Dream Chaser (29 page)

She held up the new dress Penny had insisted she buy when they went to Bozeman.
This might work,
she decided, as she slipped it over her head. The pale green sheath clung to her body and the filmy overskirt seemed to float in the air when she whirled around. Penny had said the scoop neck was daring, that the color brought out her eyes. She blushed when she looked at herself in the mirror. The soft folds of the fabric angled to the side and seemed to call attention to her décolleté. It had been a while since she’d worn a dress like this. After
several false starts
playing with her hair
, she selected a
pair of decorative
Chinese hair sticks
she’d bought on impulse, their silver sparkles catching the light
.

As she followed Sam on their nightly walk after dinner, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she had to decide.
Go or not go.
It was a question she couldn’t seem to resolve.

The next evening
,
Suzanna
looked out the
kitchen
window when hoof
beats
approached
. Jonathan was sitting in a small covered carriage
pulled by a pair of matching bays
.

She stepped out onto the porch. “What’
s this?”

“You haven’t had a carriage ride. I thought it was time you did. You look lovely.”

She smiled at him. His tux set off his broad shoulders
. When he walked toward her, his legs seemed to go on forever
.
Have no other women seen you like this and not been tempted?
She wanted to hold him, to stroke every inch of him, with and without his clothes. She felt her cheeks warm and wondered if he could tell what she was thinking as he held out his hand to her.

He helped her into the carriage
, holding up the dark green shawl that had slipped off her shoulders
.
“You’ll want this—to ward off the chill.”

But you could warm me, Jonathan, like I already am. We could warm each other.
She tried to still her heart when her thoughts wandered into dangerous territory.

“Before we eat, I want to show you something—to help you remember this little corner of
my
world.” He
lifted the reins, clucked to the horses, and the carriage moved
past the front of the cabin, across a meadow and into a large stand of mature pines well away from the road. Near a small pond, almost hidden in the trees as the day began to darken
to dusk
, he stopped the
horses
.

H
e
slid
one
arm around her.
“Now
we wait.”

Within a few minutes, a buck emerged on the far side of th
e woods. The big animal paused
and then ventured closer to the pond, where he dropped his head to drink. Minutes later, two doe followed, each daintily stepping closer to the water. Suzanna and Jonathan watched in silence while the deer drank and then slowly moved back into the woods.

Suzanna sat, rapt. “You knew they would come here.”

“I raised the
buck from a fawn.
Nate
and I hauled him back to the ranch and put him in a stall
after we found his mother. She’d been shot
. Rex slept with him every night. The hardest thing was getting him to take a bottle of replacement milk. The vet helped us with that. When he was old enough and had the teeth for eating grass, we put him into one of the pastures with the weanling colts and he stayed there until the day he jumped the fence.”

“It must have been sad to see him go.
”

“Not really.
He was a wild animal and needed to go back to the woods, though we weren’t sure he’d be safe during hunting season. He was so used to people and would follow us around like one of the dogs when he was little.
But since his first year on his own, he’s skittish around humans. He comes back here
, usually this time of day—sometimes joins
the horses
in the far pasture
.
I figured he might pay us a visit.” He squeezed her hand
then
picked up the reins, and dropped them into his lap.

“I’ve been wan
ting to do this all day.” He put his arms around her and kissed her firmly
, once, twice
, and
again, brushing a finger lightly along her jaw line
.

Her
heart beat faster and
she felt hi
s, too, as he pulled her closer.

“Suzanna, I’m going to miss you.” His mouth touched the rim of her ear. “Won’t you reconsider? Stay here.” He kissed her neck and she shivered, unwilling to move, wanting more but afraid to ask, knowing if she did, she’d want mor
e than to stay. “So we can…” He
kiss
ed
her
again then murmured
…
“get to know one another…” another kiss, this ti
me more demanding, more urgent… “
better.” She wanted him, so much that her hands trembled when
she brought his face to hers and kissed him gently on the mouth. “I’m going to miss you, too.”
If only he would say what she needed to hear, that he loved her, confirmation that Penny was right.
Maybe then I’d stay.

But he simply returned her kiss and picked up the reins. “Dinner awaits.”

They drove to the house where
Nate
had set a beautiful table for two, lit only with candles.
He
winked
at Suzanna
then disappeared behind the swinging kitchen door
.

Her heart thudded. “I thought this was going to be a dinner party.”

J
onathan seated her at the table
and handed her the large salad bowl. “It is—for two. We’re having dinner, and it’s a party, a going-away party.
”
He smiled
at her
.
“
I
decided not
to share your attention tonight.”

They ate
, and talked, and toasted each
other with wine, before moving to the couch in front of the fire
that
crackled and popped.

“
I want you to stay
, Suzanna.
Here.”
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her
, his actions telling her clearly what he was asking
.
“Or at Emma’s, if you don’t want to stay in the cabin, if you aren’t comfortable here at the ranch.”

