Dream Chaser (31 page)

Another long pause.

“
If
you left her a message and she
hasn’t
called you back
, it must not be all that important to her.”
Penny hung up without answering his question
.

Jonathan
swore under his breath, and vowed not to call
the girl
again.

The next day, he went to the library.

“You need to stop pussy-footing around, Jonathan. Why don’t you just fly out to Minneapolis and drag her back here? I know you want to.” Emma’s eyes sparkled at him from behind her glasses as she limped out of the kitchen.

He drove out of town without remembering to pick up the mail.

Jonathan returned to the cabin with a can of gasoline
. He doused the outer walls and lit a match. As the heat of the flames warmed his face, he was reminded of the times he’d held Suzanna in his arms. He’d been heated then, too, inside and out.
Why did he think this would be different from Chelsea, that he and Suzanna had a chance?
Maybe he’d misread her. But there was that hint in her note, that she wanted to stay in the cabin next summer.

He shook his head. It would never work. How had she convinced him to rent the cabin in the first place? He’d vowed after Chelsea that no one would use it, certainly not a woman. Except Suzanna wasn’t Chelsea. Suzanna had lassoed his heart when he saw her with her foot in the stream on that mountain trail.

As the smoke wafted through the trees and the blackened timbers crashed to the ground, he muttered to himself, “No more memories.
”
H
e spread the ashes and water
ed down
the remains of the little shack
to kill any hidden sparks.
But he couldn’t banish his thoughts of Suzanna, of her clinging to him after her encounter with the bear, crying into the back of his shirt, of her kisses and how she melted into his arms, making him so hard. Suzanna whom all his friends liked. Beautiful Suzanna who was so respectful to Nate and Curly, even the youngest hands. Suzanna had wakened his desire, tamped into nothingness for so many years. He
spent the rest of the evening in his office with the door closed, looking at the picture of Suzanna and Sam propped on his desk.

Chapter 15

Suzanna unlocked the front door
. Sam followed her into the kitchen.
The
feel of the home that had been hers for more than twenty years
enveloped her.
She sat down at the dining room table and found herself comparing it to the table she and Jonathan had used so many times. Hers seemed too formal for her taste.

She wandered into the living room with its dark wood accents and coved ceiling, the one room she had loved from the first day
she and Brad had
moved in
, a month before Kevin’s birth
. The
books in the
matching glass-fronted bookshelves
on either side of the fireplace
needed straightening.
Maybe
Kevin or Penny
would take
Brad’s books
.
Near the corner of the living room sat her piano, a light coating of dust dulling the wood finish. She opened the cover and let her fingers play over the keys. She recalled how Jonathan had invited her to play, the night she had felt his arms surrounding her with caring concern, making her feel safe, triggering her desire for more than friendship.

Brad’s office
sparked foreboding feelings, demanding to know where she’d been and why she was harboring feelings for another man. She shivered and crossed her arms
.
I have to change this
room.
If
she repainted
it
in a lighter color,
perhaps
it might lose its
overly-masculine
feel.
His big desk with the multiple drawers, still
crammed with his
papers, dominated
the room
, making her feel inadequate.
Penny
might want
it,
she mused, when she riffled through the neat stack of bills on the desk, all marked paid in her daughter’s precise handwriting.

She sat down in the
swivel chair and slowly
scann
ed
the
wall
s
.
Each was adorned with
pictures of Brad standing next to
a
social bigw
ig—his “high-life photos,” he’
d called them. Why had
n’t
she noticed that none of them included her? She took them down
, one by one,
opened the frames and tore up the photos, dropping the pieces into the wast
e basket.

Suzanna left the suitcases in the laundry room, and walked upstairs. She wandered down the hall. Nothing was out of place in the kids’ rooms or in the guest room with its extra sitting area between two gabled windows. The guest room
held
the only
furniture
she had
retained
from her parents’ house
following their deaths
.

Suzanna
entered the
master
bedroom. Brad’s highboy still held his clothes. The king-size bed with its massive carved headboard gave her an impression of unnecessary heaviness.
Brad had insisted on dark colors here, too. If she
painted the walls a paler shade
, perhaps the bed would not feel like such a weight in the room.

The stress of the last few hours of travel wore on her, and she felt sleepy.
S
he
lay down
, waking two hours later when a door slammed downstairs.

“Mom, are you here?
I saw the Wrangler.”

She
sat up in bed, still groggy from her impromptu nap.
She heard Kevin’s quick steps as he climbed the stairs.

He gave her a hug.

When they walked downstairs together,
Sam barked for attention
at the back door.
Kevin
briefly
rough-housed
with the dog
before introducing
Veronica
to his mother.

“Call me Ronnie, Mrs. Wallace,” the young woman said.

Suzanna welcomed her with a
smile and a
hug.
The young woman’s loving glances at Kevin transported Suzanna back to how she felt when Jonathan had kissed her the evening he drove her back to the cabin in the carriage. The girl’s gold-flecked brown eyes and auburn hair complimented Kevin’s dark hair and eyes.
They make a lovely couple.

“It’s
great
to meet you
, Ronnie. Kevin showed me your pictures.
I want to hear all
about
your wedding plans and what I can do to help
.”

She waved in the general direction of the kitchen. “
Do you suppose we could order in
, Kev, so the three of us can talk
?
I haven’t even unpacked and don’
t have a thing ready for dinner
.”

In the midst of their Chinese
dinner
,
Suzanna
stood up to go to the phone. “I’m such a ninny. I should have called Penny.”

Kevin frowned. “
D
on’t bother. She’s out of town and won’t be back for another couple of days.
And, she lets her phone go to voice mail after seven.
Besides, she’s sure
to give you the third degree.”

