Every One Of Me (28 page)

"I'll do whatever it takes, Charlie. If she lets
me."

I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles. She took
a quick breath and closed her eyes.

 "She will, Camryn. She wants it."

She shook her head, "No," opened her eyes which
were the perfect chocolate caramel that was all Tess. "She wants
you
.
Always has."

I smiled and kissed her hand again, pride filling my chest
and warmth seeping into my stomach. "And I want her. Every single one of
her."

Tessa

This was the strangest dream I think I had ever had, and I
thought I had already had some crazy ones. I was following Charlie around like
a lost puppy, clinging to him and he didn't seem to mind.

I remember a muffled conversation with Dr. Geoffrey and
feeling like I had woken up and come back to reality, but then everything went
back to gray.

Charlie held my hand as we walked out of the office and I
tried to speak up and tell him that something wasn't right. He just leaned down
and kissed me on the forehead, helped me into the car, and shut the door.

My mind was spinning, trying to make sense of things, but it
didn't feel real. I didn't feel like me. At least, not completely.

"Charlie?" I finally squeaked out when he buckled
himself in and turned on the ignition.

"Yeah, Cam?"

Cam? Oh dear God, I was Camryn right now. No wonder I felt
like I was on the other end of some elastic being pulled gently in different
directions. No wonder everything seemed so dream like. This was good, though. I
was aware. How I left the office still switched only occurred to me for a
moment before Charlie spoke again.

"Cam? Tess? Are you in there?"

I tried to speak, but other words came out instead, other
thoughts flashed through my mind and my muscles moved without any commands from
me.

"She's here, Charlie."

That voice wasn't mine. It was too deep, too throaty. This
was fucked up.

"The doctor pulled you back, Tess, then it was like you
didn't want to be there. You looked like you were about to crash. Camryn came
back."

How? Camryn wasn't calm like this. Camryn was
crazy
.

"I'm
not
crazy!" she said angrily.

That's when everything cleared up, it was like waking up,
but the last few seconds were a distorted piece of reality. Like when your
alarm is going off and you are dreaming about it, but then suddenly it's really
happening.

"Okay fine, you're not crazy. Maybe it's
me
then," I stated, finally hearing my own voice.

Charlie watched carefully as I faded out again, feeling like
I was on the edge of consciousness and about to find the sweet darkness of
sleep.

"You aren't either," Camryn's low voice replied.
"Just a little lost."

It was like I was in a slingshot, snapping back and forth,
being released, then pulled back the next second.

"Yeah, I'm lost. How is this happening?"

Charlie's eyes widened when he realized what was going on.
"Tess?"

My voice was shaky and breathless, "Yes, it's me. But
Camryn is still here. God, I'm freaking out!"

He reached for me, but my body jerked away.

"Wait," Camryn's voice rang out and I was back to
the gray. "Let her do it. Let
us
do this."

He pulled his hand back and balled it into a tight fist. I
know he wanted to touch me, hell, I
wanted
him to touch me, to wrap me
up in his arms and tell me everything was okay. Camryn was right, though.

"Drive, Charlie. Take me home," I said quickly
when everything cleared up again.

He didn't hesitate. In fact, he broke several traffic laws
on the way back to my mother's. The entire time, Camryn and I 'faced off'. We
didn't speak. We just pushed and pulled at each other. Clearing up, then fading
out. I was starting to get really tired from the strain I felt in my mind. It
was incredible to finally be present for this, but it was absolutely terrifying
at the same time.

Good thing Camryn handled terrified really well.

***

"Shit," Charlie exclaimed when we walked into the
house a few minutes later, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist, practically
holding me up.

Ellie was standing in the living room, facing off with
Benny. Well, trying to. Trevor kept trying to move Benny behind him and she was
trying to pull herself in front of him - more like throw herself at Ellie - but
Trevor was stronger.

I took this in. So did Camryn. Neither one of us could hold
ourselves back.

"What the fuck are
you
doing here," we
screamed at the same time. I know. It's freaking crazy to imagine both of us
speaking out of the same mouth and maybe no one else really heard it, but I
did. Her voice was there with mine, so I couldn't tell which one actually came
out.

Everyone turned to face me and Charlie. I noticed my mother
sitting on the stairs with her head in her hands. She didn't look up, but her
voice rang out loudly through the room.

"Oh, she's just here to try to convince Trevor that he
was mistaken and that they are still going to get married. Funny, huh? How
stupid can one person
actually be
?"

I laughed, because Mom looked like she felt a huge weight
off of her shoulders at finally being able to speak her mind in front of
Trevor. No one heard me laugh, though. It was all inside my head. It must have
been, because I wasn't
me
.

My feet were moving toward the arguing trio without me
actually moving them and I felt every part of me, Theresa, get pulled out, like
someone had literally reached inside my head and threw me against the wall
behind my body. I felt pinned to the wall, unable to reach out to pull myself
back.

The switch was fully Camryn and I wanted to close my eyes so
I wouldn't see the massacre actually happen. I watched Charlie try to hold me
back, but my arm jerked violently out of his hold.

"I
said
," Camryn's voice was a rumble,
dangerous, "What. The fuck. Are you doing here?"

She had stepped right up to Ellie who looked like she was
about to pee her pants, but her bitchy façade quickly masked her face. Then her
awful voice proceeded to grate on the ears of my friends and family.

"None of your business,
freak
!"

Uh oh.

Camryn didn't like that.

I didn't like it either, but I was too stressed out and
fuzzy to do anything.

I saw my body lunge towards Ellie, my mind wondering how it
was possible to actually have an out of body experience like this while Camryn's
mind screamed things that I would never say out loud.

That's when everything went black.

***

"Get off of me you psycho whore!"

