Diana in Search of Herself (76 page)

45
   “I was told one thing”: B-AM1, p. 37

46
   “I can’t understand why”: B-SB, p. 184

47
   She told Colborne and Cornish: B-JD, p. 346

48
   She later claimed: B-AM1, p. 116

49
   “nothing to do with him going”: Ibid., p. 39

50
   Their time together was cordial: B-PJ2, p. 78

51
   “very tricky indeed”: B-AM1, p. 38

52
   “one of his most intimate”: B-JD, p. 346

53
   “worked it all out”: B-AM1, p. 33

54
   “she didn’t know about Charles”: Interview with Elsa Bowker

55
   When asked about Diana’s: Interview with Michael Colborne

56
   Instead, Diana alienated: DT, 10/20/98

57
   “flowers when she had meningitis”: B-AM1, p. 37

58
   “a bit muddled”: Interview with Michael Colborne

59
   “her other side”: B-JD, p. 345

60
   “Whenever the Prince came”: B-SB, p. 208

61
   Charles saw that he was trapped: DT, 10/20/98; B-JD, p. 343

62
   “I was used to temper”: Interview with Michael Colborne

63
   “He was obsessed”: B-AM1, p. 38

64
   “a very observant man”: Carpenter, p. 223

65
   “He’s very deep, Charles”: Ibid., p. 225

66
   No one, not even Charles: B-JD, p. 345

67
   “It was all very strange”: B-AM1, p. 56

68
   “comments like that can set”: Interview with Kent Ravenscroft

69
   According to former
Vogue
editor Felicity: Interview with Felicity Clark

70
   “It is what happens”: Ibid.

71
   “but then she was rather overwhelmed”: Ibid.

72
   
DI’S DARING DEBUT:
DEx, 3/10/81

73
   
DI TAKES THE PLUNGE:
Mi, 3/10/81

74
   “ounce or two of puppy fat”: DEx, 3/10/81

75
   “Oh, God, I look awful”: B-PJ1, p. 141

76
   “my escape mechanism”: Pano, p. 10

77
   “[she] was so thrilled because”: B-AM1, p. 56

78
   “a secret disease”: Pano, p. 9

79
   “when you have bulimia”: Pano, p. 10

80
   Diana’s weight dropped: Interview with Felicity Clark; NOTW, 1/23/83

81
   “I had shrunk to nothing”: B-AM1, p. 56

82
   Both anorexia and bulimia:
Handbook of Treatment for Eating Disorders
, pp. 9–11, 14, 19

83
   “psychologically different”: Ibid., p. 23

84
   “I am ashamed”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 12/81 to unnamed recipient)

85
   “It’s a good antidepressant”: Interview with Kent Ravenscroft

86
   “she loved eating sweets”: B-SB, p. 195

87
   “Lady Diana never ate properly”: Ibid., p. 207

88
   Most tellingly, Diana ate copious: B-AM1, p. 127;
Handbook of Treatment for Eating Disorders
, p. 28; B-JD, p. 398

89
   “recognized all the symptoms”: I-FSK

90
   By some accounts there was: Ti, 9/4/97;
Majesty
, 4/95

91
   “She never breaks down”: Ti, 2/25/81

92
   “If she had been in a united”: Interview with Michael Colborne

93
   “Gosh, I’m becoming a very rich lady”: B-SB, p. 211

94
   “At the beginning”: Interview with Roberto Devorik

95
   “Diana seemed to enjoy”: Interview with Felicity Clark

96
   
LADY DI-ET!:
Sun, 6/13/81

97
   James Whitaker noted: DS, 6/20/81

98
   “He can never sit still”: DS, 7/4/81

99
   “I tend to lead a sort of”:
Harper’s & Queen
, 4/90

100
   “requested rock numbers”: Mi, 6/22/81

101
   Charles had asked Michael: Interview with Michael Colborne

102
   he insisted that Diana had found: Ibid.

103
   “I was devastated”: B-AM1, p. 38

104
   “rage, rage, rage”: Ibid.

