Eye Candy (61 page)

Danny grabbed a fistful of Les’s white tank-top and pulled him close. “Yes, you do. You deserve a slow, agonizing death. You deserve to rot in hell. But you’ll have to settle for a prison cell. Now sit down and shut up.”

Danny shoved Les hard onto the sofa.

Les winced and clutched his chest. “Chest hair. . . .”

Candy looked up at Danny from where she knelt on the floor with Gali, Copper, and Turing. “What now?”

“Now we call the cops to arrest Grossman and the senator. Then we keep a gun on them so they don’t try anything cute. After that, I don’t know. Get ready to answer a lot of questions, I guess.”

Danny knelt beside Candy.

He took her hand.

“But don’t worry. We’ll be together. I love you and I want to be by your side. That is, if you’ll have me. I know I screwed up, and I’m sorry. If I could go back in time to July Fourth on the beach, I would propose to you right there on the stage in front of everyone. I had the ring in my pocket. I should’ve done it. For the rest of my life, I will regret letting you go that day. I don’t care about what’s happened in the past, those movies you made–”

“I never made any movies,” said Candy.

“But I saw the ad. I called the company–”

“No, I was just their spokesperson, to sell movies and sex toys.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all.”

“Oh, thank God. I was so worried about you. I thought you were dead. I wanted to be dead too, and I hated myself for letting you go. I promise I won’t make the same mistake ever again. I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have a family with you. We can go to Vegas if you want. Or we can have a big, fancy wedding anyplace you like. As long as we’re together. I’ve been thinking about it, and you’re right: there is a God, and miracles do exist. The fact that you’re alive and we met is a miracle. It’s our destiny.”

Danny reached into his pocket, withdrew a polished wooden box, and opened the lid on its 24-karat gold hinge. Orange firelight glinted on the gold ring and perfect diamond. “Candy, will you marry me?”

Candy threw herself into Danny’s arms and buried her face in his neck. Sobs racked her body. “Yes. Yes, yes, yes. . . .”

Danny placed the ring on Candy’s finger and held her tight. Whatever happened, and despite everything which had already happened, he and Candy would be together. Everything else would be sorted out, one way or another, with time. Time, after all, has a way of doing that.

~

“Bravo.” Les stood from the sofa. He slowly clapped his hands together. “Bravo.” He walked toward Danny and Candy. “I haven’t cried in thirteen ye
ars. But I’ve got to tell you, doctor, that was just beautiful. Seriously, no bullshit, that moved me. I am moved right now.”

Danny slowly stood. He positioned himself between Les and Candy and the girls, and slowly raised his rifle. “What are you doing?”

“Oh no, it’s not what I’m doing,” said Les. “It’s what you’re doing. You’re a fucking work of art, my friend. You are a bona fide, honest-to-God miracle. Harley and Mr. C. were right. I must confess that there were times when I wasn’t sure you had it in you. But they were right.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve had my eye on you. I was in the box across from you at Robot Palace. Blue suit. Red necktie. You looked right at me.” Les grinned. “Harley, should we show ’em?”

Harley sat up and leaped to her feet. “Absolutely.”

Les became positively ecstatic. “Girls, Senator.” He tapped his tablet and spoke into it. “Okay, guys, you can all come in now.”

Gali, Copper, and Turing stood as Senator Stein got to his feet as well, massaging a lump on his forehead.

“You all right, Senator?” Les asked.

“I’ll live.” He continued rubbing his forehead.

The door opened and Rory, Tim, Maggie, Isaac, Nik, Canary, Laura, Atom, Blendo, Rony, Bella, Rukara, Zammy, Delilah, Bernard, Romeo, Oberon, Poo, Blackie, Whitey, Kong, VanCat, Moshe, Tikva, Helen, Sparky, Floyd, Susannah, and Howard all rushed in.

Gali, Copper, and Turing ran to Tim, Maggie, Isaac, and Nik, laughing and hugging.

