Dream Chaser (28 page)

Penny’s face
turned beet red, a reaction Kevin knew she hated
. “Jealous—how
could
you even think that?
That’s n
ot it at all. I don’t trust him,
and he’s so—
he’s
so arrogant.”

“No, he’s not. I’ll bet he figured you out the very first time you opened your mouth.” He grinned. “You said yourself he was good-looking. Admit it. You were practically drooling that day he rode over here on his horse. You are, too, jealous.”

He stared at her until she dropped her gaze. “There’s something else you should know about Dad. He screwed around a lot—”

“How can you say that?!”

“Will you listen to me for once?” He grabbed his sister and shook her once, twice, to make her pay attention. “Mom and Dad used to argue a lot, mostly at night, when they thought we were asleep. I know you heard them—before you went off to school.”

She shrugged. “All couples fight. What’s the big deal?”

“Dad gave Mom a reason, more than once. He was having affairs, one after the other, for a long time.”

“How do you know that? You always take Mom’s side.”

“Gary Boyington spilled his guts one night after a party at the frat house. He worked as a gofer at the law office during school breaks, for extra money—before I did—and heard the other paralegals and the secretaries talking. They never talked about it when I was around, but Gary knew all about it. That’s why Dad took Mom to Myrtle Beach last year, to make up to her. He was having an affair. It wasn’t the first time, but it was so obvious Gary’s dad told him to stay away from the office—to take a vacation—for at least two weeks.”

Penny stared back at him.

“It was convenient ‘cause of their wedding anniversary, but Mom must’ve found out what he’d been doing. Maybe she knew about the others, too. It had been going on a long time, so long the partners were worried. After the funeral, Gary told me they gave Dad an ultimatum.”

Penny looked at him, tears welling up and spilling onto her cheeks. “Oh, God. How could Daddy do that? And what I said to Mother.”

“Mom deserves to be happy, sis. If Mr. Kingsley makes her happy, she should go for it. And you shouldn’t be so hard on her all the time.”

“She never tried to stop Daddy?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she did and he wouldn’t.” He lowered his voice when he heard the kitchen doorknob rattle. “Maybe that’s what all those fights were about they didn’t want us to hear.”

Penny trotted into the bedroom and shut the door.

Before
his mother
entered the
living room
,
Kevin
lay down on the couch
.
He listened as she finally settled herself on the cot at the other end of the small room. She spoke in a whisper to Sam, who lay down with a soft thud. Would s
leep
come
easily
to any of them?

Half an hour later, Suzanna tossed the covers to one side. Kevin’s slow breathing told her he was asleep, but a light issued from under the bedroom door.

She knocked and opened
the door without waiting for an invitation.

“Penny, we need to talk.”

Her daughter set her book aside and glanced at her, her eyes puffy. “About what?”

“Your father. You need to know about him and me. The truth.”

Penny pulled the covers to her chin.

“We hadn’t been getting along for years. For lots of reasons. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.”

“Are you saying it was a mistake that you married him?”

Suzanna gave her daughter a tiny smile. “Not at the time, no, I didn’t think that, but your father always insisted on getting his way. When I didn’t agree with him, he… well, he made sure I regretted it.”

Penny sat up in bed, her eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

How can I tell her without making her hate him?
“He blamed me when things weren’t perfect. Why do you think I always made sure the two of you, you and Kev, were always ready, always perfectly dressed, when he took you to the office? I knew his temper might get the better of him because you didn’t act or dress the way he wanted. I didn’t want him to take out his anger on either of you.”

“He never…”

“No, he didn’t, but I did my best to make sure he had no reason to. It’s just that I…Look, I knew when I married him he had a short fuse. There were times when we were going together … But I ignored them. I figured he would change once we got married.”
And I was wrong.

“Look, honey. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did. Don’t think you’re going to change a man just because you love him. It won’t happen. He won’t change—no matter what he tells you.”

Penny was now crying softly into her hands.