105
   Diana confronted Charles: B-JD, p. 347

106
   “he cut me absolutely dead”: B-AM1, p. 38

107
   “It was easy to see”: B-SB, p. 212

108
   “just a bit too much”:
Observer
, 7/26/81

109
   “radiant best”: DS, 7/27/81

110
   “kept her composure”: DM, 7/27/81

111
   “The radiance for television”: Mi, 7/27/81

112
   and later recalled telling her sisters: B-AM1, p. 39

113
   “The tension had suddenly hit”: Ibid., pp. 40–41

114
   “eyes were swollen”: NOTW, 6/19/88

115
   At a grand ball: Interview with Felicity Clark

116
   “in the hours leading up to”: B-JW, pp. 19–21

117
   “Buckingham Palace was totally”: B-SB, p. 169

118
   “didn’t happen, that is for”: Interview with Michael Colborne

119
   who later denied to Nigel: Interview with Nigel Dempster

120
   What’s more, Diana and Charles: B-PJ2, p. 84

121
   The following night: B-SB, p. 213; B-AM1, p. 125

122
   Charles stayed up late: B-PJ2, p. 85

123
   “in a contemplative mood”: B-JD, p. 348

124
   “It really was remarkable”: Alastair Burnet,
In Person: The Prince and Princess of Wales
(1985), p. 26

125
   “spent the night before”: B-PT, p. 25

126
   She had a severe bulimic attack, eating “everything”: B-AM1, p. 41

127
   “I don’t think I was.… girl in the world”: Ibid., pp. 40–41

128
   “pale gray, veiled”: Ibid., p. 42

129
   “The day I walked”: B-AM2, p. 83

130
   “very composed”: B-AM1, p. 125

131
   “incredibly calm and unfazed”: I-FSK

132
   Diana paused on the platform: B-PJ1, pp. 177, 181

1
   “I adore being married”: B-RK, p. 4

2
   “she was almost in tears”: Mi, 8/3/81

3
   “spent most of their evenings”: B-SB, pp. 217–21

4
   When she and Charles were alone together: B-JD, p. 355

5
   “appalling … rife”: B-AM1, p. 42

6
   he had brought a stack: Ibid.

7
   as with his sporting pursuits: B-JD, pp. 354–55

8
   “worst moment”… every day at lunch: B-AM1, p. 42

9
   he would read aloud from Laurens: Ibid., p. 43

10
   “the idealized bride”: B-JD, p. 478

11
   “When you began on abstract”: Carpenter, p. 222

12
   “She didn’t understand him”: Interview with Michael Colborne

13
   Diana had tried joining: B-PJ1, p. 186

14
   “Diana dashes about”: B-JD, p. 354 (PC letter 8/3/81 to unnamed recipient)

15
   “Anything I could find”: B-AM1, p. 43

16
   When Diana asked if Camilla: Ibid., p. 39

17
   “This was going to be”: Interview with Michael Colborne

18
   “obsessed by Camilla totally”: B-AM1, p. 43

19
   “convinced that [he] was still”: B-JD, p. 356

20
   Since February she had lost: NOTW, 1/23/83

21
   “Everybody saw I was getting”: B-AM1, p. 43

22
   She slept poorly and wept: B-JD, p. 360

23
   At one point in the fall: Interview with Michael Colborne

24
   they arose from Diana’s: ITV-Doc

25
   “He was totally unaware”: Interview with Michael Colborne

26
   When she wept, he would knead: B-WB, p. 53

27
   capitulating to her demands: B-JD, p. 361

28
   Occasionally Charles rebuked: Ibid., p. 399

29
   Charles’s fondness for Diana: Ibid., p. 400

30
   He invited Laurens: B-AM1, p. 43

31
   Charles arranged for Diana’s: B-PJ1, p. 186

32
   “The princess was happier”: B-SB, p. 225

33
   “The royals are spoiled”: Interview with Mark Lloyd

34
   “From the day I joined”: DT, 8/27/97

35
   “It’s a strange family”: Carpenter, p. 225

36
   She later told friends: Sun, 1/12/98

37
   “silly” inside jokes: B-AM1, p. 51

38
   “generosity…. it was all laughter”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 12/27/81 to unnamed recipient)

39
   Diana felt the Queen viewed her: B-AM1, p. 52

40
   “Fine, no problem”: Ibid., p. 43

41
   Nor could Diana abide: B-PJ1, p. 186

42
   “The Queen is always surrounded”: NOTW, 5/4/86

43
   “Her willfulness was a direct”: Interview with Michael Colborne

44
   “Suddenly people were hanging”: SuTel, 9/7/97

45
   “stared at [her] the whole time”: B-AM1, p. 43

46
   She later explained: ST, 9/23/90

47
   “undercurrents”: B-AM1, p. 64

48
   “the toughness of Whig”: Interview with Paul Johnson

49
   “Because her family looks”: Interview with Andrew Roberts

50
   “[The family] had witnessed symptoms”: B-JD, p. 588

51
   “ostriching”: DM, 10/21/98

52
   “Maybe I was the first”: Pano, p. 7

53
   “She told me, ‘I am unwanted’ ”: Interview with Elsa Bowker

54
   “about to cut my wrists”: B-AM1, p. 44

55
   “all the analysts and psychiatrists”: Ibid.

