Discipline (19 page)

Wow
. I thought about the version of
the story that Kelsey had told me — that their fight had been over
something trivial. About
when
to have a baby. That they’d be
back together soon because Cara was ready, as if she were the one
with all the say.

I shook my head. “What is it about Woodhill
that inspires people to do these things?” I asked, almost to
myself. “Everyone’s so preoccupied with perfection that they don’t
realize the things they do to get there are wrong. And immoral and
ugly.”
Like pimping out your daughter to her abusive boyfriend,
all for the sake of keeping the Woodhill lifestyle
. I stared
forward, head still shaking as I thought of my mother. Watching me
closely, Aaron read my mind.

“What does she do?”

You can’t tell him. He knows her
. But
with my heart beating fast, I told him — every last detail about my
mother, my father, their money and how it tied to Ben. And Dane. I
watched the cloud cast over Aaron’s blue eyes once I began speaking
about the vacation. Despite a visible and growing need to perhaps
pound his fist into the wall, he sat still, his elbow on the bar
top, the end of his fist pressed to his lips, containing himself as
he carefully listened to me.

“Are you okay?” My question was a whisper
once I finally finished. I could see his chest moving up and down
quickly, a vein protruding from his neck as he soaked in my story.
His body was rigid as his fist opened so that he could draw his
palm across his lips, along his jaw. I actually heard a whisper of
“look at him” from behind us as his taut muscles swelled beneath
his shirt.

“I could kill him. Both of them.”

“Aaron.”

“I’m sorry, I just…” He took in a breath. “I
can’t believe that someone who was lucky enough to have such a
gorgeous, intelligent woman chose to reduce her to something
completely voiceless. The best part about you is this spark you
have. I can’t explain it but it makes me want to listen to every
word you say. You’re smart and strong and the fact that you’re as
beautiful on the outside is just an added bonus.” He allowed
himself a short laugh. “A
big
added bonus.” Taking a breath,
he shook his head with disbelief. “I can’t believe anybody would be
stupid enough to waste you. You deserve better than that.”

His words caught me completely off guard. It
felt so damned good to hear but at the same time, they flooded me
with guilt.

“But… I did let him do it.”

“Do what?”

Shame heated my cheeks. “I let him suppress
every real part of me until I was his little doll, just so my
mother could keep buying four hundred dollar pairs of shoes. It’s
like I spent most of my life groomed to be someone’s idiot.” I
blinked at my own harsh words, realizing how true they were despite
the fact that they’d flown carelessly from my lips. I felt Aaron’s
hand tuck a lock of hair behind my ear.

“You can’t be so harsh on yourself. It
wasn’t your fault.”

“I was the one who went from letting my
mother tell me what to like and do to letting
Ben
tell me
what to like and do.” A sneer curled my lip as I felt emotion
rising in my throat. I hadn’t let it come out with Adriana or Em
and I hadn’t meant to let it out here, but Aaron’s presence, his
voice, his earnest eyes drew it easily out of me. “Honestly, who
spends the years eighteen to twenty-one not seeing her friends and
doing the things normal girls do at that age? I haven’t even
figured out my passion or what I want to do with my life. There’s
nothing I love the way you love teaching, nothing that puts that
spark in my eye because all I’ve ever done is serve other people’s
lives instead of my own.”

My fingernails hooked onto my lower teeth as
I realized how much time I’d truly wasted. And for
whom
.

“God,” I exhaled, eyes bright with but with
awe at my own stupidity. “The best part is that they’re people that
I can’t even stand to think about now. Ben, obviously. My dad,
since it drives me insane that he’s let my mother get to this point
without speaking up. And my mother — she chose
money
over
me. These days I honestly wish she weren’t blood. I want to pretend
she doesn’t exist. It’s insane. The person I did all of this for
isn’t someone I even want in my life anymore. I threw away some of
my most important years and only to realize that I have no family
to really call mine.”