“Brad was a good father, Penny. He loved you and Kevin—so much. And he taught both of you to be strong. I’ll always be grateful for that.” She sat down on the bed next to her daughter. “Love can make you do things you never imagined, like not standing up for yourself out of fear, out of, I don’t know, a desire to make him love you.” She brushed a lock of hair off the side of Penny’s face.

“Your father never wanted you to be intimidated by a man, like I was. That’s why he taught you to stand up for yourself whenever you were challenged. He was always so proud of you, darling. You know that.”

She stroked Penny’s arm, regretting she had to tell her the worst of it. She took a deep breath.
But I have to.

“I told your father I knew about his affairs—there were so many over the years. I think the first one was after Kevin was born, when it took me so long to recover from the birth. I tried to ignore what he was doing—for years. But, I just couldn’t tolerate it anymore. Not that it was any different from the other ones. Or maybe it was—with his paralegal. I was sure people at the office would find out. That day at the beach, I told him I was getting a divorce. He was furious and said he’d never allow it. That’s when he had his heart attack.”

Penny looked horrified. “Are you saying that’s why he died?”

Suzanna shook her head. “Not according to the doctors. I just want you to know that if he hadn’t died, I would have divorced him. Neither of us had been happy, for the longest time.”

She leaned over and hugged Penny. Her voice softer, almost a whisper, she added, “This trip of mine was something I had to do—to find myself, who I want to be now. Please don’t take that away from me, honey. I just couldn’t be the person your father wanted any longer. Please understand that.”

“Kevvie said Gary Boyington knew. I guess that means others knew, too.”

“I doubt the firm will advertise it, and it can’t hurt your dad now.”

“But his reputation, Mother.”

She had to reassure Penny. “The work he did for his clients is what they will remember. I’m certain of that.”

Suzanna rose and went to the window before turning back to Penny. “When you’re in a relationship, serious or not, I don’t want you to be so blinded by what you want to believe, that you can’t see what the man is, who he really is.”

Penny climbed out of bed and stepped into Suzanna’s arms, weeping for several minutes. When her daughter stopped crying, Suzanna kissed her, whispered good-night and left the little bedroom.

She returned to her bed in the corner, feeling better after having told her daughter the truth about her father.
Maybe she’ll learn from my mistakes
, she thought.
I can only hope.

The next day,
Suzanna
drove to the airport, a mostly-silent ride. She kissed and hugged
Kevin
and
Penny
, and
said she would
come home soon
.

Penny pinched he
r lips together, her eyes full.

Chapter 14

Jonathan pondered what he had seen in Penelope
’s eyes—her m
istrust of him, her disdain for her mother’s choices, her sense of entitlement
, and how
Penny had tried to
order his
men
around when she should have listened
.

He
turned in his chair.
“I have to admire how
Suzanna has managed to
put up with her
daughter. No wonder she had to get away
to be herself.”

Nate placed the coffee carafe on the little side table.
“
Kevin seems pretty level-headed,
and not nearly as
feisty
as
his sister. He seems like a good kid.
”

“Did Grady tell you what happened when he and the boys took
them
to see the horses
?”

“He mentioned how the girl
happened to fall off.
” Nate grinned. “Seems like
she deserved a good dunking, to cool off, get her come-uppance
.”

Jonathan nodded. “
That girl deserves a good paddling, but what do you want to bet she was her father’s pride and joy?
”

Nate rose from the seat near the fireplace. “
Sort of like you and Christine. The boy reminds me of Neil, how serious he is about his future and all
.
Why he wanted to talk to you about his plans.
Didn’t they take off today?
”

Jonathan swirled the spoon in his coffee
.
“This afternoon, unless Penny insisted on an earlier flight.”

“What’s so funny?”

“I was just imagining Penelope trying to do that. Not with the way the airlines have cut back lately.” Her words rang in his ears about his feelings for Suzanna. Was he
so transparent to
everyone but
Suzanna?

