Even Angels Fall (7 page)

“I just don’t really like that song…” She says quietly. “It reminds me of… it was played at my brother’s funeral…” The three of them stare at Abbey in silence for what seems like forever.

“But I thought you said you moved here with your brother?” Lucy asks, almost reluctantly, unsure whether she should push Abbey on the subject considering her suddenly fragile state.

“That’s my older brother, Peter. I have… I had… another brother, Ryan. He was my twin brother actually…” Abbey takes a long, deep breath; it always requires a lot of strength to say these words out loud, “He killed himself last year. A few weeks before our 17
th
birthday…” Silence again.

“God, I am so sorry Abbey…” Lucy whispers, sadly. It is the reaction that Abbey usually struggles with, the shock and the pity that people show towards her when they find out about Ryan; it is hard for her to bear and it normally makes her feel incredibly self-conscious, causing her to shut herself off… but this time feels different.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now… I just… it was nice, to not have to think about it all the time, you know? To pretend for a while…” Abbey speaks fast while looking down at the floor, almost embarrassed at causing such an awkward atmosphere, “But that’s why my parents split up, and the real reason, well, the main reason why we moved to Leeds, to start over…”

“That’s really awful mate, I’m sorry…” Liam states.

“So it’s nothing personal against the Gallagher’s…” She jokes, “It’s just pretty hard to listen to that song, you know…?”Another moment passes and the three of them smile at Abbey sympathetically. No body speaks, almost as if they are taking a minute to digest the information she has shared with them, and when it becomes apparent that Abbey has nothing else to say, Nathan is the one to break the tension.

“I think they’re overrated anyway to be honest…” Lucy turns to face him in an overly dramatic fashion before he has even finished his statement.

“Are you kidding me?!” She asks, incensed, “They’re one of the best bands the UK has ever produced…!”

“I’m entitled to my opinion…” He laughs, “no matter how misinformed you think it is…” He sticks his tongue out at Lucy and she shakes her head in mock disbelief.

“Ah now this…” Liam points at the radio excitedly as another song kicks in with an electric guitar blasting out a heavy, rock riff. “THIS is a tune…!”

Abbey doesn’t recognize the song, but she is grateful for the change in topic. It hadn’t escaped her attention that it was Nathan who lightened the mood and she catches his eye, smiling appreciatively. He nods and smiles back, before joining in the lively debate that has suddenly erupted between Lucy and Liam. Abbey voices her opinion and watches in amusement as Lucy excitedly agrees with her, pointing out to the boys that they clearly have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to the Oasis back catalogue.

She sits quietly, listening to their animated discussion as relief floods through her. They know the truth. Her secret is out. And instead of being met with a barrage of awkward and uncomfortable questions, they simply listened. Abbey is so used to people shying away from her because they don’t know how to act or what to say, but they had just let her talk - and had made sure that she was alright without prying or asking for any of the morbid details. It is something she has never experienced before. Even her oldest friends back home had changed around her after it happened, but not Lucy, or Nathan or Liam. It’s as if they understand her better than anyone, and she suddenly feels like a huge weight has been lifted. For the first time in a long time… she feels happy.

A
bbey’s life at home and her life away from it couldn’t be more different. They are complete polar opposites. Two totally separate worlds occupied by the same person. Her relationship with her family has broken down even more than she ever thought possible and there is hardly any interaction at all with her mum. She is far too immersed in the new house and making a good impression with the neighbours, concentrating on her new job, and proving to everyone that she is ‘fine’ after her minor relapse a month ago. Needless to say there has been no more wine kept in the house after that episode. Janet may ask Abbey how her day has been and how school is going, but she never really listens to the answer-far too busy focusing on more important things than her teenage daughter. At least that’s how it seems. Peter is the same, so wrapped up in his own life that he shows minimal interest in Abbey or how she is, and Anna and Dom are only slightly better. The fact they live on the other side of the city means they don’t visit all that often and even when they do Janet monopolises their time, bombarding them with never ending questions about her future grandchild, who she can’t wait to meet. It is getting increasingly claustrophobic, living in that house, with the endless small talk and constant silences… and Abbey hates it. She feels completely cut off, almost as if she is ceasing to exist.

She is well aware that she should probably care more, but even Abbey is surprised at how little she feels towards her less than perfect situation. She isn’t overly upset or worried about the deteriorating relationship with her family; in fact it barely affects her at all, because when she is with Lucy, Nathan and Liam, she can escape that world. She can find a release and forget about everything else. Being with them is like a breath of fresh air and all the doubt and hurt that she is so used to just don’t touch her anymore. She may feel as though she is disappearing at home but with her friends she feels completely herself and more content than she ever has before. It’s like a paradox, both lives running alongside one another at the same time; the good and the bad.

It is a Thursday afternoon when Abbey’s two worlds eventually collide. It is strange to see Lucy in her kitchen; she has never been over before and Abbey is so used to their friendship being totally separate from the misery of her home life. It feels odd to have her at the house, but here she is, perched on the breakfast counter swinging her legs, as she chats away in her usual excitable tone. Nathan and Liam had stayed behind at school to play football with friends and the weather was far too cold and overcast to make them want to stay and watch. The arcade was quiet - and a little boring without the boys - so before she knew it and without properly thinking it through, Abbey had extended her invitation. Janet is still at work and Peter is rarely home through the day, so Lucy probably won’t even get to meet them, yet the possibility makes Abbey feel nervous and on edge despite not being entirely sure why?