56
   “The Diana that was still”: Ibid.

57
   “She was brought down”: Interview with Michael Colborne

58
   “godsend”: B-AM1, p. 43

59
   because he thought it would: DT, 10/21/98

60
   “We want Diana”: DT, 10/31/81

61
   “Poor Charles”: WO, 11/12/81

62
   “sick as a parrot”: B-AM1, p. 44

63
   Between engagements she wept: B-JD, p. 356

64
   “never got any praise”: B-AM1, p. 44

65
   “The response of the people”: DEx, 11/6/81

66
   the mere thought gave her tremors: B-AM1, p. 47

67
   “I was shit-scared”: Ibid., p. 48

68
   “like a young colt”: Roy Strong,
The Roy Strong Diaries: 1967–1987
(1997), pp. 291–92

69
   In the first two weeks: DS, 11/16/81

70
   “People tried to put me.… all over the shop”: B-AM1, pp. 44–45

71
   “showed a confident new face”: DEx, 8/20/81

72
   Diana had suddenly: SuEx, 9/7/97

73
   “Highly recommend it”: ITV-Doc

74
   “The
Sun
has often paid”: R&R-Doc, Part II, p. 22

75
   “Diana has been laughing”: DS, 9/10/81

76
   “goes for lonely walks”: NOTW, 9/13/81

77
   “has reached a personal crisis”: Sun, 9/18/81

78
   “all that [was] expected”: Ibid.

79
   Still, the Queen was evidently: B-DK, p. 55; Harold Evans,
Good Times, Bad Times
(1983), pp. 314–15

80
   “I spend most of my time”: Mi, 1/18/91 (Diana letter 12/27/81 to unnamed recipient)

81
   “We’ve had such a lovely”: B-JD, p. 360 (PC letter 12/26/81 to unnamed recipient)

82
   “Diana felt desperate”: DS, 1/27/82

83
   yet at other moments she appeared: B-JD, p. 358

84
   “I was a fat, chubby”: Pano, p. 3

85
   “they wanted a fairy princess”: B-AM1, p. 57

86
   “She spent long hours”: B-JD, p. 357

87
   But once she was settled: Ibid., p. 358

88
   One night she left home: Ibid., p. 365

89
   “blazing public row”: Sun, 2/2/82

90
   “clearly worried”: Sun, DM, 2/8/82

91
   “get [her] husband’s attention”: B-AM1, p. 56

92
   “just dismissal, total dismissal”: Ibid., p. 45

93
   Diana’s account, which Morton reported: Ibid., p. 132

94
   “She said that this is why”: Interview with Elsa Bowker

95
   a “smudge”:
Time
, 2/28/83

96
   “her sensational figure”: DS, 2/18/82

97
   “Carefree Di threw royal”: Sun, 2/18/82

98
   “unprecedented … breach of privacy”: Gua, 3/4/82

99
   “I’ve never done anything”:
Time
, 2/28/83

100
   “blissfully happy”: B-JW, p. 173

101
   “Charles led Diana”: DS, 2/18/82

102
   Even in the presence of the Romseys: B-JD, p. 366

103
   “fired a series of questions”: Sun, 3/19/82

104
   “Why Di Keeps Throwing”: Sun, 4/2/82

105
   Labor was induced: B-AM1, p. 45

106
   “an astonishing experience”: B-JD, p. 368 (PC letter 7/2/82 to Patricia Brabourne)

107
   “Charles could get off”: B-AM1, p. 46

108
   “It was a great relief”: Pano, p. 6

1
   Diana breast-fed for only: B-AM1, pp. 53, 138

2
   “You’d wake up in the morning”: Pano, p. 6

3
   “Boy, was I troubled”: B-AM1, p. 46

4
   “something dreadful had happened”: Ibid.

5
   “totally darkness”: Ibid., p. 51