Even Angels Fall (3 page)

“Abbey…” Janet turns hesitantly, “I know that we can be happy here. We can be a family again. It will just take a bit of time to get used to all the change, but I know this will be good for us… I’m sure of it…”

“It’ll be great Mum…” Abbey isn’t sure whether she is trying to convince Janet or herself that it is all going to work out, but either way, her words barely sound convincing at all.

As Janet returns to the madness downstairs, Abbey is once again left alone with her thoughts. She carefully lifts one of the boxes onto the bed and opens it, pulling out the contents one by one; a clock, a cuddly toy, and a photo album. She gently runs her hand over the cover of the album before opening it to the first page. Two smiling 5 year olds grin at the camera, a cake with lit candles sits on a table in front of them and there are others stood around them, adults and children alike, all singing happy birthday. It is a typical carefree scene that most experience at some point in their childhood, but instead of smiling at the memory, Abbey feels a stab of sadness, like a knife through her heart.

On the following page is a picture of a young man in his teens. He too is smiling widely at the camera, looking relaxed and happy. He has dark blonde hair with just a hint of red and bears a striking resemblance to Abbey. Written beneath the photo are the words ‘Ryan on our 16
th
birthday’. Abbey traces her finger lightly over the picture and swallows hard as she feels the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. She loves this picture, but hates it at the same time. She hates how it makes her feel; looking down at her brother’s smiling face from a time when he was happy and well, and still here. It is difficult to believe that it all went so wrong… thinking back to how it used to be and the person he was. She misses him so much, every single moment of every single day. Yet there is absolutely nothing she can do about it. There is nothing she can do to help him now.

Abbey’s eyelids feel heavy, and after a long and hectic day of lifting, carrying and unpacking, she is completely exhausted. She has a million and one things racing through her mind; mainly her worries about the future and her regrets about the past. Everything has changed so much in such a short space of time and looking at the picture of Ryan that she treasures so much only makes her feel all the more lost. It is like she can’t catch her breath. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t wake up from this living nightmare. Lying on the bed in a room she doesn’t recognize, she clutches the photo album tightly to her chest and lets her tears fall, breaking down and allowing the complete and utter despair take hold of her without trying to fight it any longer. Before she even realises, her exhaustion pulls her under and she falls into a deep but disturbed sleep.

It barely feels like 5 minutes have passed when the high pitched shrill of Abbey’s alarm clock jerks her awake. She hits the snooze button - perhaps a little more aggressively than needed - and rubs her eyes as they adjust to the light. It never turns out to be a bad dream. In that initial moment after waking, when the real world comes rushing back, she always gets that hollow, sinking feeling without fail. Looking around her new bedroom she feels that sense of dread even more than usual. It’s her second year of sixth form studying her A-levels and she has had the upheaval of moving house and transferring to a new school. The butterflies in her stomach make her feel nauseous as she wonders what the day will bring, her first day at Eden Comprehensive.

Abbey reluctantly climbs out of bed and gets ready in a daze, hoping that by taking her time she can somehow avoid the inevitable. ‘I hate this’ she thinks to herself. When the idea of moving house was brought up, Abbey had made her feelings clear from the start. They were of course ignored. Being the youngest and always considered the baby of the family her opinion never seemed to hold much of an impact. Even on this occasion, when she thought her feelings would at least be considered, she was wrong.

Her older sister Anna had moved to Leeds several years ago with her husband Dom. They originally met at university and loved the city so much, they stayed. When it was decided that the whole family needed to be together to get through the difficult times ahead, there was no question of Anna and Dom moving to them. They had just bought their first house, Dom had recently received a promotion at the I.T Company he works for and Anna is now, just over 4 months pregnant.

Her brother Peter is a plumber by trade and being self-employed, the move hasn’t really fazed him at all. He will be able to find work and build up a client base in whatever city he finds himself in, which means it is only a minor setback.