Rory, Tim, Canary, Floyd and Harley gathered beside Les, facing Danny and Candy.

Danny surveyed the room. Everyone stared at him with exuberant, gleeful smiles. “Will somebody please tell me what is going on.”

Candy grasped Danny’s hands in hers. “You did it, baby.”

“Did what?”

Canary threw his arms into the air. “You passed the test!”

“What test?”

“You rose to the occasion,” said Canary. “You met the challenge, overcame all obstacles, however you care to put it. In the end, you did the right thing.
That’s
what’s important.”

Danny turned to Candy. “What is he talking about?”

Danny turned to Harley. “How are you alive? I saw you die.”

Danny surveyed the people and robots standing around him. “I saw you
all
die. You all got shot. VanCat, your arms got cut off. Whitey, your
head
got cut off. Mr. C., your head
exploded
. Moshe’s head was ripped off his body. Sparky had knives in both eyes. Howard, oh Howard, my friend, you got your brains blown out.
I saw you all die!”

Candy took Danny’s face in her hands. “It’s okay, baby. Nobody died. It was all a test. And you passed. Everything is going to be okay.”

Les lay his hands on Danny’s shoulders. “She’s right. Everything is going to be okay. Nobody died. As you can see, everyone is very much alive.

“You see, I wasn’t always a politician. My true love is making movies. That’s how I made my fortune. So, we decided to make a little movie of our own. Two weeks ago. Everyone got dressed up in their body armor and face paint and I used my considerable resources to produce the short film you just watched. See, while Senator Stein was hustling you down the hallway and into this room, everyone was waiting in the clean room and watching what was happening in here. When I activated the feed of the slaughter, I already had our pre-made, special-effects masterpiece cued up. I simply pressed
Play
. So you see, no one died.”

“What is all this?” Danny looked to Tim and Rory. “Guys?”

“We’re really sorry to put you through all this, buddy,” said Rory. “But . . . there was no other way.”

“That’s right,” said Tim. “Please try to understand.”

“Understand
what?
”

“Let me start at the beginning,” said Les. “For decades, robots have been a subject of controversy. Ever since the first user-friendly, affordable, mass-production service-and-utility robots were introduced into society about thirty years ago, there have been problems. Not with the robots, but with people. For eons mankind has struggled to overcome its fear of the unknown, its fear of
the other
, its fear of being dominated and subjugated by a superior race. Robots embody all three of those fears in one easy-to-hate entity. Which is why the well-known and time-honored Laws were created; to protect humans from robots, and to protect robots from humans. Although I think we can all agree that that last part hasn’t gone over so well. It’s been thirty years and robots are still the most maligned, subjugated, and discriminated group to have ever lived. But it’s only because they’re misunderstood.

“The anti-robot, as well as anti-cyborg, faction of society has been growing for years. But it’s fueled by nothing more than fear and prejudice and judgmentalism.

“One afternoon several years ago, Canary, Tim, Rory, Harley, and I were playing Golf Links up at Pebble Beach. We’re on the fourth hole, a beautiful par-three overlooking the cove, waves are breaking on the rocks, sending white spray into the air, and we’re all smoking the finest Cohibas money can buy. Harley was putting for bogie. The rest of us were one or two over. I remember that moment because our robo-caddy was having problems and kept spitting out the wrong clubs. Harley said, ‘We should’ve gotten a real caddy.’ And Rory said, ‘A caddy that looks like a human but functions like a robot.’ It was then that we realized that in order for robots to get a fair shake and be truly welcomed as legitimate, sentient, self-realized members of society, we were going to have to do something. Thus, the iCandy Project was born. Its objective was to create a robot that was virtually indistinguishable from a human in every way, not just physically, but mentally, spiritually, morally, and ethically. Especially ethically. It was imperative that the new breed of robot be able to distinguish right from wrong, not because it was programmed not to injure a human, but because it fundamentally understood that to do so would be wrong, so that it could apply that same understanding to every aspect of its day-to-day life. Then, and only then, would the robot be on a level truly equal to that of human beings. So we committed ourselves to giving life to that robot. It took almost ten years and more money than any of us care to think about, but, after today, I can finally say that we succeeded.

