Fade (3 page)

anywhere near the poor side of town.

Still, Janie doesn"t leave her car at Cabel"s. Just in case Shay Wilder

drives by.

Because Shay"s still hot for Cabe.

And Shay has no clue that Cabel busted her dad for drugs. It"s sort of funny.

But not really.

ı

Janie comes in through the back door now, to be safe. She has a key. In

case Cabel goes to bed before she can get there. But lately, since she quit

her job at Heather Nursing Home, she has more time than ever to spend

with Cabel.

They have an unusual relationship.

And when things are good, it"s magic.

ı

She closes the door behind her, taking off her shoes. Wonders where he

is. Tiptoes around, in case he"s grabbing a nap, but he"s nowhere on the

tiny main floor. Opens the door to the basement and sees the light is

flicked on. She pads down the stairs, and pauses on the bottom step,

watching him. Admiring him.

She whips off her sweatshirt and tosses it on the step. Presses up against

the metal support beam, stretching her arms, her back, her legs. Wanting

to be strong and sexy, too. She lets her hair fall forward over her face as

she concentrates on stretching.

He sees her and sets the weight bar in its cradle. Stands up. His muscles

ripple under the spread of nubbly burn scars on his stomach and chest.

He"s narrow and gangly and muscular. Not beefy. Just right. And Janie"s

really happy that he doesn"t seem uncomfortable without a shirt on in

her presence anymore.

Janie has an urge to attack him right there on the weight bench. But after

all they"d been through together in such a short time, neither of them

wants to mess up the relationship on the sex end of things. And Cabel,

conscious enough of his many burn scars, isn"t quite ready to show off

the ones below the belt. So Janie admires him from five feet away instead. And hopes he"s gotten over his issues about Janie helping with

this case.

“Your eyes are bright again,” he says. “It"s good to see you rested. And

your scar is wicked sexy.” He picks up his towel and wipes the sweat off

his face, then rubs the towel over his honey-brown hair. A few damp

strands travel down his neck. He walks up to her and moves her hair

away from her face, getting a good look at the inch-long scar under her

eyebrow that is now healing nicely. “God,” he murmurs. “You"re gorgeous.” He plants a gentle kiss on her lips, and then he towels off his

chest and back, and slips on his T-shirt.

Janie blinks. “Are you high?” She laughs, self-conscious. She"s still not

accustomed to attention, much less compliments.

He leans in and runs a finger lightly from her ear, across her jaw line,

down her neck. Her heart pounds and she closes her eyes inadvertently,

sucking in a breath. He takes advantage of her distraction and begins to

nibble on her neck. He smells like Axe and fresh sweat, and it"s making

her crazy. She reaches for him. Pulls him close. Feels the heat from his

skin blasting through his shirt.

It"s the touching they both long for.

The holding.

Spent their whole lives, each without any. Figure it"s time to make up

for it.

ı

Cabel hands her the weight bar.

“So…,” Janie says carefully. “You feeling better about me doing this, uh,

bait thing?”

“Not really.”

“Oh.” She lowers the bar to her chest and presses upward.

“I don"t want you doing it.”

Janie concentrates and presses again. “Why? What"s your problem?” she

huffs.

“I just…don"t like it. You could get hurt. Raped. My God…” he trails

off. His jaw is set. “I can"t let you do it. Say no.”

Janie sets the bar in the cradle and sits up, her eyes flashing. “It"s not

your decision, Cabe.”

Cabel sighs deeply and rakes his fingers through his hair.

“Janie—”

“What? You think I can"t handle the job? You can go out and mess with

dangerous drug dealers and spend nights in jail, but I can"t get involved

in anything dangerous? What kind of a double standard is that?”

She

stands up and faces him.

Looks him in the eye.

His brown silky eyes plead back at hers. “This is different,” he says

weakly.

“Because you can"t control it?”

Cabel sputters. “No—It"s just—”

Janie grins. “You are so busted. Better get used to the idea. I"m in for the

ride on this one.”