And then of course there is her Mum. Janet works for a firm of solicitors as a P.A but for almost a year now she has been on a leave of absence. It started with bereavement leave, before quickly turning into sick leave as her state of mind deteriorated and she was struggling at her lowest. Although things have improved and she is more or less back on track, the whole family are constantly on edge, hoping that she doesn’t fall back into the deep depression that completely took hold of her. Despite everything she has been through, Janet is still well regarded within her company. She has been a near perfect employee for the past 20 years and everyone still thinks very highly of her. For that reason, when the house is finished and things have settled down, she will be starting a new job at the Northern office of the firm.

It is only Abbey who has to start again from scratch. It wouldn’t be so bad if she had Ryan with her to help her through it all. They would joke about their new teacher’s, moan about how rubbish the uniform looks and laugh at all the kids who laugh and make fun of them. They always faced everything together; the two of them against the world, but Ryan isn’t here anymore. Although he is part of the reason she is.

Abbey straightens her tie and stares at her reflection in the mirror. ‘It could be worse’ she thinks. At least the uniform is black and navy and not a ridiculous colour like you find at some schools. She hopes to blend in as much as humanly possible. In an ideal world she would have powers of invisibility and wouldn’t be noticed at all. Or better still, in an ideal world, she wouldn’t even be here.

“Abbey come on you’re going to be late…!” Janet shouts from downstairs and suddenly the moment at hand seems very real. New school, new people, no friends. Abbey tries hard to focus and think positive. Maybe this will be a good thing? Maybe it will go great and she’ll really like it? As she tries her best to convince herself, she is hit by another wave of nerves that cause her stomach to flip uncontrollably. Positive thinking never was her strong point.

It is a 20 minute bus journey to Eden Comprehensive from Abbey’s new house but seen as it’s her first day, Janet has offered to take her. Time is passing far too quickly, and whenever Abbey glances at the clock on the dashboard it appears to have jumped forward 5 minutes in what seems like 30 seconds. Her nerves are getting worse and she is starting to feel sick.

“Here we are!” Janet announces their arrival in an annoyingly enthusiastic manner, clearly trying her best to be encouraging. She pulls up outside a large, modern building that has 2 flights of stairs leading up to a walkway and the front doors to the school.

“You’ll be fine darling, you’ll do great…!” She adds, checking her watch distractedly.

Abbey takes a deep breath and climbs out of the car, glancing around at the mass of students - all in their matching uniforms - talking and laughing together as they make their way inside. The sudden desire to be back at her old school overwhelms Abbey. Her friends will be sat on the wall by the side of the gym right now, in their usual spot, chatting excitedly about what they did at the weekend and exchanging as much gossip as possible before the first bell rings, announcing the start of class.

She wonders if they are missing her as she slowly climbs the steps towards the main entrance, trying hard to ignore the stares and whispers coming at her from every direction. If only the ground would open up and swallow her. She should be so lucky. There is no going back now, as of today she is officially a pupil here and all she can do is accept it – and with that resignation, she opens the main door and nervously walks inside.

Abbey manages to find reception easily enough by following the various signs with their colourful little arrows pointing the way and she cautiously approaches the large oak desk that stands in the middle of the room. It is littered with stationery, fliers, in trays and post-it notes, and is occupied by a woman who is wearing far too much make-up and a perfume so sickly sweet it almost burns Abbey’s throat.

“Excuse me?” The woman looks up from her computer with a vacant expression.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m new here… I was wondering if you could tell me where I need to be?”

“Name?” The woman speaks in a chirpy, pleasant voice but somehow still manages to come across as rude.

“Abbey Miller…”

“If you would like to come through…” She stands and walks over to the far side of the room and Abbey follows her obediently. She taps twice on the door in front of them before opening it and gesturing inside.

“Principal Grant? Our newest pupil to see you…” The man behind the desk doesn’t look up from the letter he is drafting, but raises his hand and beckons Abbey into the room. She sits down quietly as the receptionist returns to her post and waits for him to finish writing. He finally screws the lid back onto his expensive fountain pen, puts his notepad away in the drawer and - rather abruptly - gets straight to the point.