I felt Aaron’s fingers on the back of my
neck as he pulled me in to kiss my forehead. “Hey.” He brushed my
cheek. I hadn’t even noticed the tears. “You either love the family
you were born with or you choose the one you want to live with, and
your friends have obviously chosen you already. The people from the
restaurant, they can’t help but love and care about you because
they know the real you, they know what you’re worth.” My mouth
parted slowly to speak but Aaron interrupted me, tipping my face
towards his. “And don’t say that you weren’t worth it. You got out
of it. You could’ve easily stayed. You were three years deep in
this and you pulled yourself out when a lot of others would’ve been
long gone. Especially if they had family telling them that this was
the way to live. After twenty-one years, the odds were against you,
Nina, but you stood up and said no. Give yourself credit for
that.”

I exhaled, feeling his words flood my body
with warmth, comfort. And awe. Not a minute ago, I’d felt so
colorless, sick to my stomach. But his words flowed through me like
a cleanse and suddenly, I was enlivened. Or at the very least, I
felt
good
. “Thank you,” I sniffled in a way that compelled
him to bury a kiss in my hair. I luxuriated in the comforting
feeling of his hand on the back of my knee, of having his strong
body to lean on. “I’m glad you’re here,” I breathed. I hadn’t
thought about how it might sound, all I knew was that I meant
it.

I could hear his lips parting into a smile.
“Me too,” he said softly. “I’m glad I get to see you start
over.”

I smiled. “Are you going to?” I asked.

“To what?”

“Start over too. Do everything you weren’t
allowed to do before. Or haven’t gotten to do in awhile. You could
make a list of the things.”

A sexy smile curved his lips. “I think I
already checked several things off that list last night,” he said a
look cast over his eyes. His hand squeezed my leg, seemingly
unconsciously, as if he were reliving our romp in my apartment. I
blushed.

“Had it been a long time? Since you and Cara
— ” I cut off, realizing the rudeness of my question. Eyes wide at
myself, I blushed harder.

“Really. You’re suddenly shy about asking
revealing questions after what you did to me last night?”

I looked to see Aaron grinning big. “I…
apparently,” I laughed at myself, recalling the things I’d asked
him last night at the restaurant.

“Quite the transformation,” Aaron
teased.

“Well, if you’re implying that I should go
ahead and ask those questions, I’ll remind you that one of them
went unanswered yesterday,” I said, impish.

“Oh boy.”

“I asked you what things had become
off-limits.”

Aaron shook his head at me while swigging
the last of his beer. “You’re really curious about that, aren’t
you?”

“Admittedly, yes.”

“Why?”

“It fascinates me that someone who looks
like you can have trouble getting what he wants sexually.”

Aaron raised his eyebrows at my honesty.
“Well, when you’re in a relationship and not one to stray, it can
happen.”

“I know.” Silent for a few seconds, we
simply looked at each other. “So… are you going to answer the
question?” I asked with a grin that made him put his beer down and
lean back against the wall with a somewhat scornful little laugh.
He let me wait for a few moments of silence before finally
answering.

“I broke up with Cara in May. We hadn’t had
sex since early February.”

Whoa
. Five months. I tried not to
look too shocked since I wasn’t sure if I really knew what was
considered a long time was for men. Though nearly half a year
certainly seemed like an eternity, especially for someone like
Aaron. He was athletic, muscular, pumping with higher levels of
testosterone than the average male who was already pretty horny and
hungry for sex. Ben had sure been. When we’d visited his family in
North Carolina, I’d been so preoccupied with meeting his relatives
that there was really no time for sex, especially since we’d been
put in separate rooms in his parents’ home. But Ben still made sure
that he got off daily, pulling me from conversations during the
most formal dinner parties, making me give him head in a bathroom
if my outfit was too hard to take off.

“So, if sex was off-limits, did you at least
get… anything else?”

Aaron let out a bitter laugh. “Say the word,
Nina.”

Well
. His tone sent a thrill up my
spine. “Head. Blowjobs,” I said, cocking an eyebrow as if to say,
happy
? He kept staring, as if challenging me to say more.
“Did she ever suck your cock, Aaron.” God. I was never this person,
but there was most definitely something he possessed that just made
me talk like a foulmouthed nymphomaniac.

“Those were definitely under the category of
off-limits.”

“How long since the last one?”

