Even Angels Fall (11 page)

After applying her make-up Abbey dries her long, red hair and curls it into soft waves that fall just past her shoulders, styling her fringe so that it sweeps softly over her left eye. She knows exactly which outfit to wear to achieve the effect she desires. A pair of black shorts with gold buttons down the front, her favourite cream, sleeveless crop-top and her cream stiletto heels. She finishes her outfit with a set of gold bangles on her right wrist and a pair of gold drop earrings.

Abbey gathers her phone, money and most importantly, her I.D and shoves it all into a cream and gold clutch as she checks her reflection in the mirror one last time. She looks good… and she feels it too. A car horn beeps as her taxi pulls outside… ‘perfect timing’. She skips downstairs and is almost out of the front door when Peter appears behind her.

“Where are you going?” He snaps.

“Out with friends… Mum said I could remember…?”

“Dressed like that?”

“We’re going out Pete… I’m 18…”

“Don’t be back any later than 11:30pm…” Abbey bursts into laughter before she can stop herself.

“Half 11?! You were out every single weekend when you turned 18 and you were rarely ever home before 2:00am!”

“Maybe not… but I wasn’t taking the piss by sneaking out and playing truant from school like a complete idiot either, was I?!”

There is so much that Abbey wants to say, but it would be a complete waste of time trying to get her brother to listen and she is so sick of arguing with him. The taxi beeps again.

“Don’t wait up…” She smirks, racing out of the door and down the driveway before Peter can stop her.

As Abbey approaches the apartment block she begins to regret not meeting Lucy beforehand. Her nerves are kicking into over drive and she is one step away from hyperventilating. ‘For god sake get a grip’ she scolds herself. She presses the button for flat 38 and the door buzzes immediately. As she exits the lift on the 9
th
floor she has to keep reminding herself how to put one foot in front of the other. She is really eager to see Alex, but he is so unpredictable and so completely uninterested in her. Why she is getting her hopes up and allowing herself to get excited about something that is clearly never going to happen, she has no idea. As Abbey approaches the door to the flat she can hear music playing and what sounds like Gemma laughing. She takes a deep breath, composes herself, and knocks loudly. The door swings open and Tom’s eyes widen in surprise. He takes the joint he is smoking out of his mouth and looks Abbey up and down.

“Fucking hell girl… you scrub up alright don’t you…?!”

“Thanks… I think!” She laughs. Tom hugs her as she enters the flat and she quickly scans the kitchen, trying not to make it obvious exactly who she is looking for. Sophie and Gemma are sitting at the table and Darren is leaning by the fridge… but no Alex. Abbey makes her way over, hugging them all in greeting.

“You look great babe…” Gemma smiles.

“Thank you, so do you…” Abbey replies, blushing at the compliment.

Sophie pours Abbey a glass of wine and the five of them move into the living room to join Lucy, Nathan and Liam. As they pass through the hallway Abbey prepares herself, knowing that she could bump into Alex at any second, but rather disappointingly, he is nowhere to be seen.

Lucy jumps up excitedly and squeals with delight as she races over to Abbey, hugging her tightly - and Nathan and Liam glance up from dividing out numerous lines of cocaine on the coffee table.

“Christ Abs… you look like walking Viagra…!” Liam winks.

“How charming… thanks Liam…” She quips, hugging them both as she sits down.

“You do look amazing…” Lucy agrees… “Those shoes look pretty high though, I hope they aren’t going to stop you dancing because it is on tonight…!” She laughs, shaking her arms from side to side.

Abbey giggles at Lucy as she launches into one of her super excited outbursts, chatting about how great the night is going to be and how much fun they will have at this new club, which she describes as ‘like the best club ever’. The only time she stops talking is when she takes a sip of her drink or has another line.

Just like the previous weekend they all make Abbey feel completely welcome and her nerves soon vanish. She finds herself marvelling again at what a close knit group they are and she feels incredibly lucky to be a part of it. She is beyond grateful that they have welcomed her into the fold so willingly. It is just what she needs; a fun night out with no drama, to let loose and enjoy herself with friends, but no matter how hard she tries she can’t seem to switch off completely or forget about her problems at home. The resentment she feels towards Peter and the detachment she feels from her mum is slowly starting to eat away at her. Things have gotten so much worse recently and she is constantly playing it over and over in her mind - wishing there was a way to resolve the tension, but knowing there is nothing she can do as long as her family refuse to face up to their pain and acknowledge their grief. Until they open up about Ryan and remember him the way that he deserves to be remembered, they are never going to see eye to eye.