“You see, doctor, in order to test the true functionality of this new robot’s morality, we had to create a situation worthy of its merit. It hasn’t been easy, and I dare say we nearly drove poor Candy halfway to roboticide.”

“More than halfway,” said Candy. “Much more.”

“I think I speak for everyone here, my dear, when I say that I am deeply and profoundly sorry for that,” said Les.

All around the room, everyone nodded in agreement.

“Forgive me, Candy,” Les continued. “Forgive all of us.”

“But you said I was the one who passed the test,” said Danny.

“That’s correct,” said Les. “The iCandy Project is not about Candy. Candy is a robot, just as Rory and Tim explained that day out on the boat. But the iCandy Project is also about
you.
Because you, Danny, are also a robot.”

~

Danny stared at Les. “Me?”

“Yes, you.” Les beamed.

“We created two new robots unlike anything that had ever been created before,” said Harley.

“One male, one female,” Tim added.

“You and Candy,” said Rory.

Les continued, “The project parameters were to let you both venture out into the world in order to see how you fared, how you reacted, and what the outcome would be. Canary, Tim, Harley, and Rory were monitoring Candy while Floyd, Howard, and I were monitoring you. You were independent projects, never intended to meet or overlap in any way.”

Danny turned to Floyd. “So you’re not a screenwriter? You’re a spy who’s been living in my house for over a year?”

“Oh I am a screenwriter,” said Floyd. “Les and I have collaborated on almost every film he’s ever made. Therefore, as one of his closest friends, we decided that Howard and I would pose as renters in need of a place to stay. It was the closest thing we had to an insurance policy. But I promise you that at no time did Howard or I meddle in or interfere with your life in any way. Isn’t that right, Howard?”

“That is indeed correct, sir,” said Howard. “And it was a true joy being your friend. I do hope we will be friends in the future as well.”

“Of course we will, Howard.” Danny addressed Floyd. “So when did you realize Candy and I had met?”

“That night, after the two of you, somehow, met online via that Internet dating website and went on a blind date,” said Floyd. “We were not expecting that.”

“We just about peed our pants when we realized what had happened,” said Les. “You and Candy were on your way to the Salton Sea when we all had a conference call with Howard in order to try to decide what to do. Then the engine blew up and you almost died. The three finest robots in the world and you’re all in the same assassination attempt.”

“So it was sabotage,” said Danny.

“Yes,” said Les. “It seems they were after Howard. We found out later it was STERN.”

“Those same sons of bitches who threw shit on my car,” said Poo.

“So when Howard called and informed me there were traces of TNT on the shuttle, what happened next?” Danny asked.

“Harley had to convince a police detective to drop the whole thing,” Rory replied.

“I had to speak to him directly,” said Les. “He required a fair amount of convincing.”

“If those STERN people only knew they nearly got all three of you,” said Harley. “I received a phone call from one of their operatives after the shuttle went down. I was in Rory’s office but didn’t want them to overhear because they didn’t know about my involvement with those people. It was safer that way.

“Then, when I dropped you off at your place after we had dinner, you mentioned that you were also on that shuttle. I’m sorry I left in such a hurry. I drove straight to Canary’s place and demanded to know what was going on. I interrupted his evening with Laura, too. But that was the night I learned who you truly were.”

“So why did you take Candy from the Robot Palace?” Danny asked.

“I didn’t. At least, not in the violent kidnapping you imagined. But you had to think I did. The anti-robot bit was a cover story. See, Les and I have been involved with the three biggest anti-robot groups for several years. We’ve been gathering intelligence. So we can take them down, once and for all. By the time Les runs for President next year, we will have succeeded.”