“I don’t know, Nina. A year. Maybe
more.”

“Wow.” I couldn’t help my reaction. Since
he’d been my only ever real boyfriend, I couldn’t help comparing
Aaron to Ben, who had no qualms about interrupting my errands,
cooking, phone calls or sleep to stick an erection in my face. It
didn’t matter what mood I was in. Once, following a business trip,
he returned to find me in bed where I’d been all day with a head
cold and congestion. That didn’t matter to him. Claiming that it’d
“been forever,” he had me get up to pleasure him despite the fact
that I’d hardly be able to breathe.
Forever
to him was just
five days.

“Ahh,
man
.” Aaron let go of long
breath, groaning slightly. “Thanks for the reminder,” he said with
a short laugh as I noticed the way he slightly parted his legs. I
wondered if it was because he needed to make room.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Tie game but we’ve got two on
with none out in the top of the eighth. You’re the one I’m sorry
for,” Aaron said, grinning. But despite his sports heckling, all I
could think of were his deprived sexual needs. He deserved pleasure
more than Ben did. I couldn’t get past the fact that he’d gone so
long without anything. It must’ve showed on my face because Aaron
gave me a knowing look when he glanced from the game back to me.
“You’re still thinking about how I haven’t gotten head in
years.”

“Yes, I’m still thinking about it, I’m
sorry. I’m just impressed by your patience. But then again you do
seem to specialize in exercising… control.” I couldn’t say the word
discipline
— it sounded strange coming from a former student
to her teacher. “I guess after awhile, it’s easier to forget about
it,” I said, since that had been the case for myself and being on
the receiving end of oral sex, or any position that put my pleasure
first.

Aaron simply looked at me.

“Nina. Just because I’m professional doesn’t
mean I don’t still go home from work and think about sex. I’m a
teacher but I’m still a guy and I still want the same things from
women that other guys want.”

I tried to process it, to put Aaron in the
same boat as Ben in any way. “So, blowjobs?”

He laughed. “Yes.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Threesomes?”

“Yes.”

Interesting
. I raised my eyebrows
though I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. “That’s basically every
guy’s ultimate fantasy, isn’t it?”

“Essentially.”

“What exactly is it that men love so much
about two women together?” I asked curiously. Amusement flared in
Aaron’s eyes.

“I don’t think you ever asked me this many
questions when you were my student.”

My cheeks heated. The statement for some
reason sparked a tingle in my body. I opened my mouth to say
something, but since it was obvious that I had nothing, Aaron
continued.

“I can’t answer for every guy but the simple
answer is just that it’s two times of what a man loves. It’s — ” He
suddenly chewed his lip, shutting himself up.

“What?” My impatience was immediate, so much
so that it made him crack a smile. “
Tell
me, Aaron,” I
implored. “I thought we were past being polite around each other.
Unless you’re back to being Mr. Cole,” I said, feigning
attitude.

He looked amused again. “Aren’t I though?
Since it seems that we’re in session with all these questions.”

“Well, I’m quite enjoying this session, so
please continue, Mr. Cole.”

Aaron’s mouth parted, one side of his lips
twitching upward into a smile almost as devious as mine. He
readjusted his sitting position before once again continuing. “It’s
the idea of all that softness. Together. Lips, hair, breasts.
Everything touching.” His eyes fixed so intently on mine as he
spoke that I felt myself frozen yet itching to leave, already
desperate to be somewhere alone with him.

“What if you’re dating one of the girls? You
wouldn’t feel possessive?”

“It’s never happened, but I can’t imagine
that I would.”

“You’ve never had a threesome?”

“Not really, no.”

“What does ‘not really’ mean?”

Aaron’s laugh was also a bit of a sigh, as
if he still couldn’t believe our subject matter. “It means that
I’ve watched two girls, I wasn’t dating either, and there was no
invitation to participate. It was in college.”

“Oh.” The image of Aaron in college threw my
mind into a frenzy. I wondered if he’d been wild then without
Woodhill haunting him yet. The idea excited me for some reason.
“Would you want to see
me
kissing a girl?” I asked
curiously. Aaron’s grip on his bottle tightened again.