!
I’m being such a shitty boyfriend right now.

“
Late February of my senior year. I’m guessing I knocked her up over Christmas break. Why, are you a contender, too?” Now I’m just rubbing it in his face. There’s no fucking way he was, Gloria was all mine back then. I was her drug of choice and he fucking knows it.

“
No,” he says, glaring at me. “But I suppose that explains quite a bit. I never could understand why she feels like she abandoned you. It seemed like the other way around.”

“Stop trying to trick me, it won’t work. Gloria doesn’t waste time feeling guilty.”

“She sure as hell does when it comes to you.”

Unable to tell if he’s
lying, I study his face for a while. Holy shit, I don’t think he is. What the fuck does that mean?

14

Jace

My pulse starts to race when I see Piper’s car turn into the driveway. She’s home early. I flip
on the living room cam, hoping that Isaac isn’t fondling Maya on the couch. Oliver, who I’ve recently found out is possibly the most honest person on the planet, gives me a look.

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything,” he laughs.

Ecstatic moaning fills the apartment when I turn on the audio feed.
Isaac and Maya are fucking. Again. Poor Piper walks through her door and stands there awkwardly. For a second, I think she’s listening to them, but then she looks at the ceiling, shaking her head. She drops her bag on the table and disappears into her room. When she emerges, she’s changed clothes and I experience another moment of regret that I listened to Isaac and didn’t put a camera in her bedroom, even though that is extremely messed up.

“Looks like she’s going back out again. Should I call Derek and ask him if he can work longer? She’ll probably be gone for a while and he’s supposed to get off in two hours.”

“Naw. I’ll follow her.”

“Dude…”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I snap, using my boss voice just in case he’s starting to forget who’s in charge here. “I said I’ll fucking follow her.”

Grabbing my shit, I race down the hall so I can get in my car before she does. Or… Without really thinking about it, I stroll across the street and into their building. My building, even though I always feel like I’m at work since I moved in here. What the hell am I doing? This is fucking crazy, Isaac is going to kill me.

“Hello,” I say casually as I walk past her in the hallway.

Her face is red and she is obviously angry, eyes narrowed as she stomps toward the door. Why does that make her so much hotter? But when her eyes meet mine, some of that frustration falls away and she smiles up at me. For once, she’s not flirtatious, and I have no idea why I like th
at so much. “Well hello, neighbor.”

“What’s up?”

“Not much.”

“So why do you look pissed off?” I ask,
inwardly anxious because I already know.

“Because… never mind, it’s not your problem,” she replies. “Have a good one.” Piper starts walking toward the door again. Great. How the hell am I supposed to follow her now? I really did not think this through.

“Hey, wait,” I call after her. She spins around. Now I just have to think of something to say. “You almost told me, now I’m curious.”

“
My roommate’s boyfriend is over. I don’t want to be there.”

“Which one?”

“The Cowardly Douchebag.” She rolls her eyes.

“Oh. So, you’re headed out?”

“Obviously.”

I laugh nervously. What the fuck is my problem
? “Wanna hang out at my place instead?”

The corner of her mouth rises for a second, her eyes growing mischievous.
Shit.
But then her brows pinch together and she looks at the floor, taking a step backwards. “I should probably burn off some steam in a more productive way,” she says coldly.

“Hey, I didn’t mean…” I explain, following her down the hall. “I had a shitty day, too, and I’m headed to the gym to burn off some steam myself. Come with me.”

“Is this a line you use all the time?”

“
No
. Can’t a friendly neighbor just be looking for a work out buddy? You’re already wearing sneakers and yoga pants.” My eyes drop to her thighs and the less altruistic parts of my brain wonder how long it will be before I can get her to open them.

“I guess. Do you have any guest passes? I don’t want to join.”

“I can get you in, I’m a VIP.” I hold open the door for her.

“Don’t read anything into this. It’s not a date.”

“You’re the one making all the assumptions!”

“I’m driving,” she informs me.
Good. Because I overlooked that little detail and left my car across the street.

15

Maya

“Thi
s won’t be so much fun in the winter,” I say, snuggling under Isaac’s arm as we sit on the hood of my car, leaning against the windshield to look up at the stars.

“I wish I could tell you it will be over by then.”

“It’s okay. I like road trips and I have a super comfy back seat.”

“Actually, if it goes that long, I want to get a hotel room every so often.”

“I think I should move out if Piper doesn’t stop being so weird by then.”

“That’s not the best idea.”

“It’s getting difficult to live with her even when you aren’t there.”

“Give her some time. It’s only been a few weeks.”

“I guess,” I grumble. We both exclaim in amazement as a star shoots dramatically across the night sky, leaving a long trail behind it. “That one was so pretty.”

“That was the third one already and they should be picking up soon,” he says excitedly. “Do you watch the Persieds every year?”

“Not really. There’s too much light in the city.”

“I
’ve driven out here for the past five years. I’m always alone, this is a lot better.” He kisses the top of my head.

“So will you invite me every year?”

“Invite you?” he laughs, tickling my ribs. “You could say that, yes. Speaking of annual traditions…” He sounds nervous so I turn my head. He rolls his eyes and turns it back so I keep looking at the sky. “When is our anniversary?”