I was in the middle of a peaceful darkness one moment, then
thrown back into reality the next, finding myself straddling Ellie with my arms
hooked by someone stronger than me and hauled off of her quickly.

Benny was shouting for whoever had a hold of me to let me go
so I could finish the job. Typical Benny.

Trevor was trying to pull Ellie up to her feet, so that
could only leave Charlie as the one holding me against his hard chest.

"Calm down, Camryn," he murmured in my ear,
sending a shiver down my spine and, miraculously, tamping down my anger a
notch.

"It's Tess. I'm Tess," I said breathlessly, like I
had just run a marathon. My body had just exerted a lot of energy without me
really knowing it and the instant adrenaline rush I had felt coming out of the
switch, left me just as quickly.

I almost collapsed to the ground, but Charlie caught me with
a steel arm around my stomach.

"Get off of me!" Ellie screamed and shoved Trevor
out of the way. She wanted my head and she was doing everything she could to
get it, but Trevor kept her back.

"I think it's time you left," Charlie ground out.

She stopped struggling and glared at me. Then Trevor turned
her shoulders to the door and started pushing her out of the room. We all
watched him take her to the door and the look on her face turned smug.

Oh God, please don't leave with her, Trevor.

He didn't. He shoved her out onto the porch and slammed the
door in her face.

I had never been so proud of my big brother and the glimpse
of shock that had hit Ellie's face right before the door shut was priceless.

Trevor walked back to Benny and grabbed her hand. "I'm
sorry about the things she said. She's an idiot."

"That's obvious. She cheated on you. Who the hell would
cheat on
you
?" she replied with a roll of her eyes. I knew she
thought my brother was hot, she had mentioned it several times in New York, but
this must have been the first time she said anything like that to Trevor and he
must have really liked it, because his mouth crashed down to hers as his arms
came around her and hauled her against him.

It was incredibly hot, even though it was slightly sickening
because it was my brother.

It was Benny, though. My best friend, and I was happy for
her.

I didn't see my mom until she was standing right in front of
me, blocking my view of Trevor and Benny locked together.

"Tess?"

My eyes met hers and the anger and sadness I thought I would
see in hers, was missing. She looked happy, amused even.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Camryn should come around more often," she said.

Charlie chuckled behind me, still holding me against him
with his arm around my waist. "That's what I keep thinking, Sarah."

My mom smiled, kissed me on the cheek and headed for the
stairs. She stopped halfway up and turned back to me with a huge grin covering
her face as if she had just discovered something miraculous. "I knew
bringing you home would fix everything."

I wasn't so sure about that. I had a feeling that the
unanswered questions I still had would change things.

"Come on, Babe. Let's get you to bed. You look like
you're about to drop," Charlie whispered into my hair.

I let him guide me to my bedroom, leaving Benny and Trevor
alone, but I don't think they noticed. Once he had me sitting on the edge of my
bed, he turned to my dresser and pulled out some shorts and a tank top. It was
still early in the evening, but it felt like I had been up for a week.

"Is this still what you usually sleep in?"

I nodded and smiled at his selection. Red shorts and a dark
green tank top. "Is it almost Christmas already?"

He looked down at the scraps of clothing and smiled when he
realized what he had chosen. "Just for that, you aren't going to wear
anything to bed."

I laughed and started to pull off my jacket. He put the
clothes back in my dresser without taking his eyes off of me and then knelt
down on the floor in front of me, pressing his chest against my knees and
spreading his big hands over the tops of my thighs.

"I want to ask you something, but I'm afraid it will
freak you out," he said quietly. His voice was so soothing when he talked
to me like that and he had no clue how agreeable it made me.

"If it freaks me out, then you will just have to calm me
down," I said with a wink.

His breath caught and his eyes dilated, but he attempted to
cover up his obvious arousal and the smirk that spread across his face. He
looked down at my knees and cleared his throat.

"What if I can't calm you down?"

I slipped my fingers under his chin and tilted his face up
to look at me. His mouth was set in a firm line and his brow was creased with
worry lines. I knew he loved me, but love can only take a person so far. What
happens when one of you just can't do it anymore? I ran my fingers over the
lines between his brow and tried to smooth them out.

"What is it, Charlie?"

He lifted up to sit next to me on the bed and took my hands
in his. He hesitated another moment, then took a deep breath, releasing it
before blurting out his question.

"Will you move in with me? Live with me?"

This, I wasn't expecting at all. I thought his question
would be about the alters or finding some other treatment, or even about taking
things slower than we were taking them. Any of those things would freak me out
in some way. I still wasn't completely confident that he had accepted
everything even though he kept telling me he had. I didn't know if the books he
had been reading said anything about other treatments that might be a little
riskier or lead to a termination of the alters. I didn't think any of those
would be good for my already fragile mind.

I was terrified that he felt like we had jumped into
something neither one of us could handle either. If he wanted to slow things
down and get some space from our relationship, that would freak me out.

Yeah, I had my doubts about how far we would get together,
and I would need some space to deal with myself at times, but I wanted him. I
wanted him so badly, I always had and I always will. He's my anchor, the only
thing that keeps me from giving up. I need that, right? I need to take care of
myself first, then the alters. They would understand. They had so far.

He was waiting for a response and I had been stupidly
staring at him with a blank expression on my face when everything inside of me
was exploding like fireworks on the 4th of July.

I
was
freaking out, but it was the best freak out I
had ever experienced.

"Tess? If it's too soon, I completely underst--"

I pressed my fingers against his lips and could no longer
hold back the smile tugging on my lips. His eyes widened and he held his
breath.

"Yes. If you think you can handle me," I murmured
and leaned in closer to him, taking in his scent.

He took my face in his hands and pressed a hard kiss to my
waiting lips. "I can handle you," he said through a smile. "God,
I want to handle you day and night for the rest of my life."