Eye Candy (58 page)

“Wish we had one of these down at the Palace,” said Zammy.

“Maybe he’d like to be adopted,” said Delilah.

“Maybe he’d like to knit me a new pair of eyebrows,” said Atom.

“A knitting dragon,” said Rukara, “now that’s something I’d like to see.”

“I’d like to see us find the kidnapped princess and then get the hell outta Dodge so I can get some ice on my ribs,” said Bella.

“And maybe a surgeon to do something about that internal bleeding,” said Blendo. “You have blood on your lips.”

Bella wiped his mouth. His fingers came away bloody. “That can’t be good.”

Everyone exchanged worried glances.

“Right,” said Danny. “Let’s move.” He went to the nearby door.

The dragon rolled over and regained its feet.

“Sit,” said Danny.

The dragon sat.

“Stay.”

Two perfect smoke rings puffed from the dragon’s nostrils.

“He does that better than you, Rukara,” said Poo.

“Yeah, well, if we make it out of this, I’m going to roll a joint so big that he can be the one to light it for me. We can hot-box this entire dungeon.”

Danny depressed the latch on the door and pushed it open.

Behind the door was a stone staircase that led sharply upward.

“Alright,” said Danny, “I’ll take point.” He looked at the dragon one last time. “Stay!”

The dragon tilted its head to one side and lay down.

“He likes you,” said Rony.

“Extraordinary,” said Canary.

~

Danny proceeded up the stairs. The team followed, spiraling up, up, and around.

“I’m getting dizzy,” said Romeo.

“A dizzy robot,” said Canary, “extraordinary.”

“Come over to my place tonight, sugar,” said Romeo, “and I’ll show you something extraordinary. And bring your lady friend.”

Canary and Laura exchanged glances.

Upward still the team climbed.

“It’s like climbing a lighthouse,” said Helen.

“Oh, I love lighthouses,” said Susannah.

“So do I,” said Floyd.

Floyd and Susannah smiled at one another.

“Get a room, you two!” said Romeo.

“You’re just jealous,” said Laura.

“You’ll never know how much, counselor,” said Romeo.

“Hey, Danny, can you see the top?” Rory called.

“Not yet. Just keep climbing.”

“My chest hurts,” said Bella.

“My eyebrows hurt,” said Atom.

“You no longer have eyebrows, sir,” said Howard.

“And how kind of you to notice,” said Atom. “So much for a robot not injuring a human being.”

“Or a robotic dragon,” said Sparky.

“Better than a real dragon,” said Oberon.

“And a whole lot easier to feed,” said Whitey.

“And clean up after,” added VanCat.

“Enough with the pithy dialogue,” said Poo.

“You think this dialogue is pithy?” Floyd asked.

“Don’t you?” Rony asked.

“Pith suggests a universal truth or wisdom,” said Floyd.

“Like, love conquers all?” Susannah suggested.

Floyd smiled. “Exactly.”

“You’d better be right,” said Danny.

“I’m always right,” said Floyd.

“In that case,” asked Poo, “what’s at the top of these stairs?”

Floyd replied, “An army of drones waiting to cut us in half.”

“I’ve already seen a person get cut in half tonight,” said Danny.

“Then may I suggest you duck?” said Floyd. “I’d really prefer that you survive. I hate having to find a new place to live.”

“If I don’t make it, you and Susannah and Howard can have the house.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Please, let’s not talk like that,” said Maggie. “He is going to make it. We’re all going to make it. I mean, with the exception of Bella testing his body armor the hard way, and Poo almost getting cut in half, which was completely avoidable–”

“That’s true, it was,” said Poo.

“–and Atom only losing a couple of eyebrows, everyone’s fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” muttered Atom.

“Easy for
you
to say,” said Bella. He grunted with each step he climbed.

“Sorry, Bells, I forgot,” said Atom.

“Bells?” Blackie asked.

“It’s a variation of Bella,” said Blendo.

“Along with Bellsy, Bubbles, or just plain Balls,” said Atom.

“And with the beard, it makes him Harry Balls,” Rukara added.

“How did you get the name Bella, anyway?” Delilah asked.

“It was a vampire thing, right?” said Zammy. “Bella Legosi?”

Bella paused to lean against the wall. “Yes, but actually, it was Bella Swan, from an old book.”

“Swan?” Zammy asked. “I didn’t know that.”

“Isn’t it a tad feminine?” Kong asked.

“It happens to be my middle name,” said Bella.

“What’s your last name?” Nik asked.

Bella breathed heavily. “Johnson.”

“Bella Swan Johnson?” Floyd asked.

Bella spit blood on the ground and nodded.

“Makes sense,” said Floyd. “Johnson is a fairly ubiquitous name. I think Bella is a nice balance.”

“It wasn’t nice every year in school when I’d show up and everyone heard my name during roll call and expected me to be a girl.” He bent and spat more blood on the stone.

“Does it hurt?” asked Rony.

“Yes.”

“Worse than when you crashed your bike on the runway?”

“Yes.”

“Want me to carry you?” Moshe asked.

“No.”

“That won’t be necessary, Moshe,” said Danny. “We’re here.” Danny stepped onto a broad landing opposite two large, iron-banded wooden doors.

The team finished climbing the stairs and crowded onto the landing, where they knelt to rest and sip some water.

Danny turned to Floyd. “An army of drones, huh?”

Floyd grinned. “Hope not.”

“It’s been quite a ride since that blind date, huh?”

Floyd’s grin widened. “Yes, it has. But don’t go saying your goodbyes just yet. There’s a good chance that we’re going to get out of this.”

Danny nodded to Floyd and surveyed his team. Beads of sweat clung to their faces, tiny droplets stark against the green and black camouflage paint. “Everybody ready?” Everyone nodded. “Fresh magazines.” Danny popped the clip on his own rifle and slapped in a full one.