“That’s a good question, isn’t it?”

“Every day I come up with has all this baggage attached to it.”

“The first night doesn’t work for you, huh?”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs. “I guess that’s the anniversary of our first date, but not when we were officially together.”

“Yeah. The creepy panic attack night probably isn’t the best.”

“God, no. And I’d hate for it to be our first fight.”

“
That one really doesn’t work for me. I spent most of the day thinking you were off fucking her.” I don’t like to say her name. I can’t believe he’s going to sleep there tomorrow.

“Yeah,” he whispers. “There aren’t any
more milestones.”

“It should be the first day, Isaac.
Around midnight. You made me popcorn and brownies and we fell asleep watching movies on the couch. We spent all day getting to know each other. Then we had brinner. And…”

“Yeah, that sex was pretty awesome. Plus we actually celebrated the one month mark, so we’re not behind.”

“We did.”

It was a great day, we drove all the way to Vermont.
I squeal for his benefit as another meteor streaks across the sky before crawling into his lap to kiss him. We make out for a few minutes until he insists I turn around to enjoy the show. I love sitting in his lap. I’m totally distracting him from the shooting stars and he keeps grinding in to me, insisting I hold still when he slips his nimble fingers into my pants. There’s no reason we both have to be miserably horny.

*
*******

Piper stays in her room when we get back. Isaac genuinely doesn’t mind the cold shoulder, but it drives me crazy. Maybe it pisses me off so much because it seems like he thinks he deserves it. But I’m not going to dwell on it now, because after tonight, everything changes. Gloria flies in tomorrow and he’s picking her up from the airport. Then they go home together. It still doesn’t seem real, there’s a wall between me and my simmering anger and jealously. I don’t bring it up because Isaac get
s anxious. At first I didn’t believe him completely when he said he didn’t want to see her, but now I do.

The sex is incredible, but quick and relatively tame, like we’re scratching an itch
that we can’t ignore. We both agree that sometimes it’s actually annoying to be constantly hot for each other when we’d rather spend time together connecting in a more meaningful way. He hasn’t freaked out and gotten too rough for more than a week and I miss it. I could use my fix, especially now that I have to share him. But it wouldn’t be the same if I asked, it just has to happen. I wonder if she’s going to see him and crave the same thing, if he was ever like that with her. Someday soon, all of these questions that I need to ask are going to fall out of my mouth. I just can’t help it.

But he looks so peaceful right now, his head laying on my stomach
while he toys with my fingers. I run my free hand through his newly cut hair. It makes him even hotter, I think I actually prefer the clean cut look and had a great time proving it to him a few days ago. The fact that she’ll hate it makes it that much more appealing. After what seems like forever, he finally starts to ask the question that’s been dancing on the tip of his tongue.

“So, um, now that I can’t be around as much
…” he says guiltily.

“Hey,” I cut him off. “That’s not all your fault. School starts in three days, I’
d be the one abandoning you.”

“
That does make it a little easier. You know I’m more than completely supportive, but I don’t like being your second priority. At all.”

“I know, and I think it’s kind of hot. Maybe you can make me pay for it sometimes,” I tease.

“Maya…” he laughs, kissing my belly and crawling up to nip the end of my nose. “You’re fucking impossible.”

“What were you going to ask me, though?”

“I was wondering if you’d want me to sign up for WoW. I don’t want to interrupt your time with your brother, but it would be easy for me to play some nights when I can’t get over here.”

“
So you do want to want to come to the geek side. I see your fingers twitching every time I log on.”

“To spend more time with you, yeah.”

“That would be nice. It’s not like I just play with Garrett, though, and you know how those guys talk…”

“I’ll put up with it,” he groans. “I’m really going to miss you.”

“We got way more of the summer than you expected.”

“We did.” He looks so sad. “I’m so anxious about seeing her,” he confesses. “And pissed off.”

“Don’t worry about it right now.”

“I can’
t help it,” he snaps, pulling away from me to pace around the room. “I fucking hate this. I know it’s killing you and I’m so fucking sorry. That’s the worst part.”

“I’m fine,” I
assure him.
Don’t rage out, please. Not tonight.

“You aren’t fucking fine, just like I’m not fine that you’ll see
Sam in a few days.”

Crap. “Isaac,” I say sharply. “I’m not going to let you do this tonight. Stop it.”

He grumbles and sits back down, wearing a pissed off and pouty version of the little kid face. He is
so
ridiculously cute. I jump on him, attacking his face with kisses until he starts to laugh against his will and kisses me back. When I finally pull away, he keeps my hands in his and stares up at me with wide eyes.

“You trust me, right?” he asks quietly, that insecurity melting my heart.

“Completely.”

“I won’t do anything with her.”

“I know.”

Honestly, there’s still a sliver of skepticism, but I don’t let him
get a glimpse of it. He’ll only betray me if he doesn’t have a choice, and that possibility scares me on so many levels, the jealously pales in comparison. I trust him, but not her. Who knows what strings she’ll attach and how far he would go to keep them tied.

I get my fix in the morning
and I’m aching in more ways than one when he walks out the door. It’s a warm day, but I’ll have to wear long sleeves until I’m sure the fingermarks on my forearms won’t bruise. Piper wouldn’t understand.