“
Kevin, i
s that nice?”

“It’s the truth. You know how she is
, Mom
. Please pass the mustard sauce.”

“Mrs. Wallace, Kevin said you’
ve been traveling
for a while,” Ronnie began
.
“
What was your favorite place?”

“My favorite place is—”

“It’s gotta be Montana
,” Kevin interrupted
.
“
That’s where she spent
all her time.
”

“Kevvie, I was asking her. Please don’t interrupt.”

Suzanna smiled as Ronnie gently squeezed Kevin’s arm.
Good for you, girl.
Don’t be like I was.

“
Montana was my favorite place, mostly because of the wonderful people I met there.
”
You were the best, Jonathan.
Her heart ached with longing.
Why
did
I leave?
“
But, every place I
visited
had its good points.
We live in a beautiful country.
”

Over the next several days,
Suzanna
sorted through Brad’s jewelry, saving the best pieces for the children. She called a Homeless Shelter
and
donate
d
most of
Brad’s
clothes
.
S
everal closets
now
looked nearly empty
. She
felt better having tackled
that chore
.

“Where is that old list I made, Sam? I want to cross
off
another item.” When she found it, she
rewrote the list, now far shorter than when she had brought it home with her from the cruise. Then, her heart in her throat, wanting to hear his voice, but unsure if he would understand why she hadn’t waited for his return, she picked up the phone.

“Kingsley Ranch, Nate here.”

At the sound of the old man’s voice
,
Suzanna leaned closer to the phone.
“Hi, Nate. It’s Suzanna. Is Jonathan there?”

She thought she heard humming through the wires when he was silent—for two long minutes. Her heart skidded into her throat.
Something’s wrong.

When he finally spoke, Nate’s voice was cool, distant, not like he’d been before. “He’s not here.”

“Oh. When should I call back?” The fingers of one hand began a slow jerky dance along the edge of the table.

“He’s out of town.”

“He’s still in New York?”

More silence, more ominous than before.

Nate cleared his throat and seemed to mumble something to someone in the background. When he spoke again, his voice was cold. “No, not New York.”

“Oh.” Why couldn’t she think of anything to say? “Well, could you let him know I called?”

“I’ll do that.”

“Thanks, Nate. Bye.” She hung up.
Now what?
What was his email address? They’d never talked about emailing. Kevin might know, but he was in class and she didn’t want to bother him. Instead, she went to the kitchen desk, pulled out the first piece of stationery she found and wrote him a letter.

Dear Jonathan: I was going to return your call, but I really didn’t want to use the cell phone when I was driving and I wasn’t sure when you said you would be back from New York. I hope your meetings went well. If you email me, I’ll answer that way.

Nate said you were out of town, so I’m resorting to the old-fashioned way of communicating. I hope you’re not angry with me for not waiting until you came home from your New York business trip.

I’ve been home a few days, and am taking care of some overdue chores. It’s been snowing here, earlier than last year, and it’s cold, colder than in Montana. Then again, I have no one but Sam to snuggle up with who warms my heart.

I miss you so much and wish you were here so we could talk, even if it means that you might ask me questions I’m not sure I can answer.

As ever, Suzanna

PS Please let me know how Emma is. I wrote her a letter last week, but haven’t heard a word.

“Mother! You cannot give away any more of Daddy’s things!”

Suzanna pursed her lips.
“
Penny
, listen to me.
If you want some of
his
things, take them.
Otherwise, I’
m
giving
them
to someone who can use them.
”
Heaven knows Brad doesn’t need them now.

Kevin came out of the
bed
room a short time later. “I don’t get it. She really doesn’t want Dad’s things, but she doesn’t want you to get rid of them, either. What’s with that?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Suzanna hugged him. “
Did
you get what you wanted? H
is cufflinks, and ties, and things like that?”

“Yes, and the books. I really wanted
some of
them. I’ll tell
Penny
to hurry up.”

“No. Leave your sister alone
.
Maybe she needs more time deciding.
I’m going for a walk.” Suzanna called to Sam and headed outside. When she returned an hour later, her daughter was gone. Suzanna called Goodwill and arranged for them to pick up what neither of her children
had
chose
n
to take.

Two days later, she picked up the phone and called Jonathan again, worried that he hadn’t answered her letter.

“Kingsley Ranch, Nate speaking.”

“Hi, Nate. It’s Suzanna. May I speak to Jonathan?”

Nate cleared his throat into the phone. “He’s out of town.”

Still?
Why did Nate seem angry with her? “Oh. Do you have a number?”

“No.”

“Well, then, when might I call back?” she asked.

“I’m not sure. He’s been real busy.”

“I understand.” She hesitated. “Would you please tell him I called?”

“Uh huh. Bye.”

She hung up, puzzled. Nate had always been so friendly. Now he seemed less so, preoccupied, maybe? And, Jonathan hadn’t answered her letter. Did this mean he didn’t want to hear from her? Because she’d left when he’d asked her to stay?

She swiped at the tears that came unbidden into her eyes at the thought that she might have lost him—all because she’d been afraid to tell him to his face that she had to go home after Kevin called.

Margaret knocked and walked in the back door.

“Hey, Suzanna. You’re looking great, so skinny and all.” Her friend frowned. “You didn’t call me back the other day. Is something wrong? You look like you’re not sleeping.”

“
I’ve been going over what I should have done, but didn’t.” She wiped her eyes. “
You know, the ‘
what if’s’ of life.”
Like Jonathan.
“
What if I’
d finished my degree
? W
ould I have worked in a library
like
I always wanted to. My hope—my dream, actually
. I never did.
”
Except in Willow Grove. With Emma.
Jonathan.
Now I’ve lost him, too.