The afternoon passes quickly as it always does in Lucy’s company. It amazes Abbey how she never seems to run out of things to say… there are never any awkward silences or breaks in conversation. Her carefree attitude always puts Abbey in a good mood and Lucy makes her laugh with all the random things she brings up and talks about. It had been nice, just the two of them for a change… but as Lucy is getting ready to leave, the front door slams and Abbey turns to look at the clock. It is only 5:00pm. Her mum isn’t normally home this early.

“Abbey?!” Janet calls out - her voice stern and slightly panicked. She rushes into the kitchen and takes a sharp breath as if she is about to speak, but stops when she sees Lucy, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Mum, this is Lucy; she’s a friend from school…”

“Nice to meet you Mrs Miller…” Lucy smiles politely but gets no response. Janet simply nods once and turns abruptly back to Abbey.

“I need to talk to you… now please…”

“Mum!”

“That’s OK… I should get going anyway…” Lucy throws her bag over her shoulder and Abbey flushes with embarrassment as she follows her to the door.

“I’m sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with her…”

“Don’t worry about it… I’ll see you tomorrow!”

As Lucy leaves, Abbey’s irritation quickly boils over into full blown anger. It is the first time her mum has met any of her new friends and she behaves in such a rude, obnoxious way. It is totally uncalled for. She turns furiously, ready to storm back into the kitchen to confront Janet, but she is already in the hallway, standing with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised. The look on her face irritates Abbey even more.

“What the hell is your problem?!” She yells.

“My problem?!” Janet shouts back, “My problem is I got a call from your school today. They told me that you’ve been missing your lessons! Now do you want to tell to me what the hell is going on or do I need to ring them back for some sort of explanation?!” She scowls, her face red with anger, “WELL?!”

Abbey quickly weighs up her options and runs through various excuses in her mind. There aren’t any. It is obvious that Janet knows everything and there is no point even trying to convince her that the school have got it wrong.

“What do you want me to say?” She asks, still annoyed “I hate it… I never wanted to move there in the first place, I told you that, repeatedly…”

“So you just decided not to go?!” Janet cries with exasperation.

“It’s not like I could talk to you about it… you don’t care, you wouldn’t have even noticed anything was wrong if they hadn’t called…” Janet’s angered expression falters for a moment and it suddenly becomes obvious to Abbey that she knows exactly how she is behaving; shutting her own daughter out, keeping her at arm’s length. In that split second it is written all over her face.

“Well thank god they did…” Her voice is calmer, but just as firm, “This stops now. You’re grounded. You are not to see your new friends, not until you get your school work back on track….”

“WHAT?” Abbey is astounded. She has never been grounded before in her life and the thought of being stuck in this house unable to see her friends is horrifying. She shakes her head at Janet, infuriated, “You just don’t get it do you?!”

“You are not in a position to argue young lady that is final! Now go to your room…!” Abbey storms past her mum and races up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door so hard the force of it shakes the house. Janet holds her head in her hands and sighs wearily. She knew things weren’t great, but she never expected this. The call she received earlier from Abbey’s headmaster had truly shocked her. Maybe it is her fault? Maybe she should have paid more attention? She will be watching much more closely from now on, that’s for sure. She isn’t about to let Abbey throw away her whole future no matter how much she is struggling and she is determined to try harder, because if one thing is clear, things seriously need to improve.

Abbey may be grounded, but through the week between the hours of 8:30am and 3pm, her mum has no control over who she spends her time with. The following day at school she lacks the usual ‘Friday feeling’ due to her impending house arrest, but is grateful that she gets to see Lucy and explain to her exactly what happened after she left. Abbey is obviously less than thrilled about the situation and the fact she has been caught, but at least it explains Janet’s rude behaviour and partly excuses her attitude from the previous night. Not that Lucy seems to care. It has been so long since she has had to deal with her own parents, other peoples certainly don’t faze her.

Abbey goes straight home that afternoon despite how much she wants to stay out. She knows it would be stupid to push Janet to her limit so soon after their argument. She will be at work until after 5:30pm, but Abbey’s gut instinct tells her not to take the risk and she is right to be wary. She has hardly made it through the front door when the phone starts ringing. Janet is short and to the point, she didn’t call for a lengthy conversation… just to make sure that Abbey is following the rules of her curfew. This weekend is going to be difficult.

Although it pains her to admit it, Abbey has fallen behind in some of her lessons. Saturday is slow, but she ploughs through the mountain of homework and revision that has stacked up due to the days she was ‘inexplicably’ absent. She stays in her room for the best part, only occasionally venturing downstairs for food or to make herself another drink. Being grounded is her worst nightmare and she is miserable. It doesn’t help that it has come at a time when Abbey wants to be out of the house as much as humanly possible. She already feels trapped by all the grief and pain that lingers from the recent past. Now with the added anger and disappointment that practically radiates off her mum in waves, the atmosphere is horribly oppressive and it makes her feel restless.

Luckily, Janet hasn’t gone as far as to confiscate her phone, so Abbey spends the day texting Lucy and Liam, staving off the boredom with light hearted conversation, asking them what they are up to and what their plans are for the weekend… although she immediately regrets asking, knowing that she can’t be a part of what ever fun they have in mind. Talking to them does make her feel better though and helps her boring day pass a little easier.

It is early evening when Abbey’s phone beeps again. A couple of hours have gone by since Lucy’s last text and she wasn’t expecting to receive another. She opens her phone and reads the message with an overwhelming sense of disappointment and frustration.