He turned to Floyd once more. “Any chance there’s no one on the other side of these doors besides Candy?”

“Only one way to find out, brother.” Floyd winked.

Danny turned to Kong. “Feel like going in with me?”

Kong racked the slide lever on the gatling gun. “Ol’ Painless is waitin’.”

Danny turned
to Bella. “You stay here and snipe everything you can.”

“Roger that,” Bella grunted. Blood covered his lips.

“You alright?” Danny asked.

Bella spit more blood. “Lugging a fifty cal up two hundred steps ain’t helping, but I’m okay.” He chambered a round on the massive fifty-caliber rifle. “Just keep your head down. I wouldn’t want to turn your skull into a canoe by mistake.”

“Roger that,” said Danny. He spoke next to Helen and Sparky. “I want you two to stay here and watch our six. Anyone and anything could be coming up these stairs. It’s your job to make sure no one reaches this landing. Understood?”

“Perfectly,” said Sparky.

Helen chambered her submachine gun. “Let’s kick some ass.”

“Everyone else,” said Danny, “follow me.”

“Wait,” said Blackie. He and Whitey and VanCat moved up beside Kong. “We’ll go in with you.”

Kong stood before both doors, with Danny and VanCat on his left and Blackie and Whitey on his right.

Danny and Whitey reached for a door latch.

“One,” Danny whispered.

“Two,” whispered Whitey.

“Three,” said Kong.

Danny and Whitey thrust open the doors.

On the other side was a massive room.

And it was full of drones.

“Oh, shit.”

Danny wasn’t sure who said it. It sounded like Senator Stein.

“Let’s rock!” Kong roared. He opened fire. The gatling gun buzzed, strafing the entire room with a spray of bullets and tracer rounds.

Blackie, Whitey, VanCat, and Danny knelt on one knee on either side of Kong and opened fire.

Behind them, Atom, Blendo, Rony, Rukara, Howard, Bernard, Zammy, Delilah, Floyd, and Susannah stood in a line, shoulder to shoulder, blazing away.

Inch by inch, Danny and his front line fought their way into the room, followed closely by Atom and the others.

The drones returned fire, and Danny felt bullets striking his body armor like heavy fists.

A round tore a chunk out of Kong’s shoulder. Kong didn’t seem to notice, and continued to blaze away, cutting drones into pieces with his gatling gun.

“Advance!” Danny screamed. He was certain no one heard him over the gunfire, but Kong took several steps forward, flanked by Blackie, Whitey, and VanCat.

Atom and Blendo led the second team into the room, all guns blazing.

The third team filled in behind them. Rory, Tim, Maggie, Isaac, Nik, Canary, Laura, Moshe, Tikva, Romeo, Oberon, Poo, and Senator Stein formed a firing line. Just as Atom, Blendo, and the second team paused to load fresh magazines, Rory, Tim, and the third team stepped up and opened fire.

Twenty seconds later, their ammunition was spent, and the second team resumed firing.

Slowly, the teams advanced, alternating their fire and stepping over the smoking remains of bullet-riddled drones as they went.

Danny moved beside Blackie, Whitey, and VanCat, with the sheer firepower of Kong and his gatling gun leading the assault.

Periodic explosions blasted from Bella’s massive rifle. Each time it fired, several drones were ripped apart.

Further and further into the chamber they advanced, firing, reloading, firing, reloading.

Danny at last spotted a door through which more drones were entering. He waved one arm at Bella, then pointed to the door. Bella nodded, aimed, and fired.

The two drones coming through the door were blown backwards. Bella fired again, then again and again each time a drone emerged in the doorway, until fresh drones were forced to busy themselves with clearing the pile of felled bodies from the entrance.

Danny and his two teams continued to advance. They swept the muzzles of their rifles over the room, emptying entire clips into the swarm of drones, until at last the room fell silent. No additional drones came through the door, and all the others lay on the stone floor, lifeless.

“All clear?” Danny called.

“Clear,” said Atom.

Poo fired a round into a squirming robot just as it raised its weapon. “Clear.”

Danny faced Bella. “Clear?”

Bella spat blood and leaned against the wall, but offered a thumbs-up.

“Helen? Sparky?” Danny called out. “We clear back there?”

“Clear, sweetie,” said Helen.

“For now,” Sparky
added.

“What a mess,” said Zammy. A haze of gun smoke hung in the air. The stone floor was covered in empty shell casings, as well as destroyed robots.

“Everybody okay?” Danny asked.

“Aside from a few broken ribs and some permanent hearing loss,” said Senator Stein.

“What?” Poo asked.

“I said, aside from a few broken ribs and some permanent hearing loss,” Senator Stein repeated.

“What?” Poo asked again.

“I said,” Senator Stein shouted. He stopped when Poo broke into a grin.

“I’m sorry, man,” said Poo, “I’m just fuckin’ with you. No offense.”

“What?” Senator Stein asked.

“I said I’m just fuckin’ with you,” Poo said, louder this time.

“What?” Senator Stein smiled.

“Ah, you got me,” said Poo.

“My chest hurts,” said Rony. She extracted multiple flattened bullets from her body armor.

“Welcome to my reality,” said Bella.

“Anybody else hurt?” Danny asked. “Kong?”

Most of Kong’s right shoulder and arm was soaked red with blood. “Fucked up my scorpio tattoo. Oh well. Chicks dig scars.”

“If the scar doesn’t get you laid,” said Rory, “the story of how you got it will.”

“That’s true,” said Blackie.

“Fuck,” said Rory, “I knew I should’ve been a musician.”

“It’s never too late to be what you might’ve been,” said Tikva.