Principal Grant is quite possibly the most stereotypical looking head master Abbey has ever seen. He speaks in a stern, well pronounced voice, his short grey hair and sharp features make him look hard faced and unapproachable and his glasses balance on the very tip of his nose, as if even they are trying to escape him. She hates him already. ‘Good start’.

“Here is your class schedule, your book list for the term and a map of the school…” Principal Grant reaches across his perfectly arranged desk and hands Abbey an envelope. As he pulls his arm back, he accidently knocks his name plate, which he straightens immediately, making sure everything in front of him is in a neat, tidy line.

“So Abigail, is there anything you wish to ask me? Any questions you may have?”

“Erm… no, I can’t think of any at the moment…” She replies, “And it’s just Abbey… no one really calls me Abigail…” She smiles warmly at Principal Grant but his expression doesn’t change. He simply stares at her for a moment, before continuing his well-rehearsed speech with little enthusiasm.

“Well, I am sure you will fit in well here at Eden. Of course if any questions do arise, you can come and find me or ask one of your teachers for help…” As Abbey is making another mental note of how much she hates her new principal, there is a light knock on the door and a young male teacher enters the room.

“Ah Mr Harper, this is Abigail Miller…”

“Abbey…” She mutters under her breath, too quietly for Principal Grant to hear, but by the look on Mr Harper’s face he heard her just fine and sensed her irritation. As Abbey worries that she might be in trouble already, Mr Harper catches her eye and smirks mischievously.

“Very nice to meet you…
Abbey
…” He exaggerates her name as his smile widens - lighting up his whole face - and Abbey can’t help but smile back. He is tall, slim, with ruffled brown hair and deep brown eyes. They definitely didn’t have teacher’s this attractive at her old school.

“Mr Harper will be taking you for A-Level English. He has offered to show you to your first class…”

“All part of the service…” Mr Harper gestures towards the door and Abbey stands, picking up her bag and her envelope of information before following him out of the room. Once they leave the reception area her nerves return, stronger than ever. She scans the busy corridor, trying her best to blend into her surroundings and remain unnoticed as they walk together down the long, crowded hallway.

“How are you feeling?” The genuine concern in Mr Harper’s voice catches Abbey off guard.

“Pretty nervous…”

“Ah don’t be… I was the same on my first day working here, but it soon becomes the norm. Give it a couple of weeks and you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about…” The bell rings and there is a sudden burst of activity. Lockers slam to a chorus of laughter, shouts and screams, before the commotion quickly trails off into silence and the students make their way into their various classrooms, “I’m sure you’ll be fine…” He continues, “But if you do need any help or you have any questions that need answering, don’t hesitate to come and find me. I am you’re teacher but I’m also…”

“… my friend?!” Abbey finishes Mr Harper’s sentence with more than a hint of cynicism in her voice.

“I was actually going to go with ‘head of sixth form’…” He stops walking and turns to face Abbey, amused and slightly curious at the same time. Abbey senses that he is trying to figure her out, and she likes it. Her nerves seem to have vanished, at least for the moment, “That’s why I offered to walk you to your first lesson this morning. It’s my job to know all the sixth form students and make sure they’re doing OK. This is your class…”

Abbey peers through the door at the room full of students, all sitting together in their tight knit groups, laughing and talking, leaning back in their chairs and playfully reaching across their desks. She can already predict the hush that will fall across the room as she walks in. The new girl.

“Thank you…” She smiles up at Mr Harper.

“I mean it though. If you need to, do come and find me… even if it’s just to talk. About school, course work, anything… home life… anything, anything at all. It really isn’t a problem…” The concern that litters Mr Harper’s voice suddenly makes complete sense to Abbey as she stares up at his sympathetic expression. It doesn’t take a genius to spot how quickly he rushed over the words ‘home life’ either. He knows.

“Thanks…” Abbey’s tone is a little cooler and she hopes that he senses it. She appreciates that he is only being kind, but if there is one thing she hates more than anything else, it is feeling like a charity case. She doesn’t need or want pity. Pushing her thoughts to one side Abbey mentally composes herself as she opens the classroom door, trying in vain to ignore the hushed silence and obvious whispering, as she sits down at a desk at the front of the room.