“Just got off the phone to a mate, he says the club is packed…” Tom returns from the kitchen with his phone in his hand… “It’s gonna be mint…!”

“I hope we don’t have to queue for ages…” Sophie muses.

“Course not, Alex got us guest list…!” Tom laughs, incensed at the thought.

As Darren changes CD, the others gather around the coffee table, preparing to play what sounds like a rather complicated drinking game. When the music kicks in, they cheer in approval at Darren’s choice and start singing along to the track, albeit loudly and rather out of tune. Abbey uses the opportunity to lean towards Lucy, ensuring that only she can hear.

“Where is Alex…?” She asks, as casually as she can manage.

“Work… but he should be back anytime soon…” Lucy doesn’t bat an eyelid at Abbey’s question and she is left wondering again what Alex does for a living that causes him to be out so late.

Another hour or so passes and the several Sambuca shots that Abbey has drunk start to take effect. It turns out she isn’t very good at drinking games. Feeling tipsy she begins to lighten up a little, but the buzz she is feeling still isn’t enough to completely dispel her worries and her brain is working overtime. Why can’t she just relax and enjoy herself?

“Here he is…!” Tom shouts over the music… “Busy night son?!” Abbey looks up from the CD case she is studying and sees Alex standing in the doorway; their eyes meet for a brief moment before he steps forward and slaps hands with the lads. He looks even more appealing than the first time she laid eyes on him – if that is even possible.

He is wearing dark blue jeans and a black shirt that fits his frame perfectly. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons are undone, showing a slight glimpse of his sculpted chest and the chain of his rosary beads. ‘Don’t go bright red, don’t go bright red…’ Abbey chants, over and over in her mind. The butterflies in her stomach return and a rush of adrenaline shoots through her body. She can’t believe that just been in the same room as him affects her in this way.

She takes a sip of her drink – glancing nonchalantly over to where the lads are sitting – and her heart leaps. He is staring at her again. This time though it isn’t threatening in the slightest, instead he looks more intrigued, with only a slight, underlying hint of irritation. It is a definite improvement from last time.

Abbey jumps as her phone vibrates in her pocket and she reaches for it grudgingly, pressing the message icon in the top corner of the screen. ‘1 New Voicemail’. She hadn’t heard her phone ringing over the music but she can already guess who the missed call is from. She walks out onto the balcony where it is quieter and calls through to her message bank.

‘Where are you? You need to be back no later than midnight Abbey, I mean it. Don’t be late.’ Peter is obviously still furious with her. Why can’t he just leave her the hell alone instead of involving himself in her life? He obviously gets a kick out of lording it over her and acting all superior. She wishes he would just back off.

“Hey, are you OK?” Lucy joins Abbey on the balcony, hugging her arms to her chest, “It’s freezing out here…”

“Yeah… sorry, I was just checking my phone. I have a voicemail from Pete…”

“And what did he have to say?” Lucy raises an eyebrow and tilts her head disapprovingly.

“Oh the usual, just barking orders at me. He says I have to be back by midnight…”

“What?!” Lucy pouts… “But we aren’t even leaving the flat until 11pm and you can’t skip the club it’s going to be great…”

“I know. But he won’t budge…”

“So just pretend you haven’t got the message! Come on Abbey… he clearly doesn’t understand what’s going on with you. What you need right now is to have a laugh and get your life back! Just because he isn’t dealing with it, don’t let him drag you down as well…”

Abbey breathes in the cold night air and stares down at the lights of the city that are sparkling below. Lucy has a point. She seems to understand Abbey better than anyone and always knows exactly what she needs. But it doesn’t change how terrible she feels about how strained her relationship with her family has become and she knows that she is making it worse by acting out. She should be on her best behaviour instead of making things more difficult for her mum, but she isn’t doing it on purpose. She just can’t bring herself to carry on as normal like they do, pretending as though everything is fine. Her sorrow, her anger and her grief, they are always there - a constant ache in her heart which there is no escape from, and it is far too strong to ignore.