Cabel looks at her a minute more. Closes his eyes and slowly hangs his

head. Sighs. “I still don"t like it. I can"t stand the thought of any sicko

teacher anywhere near you.”

Janie wraps her arms around his neck. Rests her head against his

shoulder. “I"ll be careful,” she whispers.

Cabel is silent.

He presses his lips into her hair and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Why can"t

you just be the one safe thing in my life?” he whispers. Janie pulls away and looks up at him.

Smiles sympathetically.

“Because safe equals boring, Cabe.”

ı

Janie spends almost an hour lifting weights. Three weeks, Cabel says,

and she"ll start to see the changes. All she knows is that her glutes are

killing her.

6:19 p.m.

Janie and Cabel step on each other"s feet in the small kitchen as they

broil fish in the oven and fix a mountain of veggies. Cabel is a healthy

eater. And he insists Janie eats that way too. Now that she"s lost so much

weight. Now that he realizes what she"s in for, for the rest of her life. “It

makes me crazy, seeing you so thin like that, you know,” he murmurs as

he checks the salmon. “And not in a good way.”

At night, on the nights she stays over, he massages her aching fingers

and toes before she drifts off to sleep. Falling into one nasty nightmare

will do that to her—leave her fingers numb and aching for hours after.

Cabel, having learned recently to control his dreams to some extent, has

made dream control into a religion. He spends an hour a day in meditation, talking himself into calm, sweet dreams, working his way to

his ideal—no dreams at all. At least when Janie"s over. So he can keep

her nearby. He"s managed to prevent himself from dreaming one entire

night now—with Janie as his witness. She woke up so refreshed, he

hardly knew her.

ı

That"s another reason why this new assignment is putting him on edge.

He knows the dreams will make this harder on her than on him. Physically, anyway.

Mentally? Emotionally? It"ll be harder on him.

Because this love thing is foreign to Cabel. And now that he has found

Janie, he"s becoming increasingly protective of her. There is no man in

the universe he wants to have to share her with. Especially a creep.

Even if it unearths a scandal.

Of greatest proportions.

The biggest scandal Fieldridge High has ever seen. 10:49 p.m.

Janie stays over.

“Are we okay?” she asks softly.

After a silence, Cabel whispers, “We"re okay.”

He wraps his arms around her in bed, and they talk quietly, like usual.

Janie brings it up first. “So, spill it. All As, right?”

He squeezes her. Closes his eyes. “Yeah.”

“I got a B+ in math,” she finally says.

He"s quiet. Not quite sure what she wants to hear. Maybe she just wants

to say it and be done. Get it out there, so it can float away and not be so

painful.

ı

He waits a moment. And then murmurs, “I love you, Janie Hannagan. I

can"t get enough of you. I wake up in the morning and all I want to do is

be with you.” He props himself up on his elbow. “Do you have any idea

how unusual, how important that is to me? Compared to some stupid test

you took under extreme duress, twice?”

ı

He said it.

It"s the first time he said it out loud.

Janie swallows. Hard.

Understands what he means, completely.

Wants to tell him how she feels about him.

Problem is, Janie can"t remember saying “I love you” to anyone. Ever.

ı

She burrows closer into him. How could she have gone so many years

without touching people? Hugs? Arms wrapped loosely in slumber, like

a tired Christmas package whose ribbon hangs on, even until the last

moment.

ı

They confirm their plans for tomorrow under the covers. Opposite schedules unlike last semester, because they need to make a broader

canvas through the school. All different teachers, too. This time Cabel

set up his schedule with Principal Abernethy after Janie got hers, without Abernethy knowing why he picked the classes, teachers, and

times that he chose. Principal Abernethy knows about Cabel"s job. But

he doesn"t know about Janie"s, and Captain wants to keep it that way.

Cabel agreed with the schedule setup, except for one thing. His only

insistence with Captain was to have study hall at the same time as Janie.

So he can cover for her, in case anybody ever sees what happens to her

in there. Captain agreed.

