Fasten Your Seatbelts: A Flight Attendant's Adventures 36,000 Feet and Below (30 page)

I looked at the patient who was close to 200 pounds. Our procedures are to lift up the armrest and roll the patient to the floor. I discreetly tried to find the release button for the armrest, but couldn’t find it. On some aircrafts the armrest doesn’t lift, so I figured this was one of those. My next move was to lift her up from her seat to maneuver her to the aisle. I had two
assistants help me from behind, but most of her weight was on me. I positioned my arms under her arms. She was so clammy! I slowly lifted her up. She was conscious enough at that point to listen to my commands. “Walk to your right,” I said. She obediently took baby steps to the right. She wouldn’t lie down. I told her, “Bend your knees so you can lie down, honey.” She obeyed, and all three of us lowered her to the floor.

As she was being lowered, her oxygen mask was still on. The oxygen tube just like a luggage strap got caught on the armrest. “The oxygen!” someone yelled. I quickly took the tank from under the seat and gave it to Laura. She put the tank under the seat closest to the passenger’s head.

Laura was at the head of the patient, and I knelt at her legs. The nurse handed me the AED. Our procedure for using the defibrillator is to use it on a bare chest. I looked at this woman’s huge breasts.
This was not good
. The instructors told us in training to do what it takes to get the shirt off even if scissors are required. Now, this wasn’t a life or death situation, so I wasn’t sure what to do. She was wearing a button down blouse, but the bra was going to be a problem. I mentioned to Laura something about scissors, and my favorite bystander yelled out, “You don’t need scissors!” Actually, I was grateful for that comment because I didn’t know you could put the pads on under the bra.

We positioned her shirt trying to avoid exposing too much of her. I took the pads and gave one to Laura. I put one on where the heart is. Laura took the other one and laid it down on her clavicle. The AED kept saying, “Apply pads, apply pads,” I repositioned each pad and it worked. The machine said, “Monitoring the patient, do not touch the patient.”

I glanced outside and saw we were close to landing. I told our assistants we need to take our jumpseats for landing and to ring the flight attendant call button if you need anything. Our procedures are to get the patient out of the aisle for landing in case we have an emergency. Due to the time restriction and situation, that wasn’t going to happen. Sometimes you have to use your own common sense and judgment. I was grateful she was staying with us.

The paramedics were there to meet the flight in Raleigh and placed her on a gurney. Her best friend stayed with her. I believe that in denial the daughters continued on to Miami thinking their mother would take the next flight.

All in all, we did a pretty good job under stressful circumstances. I was relieved to practice applying the pads to a living, breathing person as opposed to someone who might have already expired!

My next trip was to Las Vegas and was working the coach cabin. I shared with a colleague my story of the code red passenger
and about having the fire extinguishers out in the aisles the month before. She said, “You know what, I don’t think I want to fly with you this month.” We both laughed. Just at that moment, the flight attendant call lights chimed simultaneously. Kim and I glanced at each other in disbelief for a second and ran to see what the commotion was about.

A young, attractive female was thrashing furiously against the seats. She was having a seizure. Our procedure for a seizure is to cushion the area with blankets until the passenger is stabilized. Our number one flight attendant was also a nurse, and we had two doctors who immediately offered their assistance. All I had to do for this emergency was to provide the blankets and make sure she had plenty of OJ. That was a piece of cake.

Later on, Kim jokingly proclaimed it was all my fault. I do seem to have a lot of experiences other flight attendants don’t have.

e have witnessed significant changes in the airline industry and, as a result, the flying experience is not the same for passengers and crew alike. Some of the changes have been needed and had a positive influence on air travel. Other changes are not quite as popular, making us long for the good old days.

When I began my career in 1986, mobile computing did not even exist, at least at our airline. None of our procedures were automated. The flight attendants checked in by signing their name on a clip board. Now everything we do is digitized and it has streamlined everything and made the life of crewmembers and our airline much easier. Now, we sign-in for our trips on the computer an hour before our flight. If for some reason we do not sign-in, the crew scheduler is immediately alerted to call in a standby flight attendant.

The Internet’s effect on the airline industry cannot be overstated. Airline websites automate processes from ticketing to
seating. Remember when you had to call a travel agency to find out the cost of airfare! Hello Expedia, Kayak, Priceline etc.

I also remember using ramp stands, such as the one the president still uses coming off Air Force One today. Thank goodness someone invented the jet bridge (the contraption that lets you get from the airport terminal directly to the airplane without having to walk outside and up the stairs.)

On one of my trips using the archaic ramp stand in Aruba, the captain made a special announcement to hold on to your hats while getting off the aircraft, “It’s mighty windy out there.” As everyone was deplaning, the captain and I noticed a man wearing a toupee heading down the aisle. We said “Uh-oh” together as we watched him take his first step onto the ramp stand. Sure enough his toupee flew straight up in the air. Both of his hands were occupied with his luggage, so he had to wait till he reached the bottom of the stairs to retrieve his masculinity and his dignity. Kudos for jet bridges!

Remember the wheelies? Those were steel contraptions with gigantic wheels attached to them. We strapped our suitcases on them instead of carrying our luggage. Then some genius put wheels on the luggage and added a convenient pop up handle. From what I understand it was actually a pilot and a flight attendant who came up with the idea. It took quite a while for the macho pilots and flight attendants to get used to
wheeling their suitcase around. They wouldn’t even use the steel wheelies; they insisted on carrying their luggage “like real men.” Eventually, they gave in to the idea and now everyone has suitcases with wheels. In fact, the flight attendants and passengers now all have the same bags.