She returned his kisses, thoughts warring with one another as she melted in his arms.

After several minutes of
increasingly heated
silence, he continued
, his voice taking on a deeper timber
.
“
You know I care about you.” He paused, as if contemplating what else to say. “T
his house is big enough—you could have the entire wing to the right of the stairs
if you … And in case you want to play the piano, I had a tuner come and check it over for you
.”
His fingers caressed her cheek before sliding up into her hair, dislodging the hair sticks and placing them on a nearby table. “Your hair reminds me of silk. I have to touch it.”

She closed her eyes and leaned into him, concentrating on the feel of his back and shoulder muscles as she stroked him, wanting to feel his skin, to kiss every inch of it, to…what was he saying, his voice a low rumble, so sexy?

Suzanna sighed. “It’s very nice here.
But, people will talk
. They already are.
”
Her heart thudded in her chest as she thought
back to Abigail’s remarks, and others’, too. “My presence here would ruin your reputation.”

“As if I cared
,
”
he growled. “Let them talk.”

“No, I’d feel terrible about that.”
Suzanna
reached for
one of Jonathan’s hands, and stroked it. “
And
I promised Kevin an
d Penny I would come home.
I
have to keep my promise
.”

He
gazed at her
in the flickering light of the fire.
“Then how about settling
things
with them, and coming back here
?
Didn’t you say you wanted to sell your house?
”

She leaned
against his chest again, pulled his arms around her, warmed by them and the steady beat of his heart. She
looked around the room at
the fireplace stones that went up to the ceiling, the polished wood hearth, and the pictures
of his family
that adorned a nearby
table. “It’
s
so
comfortable here. I’ll think about it, I really will.”
Then
she turned
and gazed into his eyes, spellbound at what they were telling her. They seemed to be burning with desire. She
kissed him, a kiss brimming with pent-up longing
, a kiss that led to more until she finally pulled away, her hair tangled and mussed.

“I need to go home,” she murmured against his shoulder.
Before I do something…

His voice reminded her of dark chocolate, rich, soothing. “You are home, Suzanna. Make this your home.”

She so wanted to agree. What was it that held her back? She shook her head. “I can’t.”
Not yet. Not until I’ve settled things at home.

Much later, he drove her back to the cabin, embraced her again and opened the door for her.
“Sleep well, my love,” he murmured before letting her go.

She stroked his cheek
, clutching the hair sticks in one hand
.
“You, too, Jonathan.”

But she couldn’t sleep and wondered if he could after what he had said, that he cared about here and wanted her to stay. He hadn’t exactly asked her to sleep with him, but she knew. His body had told her, and she wanted it, too, but her guilt kept intruding. Or was it fear? Was love supposed to happen like this?

Suzanna realized now that her love for Brad had died long before his collapse at Margaret’s beach house. She’d lived with him in desperate quietude, unaware, or maybe not wanting to acknowledge, how alone she had felt for so many years. It wasn’t just the way he treated her, but how she had allowed him to make her feel unworthy, unable to live on her own. What was it he had said one night when they’d argued about her getting a job?

“How can you take care of the kids if you’re not here? You don’t even have a college degree. Who’s going to hire you?”

She’d hated him for that. He’d been the reason she hadn’t finished school. He’d told her it wasn’t important. But he meant it wasn’t important to him. She wasn’t important, either.

Being with Jonathan had awakened her desire, so many desires—to love, to be loved without restraint, to have someone who cared about her as much as she cared about him. And now she was planning to leave. In doing so, was she also leaving behind a last chance at happiness?

The next morning, she rose and prepared breakfast. This was a good time to leave, when Jonathan’s absence couldn’t stop her. She packed her suitcases, placed them in the Wrangler then removed them, upset with herself that
she
kept hesitating
.

Finally, in a fit of pique, she cover
ed
the furniture with the dust covers she had stored so many weeks before.
“If it looks like I’m leaving,”
she said,
tears streaking her face
as Sam followed her around the house
, “maybe I’ll be able to
go through with it.
”

In the afternoon
, she took
a long walk
, avoiding the
big
house at the far end of the road.
That
eveni
ng a light snow began to fall. S
he went back to the cabin, lit a fire, and ate a solitary dinner, imagining him in New York with
Jamie and their
business colleagues.

When she
climbed into bed
, she
dreamed d
isjointed images of her husband
and Jonathan.
She
knew she had to go home—to sell the house and
dispose of the rest of Brad’s things.
Doing that is the easiest decision I have to make
, she thought.
Maybe then I can move forward.

But her heart
kept giving
her conflicting messages.
Her dog-pal
listened attentively
when she asked,
“
Do
I have a future here,
Sam?” She wanted to believe she did, but if she stayed, Jonathan might find her wanting, not good enough, not strong enough to be the kind of partner he needed. A ranch wife had to be like Kittie, so self-assured, so confident, always knowing what to do. If she stayed with Emma…