Last semester, Janie and Cabel had identical schedules. Which Cabel

insists was a fluke.

Janie doesn"t believe him.

Or maybe she wants to believe that he found her on purpose. Even Janie

can have her dreams.

They drift off to sleep. And when Cabel starts to dream, she startles

awake, fights it off, and slides away from him, closes his door, and

finishes her night"s rest on the couch.

January 3, 2006, 6:50 a.m.

She wakes up to the smell of bacon and coffee. Her stomach growls, but

it"s normal hunger, not the famished, about-to-pass-out feeling she

sometimes has after a night of falling into others" nightmares. Janie doesn"t want to open her eyes, and then he"s there, on top of her

and her blankets, kissing her ear. “Next time, kick me out of the bed,” he

whispers. The weight of him feels amazing on her body. Maybe it"s because she"s numb so often.

Or because she was so numb inside, before she let him in. She opens her eyes slowly. It takes her a moment to adjust to the bright

kitchen light, shining in her eyes. “Can we rearrange the furniture this

weekend?” she asks sleepily. “So when I sleep out here, you don"t shine

all of Satan"s fiery hell lights in my eyes first thing in the morning?”

“Awww. Don"t be grumpy. We"re going into the best time of our lives.

Be excited!”

He"s joking.

ı

Everyone who is heading to college knows that the best semester comes

in four more years. Although this one will probably be easier. Awake now, she shoves him off her, even though she"d rather lie like

this all day. “Shower,” she mumbles, shuffling off in that direction. Her

muscles ache from working out. But it"s a good ache. When she emerges, breakfast is on the table.

She"s finally gotten used to eating here, at this table. After Cabel"s nightmare about the knives and all. ı

And then she has to go.

Back to her house to check on her mother and get her car. She clings to him.

She doesn"t understand why.

Except it makes her happy.

ı

He kisses her.

She kisses him.

They kiss.

ı

And then she goes.

Out the door, crunching through the crust on eighteen inches of Michigan snow. Runs into her house. Makes sure her mother has food in

the fridge. And grabs money for lunch.

She and Cabel accidentally park near each other at school, which makes

Ethel very happy, Janie thinks.

7:53 a.m.

Carrie whaps Janie on the back of the head. “Hey,
chica
,” she says, her

eyes dancing, as usual. “I"ve hardly seen you over the holiday break.

You all better?”

Janie grins. “I"m good. Check out my cool-ass scar.”

Carrie whistles, impressed.

“How"s Stu? Did you have a good Christmas?”

“Well, after the whole jail experience, I was pretty bummed out for a

few days, but hey, shit happens. We had our court thingy yesterday, and

I did what you suggested. I got my charges dropped, but Stu had to pay a

fine. No jail time, though. It was a good thing he didn"t do any coke.”

She whispers this last bit.

“Good job.” Janie grins. She knew Carrie"s drug charges would be dropped. She just couldn"t tell her that.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Carrie continues. She digs around in her backpack and pulls out an envelope. “Here"s your college money back,”

she says. “Thanks again, Janie. You were awesome to come out in the

middle of the night to bail us out. So, what"s the deal with your seizures,

anyway? That really freaked me out.”

Janie blinks. Carrie-speak is almost always at full-speed, and it changes

direction often. Which is okay. Because Janie can usually dodge any

questions she doesn"t want to answer without Carrie noticing. Carrie is a little self-centered.

And immature at times.

But she"s the only girlfriend Janie"s got, and they"re both loyal as hell.

“Oh, you know.” Janie yawns. “The doc"s gotta run some tests and stuff.

Made me take off work from the nursing home for a while. But if you

ever see me do that again—have a seizure, I mean—don"t worry. Just

make sure I don"t fall and crack open my skull on a rusty coffee cart

next time, will you?”

Carrie shudders. “Gah, don"t talk about it!” she says. “You"re giving me

the heebs. Hey, I heard Cabel"s in some deep shit with the cops over this