While deplaning in Philadelphia, an elderly passenger took my bag from the overhead bin by mistake. After everyone deplaned the aircraft, the other flight attendant working with me noticed the suitcase in the overhead bin did not look like mine. I looked up and said, “It’s not.” I ran to the gate agents with the passenger’s suitcase. The agents had fifteen minutes before boarding passengers for the next flight. “I hate to tell you this, but my manual is in my bag and that is a “no-go” item,” I said. “We have to find the passenger who mistakenly took my bag or this plane isn’t going anywhere.” We searched the passenger’s luggage left behind and found a name on a prescription bottle. After paging his name several times, he returned to the gate with my bag. Since then, I have ribbons on my suitcase for identification.

Some of you may agree or disagree with this ban: no smoking on the airplane. In the old days, as the plane took off, the passengers in the last five rows in coach waited with anticipation, cigarettes in hand, until the no smoking sign went off. Then, practically in unison, twenty five to thirty
passengers lit up. The flight attendants were trapped on the back jumpseat inhaling everyone’s second hand smoke. Many of the smokers booked their seat in the non-smoking zone, so they didn’t have to sit in the smoking area. When they felt like lighting up, they stood or took an empty seat to smoke. Of all the changes implemented, I think this is one I appreciate the most.

On a flight heading to Las Vegas, a lady sitting next to a window, who obviously had too much to drink, stopped me and slurring her words said, “Es-cuuse me, I think I may have dropped my cigarette.” I hurriedly cleared the row of passengers and found the smoking cigarette on the floor. Think of how dangerous that was; a lit cigarette on the carpet of an oxygenated airplane flying at 33,000 feet.

No discussion of changes would be complete without acknowledging how much cell phones have impacted our lives. I remember waiting in line to use the public telephone in the airport only to pick it up and find a horrible aftershave smell. Sometimes you could smell the stench of someone’s bad breath lingering on the mouthpiece. Who knew that twenty years from then, public telephones would become virtually obsolete? I am sure none of us who routinely travel can overstate the convenience and connectedness that cell phones have provided. I can’t imagine life without it.

Of course, there is always the bad with the good. There are the annoying loud talkers and those who simply won’t stop talking. We all stand by politely but uncomfortably participating in a conversation we neither wanted nor have any business hearing. I do think it’s great that you can use cell phones on the ground, but I am totally against using cell phones in the air. Can you imagine sleeping and someone’s cell phone rings next to you? As phones have become smart we use them for all kinds of applications. I remember the first time I saw someone with a wireless ear piece, I thought there was a crazy person loose in the terminal. Now, it’s no big deal. It’s funny how you just get used to things.

One of the biggest changes on the airplane is of course the quality of the food; that is, if you have any at all. I used to serve strawberry blintzes or cheddar cheese omelets in first class. In coach, we always served pancakes or omelets for breakfast. Even if the flight was only an hour and a half, we would bust our butts to get that food out and picked up. For lunch we always had something warm to serve. Perhaps a burrito or a hot turkey sandwich was the choice of the day. For dinner we served our world famous chicken or beef. A hundred and twenty or so times down the aisle asking, “Chicken or beef, chicken or beef?”

When I first started working international flights, we were serving beef or shrimp. I knew beef in Spanish was called
carne but I didn’t know how to say shrimp. I asked the male Spanish speaking flight attendant working with me how to say shrimp in Spanish. He said to say “cojones.” The first few rows I asked the Spanish speaking passengers if they wanted carne or cojones. They looked at me funny, so I showed them the food. A few times they just laughed at me. I glanced up at the other flight attendant in frustration. He was laughing hysterically. Cojones is Spanish for testicles. Camarones is shrimp. I was asking the passengers if they wanted beef or balls!

For a late night flight, we served something light. We fondly called it the hockey puck. It was a little round roll with a piece of meat and lettuce in it, served with a sweet pickle. Sometimes the bread got pretty hard: I guess that’s how they got their name.

On really short flights we handed out salted or honey-roasted peanuts. Over the years though, allergies to nuts became more common. We realized people could actually die from simply being exposed to them, so we became hyper vigilant. However, I think the possible liability became too much of an issue and there went our peanuts.

The hot food for breakfast and lunch was starting to phase out in the coach cabin on domestic flights. The food service industry thought of a new type of service called a bistro bag. Before you boarded, a huge bin full of bags was placed on the
jet bridge. You simply picked one up if you wanted something to eat. It was like having a picnic in the sky. I thought this was a great idea until everyone kept handing the flight attendants empty bags throughout the whole flight. At least with trays, you had one pickup service and that was it.

Then 9/11 happened. The ripple effect hit everyone hard. Severe cutbacks were made just to keep the airline afloat. Food was one of those cutbacks. The heavy ovens were taken off in coach on many of our aircraft to save on fuel. The days of warm food on domestic flights were over. People would ask, “Isn’t it easier for you not to serve food?” In a way it is, but in a way it isn’t. The flight attendants have to put up with disgruntled passengers who inevitably ask, “Isn’t there anything to eat?” Also, the flight attendants have to bring their own food to work. This means we take the time on our day off to plan and prepare what we are going to eat for the next couple of days. We started a new service called “buy on board”. If you want to eat, you have to pay for it. I guess something is better than nothing.