The day after she waved Kevin and Penny onto the plane,
Suzanna continued to unpack the
book
boxes
at the library, glad to concentrate on something other than her daughter’s accusations.

“Emma, look at these wonderful
titles.
”

“Yep. We got some good ones. Especially these
Harry Potter’s.
I never would have guessed little kids would read such fat books, but did you see how those last three kids went right for them after we put them out?” The two women
worked through the morning, cataloging the new
book
s and
add
ing
to
the Children’s Corner on the far side of the library near the window seat.

Emma
warmed her feet against Sam’s furry side. His tail bumped her desk as she massaged his back with her toes.

“Good morning,” she welcomed two children. “Go on in and
see where we put the new books.
”
The youngsters
scampered to the corner where Suzanna was adding the finishing touches to a wall poster.

That afternoon over lunch, Suzanna
peered
at Emma.
“You’re
hurting. Is it your hip again?
”

“I
’ve had
better
days
.”

“Emma, what are we going to do with you?
”
Might as well face it,
but her breath caught in her throat. “
I’m not going to be here much longer, and you can’t do this all by yourself. The stairs and all…”

“I’ll manage.
I did before you
came
and I’ll do
it
again.” She
pushed her glasses further up her nose
. “You’re really going to leave? I thought you liked that ol’ cabin you been holed up in.”

“I’m not sure the cabin is where I want to
be in the middle of
a Montana winter.” But r
eturning to Minneapolis held no appeal.

“You could stay here.
” Emma glanced at her
over the tops of her glasses
. “I’ve got room upstairs
. That way
you’d be in town,
and
anyon
e who wants to can come see you.” S
he
smirk
ed.

Suzanna felt a tightening in her throat.
Anyone? She means Jonathan.
“I don’t
want to put you out
, Emma.” She
prepared to leave. “But I’
ll
think about … uh…your invitation.
Come on, Sam. It’s time to
go
.”

Suzanna was
fac
ing her
westerly
view of the mountains when Jonathan drove up
later that afternoon
. “Is that phone any better?” he asked as he climbed out of the truck.

“Not much, but I so rarely use it, it doesn’t
matter.” S
he
glanc
ed up from her needlework. “
I’m not sure
I’ll be here much longer.
Nights are starting to get cold.
”
Would she feel the nip in the air if she was sleeping with him? Her body heated up at the thought. What was that little grin on his face? Was he reading her mind again?

“Move over, Sam.
” Jonathan pushed the dog away from Suzanna’s feet
and
sat
down next to her on the porch
steps
.

Suzanna
anchored her needle in the fabric and looked into his intense blue eyes
. “I’ve heard one can tell a lot about a man
by
how he treats dogs and children.”

“Could be.” He reached down to pat Sam on the head. “We’re friends, aren’t we, old man?”

The dog wagged his tail in response
and lay down with a contented sigh at the man’s feet
.

“Are
n’t
we friends, too?” H
e turned to Suzanna, taking the needlepoint from her hands.

She gave him a sidelong g
rin. “Yes, we’re friends.” S
he
retrieved her handwork, her pulse starting to climb at the unspoken implication in his words
.

“Good friends?”

“Yes.”
She
wove
her needle in and out of the fabric
.
Do I dare say what I’m feeling, what I really want?

“How good?” He
grasp
ed h
er
hand
s
more firmly
, forcing her to stop what she was doing.

Butterflies again.
Her words slightly above a whisper, she said,
“Good friends—very good friends.”
She had to look away from him, but she couldn’t. Instead her eyes slid over the muscles that seemed to press against the sleeves of his shirt, down to the thumbs that pressed against her hand.
Strength. He could make me do whatever he wants. But he never has.

“Is that all?”

His eyes seemed to hold her gaze with a power she couldn’t resist. She knew he could see into her heart, but what if he didn’t feel the same? What if she wasn’t what he was looking for? What if she couldn’t be what he wanted?