“I just wish I could run away from it all, you know…?”Abbey whispers, “This last year has been the worst year of my life and I’m so sick of feeling this way… hurting all the time. I want to grieve, I want to remember Ryan and celebrate him and move on but I can’t because of them. The way they act, like it didn’t happen, like Ryan was never here… It makes me so angry. He doesn’t deserve that…”

“Maybe they act that way because they find it easier to block it all out rather than deal with it…?” Lucy suggests, hesitantly.

“Yeah. That’s exactly it. I know that it’s their way of ‘coping’, but I just don’t understand how they can turn their back on him like that…”

“You really miss him don’t you?” Lucy asks, and tears spring behind Abbey’s eyes. She isn’t used to talking about Ryan this way as her family hardly ever mention him at all, and it is strange, openly admitting her feelings.

“Every single day…” she sighs, turning to face Lucy, “Have you ever felt like you wanted to escape your own life and be someone else…?” she asks, shaking her head, sadly, “I wish I could make it all just disappear… even for one night…”

“Maybe you can…?” Lucy’s tone is quietly cautious.

“What do you mean?”

“Look, I know you said it isn’t your thing and you’ve never done it before. But it sounds to me like you’re in serious need of a release, and… well… maybe a little pick me up will help?” Lucy nods once towards the living room and to the coffee table in particular, where Nathan, Liam, Sophie and Darren sit, sharing line after line of cocaine.

“I don’t know Lucy… I’ve always been told drugs are bad news…”

“The only people who say that are the ones who’ve never tried them. There are risks, yeah, but there are risks involved in everything you do… as long as you’re careful and you don’t get stupid with them, you’ll be fine…” She states, convincingly, “It sets you free Abs… makes all your troubles just melt away and for one night you can forget about all the bullshit and enjoy life. You can be whoever you want to be…”

Abbey has to hand it to Lucy; she has one hell of a sales pitch, but she is still incredibly wary. She had always been told about the horror stories regarding drug use and she is certain she doesn’t want to go down that road - or does she? The others are all doing it, and it doesn’t seem to be affecting them in a negative way at all. They are happy, laughing and joking, enjoying themselves. They look so relaxed and care free… exactly how Abbey wants to feel more than anything. She desperately wants that escape.

“Hey, no pressure, but think about it…” Lucy puts her arm around Abbey and pulls her back inside. They join the others around the table just as Nathan finishes cutting up several more lines and after inhaling his he passes the rolled up note to Lucy, but she only does one, looking at Abbey inquisitively. She holds the note out to her and without stopping to think or over analyse, Abbey leans forward and quickly does the line of cocaine in front of her, before she has chance to change her mind. She passes the note to Darren and sits back on the sofa.

Her nose burns and her eyes sting as she feels a strong, dizzying sensation. She blinks hard, trying to get her blurred vision back into focus and after a brief moment of discomfort, she starts to feel a swell of excitement, giddiness even, and much to her surprise it instantly lifts her mood.

As Liam, Nathan, Darren and Tom carry on with the drinking game from earlier, the girls dance together in the middle of the room. The music is turned up full and Abbey throws her head back and forth in time to the beat, relishing her new found energy and feel good frame of mind. Lucy was right, it really is a release.

Abbey spins around with Gemma and Sophie, laughing as they struggle to keep their balance. As she staggers slightly she reaches for Lucy’s hand, but quickly realises that she is no longer by her side. Alex is marching her over towards the balcony with his hand tucked under her arm, pulling her along carefully but firmly. ‘What is his problem now?’

Alex comes to a halt just inside the balcony door and Lucy shakes her spilt drink off her hand, holding her glass at arm’s length so as not to get any on her outfit.

“What’s wrong…?!” She asks, irritated by Alex’s man handling.

“It doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out this is Abbey’s first time with drugs…” He answers sharply, under his breath.

“Of course it is… she hardly even drinks!” Lucy laughs.

“In that case just watch her will you? For fuck sake Lucy she’s new to this, she’s not like us. The last thing I need is some naïve little rich girl collapsing in my fucking living room!” Alex pinches the bridge of his nose and breathes calmly, trying to get his anger under control.