“Jonathan, what do you want me to say?”
She remembered, so clearly,
the last time they had sat on the porch together
and suspected he did, too
.
She’d been so close to asking him to make love to her. But Penny’s words pummeled her brain, daring her to deny his feelings and her own.

“Whatever you’d l
ike.”
He
slowly
re
leased her
hand
s
.

“You’re a
very good friend
.”
Feeling apologetic, she added, “
I’m going to miss
you
when I go home.”
Except
Minneapolis d
id
n’t feel like home anymore.

“When are you leaving?” His long fingers traced the edge of his hat band.

“I’m not sure
.
I
can’t
stay in the cabin through the winter.”

She felt his gaze again as he sat next to her, the heat of his body warming her.
“Have you no friends you could stay with?”

The air between them hummed with unvoiced thoughts.

Does he know about Emma’s offer?
“Perhaps,
but I don’t want to
impose.”

He locked his gaze on hers. “My invitation is still open—to stay at the main house. As my folks would say, the latch string is still out for you.”

He shifted on the step before standing up.
“Suzanna,
I want
you to come up to the house
tomorrow
evening.”

She rose from her seat and followed him.
“Any particular reason?”

“I’m
host
ing
a dinner
party
in your honor.
”

She
couldn’t look at him without fearing she would burst into tears at the thought of leaving. Instead, she
turned
her gaze toward the mountains. “I’
m
so
going to miss this view.”

“
Me
, too.”
His voice was a rumbling whisper, a sound that sent tremors of desire through her.

“You?”
Where was he going?

“I’m scheduled to hold f
orth at a trade meeting on the East C
oast next week
, as part of something the UN is sponsoring. They’
re an intellectual challenge and
,
mostly
I enjoy them, but I’d much prefer to be here these days.”
One hand stroked her cheek, his thumb resting lightly under her chin as he leaned forward and gave her a kiss that brushed her lips, leaving her wanting more. “This
view is better
,
more inspiring.”

She backed up a step, feeling the need for distance, so she wouldn’t act on her desire to put her arms around him, to hold his close. Trying to keep her voice steady, she asked,
“Have you thought of bringing a photo o
r two with you—of the mountains
and the ranch—to remind you what
’s here
?”

“A good idea.”
His smile seemed to light his face from within
.

“So, what time
is
dinner?”

“I’ll come get you. Y
ou should be dressed by around six
. I’ll be in my tux.”

“A tux?” She let her eyes wander up his body. How would he look in a tux? He was a god in jeans, his Western shirt open at the collar.
Why is he looking at me that way?
“
Is everyone dressing so formally?”

“Th
at’s the dress code for the
night.
I’ll pick you up at six.” H
e kissed
her cheek
and left before she’d gathered up her things.

The rest of the afternoon, Suzanna wandered through the little rooms, trying to decide what to do.
Go or not go.
The words were a merry-go-round in her brain. Emma’s place was a nice alternative to Minneapolis, but what would other people, like Maris, think if Jonathan came to see her there?

She’d seen the hope in Jonathan’s eyes, that she might take him up on his offer, to stay at the main house. It was a delicious thought, and her heart raced, thinking how easy it would be to slip into his bed if she accepted his offer. But she couldn’t do that, she shouldn’t do that. And what Penny had said, about how little time had passed. A year since Brad died. It seemed longer.

Kittie had said people in the valley watched out for each other. What would they think? What would Abigail say? She seemed to know everything about everyone. Suzanna recalled Kittie’s words about what the other ranchers thought of Jonathan’s ex-wife, using the cabin for those trysts. She shivered. Then there was Penny and what she would think—of Jonathan, of her.

Tomorrow he was hosting a dinner party. It was so like Jonathan to send her off with warm feelings, like he’d tried to do when the kids were here—except it hadn’t worked out so well. Suzanna shook her head and ran a hand through her hair.
I have to stop thinking about Penny and other people. I want to enjoy this dinner
. No more worrying about what others might think.